I say this with all due respect, I’m not trying to assert my values onto you but I’d like to share them as something just to potentially consider.
I don’t know the scripting of Emperor too well, but when I was on it I did notice I more so did not care too much. Think of the great emperor’s who were also philosophers, such as Marcus Aurelius. Of course, his philosophy was stoicism, and so in that situation he would simply not care. And he was an emperor.
I think the idea of “beta male” and “alpha male” is more so (once again referencing the “all due respect” part) of an idea mostly beta males buy into.
The “alpha” is not a man who acts brashly, on pure instinct alone. The alpha may have a primal essence within himself that is more expressive, but he does not allow himself to descend into the conscious awareness of a beast.
Now “alphas” who are beta males in disguise will act brashly, on pure instinct alone. They allow their ego’s to get the better of them. IE- beta male behavior.
Now clearly you didn’t go ham on them, but you were in a state of reaction. The environment, the situation, the context controlled your behavior.
Tyler Durden, fight club. No emperor, but followed a certain set of principles and values. Marcus Aurelius, an emperor, and followed a set of principles and values. And of course many emperor’s did act like the “beta-alpha male” and they experienced a much quicker downfall typically because of it.
The fact that you did express such behavior is a fantastic sign, especially if you were too shy or “in your bubble” to allow these feelings to express themselves.
But not all feelings are in your best interest. Emotion, when allowed, likes to hijack your being like a parasite and make you act in congruence to it.
I’m sure you’re doing great, but I’d like you to ask yourself what your true values are. Is your ideal for yourself to be in reaction to people and the environment? If so all power to you. If not, perhaps one of your true values is to choose your reaction so you are the ruler of your being, not being ruled by other influences.
I bring this up just to ensure you know what you want. If you do want to be this instinctive emperor, awesome dude. But if part of you actually wants to be an emperor who is in control of his actions, and thus his reality, I would ask you to reconsider if this is an achievement or not.
Keep going man, wish you the best progress
