After opening so much letters in the last week, I finally started to answer them.
There are 6 entities to contact. 2 done so far, 4 to go.
I really felt a push to do so, after listening to my custom the first time. This custom really feels good. A part of me even thinks “fuck the washout, just give it another go”. But atm, I plan to stay strong.
Interestingly, I’ve noticed no recon at all from 4:20. So I’m aiming for 7-8 minutes at first.
Of course I will not try to push ot that far the next time. I will probably listen to my intuition again when I should stop it. This practice served me well in the past. No serious headache or whatever in the last cycle.
I wrote before, that I want to listen to Primal.
I’m still questioning my reasoning. Of course, Primal will do me good. But is it perhaps a recon move, to rotate LB out? What if I need LB more than Primal?
Today I had the thought that it could be beneficial to postpone listening to my custom for one cycle of Primal.
But I realized immediately, that it’s just another attempt of my subconsciousness to keep me from improving my finances. So I’ll listen to my stack of Abundance Architect, LB and KB3 for another cycle and then I’ll decide if I rotate LB for Primal.
But now I’ll come to the main point I wanted to journal about. The day I listened to my custom for 15 seconds.
I was working late, came home around 11pm. Stayed up until I got my custom around 2:16 am and listened to it for 15 seconds.
I was sitting on our terrace at first until I felt cold, went inside around 1am and covered me in a blanket. But I didn’t get warm.
After listening to my custom, I felt somehow agitated so I stayed up until 3am, playing AC Valhalla. When I finally went to bed, I felt like an icicle and was unable to sleep. I grabbed myself a second blanket and spent half an hour with my head under the blanket so my breath would add some warmth. When I finally fel asleep, it was the shittiest night in a very long time. I woke up a lot, my blanket wet from me sweating like crazy, and after 4 hours I couldn’t sleep anymore.
The whole day I felt cold and was tired af. Only in the evening it got a bit better.
My boss sending me a text, telling me, that I made a few mistakes and I need to be more thorough wasn’t helping either.
The following night, I slept like a rock. The next morning I had a cozy tiredness for hours. Like this feeling when you wake up on a holiday stay long in bed just cuddling with your partner.
This experience filled my heart with fear, that I build a recon monster after all. Wasn’t the case, as 4:20 seemed to pass without recon, just filling me with drive.
For the next future, I plan to use @JCDenton s recommendations for subs
I wasn’t that clear in the past.
I believe, it’s partly because I didn’t feel worthy enough to define clear goals. But as @SaintSovereign stated, it’s a feeling of safety that allows traits to be expressed.
And I now feel safe enough to set clear goals for my subs.
It may be, that in the past, I was so distrustful towards myself, that I feared setting clear goals would just prove to me that it’s not working, because I’m not taking the appropriate action.
So I have a few days left to work through the copies of my subs to filter out the objectives I want to experience in my daily life.
Also I started to work on the copy of Abundance Architect. Still in early stages. So the days of this journal are counted. Next cycle I’ll start the new one.