Building a damn strong foundation (Asc, LB, Stark)

Journals - Major Programs
#5

With love bomb came another round of strong selfacceptance. It sounds completely dumb to say this, but im starting to realise that i made this definition in my mind of what is “cool” to be like and i should therefor become like that. The disconnect between what i feel like is “cool” and how i actually am is something that has really plagued my self esteem. It somewhat resulted in me pretending to be someone im not.

For instance, since im a teen, “cool” would be shit like partying all the time. The thing is though, im an introvert. While i definitely like to party every once in a while, it takes me a lot of energy and i need quit a bit of time to recharge. A lot of the time i find way more enjoyment in simply having a drink with a few friends.

Im slowly starting to accept myself though, and ive already experienced an influx of selflove with every realisation ive had. Im starting to look at my life even more fondly.

Another thing ive realised is that i somewhat identify as someone that has “issues”… even when there really isnt much i can complain about. This has already gotten much better on my previous stack, and with this one this problems is starting to dissappear completely.

All this acceptance and selflove also resulted in some weird benefits, like i lost any ressistance to exercise somehow, and my winter depression already seems to be completely gone. Productivity has gone hella up and im starting to realise the things that are actually important to me.

Its time to stop kidding myself and fully embrace who i am. In a way it feels like im “building my identity” again.

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#6

Alsoo, this sunday im gonna try some shrooms with a good friend. Im really excited to see what that experience can bring, especcially combined with love bomb.

Love bomb has really been the absolute best healing ive ever had. Even DR pails in comparison to how amazing love bomb has been to me. Im betting that combined with shrooms its gonna en one hellofa experience.

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#7

Those are interesting insights. Thank you for sharing.

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#8

Im really starting to feel like there are very few hobbys that are as satisfying as physical exercise. Nothing beats the satisfaction you get after a good workout.

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#9

Just came back from doing shrooms with a buddy. It was a good experience. Nothing profoundly transformative or anything like that, but it was a really good time. Not much more to say.

I also feel like i should be looking for a job asap. There is a shitton of travelling i still wanna do and that requires money.

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#10

Ascension has made me question who i am a lot. More importantly though, it has brought me a very distinct type of confidence. Whereas love bomb is more of a “i am amazing” type of confidence, ascension i can only describe as feeling like you own the world. It feels really good and Im loving it.

I hoenstly havent played stark in this stack at all yet. Ive made a long run on it and so far im just enjoying LB and ascension way more. There is very little that can beat these current two subs.

I may have said this before already but im
Really realising how many of my challenges are selfimposed. Ive always been somewhat insecure about my social skills. Realisticly though, theyre perfectly fine.
Even if sometimes it takes a bit of time, im able to make friends basically everywhere and i do get invited out and shit like that. The fact that i feel so insecure about this though, makes it thay every time i feel unconfortable in a social situation or anything like that, my brain hyperfocusses on that and makes it feel far worse than it actually is.

Ive somewhat identified with the identity of “someone that must improve his social skills”, when there really isnt much to improve.

I think that something i need to is build more of an identitiy myself. Build more goals in life, find some more things to be passionate about. Or hell, maybe i already have those things, i just need to take them more seriously.

Im rambling at this point, perhaps im just overthinking all of this and i just need to let go more.

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Main Disc. Thread - Love Bomb ZP v2
#11

I came across something called “metta meditation”, where you basically try to genuienly share your love with all, a friend, a neutral person, someone you dislike and yourself. It actually feels very profound and is definitely something i want to do more often.
It definitely feels like that simple practise is helping me be less harsh on myself and be more compassionate towards others.

Other than that productivity is also steadily increasing. I keep being able to get put of bed earlier and earlier, wich is kind of a big thing for me.

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#12

You sound good.

:muscle:t6: :muscle:t6:

Cheering you on.

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#13

Metta is an awesome practice that I’ve been using for a while now. The great thing is that you can used it outside among people, I you feel in your head or irritated at someone, just do silent metta on them.

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#14

thats actually a great application for it that i hadnt thought of! definitely using this.

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#15

Right now im feeling quite a bit of recon coming. I feel genuienly tired of always caring about what others think of me. Its just putting unneccessairy pressure on myself that has no real purpose at all. Logically i can reason that this is such a pointless thing to do, but it has become such a habit at this point that its hard to get over that. Im not completely sure what i can do to get over this, but im sure that when im steadily building up my selfimage and confidence, that will greatly help

Another thing im addressing is my energy levels, theyre incredibly low. This may have something to do with my ADHD, or me being an overthinker or something. A while back someone on this forum recommended me a spiritual exercise called ‘‘the star exercise’’ wich should greatly help with this. Im gonna incorporate that as both the first thing i do in a day and the last thing. Another thing that im gonna do is wake up a lot earlier. I notice im by far the least productive in the evening and do 10x more in the morning, if i actually manage to get out of bed. I may be a secret morning person that hasnt noticed it due to a far to late bedtime lmfao. I sure as hell know im never able to do anything in the night, thats for sure.

So far ascension very much feels like its kicking me in the butt and telling me to ‘‘get up and go fix your life’’. Im not gonna lie, the process doesnt really feel smooth and it definitely feels like one of the hardest subs ive ran so far. But i know this is some neccessairy unconfortableness i have to get through, a necessairy evil if you will.

Man, im only 19 yet i already feel like ive let so much of my life and possible growth just slip by because of simply not feeling enough of a push to actually do things.

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#16

From the new updated sales page: “ Furthermore, if you haven’t experienced a specific objective / feature / benefit on the page (or unstated) yet, it does not mean you won’t — it simply means other things are taking precedence and have a much higher priority as dictated by the intricate interplay between your conscious guidance, your situation, your subconscious mind and the subliminal.”.

This is definitely what im experiencing with ascension. The thing thats clearly taking prescedence over everything else is the part about going on an internal journey to find out who you are and what you want out of live. Almost everything ive talked about above reflects this.

This is most likely also why the other parts of my stack have yet to see much result.

If youd asked me a bit back what id want out of life, id probably say something like “to have fun” “to enjoy myself” or something along those lines. Right now though im finding out that fun and enjoyment really dont mean much in the grand scheme of things. I could feel so much enjoyment tomorrow, and a few days later id forget all about it.

The true thing that i strive for, is satisfaction. I want to be satisfied with my life and what im doing. This is a hard task though as a lot of stuff i enjoy arent particulairly satisfying. The only thing i can think of rn that i find really satisfying, is doing things that are outside of my confortzone, getting new experiences. I guess this is also why i love travelling so freaking much.

I do also very much feel like im being crippled by mild social anxiety, wich is something i have somewhat based on identity around, wether its avoiding situations where it would come up like the plague, or doing the exact opposite to “prove” to myself (and others) that i dont struggle with it.
This makes it very tempting to just be a shut in and avoid social gatherings.
Naturally this isnt what i actually want and id love a more active life. This is a constant struggle i have to face though.

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#17

Came to some big realisations. Ive subconsciously always had this feeling that the only way to live an active college live, is to go to 3 partys every week and shit like that. Now im starting to realize its not partys neccessairly that i desire, its to live more active live. There are way more ways to get this than just going clubbing. Its college! Basically every activity you can be interested in doing, is available. To start with, i want to try out parkouring with some friends, see how i like that.

Now as far as anxiety is concerned. Partially due to the metta meditations ive been doing daily, i started to fully realize how every single person is their own main character in their own movie. Logically i always knew this, but now im truly starting to realize that for all other people, im just a side character that they arent particulairly concerned with. Nobody really cares if i do some dumb shit, theyre busy living their own lives and with their own struggles. It sounds very obvious, but knowing something and truly realising something are two completely different things. This simple realisation really has put the pressure off and i now feel far less concerned with what others think of me and trying to impress them. This also frees me to truly and completely chase what i want, and be who i want to be with no concern to what i thought others want me to be.

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#18

Productivity is still up also. Right now i do a bunch of meditation exercise the first half hour of the morning. Ive been wanting to do something like that for quite a while, but now i seem to be very consistently sticking to it. Consistency is definitely something new to me lol.

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#19

Bravo!! Your insights are excellent!

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#20

Im already only a few days away from vaacation! For this vacation im definitely gonna try to be far more active than i usually am. Try out some new shit now that i have the time.

I also stumbled upon an interesting book. Its a somewhat magickal approach to searching for ones purpose. Im definitely planning on going through that book and see what kind of insights i can gather.

Speaking of purpose. The recon that ascension was giving me related to finding my purpose and being honest to myself and all that, that seems to have completely subsided. With that im also starting to notice more of the other effects my stack is bringing. Things like how i care so much less about what others think of me right now. Ive started being a bit less harsh and more forgiving on myself for shit that goes wrong. Simple things like this have had a tremendous effect on my confidence in general.

Now tomorrow is my last day of the first cycle. I can say that this first cycle was dominated by the healinggof ascension. While the other subs have had some effects, theyve been far less prominant so far. I dont think im anywhere close to having gotten everything out of my stack and im definitely sticking to it. My life has definitely started going in a very positive direction though. Im really enjoy the increased productivity, activity and energy in general. The more time i spend on ascension in particulair, the more i realise how it is exactly what i need.

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#21

What book?

#22

The gene keys: golden path (or genius: a guide to your activation sequence) by richard rudd.

#23

Cool. Thank you for sharing.

#24

I really like what ive read of the book so far! Really gives me a lot to think about and even made me realise some things about myself that i was never really able to put into words.

It indirectly also made me realise one thing about life.
Life is all about habit, if you want to have a certain kind of life, you should repeat a behaviour that allows you to have that type of life. In this scenario its kind of obvious, but this logic also works the same way for more abstract concepts. If you want to feel happier, simply make it a habit to feel happy and feel gratefull about your life.

For me it somewhat felt like i was hoping to suddenly get a big realisation or something would happen, and now my life would be perfect. This is ofcourse now how it works, change happens with action. I shiuld always chase what i want.

For me right now, some of the things i desire the most right now are a few things:

  • to get more out of my head and into the real world. To achieve this ive, as i already stated before, started leading a more active life and doing more things. Also addinga mindfullness meditation before sleep to this.
  • to take life less seriously and enjoy it more (get rid fully of all anxiety and caring what others think of me). Metta meditation has definitely helped a lot with this so im definitely sticking to that. In addition i also want to add a quick gratitude journalling session immediatly after waking up each morning. Im also making the conscious decision to allow myself to enjoy myself more even if its not always “productive”.
  • build up my confidence and self respect even more.

Improving on These things are definitely gonna greatly benefit all parts of my life.