Why CFW and Emperor?
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A clear recommendation from Invictus a couple of months back in this thread. Two maybe. I’d dismissed it more out of a fear of changing, but when I looked back, CFW did a lot of changes in me.
The main thing that attracted me then was its focus on removing the victim mentality
And I only stayed on it maybe 2 cycles, back when I was running Genesis. But it dug deeper and precisely into some core hurts of mine. Genesis smoothed it out incredibly since Genesis uses emotional transmutation heavily.
Day 3
LB and Emperor this morning
I don’t like the passive and helpless thinking I’m carrying. I’m thinking about this a lot.
This is what I’ve been doing. I’m steering towards feeling in control.
Independent.
Capable.
Mastering myself.
How has CFW changed you throughout the time you have been using it?
I will openly admit I’m still experiencing changes on CFW, and the recon is not overwhelming (I do 1 minute loops).
For me, the greatest power of CFW is how it eliminates victim thinking. I admitted last week that I’ve used that thinking to keep me away from challenges and social requirements. Thinking “I can’t” has been commonplace for me, and it allowed an immaturity to remain. I used it, and due to not facing normal fears and challenges, I secretly cherished it. It allowed me to believe I’m young and need “rescuing”. (I felt queasy just writing that).
CFW has been allowing me to feel my discomfort and fear when I’d normally play weak and hope someone else would pick up the problem. It does so by building a belief deep within that “I CAN ACTUALLY HANDLE THIS PROBLEM”. Since I’ve lived with “I can’t” so long, “I CAN” is pretty loud. It opens the door for me to see life as something I can handle.
I’ll admit I’ve fought this just because …not sure I like my answer…because I would be in control again. Yeah, I’ve fought myself. I’ve also hung on since I’ve looked for Rebirth (which is in it) revamping my thought process. Bailing during the struggle reverses one’s gains. So I’ve stayed on CFW, hungry for change.
On a positive note, I’ve had two encounters in the last two days which really caught my attention. I’ll share one, and both felt the same.
We were working through a nicer neighborhood this morning in a heavily wooded area. An older man was outside collecting yard debris, and as I approached, I broke the ice acknowledging he had a lot of work on his hands. In 10 seconds or so, he admitted he was hoping to cut all his trees down. But what caught me was I felt like he instantly saw me as trustable, and he had shared something he hadn’t shared with others. I felt this inside. He’d opened up to me–quickly. That’s a responsibility I’ve not been given often, and I didn’t take it lightly. It made me want to be worthy of his trust. Of anyone’s trust, really.
This is humongous. People will trust me spontaneously? It makes me want to keep my own heart clean. And this definitely sounds like the results CFW produces.
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Day 4
Rest day 1 of 2
I woke up feeling kind of off.
I was raised thinking I was responsible for everyone else’s pain and problems, and CFW is obviously working on that.
No work today, but I woke up fearing anyone being around me, because in this mentality, my job is to make sure you’re happy. Nothing else. It’s a little kid’s mentality.
This has come on and off since starting CFW, and I’ve shared it often when I’ve woke up. I thought it was Emperor. CFW went right to the root and kept working. I’m seeing that now.
I also don’t believe I’m helpless. I wouldn’t have wrote this if I felt helpless.
Helpless means I have resigned to defeat. Nope. I definitely don’t feel that 
Day 3
DRLD last night
Ascension this morning
I considered starting a new journal, but no.
For the last few months, I’d pulled off SC subs. I got into a fearful habit of hiding what has been surfacing in me. Past positive experiences with other subs pulled me out. But other producers often miss out on the changes needed once past pains have been addressed. I came back to SC because Fire’s skill with the support scripting is unmatched.
I feel it now, so I’m processing it. I’ve been scared of stepping outside my comfort zone, and lying to myself got too stressful.
I just want to be honest with myself. That’s my biggest want.
I started with DRLD since some fear or belief has been blocking me. Stacking it with Ascension has been, from the DRLD sales page, both exciting and terrifying.
Tuesday, my first day using them, I sensed DRLD pulling me away from mental hideouts. Slowly, then quickly. Destroying and building at the same time. So yeah, exciting and terrifying.
I’ve missed writing too. Realizations come quick and recording them is important to me. I’m glad I’m back.
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Yay, you’re back! I was wondering where you’d gone. Welcome back.
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Thanks TheRock! I appreciate your support 
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Day 5
DRLD last night
Genesis this morning
3 minute loops
First off, this thought just came to me when I began writing:
I don’t like writing when all I’m doing is comparing myself to everyone else. Like duh. Who’d like that? I often …(very often) see myself in light of other’s achievements, successes, stable mindsets, successful relationships, ANYTHING…and I never win when doing this. Which is why I’ve held off writing lately. Mind you, I’m just identifying this.
For example, I’ve felt insecure about posting about Genesis. Why? Because I’d begun on Ascension after planning on running Genesis for days prior to starting. I’d dm’d someone here, he’d been on Ascension…and I traded out since I had positive experiences with Ascension. I’d even talked like Genesis wasn’t all that good. Until I realized and remembered something that Genesis gives in spades. I’ve witnessed this in real life and in other’s stories:
Having CONFIDENCE really can make or break your motivation going forward–in nearly ANY life endeavor.
Be it wealth building, relationships…nearly anything, having confidence in oneself is a golden ticket. It helps you see what is possible even when your plans don’t turn out as desired.
I was reading @James’s thread about building a foundation this morning, and to me, after living without confidence MOST of my life, Genesis is a lifeline. I’ve been through life believing
“I can’t do that”
“People might not like me if I attempt that”
“I might even bail on myself” (not caring about myself)
“I’m not worthy of these things”
And a lot more. Negative thinking has been a default. But…I remembered my times on Genesis the beginning of this year (in this journal, actually). What a difference! Funny, but gaining confidence after not having it (all of my life) can cause some recon.
Sidenote: I didn’t grow up around the word “confidence” much. As I became an adult, self-belief became the buzzword. I haven’t experienced that much throughout my life, tbh.
But damn, Genesis did reveal it to me. Adding in the adventure scripting gave frequent avenues to test it. I even began feeling worthy of having a woman in my life again. This was HUGE! I’ve been naysaying it in recent months, and DRLD is tackling some of that mentality, even today. (I did get a wake-up reminder my first day of Ascension, feeling attractive…hmm)
Going forward, I might alternate Genesis with Ascension, but I haven’t decided yet.
What I am considering is rebuilding my Genesis/LB custom so I can build and practice some self-love again. I added NWE and NRE to my original custom build, and it was too heavy. So I’ll remove them and add in some Synergy modules and others.
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Day 7
DRLD last night
Genesis this morning
I’m having a realization surface.
My progress has seemed on and off with DRLD. Small awarenesses will pop up, making me desire more.
This morning, something came up, and is still coming up. I’m seeing a dismal belief tied to growth in my life.
While driving to work, I realized I’ve associated fears of pain, failure, and rejection with any significant progress.
This is why I’ve held back, feared growth, and sabotaged success repeatedly.
Let this grow!
And I accidentally did 5 minutes of DRLD instead of 3. I had fears of recon.
This wasn’t expected 