Chase’s freewriting journal

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#50

5m on 16th Sep. 3m today.

I think 5m is the ceiling for now. The recon was handleable but definitely uncomfortable. Physical symptoms such as neck pain showed up and the quality of sleep went down, e.g. was restless. As mentioned I got irritated sometimes, was more sensitive to stress or external stimulations.

On the other hand (it is something I had noticed before), higher loop seemed to bring more external manifestation. Basically it seemed to me that shorter loop affects inner world when higher loop affects outer world at the expense of inner comfort. What I am saying is to me it’s almost as if the nutrition for the inner world was transferred to the outcome in outer world if it makes sense.

Compared to 15m/full loop, shorter loop makes listening easier not because of I don’t have extra 10m to spare, it is because of the mental strains I place on the preparation for listening session. Listening to full loop after a while was at best a ritual at worst a chore. I had to make sure I slept well the night before, ate enough nutritious food the same day. I also had to be careful with my mood before listening - it had to be neutral to good - since I believed it affects my absorption and/or the effectiveness or potency of the sub. One would find all this measurements sound beneficial, that it was great for sub to incidentally make me take care of myself. However in practice it showed up as OCD and anything less than perfect ruined the listening experience, and sometimes I avoided listening due to it. Looking back I see it was recon expressing itself and my brain asking for more rest days in a round about way.

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#51

A bit of breakthrough in blind spot.

Sometimes I had this tendency/reflex to rationalize the mechanism of a happy event. Once that happened the event was no longer a happy one just an event - I explained away the magical feeling and lost it.

Let’s say I went to a cafe shop and get a cup of coffee, and the cashier told me oh it’s on the house you don’t have to pay. Great I am grateful and feel like it’s a good day. Yet later I realized it happened because I had nine stamps in my membership and the 10th was free. It wasn’t because I was lucky it was simply business. When that happened my focus was on missing the lucky part and being disappointed. Yet the nice thing - the free coffee - was right in front of me.

Yet the problem was, on the other hand, when an unhappy event happened the rationalization didn’t come up at all and instead my mind went straight to assume the worst.

Let’s say me and my friend went to a car dealership and told the salesman I want the best car. Later he brought out a big ass ugly vehicle for us. My mind went straight to assume he ignored our request because that ugly thing got him the most commission. Then I dealt with the whole thing with the belief that he was taking us as a fool and trying to take advantage of us.

Yet today I suddenly got that what we see as “best” is different for each of us. We only see “the best” from our own perspective based on our own understanding. The best car for me may be the fastest sport car, the best car for my friend may be whatever Dua Lipa was driving in her latest pic. And maybe just maybe that salesman believing it was the best car for us because it was built like a tank and provided the best safety to us.

What I am trying to learn is more understanding when something didn’t go my way, and saw that my way could be a narrow way. And more acknowledgment when good things happened, and saw the advantage I was given instead of dismissing it.

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#52

Excellent point, my friend :pray:. It is very deep understanding on a subtle level.

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#53

EoG1 with Winner Overdrive 3m. Will gradually go back down to 30s then go back up again.

Bored and low motivation; relapsed on PMO due to the need for simulation and “why not”. Feeling guilty and disgusted due to the kind of porns I watched. Also disappointed in myself throwing away the streaks and the benefits previously held.

At the moment thinking to add Chosen in Oct. One reason is I wanna keep September a pure EoG1 month. Another reason is I remember Saint mentioned how Chosen made his energy clean. I feel like I really need a thorough cleansing. In fact this moment I am even considering Dragon Reborn Gold stage 1 provided it cleanses me from head to toes and inside out, mentally, physically spiritually and energetically.

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#54

I think EoG1 is digging deeper.

It’s funny certain keywords/concepts are holding me back from wanting Dragon Reborn GOLD - Honor, Collective Betterment, Virtue. The old me would jump on it (especially with the option of only stage 1), loved these aspects, had little resistance towards taking actions, and thrilled on aiming to be the highest standard self. Yet I feel like I can no longer go after them while my goal is wealth. I feel like they are mutually exclusive, either one goes for wealth or one goes for Honor/Virtue. Of course I know there are good wealthy people; the problem is I don’t know how one becomes wealthy while being honorable/moral/virtuous at the same time. I can reconcile fine with a good person making it big in business or a hard worker earning big bucks but once a ceiling/certain amount is involved my mind keeps seeing cheapstake businessmen greedy CEOs all of whom selfish all of them play dirty. And EoG1 was meant to go big so one was meant to go low.

On second thought let the whole relapse-led-me-to-DRG be magical. This happened for a beneficial reason. DRG was never in my radar to the point I never read the copy page before today, yet somehow it came to my mind and I intuitively felt it had what I looked for before clicking the page. And the more I thought about it the more I preferred it to Chosen. And the more incompatible I feel it with wealth the more reason for DRG to deal with this misconception.

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#55
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#56

1m EoG1.

I am wishing for new module pack of Essence or Synergy to see if there was one that would pair well with Dragon Reborn RED Stage 1. It’s really down to DRR1 and Ascension for my 2nd sub but at the moment I am leaning more towards DRR1 as I had this came to me when I meditated - Let’s not do this in half measure; if you wanna do this go all in.

I have always interested in the concept of stage 1 (applies to all multistages subs) - Breaking down/cleansing/crashing/wiping the old state, then from it a strong and healthy foundation is built. When I first came to SubClub I really connected to Khan1 total breakdown but (as said many times before) I didn’t wanna spend $99 for one fourth of the sub as I knew with absolute certainty stage 1 would be the only stage I used.

Years later the same - connecting and using only stage 1 - still holds truth. I am not joking when I say up till this point I have no idea what EoG stage 2 to 4 is about as I never read past the copy page of stage 1. The same goes for DRG or DRR I only read the respective stage 1 and then skipped to the objectives. This literally applies to every mutlistages sub copy page I came across.

When I checked out the reviews in multistages sub thread there are always posts about jumping straight to stage 4 or aiming stage 4 as the goal. I never understood any of that mentality at all. But then I wondered if maybe I wasn’t that different when I jumped straight to HoM when I first came to SubClub. HoM may not be a four stage sub but it was/is an advanced sub and I without a foundation went head on to it. Yet deep down I knew I was overreaching and I knew I was taking my chances. But the thing about human is the more lacking or the more desperate one is the more willing they are to take a slim chance because they need a big change in small time. In this case maybe I got those posts. We wanted to reach the furthest distance in the shortest amount of time and/or targeted the most ground with the least amount of missiles launching.

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#57

3m EoG1

Bored. Everything is meaningless. Saw the new thread of season 4 try as I might couldn’t muster up the interests nor excitement. In fact I began to feel tired of new updates. A new EoG custom with added anti-recon, another $50 gone; A new Ascension or Dragon Reborn RED that will be outdated in a while. The same goes for the new iPhone models. Another shiny thing that is already losing its shininess and will soon be outshined.

What goes up just come down. The moment it arrives is the moment it is gone.

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#58

5m EoG1

Went out with family for a birthday celebration; booked a nice restaurant. During the meal photos were taken and as usual I was the one taking them. When I was standing in front of the table doing so, a young woman came next to me and asked if we’d like her taking the group photos for us and I said yes. After snapping a few shots I thanked her but she didn’t move away and asked me to check if the photos were satisfying, said she was happy to take more photos for us. I said they’re great and thanked her again. Didn’t think much of it.

Turned out she was sitting a few tables in front of ours with her family and/or friends. Her back was to my view but she turned her head around a few times and smiled at me and/or our table. Then sometime towards the end of the meal she went to the restroom and out while looking at me. I noticed she walked in with her hair in a bun and walked out with her long hair down. Later our families/groups left separately and that’s it.

If anything this whole thing makes me more sure of my goal and hence my 2nd sub or custom is focus on wealth. I doubt she would pay me the same attention were I not cleaned up and dressed smartly and be at that restaurant. She thought me a presentable middle class guy. Yet truth is such meal is a rare occasion. Truth is I was wearing the best shirt and trousers. Truth is since Covid I basically no longer went to barber shop and instead cut/shave my hair myself.

What’s the point to start something when you know how it goes along the way. Why waste time and disappointing others when you know right from the beginning you are not what they want.

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#59

5m EoG1.

Finally reached 5m without much recon. Mood is quite stable if not a bit numb. Maybe it was me reading a post of Saint saying how many off forum users, who experience no recon and have great improvements in real life, see and use subs as a tool, I for now no longer feel subs as something superstitious. I mentioned this before: for a long time I saw subs as some kind of intangible amulet/chant/mantra that would grant me wishes and protection, that with it my life would be all smooth no trouble. It was irrational not only in the sense of not logical, it was irrational in the sense that I couldn’t help but feel/see it that way just like that. Even up to this day I still have this lingering feeling/belief. However these days I am more grounded. Partly because life is pretty uneventful (which is already a blessing), I no longer look for manifestations or serendipities etc. and instead just go on my day as usual with no mind paid on subs.

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#60

Maybe it’s attention bias just randomly noted that the profile pic of many users here are the same/fixed these days. I remember when I first came to SubClub users, myself included, changed their profile pic after every certain period. We all pick/connect with a profile pic for a reason or instinct. The representation of fixed profile pic makes me think that, through a journey of subs (and real life experience of course), users are matured into their stable self or at least aware of their ideal self; the fixed pic reflects the fixed/ideal self in us and we are finally comfortable or solid/whole enough to be it.

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#61

5m EoG1 (with Winner Overdrive)

Let’s get this less impressive stuff out of the way - wasted time edging for hours. Not feeling as bad as last time since the porns I watched were “healthier” and well I edged instead. Still I really need to kick this habit.

On better stuff, I’d like to think I ooze an appeal of wealth these days. A couple of shops I went to the salesladies came to me and informing me about different promotions or letting me in on how to get the best deals. It hardly happened before partly because I am not one to browse a shop and instead just go in get what I need and leave. But these days they literally intercepted my path to get my attentions.

During the past week or two I had been considering getting DDR, Chosen, or even Khan Black. While listening to EoG1 during the latest session, it came to me that they were all distractions; they only came to my mind mostly because of my pmo addiction. Don’t get me wrong I am sure they are beneficial to me and are able to heal many wounds/flaws in me but I need to set my priorities straight. It’s like playing a game, yes there are challenges/levels lie ahead but before all that one needs to overcome the first hurdle in order to move on.

I have been waiting for a new synergy or essence modules pack but I began to wonder if all I need is right in front of me. If Ascension is not gonna get an update soon maybe I can build my own version of it with GLM with The Golden One. Just brainstorming.

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#62

I came to a realization that the more integrated I am the less spiritual and philosophical I become; I noticed this tendency since I used EoG1 and Limitless. Let me explain. When I was using Limitless my interests in “intangible” stuff greatly decreased to almost disregarding, this included but not limited (no pun intended) to mysterious, religious and even simply theoretical stuff. Instead I listened podcasts and watched channels about “real” stuff to day to day life like how a bridge was built, how social media algorithm worked etc. Then with EoG1 I am definitely more carefree and less overthinking than I used to be (the bar was on the floor though), and I’d much rather experiencing than pondering/reflecting. If I put it bluntly and honestly I think I was born a material (in a worldly sense) person who jumps head first into life.

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#63

EoG1 Mood lol
Hilary Duff - Material Girl ft. Haylie Duff

'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mister Right

'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Experience has made me rich, and now they’re after me

'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

A material, a material, a material, a material world

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#64

Woohoo reached a milestone - 7m EoG1 :tada:

“Always two, there are. No more. No less. A Master and an apprentice.” That’s the absurd + eccentric way my mind letting me know it wants a 2nd sub and only a 2nd sub :sunglasses:

For real though throughout the sub journey I realized that I could never comfortably listen to three subs; it felt too “refractive”. With three subs my subconsciousness felt like this
Light_dispersion_conceptual
However one sub was a little too boring and too one-sided. Two on the other hand was stable and just right.

I think I am having presults of Quantum Limitless 1. I even dreamt of taking NZT-48 (the background, the plot and the effects had got nothing to do with the film or tv show). The background in the dream was once again related to the beginning of an apocalypse where society was still functioning at its last leg. This time I was part of the rebellion and undercovering as civilian. Me and other undercover agents were transporting a few items including NZT-48 as well as ourselves through hostile territory. Some of us were taking the role of pilot or air hostess. But we got intercepted by the pseudo government agents. We were kept in the storage warehouse at the back of an airport. They didn’t know we were the rebellions but they seemed to be looking for something (the pills?) when they held us. One by one all our belongings were laid out on the counter including the pills. Yet they didn’t seem to realize what they had right in front of them. We had a feeling they wouldn’t let us go no matter what and we would be turned into them eventually. There seemed to be no way out; we couldn’t think of anything. That’s when I looked at the pills. I was the one closest to the pills, and I saw that the others were arguing with and distracting the enemies. I took a chance and grabbed one and took it. Soon I felt hot and heart poundings. But I didn’t feel smarter in the sense that I still couldn’t think of a way out. Yet all of sudden I got impulsive in the sense that I no longer was thinking or aware of my actions. I didn’t know how I knew but out of nowhere I knew all the emotional weaknesses and some private knowledge of the leader’s life including her convert professional dealings. I just kept stabbing the leader emotionally and kind of blackmailing her. She was shaken and we now had the upper hand over her and her team. In the end we chose to stay in that territory since through the leader we could use the whole area as rebellion base where we got close to the heart of the pseudo government. Two years in I got together with a fellow undercover agent and she was pregnant with my child. The only downside was I (and only me since I think in the dream not everybody was able to stand the side effects) had to keep taking the pills for the rest of the mission.

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#65

No listening enjoying an extra rest day.

It’s got very little to do with recon as in I am not feeling negative emotions or physical pains etc. I took an extra rest day because I didn’t sleep much the night before simply because I would rather waste time browsing even though I was sleepy :man_facepalming: Anyways I chose to decide it’s a good thing - let the sub breath with more space for it.

EoG1 with Winner Overdrive is a sub that I run the longest, bar a ZP custom named New Wealth Foundation (which happens to have the old version of EoG1 core). I think when one finds the right sub they know by 1. simply feel right; it has no flaws, 2. dropping it didn’t cross their mind. It’s true, at least to me, name embedded major titles is better than standard zp custom. I like it come with functionality as well as simplicity. Having said that one has to choose the module with much consideration. For me the best module is one enhances, but no overlaps with, the core, and it doesn’t change the nature of the core. My other currently not in use name embedded major title is Limitless with Harmonic Conflux which also expresses the concept. For me this way it keeps the longevity of the sub. Many times in the past I dropped a zp custom simply because a couples of modules no longer felt right or wanted in it (it was why I dropped the aforementioned custom even though I was happy with it).

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#66

I fed the dream I had to AI and asked it to analyze its meanings. I found them quite insightful and actually fitting. One of the surprise was it showed me how I overvalued a logical problem solving style when my strength was in fact intuitive solutions. Ironically my critical/logical part reminded me it’s Barnum effect. Yet it’s true I was quite an intuitive kid who didn’t know how to express or apply the knowledge in real life. I then ignored that part of me due to life and then lost it due to not trusting it. There were times when I knew or felt something but held my tongue or didn’t take actions as I was afraid of being wrong, especially when the stakes were high. I mean what would one choose when on one hand was a baseless feeling when on the other hand there were real life experiences based evidences to suggest otherwise.

Looking back this logic vs intuition tug or war showed up in my life all the time. It ranged from small stuff to life changing decisions. The tricky part was if you really ignored it then the logical part won and for a moment you were convinced you made a smart choice and felt good.

The same applied to subs. Reconciliation aside, there were subs I picked based on logical analysis e.g. look at the benefits and see how they help you, while deep down I felt amiss but wasn’t able to pinpoint rationally and exactly what.

But again since I suppressed this part of me for so long, I no longer know what it is like to not be the way I am. The signals are all mixed and messed up, I can’t trust the logical part of me (since I know it is weak) but also can’t trust the intuitive part of me (since it is now unfamiliar and I easily mistake other wrong signals for it).

P.S. oh well maybe I am in recon after all.

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#67

In recon but with it comes growth. The complete growth is gracefully expressed in serenity prayer - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. At the moment I am feeling the first sentence. A similar less sophisticated understanding came when I had module Inner Voice plus Genesis (they had to be used together for the understanding came forward; just either didn’t work).

I feel like since I’ve been being with SubClub for a few years, have been listening to more than a few subs and customs and gaining experiences through them I am gonna self proclaim as an experienced users 🥸 lol for real though when I checked out others’ journals or posts I was able to recognize the recon symptoms some were more obvious than others. Of course it was easier for me to spot them since I wasn’t involved.

Randomly and baselessly noted that the updated Ascended Mogul might be launched under the Ecstasy of Gold line :point_left:

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#68

EoG1 7m.

Feeling overloaded; a bit numb and wanted to be leave alone. Sleep was fine as in it was one go with no interruptions, but I don’t feel reinvigorated. Will see if I need to take an extra rest day.

At this rate it’s likely Oct will be a pure EoG1 month too which is totally fine, even beneficial given how I am not yet comfortably running full loop.

I looked the copy of Stage 1 and realized how much I was improved the way the objectives described - The Worthiness Recalibration, Transforming Guilt into Gratitude, Healing Wealth Trauma, Embracing Small Manifestations. Given how all my life including my current situation are surrounded by year after year no healthy wealth models, the limited beliefs in me are deep and rooted. Hence it makes sense to take awhile to uproot all of them, and at the moment focus on the basis of Stage 1, i.e. a foundation of foundation, since even within Stage 1 I feel like some objectives are more foundational than others.

May be it is partly related to Expanding the Horizons of Possibility (another EoG1 objective), partly because I slowly become consciously aware and willing to face it, I am deciding to have Quantum Limitless 1 as my 2nd sub. I think another reason that has been holding me back is a trust-on-my-abilities/capacities issue. I didn’t dare go after opportunities because I didn’t believe I was qualified or smart enough for them. I messed thing up because I was useless as expected or put another way I was useless that’s why it was no surprise I fucked up. Also since I have such great experiences with EoG1, a Stage 1 sub, I will enjoy all the solid benefits another Stage 1 sub would bring. I deeply feel regardless of which multistage sub, Stage 1 of them is a better counterpart than single stage sub.

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#69

Taking an extra rest day.

I’ve said this before but feel the need to say it again - I really appreciate all the contributions from members here. Their posts gave me insights, knowledge and courage; the things I felt but could only vaguely communicate were expressed elegantly and succinctly in others’ words.

Materialism vs Idealism - My default perspective setting, e.g. reflex understanding is materialism even though I have had interests in idealism all my life. Yet I mostly saw or experienced idealism through materialistic lens.

I will give a semi related example (which also doubled as a post about how EoG1 changed me). EoG1 changed me subtly/cleansed or reverted me to a healthier version of me. In general I always held back making posts (here and other forums in general) freely unless I was in a good mood (whether due to real life events or subliminal high) because I worried my inputs were (seen as) low quality, that they provided little value. Compared to others’ replies, I didn’t have the insights that penetrate the blindness, knowledge that lead others to a broader horizon, logic that ground the uncertainty, or humor that provides joy to others. Not to mention due to my weak communication, I worried what I said might come across/misunderstood as offensive or aggressive or plain nonsense, all of which had happened in real life before. However somehow EoG1 made me let go of all this overthinking. It worked really subtly, one day I just felt like typing or should I say didn’t feel anything to hold me back (it’s more obvious online). Now I am less harsh on myself and more willing to wear my heart on my sleeve (I did when I was a kid but life hurt me too much I felt hiding it was equaled to security). The old me would never express pain and hurt openly unless I was on the verge of breaking down and being desperate, even then I would feel ashamed for doing so and would hide my existence.

Anyway so how does the above relate to materialism vs idealism? The fact that I am not sharing this on the official EoG thread even though there is no question it is EoG1 that brought all this positive in me. Yet I feel this change is too “intangible” or not material enough for others to see and appreciate it. It’s just to be shown as proof or evidence it’s relied on tangible things that all can see, understand and experience.

Having said that I don’t want to end this post with such a hardcore material stance. Hence to make it absolutely clear, I am in no way dismissing the positive change/influence in me and I am feeling clearly of and happy about it.

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