Chase’s freewriting journal

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#33

Don’t wanna mix bad feeling post with good feeling post hence put the higher note here instead. I had a think-and-you-should-receive manifestation, it was another discount manifestation but it finally happened to me :stuck_out_tongue:

The power of not caring and utterly detachment. That is the very foundation of manifestation but also, as far as my understanding goes, a core teaching of Buddhism-See the thing as what it is without any judgement, in the sense of whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, whether you find it good or not etc. When I was thinking of the item, I wasn’t craving it nor needing it. During the time it crossed my mind, it didn’t make me anxious or obsessive, or happy or excited, it was merely there provoked no (emotional) reaction whatsoever. I didn’t care if the thought popped up or disappeared.

The principle certainly isn’t news to me, this kind of manifestation happened before but this time it was like it was in a slow(er) motion. Can anyone tell me a sure way for me to reach this mentality 24/7 short of me being a Buddha or a Saint?

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#34

Was quite close to relapse on PMO but thanks to Inner Gasoline and Stop Porn and Masturbation I was able to control my urges and actions. Don’t get me wrong it took conscious efforts but at least I am in control with their help. This also confirmed my reluctance to listen to Alpha subs.

I am hesitated to write this but it seems Inner Voice isn’t doing much. I remember back when I was listening to LBFH and CFW, one of the lesser thing noticed was I didn’t get the positive effect of their version of inner voice. I was hoping the module version would be much pronounced. I wonder if it worked like mathematics in the sense that for those who have okay inner dialogues to begin with, adding Inner Voice would be like 1+1 while in my case I was > -1 to begin with so adding it to it = <0 or something like that.

On a slightly higher note, while I was having really racing bad thoughts or intense fear, which happened when I woke up suddenly, compared to what I used to be (went full on panic mode and insomina), I could go back to sleep and woke up relatively placid, thanks to Stress Displacement and Deep Sleep.

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#35

Time flies hardly fathom the last entry was almost 2 weeks ago.

Let’s get the lesser news out of the way I relapsed on pmo. It’s been a long time coming; days preceded to the relapse I had been edgy, restless and distracted. However, a small consolation was compared to the past I was less harsh on myself and accepted the failure steadily. Probably due to ARES.

While listening to the custom and meditating on the sound, Inner Voice finally came to me. It told me I was good enough to be successful, to have a good life. In fact I myself was more than good enough that I didn’t need any role model to follow or mimic; this was my personalized life and I was capable to carve my own path my own ways. It told me I had every quality in me to make anything happen. Mind, not just the good qualities, but the message was as I have all the qualities in me, by extension I have all the possibilities in me, anything is possible for me and I can be anyone I choose to be.

Since this custom, my relationship with my family seems to improve quite a bit; it is harmonized. People seem to be friendlier and more chatty around me.

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#36

What I learnt regarding Subs for the past months.

  1. A long washout is a necessity to me. The length of it is related to the period running subs and the number of subs. E.g. the more different subs (subs hopping) I ran, the more rest days I needed, which turned into a washout eventually.
  2. An effective washout has to be more than five consecutive weeks at minimum. A two week here a three week there just won’t cut it. There is no way to outrun the need to a long washout.
  3. Genesis by itself did little to me. Previously I mentioned it brought out positive inner voice, it is not the case. However, what happened was Genesis enhanced the sub I listened to in prior (Chosen from Within at that time). By the way CFW by itself didn’t bring out inner voice neither. I found that out when I listened to a custom with the module Inner Voice. The module was quite subtle in day to day life until I listened to Genesis with the custom.
  4. All kinds of cognitive subs more or less disturb my sleep, e.g. Limitless, Stark etc. It doesn’t matter if I listen to it morning or afternoon, it doesn’t matter if it is a full loop or 5 minutes, the disturbance will happen eventually.
  5. Limitless (major title custom) instead of the beneficial objectives, I was experiencing quite the opposite. One of them was a worsen case of amygdala hijack. On top of the shaking I now exploded as a reflex, while before I at least could keep it to myself. One important info is I added Harmonic Conflux to it and the above still happened.
  6. Probably due to the new tech, maybe due to the module I.Q. And Cognitive Booster in previous custom or Limitless, or all of them above, I cannot listen to as much subs and as frequent as I once used to be. The pace most comfy is three rest days with one sub on listening session.
  7. Relationship with subs changed. There are subs that once worked nicely with me, e.g. no recon, somehow don’t work anymore, e.g. huge resistance or irritation now. Then there are subs that were irritating and difficult to run became a must have for me. I cannot rely on past experiences to determine which subs are right for me.

Edit:

  1. The Art of Happiness and Joy is an sub enhancer. It helps prime the mind to relax and makes absorbing the subs following much easier.
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#37

A new cycle began last night following two weeks of listening sessions and three rest days in between, ended with a five-day washout. I am planning to focus on just EoG1+Winner Overdrive major title custom for this cycle.

Previously I listened to both EoG1+Winner Overdrive and Limitless+Harmonic Conflux and as noted in my last post a major issue was I lost control constantly as a reflex. It is likely due to Limitess recon and I simply haven’t got the bandwidth to process two customs for now. Hence I am dropping Limitess this cycle.

On the brighter side, these customs make me more grounding/have a stronger sense of self. I know it sounds contradictory to the above paragraph but…for example I overthink less when I write or ask something, and once I am done expressing I move on without lingering (e.g. replying the scenes) like I used to be. On top of that I gradually have a sense of believing all things will work out at the end one way or another.

A broken clock is right twice a day - I felt my pessimism was paid off, as in the advantages of being pessimistic show itself, e.g. never being disappointed and upset, after what happened to a female family member of mine. She asked a favor of a family friend, but the thing was to satisfy her request, he had to ask his friend instead, i.e. his hands were tied. So long story short her request was rejected whether it was by the family friend or his friend I don’t know. And this incident came as quite a shock to her and really upset her since she was used to getting her way all the time. Before that I told her not to do this but then not asking for help is my default mode so what do I know right.

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#38

Nowadays I take five rest days between listening sessions (full loop); still single track-EoG1 with Winner Overdrive.

Have had nightmares a few times for the past week. The one I just had was particularly haunting. It came with a complete plot so it felt like I lived a lifetime. I now forgot the very beginning but I think it was a nice normal daily life. Anyways not long after I was living in a period where an apocalypse was right around the corner. I was living in dorms and one day me and some others noticed there were animals those weren’t native appeared in the campus (e.g a human sized hairy bird) and they behaved weirdly (squeaked loudly and trying to break into the dormitory through the floor to ceiling glass windows). Right from the beginning I had this knowing/prophecy that the people in the dorms/campus were gonna be killed but didn’t know why or how. As weeks went by the world slowly realized something’s wrong but the people tried to hold onto normalcy. As usual there were opportunists under such circumstances and in this case there were murders and killers. Nighttime was a dangerous period and good people tended to keep a low key and hide. I was still working part time and was meant to be back to dorms before sunset. But was held back due to my boss asking me to repair the hot water system; it was getting rare to have such a functioning system. So now it was nighttime and I debated if I should just stay overnight there and wanted to let my friends in the dorms know where I was, but there was no cellular signal. As I looked out to the windows (the work place was like around 5th floor) I saw a few masked figures wandering around and instinctively knew those were serial killers. So I turned off the lights to keep them from noticing this place. I needed to alarm the people in the dorms so I decided to take the risks to go out at night. I was able to hide from a few of them as I was tip toeing. But when I was under a bridge/tunnel a lone serial killer was wandering by and it was a split second moment from him seeing me so I panicked and got clumsy, which caught his attention. And this made me panic more and let go of any semblance of being low key. I ran all the way to the dorms; as I was closing the entrance I could see him coming and everything was happening in slow motion-I saw the door swag dropped as the gap closing. My friend came to help push it and locked it as soon as it was closed. But somehow none of us realizing there were floor to ceiling windows; and now the serial killer was breaking in and as he (and us) made such noise other killers noticed the place and came to us. There was nothing we could do to stop them. That’s when it dawned on me that all this time I was the very reason everyone was killed. The dorms was actually in a secluded location, if not were me it wouldn’t be discovered so easily. I didn’t even understand at that moment why I came back to them. I kept asking myself nonstop “why did I go to them” and I think I was literally asking that, as in speaking with sound, as I woke up.

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Beyond crazy dreams on this custom
#39

Taking a 7 or 9 day washout. In theory since I already take 5 rest days in between listening sessions these days, I could go on like this forever - no more cycles.

I feel like I am ready to add a second sub to my stack. When I was listening to EoG1+Winner Overdrive, I had a hunch about adding Ascension (with Essence: the Art of Happiness and Joy) to it. I don’t have Ascension major title but it was one of my first major cores in customs. I listened to it for a short while in custom until I dropped it all together due to overloading. My subconscious mind made random associations between my conscious one got the logic - very old posts pointed out that Natural Winner module was in Ascension (and it makes sense Overdrive is there too); current EoG1 has (some) AoHJ in it. Hence EoG1+Winner Overdrive x Ascension+AoHJ = an enhanced version of both subliminals, as in they synchronize with each other if you got me. I am deciding whether I should go for it now and remake the custom later which is not really cost effective, or I should simply wait until it is updated which may take a couple more months :thinking:

Another option is I use Emperor instead (just store version with no added module). Again this came as a hunch and it made it clear that it is a second choice ( though still a good choice). The thing is my OCD in this case wants to match store Emperor with store EoG, which I don’t have as the very reason I made a EoG1 major custom was because I only wanted Stage 1. It is also why I don’t go for any multi stages titles at all - I don’t connect with stages beyond stage 1. Decisions decisions.

I had been using AI to interpret my natal chart for fun; I didn’t paid much attention to astrology as I didn’t really understand and couldn’t bother to understand the jargons/technicalities (I still don’t). Anyways once I got the results, out of nowhere I have this sure feelings that nothing is set in stone, with the help of EoG and faith/knowing, even the stars can be realigned/rearranged, and ancestral limitations/chains can be broken (even to the point of DNA level). Whatever challenges or karmic rooted limitations presented in chart mean little to me now as I don’t have to be this person. This is clearly due to the manifestation of EoG1, e.g. Roots of Scarcity and Inherited Wealth Stories. I still don’t know much about astrology but again out of the blue I knew Capricorn traits and energy were what I strongly wanted to be (I don’t have it in my chart). I don’t know whether it is the cause or it is the effect but I know it links to me choosing Ascension or Emperor as my second subliminal.

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#40

Have been having presults of varied subliminals simply by considering listening to them. My mind was racing non stop on imaginary Stark Black (which I don’t have and never listened to it), I was more humorous but also less secure more pulled towards external factors. On imaginary Wanted (I have and used to listen to it) a few pictures or songs related to its theme came to me via social media, also sex drive piked. On imaginary Emperor (I have and used to listen it) I got impatient and became perfectionist; I was really bothered by tasks not being completed or without closure, e.g. not only my msg or emails had to be cleared, I would be bothered by family members’ msg or emails not to mention tasks not being cleared.

Having said that I think I will listen to Emperor as my second sub stacking it with EoG1. I was already doing full loop for EoG1 but with Emperor I will go back to 3 mins EoG1 with 1 min Emperor.

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#41

After reading the new microloop guideline and the replies by Saint, I decided to make a commitment to it. Just did my first ever microloop (30s). Since last year I haven’t had a regular or fixed listening routine, I think it’s good for me to have one now. It almost came as a relief to my mind as full loop with many rest days in between is harder than shorter loop with less rest days to it. At least it seems to be the feedbacks I am getting.

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#42

Well I was so sure that 30s was a piece of cake and now I am having reconciliation. I feel like it has got more to do with my past full loops being released with the crack that is microloop if that makes sense. I am currently feeling anxious, easily triggered (e.g. sensitive to noises) and slightly overanalyzing. I kept thinking/trying to fil the gaps in the microloop guideline. For example, I was thinking when recon if one should further lower the exposure or increase rest days or both of them, if yes for how long etc. Also if one was in recon for sub A but not sub B, since both subs were meant to have the same amount of exposure, would it mean sub B be held back by sub A? How about if sub A reached say 7m but then a new sub was added, would it mean A had to go back to 30s to match the new sub?

Then a thought popped up and told me to “do” instead of overthinking any of that. All these overanalyzing mean little in real life, all I need is “just do it”; I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it and anything else before that is just my mind playing armchair philosopher.

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#43

Still on 30s. Originally I considered moving on to 1m but after reading Saint himself was on 30s with his subs I decided to stick to 30s for another session or more, depends on the amount of recon. The recon I am feeling is less than the last session, though clearly it is here.

I am not rushing to higher loop; I am determined to do it properly this round with fixed schedule (discipline) and pay attention to what, when and how recon is brought up (clarity). I have a clear goal of what I want to achieve out of EoG1-to reinvent myself fundamentally. The background, the upbringing, the brainwashing, the experiences etc. don’t matter, they no longer define what I am or what I can do, and I am as fortunate and capable as any big shot. With EoG1 I am not looking for wealth ideas or opportunities, they exist in my life because they are the incidental effects of me being a fortune person if it makes sense. In fact EoG1 installed a few keywords in me: shake off and shave off, beyond and transcend.

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#44

1m11s EoG1 the last session; it was meant to be 30s I closed my eyes and repeated a couple of mantras when I opened my eyes it was that.

Planned to listen to 50s for this session but got ear inflammation (again). It is hot, itchy and painful, also it causes me neckache and headache; I am tired and low energy, will just take an extra rest day.

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#45

Finally the inflammation is (90%) gone. I don’t know where it came from but I was determined not to take any medicine or ear drops, and let my immune system do its own thing instead.

Listened to another 1min session and will move on to 3min for the next two sessions. For sake of consistency the rest of the cycle I will keep the pattern of AABBCC, meaning two sessions of 3mins, two sessions of 5mins, two sessions of 7min and so on.

EoG1 is working but quite subtly; there were manifestations in day to day life, which sometimes in a blessing in disguise way. For example a deal I was making fell through at the very last second, it was practically a done deal at that point. Yet later on I found a much better deal; had I made the first deal I actually lost out in the end. My intuition is getting slightly more noticeable; they were not necessarily life changing nudges but, regardless how small the advantages were, following them definitely brought out a more favorable outcome. Though I had to admit I wasn’t always quick/agile enough to following them.

As said my intuition is getting stronger, one of the hunch I got is listening to (new) Ascension (with New Wealth Experience or the Art of Joy and Happiness). I tried to compromise with Emperor or Godlike Masculinity but it just didn’t feel right. Without overloading or severe reconciliation, EoG1 brings me focus and clarity of what is essential, what shortcomings I am facing and need to overcome and which sub will help me correctly deal with them. I think EoG1 with Winner Overdrive is it for me; there isn’t one “flaw” my mind could find in it, unlike say Emperor-too sexual and broad or Chosen-not enough wealth. I can see and accept with peace that running EoG1 long term is doable and enjoyable.

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#46

Made a mistake today by 1. Not reading the fine prints and 2. Being scatter-minded. The numbers and terms were literally staring right into my eyes yet my brain just didn’t comprehend at real time what I was seeing. Got half teased half blamed by someone, saying whatever trust/reliance placed on me was wasted. Well I blamed myself too; felt so useless. This is likely why I had huge recon on cognitive subs-my mind was too flawed and I felt too wounded. Good intentions were ruined by incompetence. Is it a wonder why I get anxious so easily.

Moments like this always make me wish I was nonchalant and thick skinned, better yet selfish and irresponsible. Do you have anything ideas how amazed I feel towards those who at best let things roll off their shoulders at worst shift the blame to others just like that as if they were not involved in the first place. Just don’t give a shit and tell others outright “it’s a you problem”.

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#47

3m EoG1.

I now see the previous mentioned incident as it was without overdramatic flair; utilizes reason over emotions. Believe and understand that it was nothing but slight turbulence. Also see it in a positive light - a learning experience, a chance to better myself and to connect with others via that vulnerability.

Moreover once again that incident could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. If that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t take remedial action, which likely led to an outcome that was slightly better than I originally hoped to achieve. The point is I now likely obtained the original desired outcome. If I hadn’t made the mistake, yes I could avoid the humiliation and worthlessness, but also nothing was gained.

I have been contemplating but all of this brings extra attention to my role in manifestations. For example event A happened I didn’t like the outcome; my standard reaction was to change it to my preferred outcome, e.g. the focus was on event A and its outcome, or at the very least reverse the whole event back to before it happened. However in either case this prevented event B from happening, which might actually be more beneficial and/or less energy consumed.

That’s why I actively avoided choosing modules like Synergy Divine Dominion even though on paper I was amazed by its description and daydreamed about the manifestations I might have. The reason are 1. I know I can’t control my mind and am worried that negative manifestations would occur based on my over active imagination. 2. I know I lack clarity and wisdom. In the past I made decisions and took actions at that time made sense to me but in the end hurt me; it’s always the least expected or the most overlooked that brought me the best outcome. Sometimes the more I tried the worse it became.

Always have fixated on if my decision or action is the right one based on if it brings immediate benefits, when that doesn’t happen I then obsess with the could’ve been/would’ve been. I truly feel like I am learning something from EoG1 and it really is working with me and on me. Let this post ends with the following short - Rather than making the right decision, make the decision right

Making a hard decision? WATCH THIS | Dr. Ellen Langer

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#48

In recon. Will take an extra rest day. Unlike before I make sure that with the micro loops instructions the maximum rest days is 3 in between sessions. If it isn’t enough I will then cut back the length of the loop.

Anyways the recon is currently shown up as low energy and low motivation. I want to stick my head in the sand and sing la la la to avoid dealing with anything related to finance or numbers. I got irritated when asked to review the expenses; I don’t wanna know how the numbers came to or if they might be wrong. Why are such nuisances existed in day to day life? A black hole that sucks up whatever little life force/strength I have.

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#49

Trying to catch the pattern of the kind of food and/or drink makes my heart pounding and anxious. Part of it is recon that’s for sure but part of it seems to be triggered or exacerbated by certain food or drink, as other than that there isn’t noticeable external factors. Yet so far I am in the dark. For example coffee sometimes triggered it but equally sometimes it simply made me happy without physical symptoms. The same applied to the multivitamins I took sometimes no issues sometimes shortly after I felt anxious.

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#50

5m on 16th Sep. 3m today.

I think 5m is the ceiling for now. The recon was handleable but definitely uncomfortable. Physical symptoms such as neck pain showed up and the quality of sleep went down, e.g. was restless. As mentioned I got irritated sometimes, was more sensitive to stress or external stimulations.

On the other hand (it is something I had noticed before), higher loop seemed to bring more external manifestation. Basically it seemed to me that shorter loop affects inner world when higher loop affects outer world at the expense of inner comfort. What I am saying is to me it’s almost as if the nutrition for the inner world was transferred to the outcome in outer world if it makes sense.

Compared to 15m/full loop, shorter loop makes listening easier not because of I don’t have extra 10m to spare, it is because of the mental strains I place on the preparation for listening session. Listening to full loop after a while was at best a ritual at worst a chore. I had to make sure I slept well the night before, ate enough nutritious food the same day. I also had to be careful with my mood before listening - it had to be neutral to good - since I believed it affects my absorption and/or the effectiveness or potency of the sub. One would find all this measurements sound beneficial, that it was great for sub to incidentally make me take care of myself. However in practice it showed up as OCD and anything less than perfect ruined the listening experience, and sometimes I avoided listening due to it. Looking back I see it was recon expressing itself and my brain asking for more rest days in a round about way.

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#51

A bit of breakthrough in blind spot.

Sometimes I had this tendency/reflex to rationalize the mechanism of a happy event. Once that happened the event was no longer a happy one just an event - I explained away the magical feeling and lost it.

Let’s say I went to a cafe shop and get a cup of coffee, and the cashier told me oh it’s on the house you don’t have to pay. Great I am grateful and feel like it’s a good day. Yet later I realized it happened because I had nine stamps in my membership and the 10th was free. It wasn’t because I was lucky it was simply business. When that happened my focus was on missing the lucky part and being disappointed. Yet the nice thing - the free coffee - was right in front of me.

Yet the problem was, on the other hand, when an unhappy event happened the rationalization didn’t come up at all and instead my mind went straight to assume the worst.

Let’s say me and my friend went to a car dealership and told the salesman I want the best car. Later he brought out a big ass ugly vehicle for us. My mind went straight to assume he ignored our request because that ugly thing got him the most commission. Then I dealt with the whole thing with the belief that he was taking us as a fool and trying to take advantage of us.

Yet today I suddenly got that what we see as “best” is different for each of us. We only see “the best” from our own perspective based on our own understanding. The best car for me may be the fastest sport car, the best car for my friend may be whatever Dua Lipa was driving in her latest pic. And maybe just maybe that salesman believing it was the best car for us because it was built like a tank and provided the best safety to us.

What I am trying to learn is more understanding when something didn’t go my way, and saw that my way could be a narrow way. And more acknowledgment when good things happened, and saw the advantage I was given instead of dismissing it.

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#52

Excellent point, my friend :pray:. It is very deep understanding on a subtle level.

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