At some stage in the below video, the guest preaches the topic of this thread.
I agree with it, because if you are approaching and chasing women, it gives a vibe of neediness. Even if you’re doing it confidently, if everyone around sees you approaching women, they will think you’re desperate.
For me a true alpha male is the one who attracts women, so they are the ones approaching him, and I know men like that (at some stage the guest says “if you approach, she becomes the alpha!”).
So at this stage, this is what I’m working on: I don’t approach, I focus on my current purpose and goals, and along the way I’m meeting women.
When at the gym, I get lots of attention when working out, I have just not been approached yet, but I believe that if I keep insisting sooner or later I’ll be approached. And when I interact with women I always remember myself to never look for validation. I validate myself and I don’t care what others think.
Why am I sharing all this?
Because I see many of you still defending doing day or night approaches. Even if it’s cold approaches in a crowded night club where you can’t see everyone nor hear what they are saying, IMHO you’re sending a signal to the Universe saying that you’re the one chasing women, but I would like to hear your opinions and perspectives.
I think that there is some distinction between “making the first move” which is traditionally men’s prerogative and “neediness of wounded inner child, seeking surrogate to his mother to, finally, get what he desires”.
Regeneration/Dr. Phoenix are very helpful here.
And there is something more: women is actually who makes first move but its subtle (I’m not talking about cold approaches here), energetic, non-verbal and man does physical move - approaches her.
Thats my thoughts, I like these kind of discussions
The analogy you should make is between lions and lionesses, but I understand your point of view. You’re basically thinking about the “killer instinct” in each of us, and I used to be like that, but it ended up not working out for me. Why? Maybe because I was sending a subconscious signal to the female communicating I was going to “kill” or “rape” her. Approaching also has the bad effect of putting myself in a seller position, putting her on a pedestal, and making of her the prize.
I am the prize!
### Role of the Lioness in Courtship
The courtship and mate selection process among lions is primarily driven by the lioness, as she holds the key role in choosing a suitable mate. In the lion kingdom, the females have the ultimate say in deciding who they will reproduce with. They observe the males carefully, evaluating their physical condition, strength, and overall fitness as potential partners. Lionesses seek to mate with males who exhibit good hunting skills, as this ensures the survival of their offspring. Through careful observation and interaction, lionesses assess the suitability of potential mates before committing to a partnership.
The selection of a mating partner can be initiated by either the male or the female, and once a pair is formed, they remain close during the female’s fertile period.
I can see an inconsistency in the first quote I posted. If lionesses are responsible for hunting and lions responsible for protection, why would lionesses seek lions which have good hunting skills? They should be more concerned about lions who win fights against other lions.
There’s also different information on both posts: the first says the courtship and mate selection process among lions is primarily driven by the lioness, while the seconds says the selection of a mating partner can be initiated by either the male or the female.
Anyway, from the articles I’ve read I never get the idea of a lion being a predator or a killer (concerning courtship), so I stay firm in my idea that women should keep observing me carefully (ex: at the gym) and approach me when they feel comfortable. Actually in my old gym I was already approached and it just feels like a natural conversation, they also are not coming to “hunt” me!
There’s nothing wrong with approaching; in fact it’s what most guys struggle with.
There’s nothing wrong with being approached, in fact, it’s what most guys and gals struggle with. Especially women, the fear of rejection is terrifyingly heavy.
Rarely you’ll see a women approach and when they do, it’s usually someone that really picked their interest. Think sexual market value, potential, golden opportunity and things of this nature.
Naturally speaking, it is men that are supposed to approach, your gender sign is the freaking spear, a penetrative arrow.
Now, approaching doesn’t make you a simp or anything of the nature. It’s the internal makeup of the dude, whether he is in his own frame, mental point of origin (ZP), how he takes the rejection and so forth. See, the same could apply on being approached; you could be seen as a weak dude with no balls, kinda feminine.
I tell you to forget all this nonsense and do whatever the F agrees with you, what is right for you.
The more that you’re worthy in terms of what attracts (power, status, resources, looks, game, etc…) the easier the whole game becomes.
The end game is becoming a Wanted man or a Primal one that has more opportunity because they’re desirable for whatever reason is (approach vs get approached).
All these ifs and buts, and rules, and a+b=X, and the mental gymnastics are all teaching tools. There will come a time where you stop reading theory and become the theory. Don’t get lost in that mud, swim around, roll in it and enjoy, then move on.
Sometimes this is real and they are just shy to approach because they don’t know you yet, or they need more time to observe. Other times they are just playing a validation game, and if you approach and validate them they will consider you weak because you might be physically strong, but you have just lost a mind game.
You have to be able to use your instinct to distinguish between the several scenarios.
But this is where you got it wrong. I’m doing what feels right for me based also on my previous experiences, and then I read the theory to better improve what I’m doing.
Men dominate women, but I’m seeing this a man’s market value.
Gotta agree with Phoermes here.
As much as I would like to go by this “Choose a woman who chooses you” mantra, and as much as I enjoyed reading Glover’s book, somehow I can’t shake the feeling that the devil is in the details and there are some contradictory things in the video.
For example, notice how Glover met his current wife. He was walking down a Mexican street as a millionaire best-selling author and marriage counselor with a PhD and got hollered by a masseuse. He eventually married her.
I don’t know about you, but that woman dated way up, and she’s still nagging him. Interestingly, he also casually dropped that he’s been divorced multiple times, and he’s supposed to be a marriage counselor.
Not the best example for what he’s trying to show, I would say. Also, if you only go for women that overtly choose you, and most of them date up, aren’t you going to end up with a “meh” type of partner?
Most girls I’d consider attractive don’t approach or overtly choose men because they don’t have to. They get courted left and right. For you to qualify for the kind of man that would get approached by such women, you’d be of such high value not to need Glover’s advice in the first place.
It is easy to be outcome independent and magnetic if you have a personal history of abundance and having options everywhere you go, so simply telling guys to not seek approval when their personal history is full of rejection and scarcity is not going to work very much. Most guys haven’t even heard of subs like we have here, so you’re asking them to walk into public places with unresolved trauma.
I think the reason why daygame approaching and pickup are so popular is because social circle and basic socializing and dating apps did not give guys enough “open doors” to begin with, so they felt the need to expand their horizon and consider things way outside of their comfort zone.
Approaching a woman in public is damn scary and people like me feel this fear of getting caught in that metoo casuality list(as mentioned in the video), but it is the most direct way and it does suggest masculine qualities such as courage and boldness and taking action.
And he admits he wouldn’t want to be a young guy of this generation. I’m not sure how much he understands what has happened in terms of the dating market since his time.
I feel there are two different things to consider. First there is the approaching game. Secondly there is the getting into relationship topic. Regarding the relationship I feel it’s very important to only take a woman who actually wants you. But to start the dance of seduction and mating is actually something very masculine to do. But I feel for a relationship to truly flourish and blossom and that I as a man wouldn’t have any feelings of insecurity I would personally need to know that this woman has actually chosen me.
I guess it comes down to do it oldschool for me: get to know a woman without wanting to get her into bed, but show that I am a sexual man and see if she wants to enjoy that part of me…if not just dont spend time in the friendzone and waste time and go on.
There is nothing that I got wrong, brother man. And I mean this devoid of pride:
We learn theory in order to improve our practical. We study all sort theory to upgrade, learn, and refine. However, there will always be a new theory and another, and another; until you come to a point where you no longer need the theory because what you practice work; and it is at that point you develop you own theory and practice it, continuing to refine it until it is indistinguishable from art – its when its difficult to impart it into words because its so natural. Its just is, its the flow, the way–your way.
There will come a moment where you just must let go and be. There will come a time when something within you just clicks and says “huh, its that simple” but ofcourse, one must go through the trials and trails to get to that point.
Exactly. Ironically enough, we are all that man, or at least were that as children. But it gets lost in that noise of growing up; but good news its always there and still there. The core might have grown cold, but it still functions, it still beats. Shock that mofo to life.
Dominate yourself and you shall dominate the women. Note that I do not mean physical dominance or aggressive, primitive one. That never ever ends well. And it might attract others, speaking to the primitive software that runs amuck the masses , but it fails to keep others around. Balance. Find your strength. Find you.
“Choose a woman who chooses you”
No. A thousand times no. Then a thousand more. Then take that sum and power it up to another thousand.
Know how to choose a partner. Then Choose them. Women will choose men, depending on their current needs at that stage of life; and so will men btw; men aren’t magically better because they come into the world “loaded”. And those needs that we base our partners upon, be they physical or resources of any kind, are in a state of flux. Except men are more predictable in their needs; often times, speaking in generality, its sexual.
We choose our partners for reasons. Those reasons seem right at that moment of time, at that moment of our growth level. Learn what you truly want in a partner, then go for it. The best case would be a partner that grows and evolves with you, but such cases are extremely rare, and might seem as equal on a surface level, but in truth its not. As much as people aspire to be better than their ancestral making, as much as they wish to claim that they are above that energy that energy, in practice, on the field, they’re not. Its a noble aspiration, but words and actions seldom align.
Don’t mess up your life in relationships that don’t work. If its not feeding whatever need that you need, let it go. Be honest with yourself, be honest with what you want. Be unapologetic and unashamed with what you want.
Eh, went off topic, but that’s my two silver coins. Just note that I’ll be needing those coins back, they hold sentimental value and were all I had in my pouche. Actually, you know what, keep them, I’m feeling generous
What if the guy is more feminine and you resonate more with your masculine side and it feels more natural for you to pursue him?
I find I get caught up in my head sometimes about this because the man I want to be with seems a little more feminine than masculine. It seems like I have to pursue him and gauge him to get things moving along.
Maybe it’s not even about the energies, but it’s something I am pondering about.
I find it super attractive when a man pursues me, but the men that have pursued me are not him. Hm! I wish it was him doing that.
Painting with a broad stroke is generally going to miss a lot of nuance that life brings us, in spades.
I think, choose a woman who chooses you, when you’re already dating her and are considering a long term relationship. You want her to be equally effortful in making the relationship work, aka choosing you to be her partner. Obviously that’s not the ONLY criteria you should look at when deciding to choose her, but it is important.
When talking about the FIRST MOVE, aka who approaches who, then “choosing women who choose you” falls apart. She doesn’t know you from Adam until you interact with her and your energies mingle, and even then you won’t really know each other until you spend a significant amount of time together.
Wanting women to approach you, and never wanting to make the first move, imo, comes from fear of rejection. It is what it is. I don’t approach women either, because I’m also afraid of rejection, and every girlfriend I’ve ever had came from my extended social circle, except my current GF who was a cashier at a store that I was a regular at and she asked for my number lol. But, at the end of the day, I know that I don’t approach because I’m scared, and I don’t use theories based on animal kingdom evolutionary biology to make myself feel better.
Apologies for being harsh, but sometimes you gotta call it like you see it.
All that said, there’s nothing wrong with making it your goal to be the WANTED man that women pursue, there’s a whole line of sub titles designed for that. The reason I typed all that above was to try to bring some awareness to the shadow aspect of desiring that in the first place.
are they trying too hard?