@BLACKICE - woah woah woah! Congratulations on being a father. Now you got a little “ice cube” to take care of. All the best, bro.
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lmao 
quote of the day for me
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Congratulations man! Wish you a wonderful, prosperous parenting ahead 
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Congratulations!!! Enjoy lots of family love 
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Congratulations! 
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Thank you everyone for the congratulations! It’s hard to believe she’s only 4 days old, so much has happened this week! I doubt Mrs. Blackice would want me to share pictures on a public internet forum, so you’ll all just have to take my word for it that she is adorable. 
I’ve yet to get my first custom (Halcyon) downloaded yet, as it’s not in my Q shop downloads! I look forward to sharing an update journal entry once I can give it a first listen.
In the meantime, I’m on midnight diaper duty and as a result my sleep has been a bit broken. I wish I could tell my Oura ring about the baby, as it’s trying to give me helpful suggestions to fix my poor sleep habits lately… 
One side effect of this is my dreams are very vivid, so I’ll share one here if anyone has any feedback.
I was at a party or dinner gathering in a place I didn’t recognize. It looked like a classroom, but the windows were up high on the wall, as if it were in a basement. There was a small wall separating the room with couches on either side, so that people sitting on one side of the room couldn’t see people on the other side. Imagine public restroom stall dividers, but between couches.
A friend of mine was there, as were my parents. Then in walks one of my exes, who I haven’t spoken to in 10 years. She doesn’t see me, but goes to sit down on the other side of the room, just on the other side of the dividing wall. I turn to my friend and point at her, but he doesn’t get it. I try to text him, but suddenly my fingers don’t work and I keep texting nonsense.
She gets up to go get some food or something, and when she’s out of earshot I loudly whisper “What is SHE doing here??? Who invited her???” My friend pointed to my parents and said “They thought it was a good idea.” IRL, my parents hated this girl… they were wiser than I was at that time. lol
I walk over to my parents and angrily ask why on Earth would they invite her of all people to our Thanksgiving dinner (yep it was now a family dinner, and we were in my parents home suddenly) My mother said that I needed to get over it, but I refused. I shouted “She nearly ruined my life, I can’t believe you’re doing this. F*** this, I’m leaving. Save me some pumpkin pie…” My father then said “No, you either eat here with us or not at all.”
Then, as happens in dreams, I was talking to him on the phone instead, and so I threw it and it smashed into pieces. Something I regretted about a second later, and put it back together and luckily it worked perfectly. I walked outside and slammed the door, then woke up and saw a beautiful little baby having her breakfast, and any emotions I had from the dream melted away instantly.
Anyone have any thoughts on the dream symbols?
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First reactions:
the room with the high windows feels like looking from the perspective of a child.
this feels like a dream about reintegrating the parts of yourself that felt like they were broken by pain
you can put it back together
shakier impressions:
phone represents communication. Between the parts of yourself, between you and other people
You have the power and the choice to establish communication
‘You eat with us together or you don’t eat”
Your heart may be open and recognizing your capacity and need to connect (again can be internal, external, or both)
Family
But also boundaries
(I may be projecting A LOT here)
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It’s been a busy few days, I’ve hopped on here a few times to try and stay caught up, but I’ve finally got a journal-worthy update.
My first custom has arrived! And, for whatever reason it’s Terminus Squared, rather than Terminus. Ok, cool!
It actually arrived over a week ago but I didn’t think to check my spam folder (rookie mistake) and instead kept refreshing my downloads screen. Oops.
I downloaded Halcyon last night, and added the cover art that I’d created. I meant to listen to it last night but the baby had other plans. I finally got a chance to listen to it after lunch today and it knocked me out, the same way that the first listen to StarkQ Terminus did for me.
I was weaving in and out of sleep, and afterwards I felt pretty good! This was my first time listening to anything in T2 power level (again, I’m basing this on what the filename says…) and so far I like it!
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Another quick update, I’ve learned that I’ve irrevocably exchanged “Free Time” for a Tiny Little Human that has so far gotten almost every bodily fluid imaginable on me, and I’m sure there’s still more to come. And… I couldn’t be happier. 
Ok, update. As I mentioned, I listened to Halcyon for the first time yesterday. It resulted in 2 journal-worthy observations, so here they are.
I slept well. Ridiculously well, consideing there’s a TLH right next to our bed, and I woke up multiple times during the night to check on and/or change her. My Oura ring gave me a 93% sleep efficiency for last night, a definite improvement from the previous nights. Deep Sleep module ftw!
The other thing is the dream.
I dreamed that someone was explaining how to control negative thoughts/emotions. It was just a voice, I couldn’t see the speaker… but I remember what they said.
The gist of it was that most people react to unwanted thoughts or emotions in 2 ways. They either experience them, and react accordingly (feeling crappy, etc) or they force them down. This often results in more energy being expended, as your mind forces the thought into submission.
That’s foolish.
In the dream, I was shown that negative thoughts/emotions are more like a helium balloon… you can just hold your hand out and with no effort at all, hold it anywhere you want. Instead of pushing it down, just let it rest against your palm. You’re not pushing down, you’re letting it rest against you.
Peaceful.
I’m not sure I 100% understand what it means yet, but I woke up feeling a combination of peace and contentedness, as well as with the sense that I’d been given some profound wisdom.
My daughter has been having some health issues since she was born… nothing life threatening, but we have had to go back to the hospital several times for some tests… yesterday she was fussing like crazy, today she was so well behaved and chill (even when she had to get a needle poke in her foot for a blood sample) that I was amazed. Infinitely more zen than yesterday, and literally nothing that she did caused me to feel anything but love for her. I don’t need any help in that regard (my wife jokes that I was actually born a dad, I just didn’t get a kid until I was 40) but I’ll credit Steadfast or Survival Instinct for that mindset help.
So yeah, that was day 1 on Halcyon.
Until next time!
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You were channeling a free Sedona Method workshop in your sleep.
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Just scrolled up to re-read the module list on Halcyon. What an awesome custom for a (new) parent!
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I’ve actually read The Sedona Method years ago, so that makes sense as my dreams last night included a lesson as well:
The same voice was back, and it told me that I already have the answers to everything I will be facing. It showed me several things I’ve been thinking about, and then told me to hold each question in mind and look at my bookshelf and certain books will have exactly the information I need.
It then showed me the books to read to help with aspects of each thing. In this case, they were all business topics but they are things that have been on my mind.
It even showed me a specific way to write down questions that I’m pondering, in a specific notebook, to help me find solutions faster.
I’d originally planned to include Informaticon, but I ended up pulling it at the last minute. So, I guess either Steadfast or Survival Instinct has similar guidance scripting for problem solving?
I realize I haven’t posted the final module list yet, so here’s what’s in Halcyon:
- Regeneration Core
- Survival Instinct Core
- Carpe Diem Ascended
- DEUS
- Lion IV
- Omnidimensional
- Pragya
- Gratitude Embodiment
- ARES
- Blue Skies
- Attachment Destroyer
- Inner Voice
- Iron Frame
- Negativity Displacer
- EGO ADSUM
- Joie de Vivre
- Stress Displacement
- The Flow
- Steadfast
- Deep Sleep
I was up for over an hour in the night with a fussy baby, and the weather has changed, so I’ve got another headache today. I don’t feel that I slept well last night, but we’ll see what my Oura ring says when I sync it.
Overall, I’m really really liking Halcyon. 
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More interesting observations:
Last night I had a dream in which the voice was talking about skydiving, as a metaphor. The lesson: At some point, you will find yourself falling. It’s up to you how you see it… you can view it as plummeting out of control, or you can see it as flying.
I had another dream in which I was going on a business trip with my EA, and I was rushing to buy food in an airport before the flight and the vendor (which felt more like a street vendor with a cart than a restaurant etc) was impatient and grabbed the money from my hand to count out the correct amount himself. I owed another $4.50 or so, and he took a $50 from my hand hoping I wouldn’t notice it wasn’t a $5. I did notice, and grabbed it back and handed him a $5. Then I said “keep the change…” even though he’d just tried to cheat me. That was interesting.
This morning I was sitting outside a doctor’s office as my wife and baby were getting a checkup, and I found myself looking at the ripples in a puddle in the parking lot and thinking how pretty the patterns were. Ego Adsum or The Flow?
I’ve also noticed negative self-talk being shut down very quickly, whether it be anxiety-related or just something that annoys me. I still have negative thoughts, but they tend to fizzle out after a couple of seconds now, which I’m still getting used to. I was at Costco today and was cut off by other shoppers multiple times, but instead of getting annoyed I was just like “lol ok, I guess you’re going next, even though I was here first…”
We also got a government letter in the mail today, addressed to my wife. My first thought was it’s something to do with her immigration status and a mild panic set in. (background info: she’s from a country that is currently not having happy fun time with my country…) But, after a second or 2 I rationalized that it’s unlikely to be anything serious, as she is here legally and has 3 years left before her residency status has to be renewed or she applies for citizenship. Turns out, it was just our baby’s birth certificate. So, what would previously have evoked a stress response, even a minor one, is now getting calmly reacted to. I like that.
I should note that this is still all from a single listen, several days ago!
Halcyon is awesome.
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@BLACKICE, woah congratulations on birthing a daughter!
Reflecting on your time with Stark, did you find yourself having any sleep issues, nightmares or straight-up out of the ordinary third person dreams? Or a heavy reconciliation cycle, happening every other day or so due to New Beginnings?
Thanks!! But technically, my wife did the birthing… lol 
I’ve had sleep issues going back years, mostly in the form of very light sleep and a lack of deep sleep. I’ve been tracking my sleep with an Oura ring for a few months now, and what I’ve realized is I get huge amounts of REM sleep but often only a bit of deep sleep. So I wake up feeling tired still, but having remembered hours and hours of dreams. It’s not anywhere close to a good thing… I wake up feeling like I’ve been watching movies all night, instead of resting.
Since Stark, my sleep has improved (although tbh I have been doing other stuff as well, including being much more strict with my keto diet, and really dialing in my supplement stack and maintaining a good sleep/wake cycle). ALL of my dreams are out of the ordinary, and if I wanted to train myself to recognize that I’d be able to have lucid dreams very often I think. No reconciliation that I can directly attribute to Stark or any other subs, I’ve certainly had some doubts about various things relating to business, but those resolved themselves with clarification conversations and IMHO were not related to reactions to sublimninals.
Is NB in Stark or Regeneration? If not, I don’t think I’ve listened to it then.
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Aha, that’s right!
This is exactly what I’m feeling on Stark, a lot of sleep but none of it is Deep Sleep, seems like a lot of REM sleep due to all of those movie like dreams I’m encountering.
And yes, New Beginnings in Stark.
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Very brief update today.
I listened to Halcyon again today, and meditated out on the deck while doing so. I ended up falling asleep, and had a very intense dream. I swear I slept for a long time, but it was less than 30 minutes.
In the dream I was in a room with some other people, and we were adjusting our tuxedos. (yeah, fancy dream) For some reason, my bowtie wasn’t on right and while I could breathe, I wasn’t able to speak. One of the other people adjusted it for me, and it turned into an infinity symbol stuck to my throat, and began to hum/vibrate/whatever… like it was brimming with power. I don’t remember the words, but I do recall that there was something wrong with the bowtie that had caused it to block my voice.
I woke up feeling pretty serene. Then I had to go change a diaper. That was less serene. lol.
Before anyone asks, no there’s no discernable change in my voice afterward. 
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I am absolutely loving my first custom… though it’s still in T2 power level, so I’m only listening once per week.
But, since starting Executive, I’ve been thinking much more about getting serious with physical fitness again. I’ve been strict keto for many months, and that’s done wonders for me… but the last 2 weeks have been lazy… not junk food, but definitely not strict keto.
That’s changing now… I’ve gone back to strict keto, and I’m scheduling workouts at the gym next week now that it’s open again… no more drop-in, just reserved times to limit the number of people. I’m also planning to start another SARMs cycle, along with some herbs & supplements that @Azriel suggested.
Which brings me to my next custom
Extremis
This custom is designed for one thing and one thing only. Getting me to my peak physical fitness level, and maximizing healing. It will be run alongside my emotional/mental healing custom Halcyon, and also with StarkQT, BLU, and The Executive.
- EF ST4
- Spartan Core
- Deep Sleep
- Pragya
- DEUS
- Carpe Diem Ascended
- Apollon
- Asclepius
- Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
- Equilibrium
- Extreme Exercise Motivation
- Inexhaustible
- Master’s Coordination
- Physicality Shifter - Sexiness
- Serum X
- The Architect
- Alpha Body Language
- Limit Destroyer
- Lion IV
And for the 20th spot, I’m considering:
- Yggdrasil
- Jupiter
I would greatly appreciate any thoughts & suggestions for modules. Am I missing something? I’m not sure when I’ll be ordering this, but likely sometime in October.
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