I previously have done Khan with some benefits.
I am very charismatic with new people! Like extremely dominant and sexual. However, one thing that I have not accepted to myself, and have been rather ignorant until now is that i can only do this when i feel that the people are lower status to me, if they are people i already know or they have no previous knowledge of me, if they are people i don’t already know.
When people are the old people I know or the people are intoduced to me in a higher status context, I still go blank.
History of Usage: I started Khan in OCT 19, just passively listening and not really focussing on breakdown. In Nov i moved to St2. In Nov i went back home. In DEC- ST3 and Jan Feb March St4
Notable interactions while home
- My Fathers office Employees- I interact with them and interact with them has completly differently
- People Working in public places- Hospital Nurses/ Bank Workers etc- I am a beast when i interact with them
- My College friend core group- I perceive them to be similar status, the group as a whole - Previously, i would avoid hanging out with them outside college. But when i went back home, I made efforts to meet them. Although there was nothing different in my behaviours.
- School friends - I perceive them to be higher status - When i was back home, I completely avoided meeting them. Over fear of getting rejeted by the friends (former friends).
I have previously avoided acknowledging this, so that i could justify rushing through the stages of Khan. But yea, KSt4 won’t work with the limitations still there.
But yea Its is 1st of April, I am back in Australia and I am in Quarantine. Only an Aprils fool will not take this opportuninty for complete breakdown and healing.
This Journal Will Document my Breakdown and Reprogram which will go on until I am in Quarantine.
Stack: K1 (day 1) and Ql1 (Day 60)