Bujin - A New Narrative (Into the Q Continuum)


#1

Phase 1: Reset

With the Q updates, I’ve decided it’s time for a fresh start.

I’m putting together a roadmap for the rest of the year to target some high-level goals, but before that I want to take some time and reset by focusing on emotional healing for a bit.

I previously did ~450 hours of Khan Total Breakdown, but don’t feel like I got a lot out of it. Apart from some occasional mood changes it was mostly pretty uneventful. But a lot has happened to me since then, and KhanQ should be more potent, so I want to give it another shot. I’m planning to combine Total Breakdown with Regeneration and Rebirth and see what happens. I won’t be running through the Khan stages again, only TB. Khan is not part of my roadmap.

Regeneration and Rebirth are completely new to me, I just bought them, so I may tweak the stack depending on my experience with them. I couldn’t find much in the forum on how well TB and Regeneration work together (or not).

I’m using the “experimental listening pattern” rather than set-and-forget. Only listening during the day, no overnight listening. No weekends either. I’m not certain how long I’ll run this before moving onto the next part of my roadmap, but I’m penciling in 1 month for now.

How often I update this journal will depend on how effective this stack is for me.


#2

That’s a lot of healing! Good luck with your upcoming inner work :slight_smile:


#3

all the best @bujin


#4

Had a dream last night.

I was out on some street at night, and I needed to pee. There a doorway in the building next to me with a curtain across it, so I went in. There was a small room with a urinal trough, and I started to pee. A guy comes in and also starts to pee, he’s swaying and unsteady and obviously completely hammered. He turns and keeps peeing on the other side, and I look down and notice a trail of pee down the outside of my trouser leg, clearly from the other guy.

I turn to him to say something, then hesitate. Should I say anything? It was probably an accident. Should I cause an incident? Should I just pretend it didn’t happen?

I tell him that he peed on me. He looks at me, then looks away again.

I tell him again that he peed on me. He looks at me, clearly not giving a shit, then look away again.

So I smash his head against the wall, then throw him onto the urine-soaked floor and stomp on him a few times until he stops moving.

I woke up, feeling agitated.


#5

Obviously dreams shouldn’t be taken literally, so it wasn’t really about violence against a person. I feel it symbolized moving from a dis-empowered state to an empowered one. A good start, I think.

Very pensive this morning. Mildly irritated as well. Also felt some resistance to logging in for work.


#6

I’m listening to Regeneration and feeling a light pressure in my forehead and a faint light-headedness. I noticed the same thing yesterday. It’s similar (but milder) to what I felt when I was running multiple concurrent instances, so I think it’s an indication of the extra information load coming through with the Q subs.


#7

Another dream last night, but the details escape me this morning. What I remember is I was in lockdown somewhere, and I had 3 pieces of some kind of puzzle, each had an image on them. The only image I recall is a caricature of a face on one of them. I tried several times to solve the puzzle and failed, but on the maybe fourth or fifth attempt I figured it out, and woke up.

Not overly useful, but I do remember feeling it was relevant to the subs when I woke up. I just can’t remember how now.

Weekends are off days for me for subs, to allow things to process.


#8

I don’t really have any surface issues I care enough about to try to resolve, what I’m after from this stack is uncovering any deeply buried issues, fears or traumas I’m not consciously aware of. I’ve only been listening to these subs for a few days now, but so far I’m encouraged by the dreams I’ve had. Looking forward to more.


#9

Just a little more about my roadmap. While it covers 12 months, I was thinking the following for the next 3 months.

Month 1:
Khan ST1
Regeneration
Rebirth

Month 2-3:
Alchemist ST1
Khan ST1
Regeneration

The purpose being to clear the field of emotional and energetic rubble as much as possible and allow Alchemist to put down deep roots. I’ve felt a deep draw to Alchemist since it was released, and yet I’ve had resistance to starting it. There always seemed reasons to go with something else. Although maybe the time just wasn’t right.

Granted the stack is a little heavy, but my listening pattern provides plenty of down time for processing to occur. I’m also willing to stay with the stack longer if progress is slower than expected.


#10

Since Q is slated for release end of May, I’ll look into getting a custom healing sub which combines the best of the healing modules, which would replace the Khan TB + Regeneration combination in my roadmap. Probably name embedded and “max” power, if they’re available.

Hopefully they’ll have a “dream” or even “lucid dream” module available as well, which should only enhance the experience.


#11

It’s Monday so I’m back on my stack.

My usual morning activity includes reading news online, which is often depressing or annoying. But this morning, I just felt a sense of fury at how fucked up humanity really is. I was just into my second loop of Regeneration, so it may have triggered reconciliation on some issue.

I also found out a friend’s relative passed away. I don’t know the relative, but I found myself feeling an unusual amount of empathy for my friend’s loss.

So it looks like my stack is amplifying my emotions quite considerably.


#12

Regarding empathy, I used to be highly empathetic as a child, but I used to fear the pain so I closed myself off as I grew older.

But sitting here, feeling a sense of grief for my friend at both a physical and emotional level, it’s like those walls I erected have crumbled away completely.

Most likely this is temporary, a form of reconciliation, but I’m hoping once it fades some of those walls will be gone permanently. I no longer fear the pain, and welcome it back into my life.


#13

Weird, literally minutes after I wrote that I experienced a huge dopamine spike. I felt waves of pleasure and felt euphoric for a few minutes. It’s faded now, but I’m guessing I released something.


#14

I’ve been experiencing bursts of mild pleasure/euphoria all day. Nothing like that first one, but still very nice.


#15

Fairly quiet day today, but feeling tired. Didn’t sleep well last night. So a bit fuzzy headed and a bit of a headache. Mostly I just want to take a nap. No emotional changes of note today.


#16

Eh, turns out I forgot to drink coffee today. Headache + fuzzy head => caffeine withdrawal. It’s weird that I forgot though, it’s usually the first thing on my mind in the morning.


#17

Another poor night’s sleep. Last night I woke because one of my cats was sick, so I got up to deal with that. Unfortunately he has some health problems. But afterwards I struggled to get back to sleep, I was going over his illness in my mind, and my emotions were bouncing all over the place, settling into a kind of depression over the issue. I can only put this down to my stack stirring things up, because his illness isn’t new.

I’m still feeling this way this morning, although not as strongly. So I’m taking some time today to work through this in my head, and allow whatever wants to come up to do so.


#18

I feel I partially resolved some of what was coming up. Still feeling down, but less so. And I feel clearer and more accepting of the situation.

No appetite at all today, although I ate anyway, just because I felt I should. And habit, I guess.

Looking forward to sleeping. And hopefully dreaming. I’ve started listening to Dreams again before I go to bed.


#19

@bujin - since you mentioned PE in another thread, I was wondering, have you tried any programs that worked for you?


#20

I haven’t used any, sorry. By I recall @Liquidfire made a recommendation:

Also one by @SaintSovereign:

You might like to look into both of those.