AzrielLight EmperorQ

Journals - Major Programs
#992

Have some dates set up this week
so I’m running Libertine V2 tonight.
I tried with headphones and I couldn’t do it, was causing my jaw to tighten up insanely, so running it on computer speakers. It felt stronger through speakers, like I could feel the sexually energy heating up. Tried with headphones again and it was fine. This will be the only Ultima I run this week.

I’ll run Emperor Terminus tomorrow morning and then nothing until Wednesday.

Wednesday I’ll give Dragon Reborn a loop test to see if I want to run that or Alchemist alongside Emperor over the next few months. Then I’ll take Thursday through the following Monday off subs.

My plan is to move into Emperor+ one other specific area. I’ll start with Emperor+Spirituality or Emperor+Healing.

1 Like
#993

Two roads diverged in a SubClub forum :grin:

1 Like
#994

Badges / Crazy in Love

[

Crazy in Love

This badge is granted when you use all 50 of your daily likes for 20 days. Wow! You’re a role model for encouraging your fellow community members!
](https://www.subliminalresults.com/badges/35/crazy-in-love)

Azriel

Granted 1m

lmao

Love you guys :slight_smile:

5 Likes
#995

Just got back from a very odd date.
We were wearing masks but she kept taking hers off,
it was super fun, really clicked, towards the end of the night
she seemed a bit skittish,even when we were close,
she has some connection to many friends of mine, which I’m always a little wearier
about pulling the trigger in those cases. I had run Emperor Terminus-in the morning which was a mistake, and then ran my custom with primal seduction, which I’ve never run before meeting a girl before, except it was really, really good.

The only issue is terminus peaked an hour into the date, we were having a blast and then I felt like I was in another world, super distance, insane anxiety, crazy recon, I was drinking lightly too. I thought about telling her I had to go, but didn’t want to do that to her. Another 15 minutes in, it cleared.

All the bars closed so we ended up on a park bench drinking, I was getting a large sense of attraction between us but not the right moment to kiss, at one point there might have been, but I was rusty, so didn’t push it. She ubered home, and before she got in, asked to go out with me when I was back(I’m heading out of town for a bit) and then she texted me when she got home -that she had a lovely time and really enjoyed the laughs.

I was very surprised things didn’t escalate further and can’t tell if if I was reading something wrong, or she just needs more time.

Any way this is the first time since running these subs I’ve been a bit at a loss in the matter, and something feels off in how I conducted myself, like I should have made something happen, I could be being self judgmental, or concerned, cause I want things to work out. Certainly not desperate about it but I have a strong desire for it.

Anyway it feels to familiar to the past, and that’s what seems to be coming up during healing.
On the other hand, it was a magical time. So I don’t know, we’ll see how it plays out.

4 Likes
#996

I had a dream last night, I usually don’t remember dreams.
I while back I was going to report some cool stuff that happened over a weekend, and then it seemed inconsequential with some other stuff going on. I can’t remember if I posted this but will say here again

What I wanted to report was two things

  1. I had lucid dreams three nights in a row/ three nights in a row-full blown -was totally aware I was dreaming while dreaming, had some sway inside the dream, but every time I tried to really alter the course I woke up. Each dream I was a hero, in a beautiful nightmare world, fighting off horrific evil and corrupt, militant people, and sleeping with a lot of woman. Seems I am a simple man.

  2. That weekend multiple of the most attraction woman I’ve ever seen in my life would follow me after i made eye contact. I wasn’t running libertine, just Emperor Terminus X, Azriel Q, and Light Q.

That weekend I halfed my does of daily medication, and I think it really allowed manifestation and programming to come through. What I take effects my acetylcholine receptors so the dreams make sense. Perhaps it’s also been effecting my energy/aura more than I thought. I’ve been seeing results in peoples reactions however this was next level. I’ve made arrangements and have a plan to taper off this med for the long term.

Back to my dream from last night. wasn’t lucid but I did remember it. It was a nightmare, I got in an elevator with two people, and a third tried to get it, I actually called him in, I didn’t want to be with the other two people alone, he gets in, and starts fiddling with the door, I assertively tell him to stop, and then the elevator goes up and in one second it shoots up the 257th floor, when there were only 10 or so floors listed, I feel incredible scared all of a sudden, as I’m out of my depth, or above my height. I get this terrifying feeling I’ll be trapped in the elevator for eternity, Then I woke up.

My biggest fear is being trapped, in all kinds, in a space (I’m somewhat claustrophobic) or physically powerless in a situation, but this extends to mentally too.

I usually don’t report dreams but this one was so distinct I thought I would.

2 Likes
#997

I’m doing The Presence Process right now, meditation program, and it is consciously designed to bring up reflections from the past, my goal is not to project- or not act on those reflections by engaging the people who bring them up with my reactions. One thing that has come up is I no longer have conflict with people, and if I do it resolves fairly quickly.Emperor custom and PCC, as well as healing have really helped with this. So in my mind I feel like I have reactions handled, however what is coming up now is really interesting.

I realized I have my heart and sexuality completely separated, a woman can be incredible attractive, but if she occurs to me just like somebody to sleep with, it’s effortless, but if I start feeling a heart connection with someone I am attracted to, in the past I wonked out, doubted myself, started feeling like things wouldn’t work out, and now it’s much smoother, but the turbulence from the past is still lingering. I am attracting such a higher caliber of sexy woman, who I also have a heart connection with, so I am facing this issue now in a way I realize I’ve never done. In a way I feel like I am doing all this for the first time (new beginnings maybe :slight_smile: ). Cause I can’t just go through the motions, bang it out, and call it a day.

By heart-connection- I mean I authentically am delighted by their character, and how they move in the world. The simple test for me, is if I imagine post-nut clarity, would I want them to leave, or would I still be interested, pursuing them. Some ‘bombshells’ I might want to stick around, honestly cause of the validation of being with some one ‘hot’. But this is different. And I care about that less since running Emperor. It’s still nice though lol.

Anyway I massively failed on my no nut november :upside_down_face: as I have ended seeing some woman this month. I also failed on this being a month of consolidation.

I also see the importance of focus when it comes to goals, and subliminal’s. It’s hard to let things go, I go back and forth between wondering why put my life on hold for anything I can do it all, and believing and seeing the value of shutting out all things for one goal. I have moments when the two flow well together, especially when running Alchemist.

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#998

One thing i can see from all this…is that you are stronger than your challenges or setbacks. They are not stopping you.

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#999

I just got this,
Dante reference?

nope Frost

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#1000

I was thinking of this one

" In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death: but, in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there.

I cannot rightly say how I entered it. I was so full of sleep, at that point where I abandoned the true way. But when I reached the foot of a hill, where the valley, that had pierced my heart with fear, came to an end, I looked up and saw its shoulders brightened with the rays of that sun that leads men rightly on every road. Then the fear, that had settled in the lake of my heart, through the night that I had spent so miserably, became a little calmer. And as a man, who, with panting breath, has escaped from the deep sea to the shore, turns back towards the perilous waters and stares, so my mind, still fugitive, turned back to see that pass again, that no living person ever left."

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#1001

@Azriel - Loved it!

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#1002

I have some offline stuff I’m putting up here and then writing a new post
this is from last weekend

That girl kept writing me, so we’ll go out this week

Took 2 days off subs- a bit longer actual. Day 2 was very difficult, lots of recon bloom.
I test ran DR stage 1 after on saturday night.

Definitely felt effects pains, and then warm and pressure in areas of my body, being worked on.

If I say don’t think of a pink elephant-
or think of a pink elephant
or how many pink elephants can you think of?

Your mind is going to do something with pink elephants
If I say can you feel your left finger getting warm you could feel it or you’ll notice not feeling it.

It makes sense that some people can simply feel the effect of what the scripting is suggesting.

Anyway I listened to DR stopped to do a family event, cried for about two hours straight, in incredibly refreshing letting go sense. Went back to it, it felt amazing and refreshing and I felt so ‘real’ or authentic, I was excited for such a promising sub. Went to sleep, woke up 8 hours later in the most irritated mood I’ve been in, but it felt like a new mood, a new kind of irritation. Ate breakfast and went back to sleep for another 2 hours and then woke up feel very grounded, and real. I went out to do pick up some stuff, I went and got coffee, and I felt such an insane connection with this woman on line, she kept moving closer to me, we ended up talking, then I talked to another woman at the counter, I was walking on the street and past a super attractive woman starting at a window, I walked past her and then went back and started talking, it was really intense and sexual and flirty, and then I just found myself walking away.

I had an MRI, to rule out any serious conditions from some of the health challenges I’ve been having.
Last second I switch to no contrast-so I wouldn’t get a heavy metal injection. The doctor called the next day, which they never do unless it’s an emergency I though, I missed the call, and was waiting for the call back for 2.5 hours. During that time I was contemplating being given a very serious or terminal diagnosis and was mentally preparing myself to come to terms with worse cause scenario. It has me seeing my life in a totally different perspective of what mattered. Funny enough the big thing I saw was all the shit to drop from my life lol.

Turns out I’m totally fine and have an “EXTREMELY healthy brain” (thanks QL lite in Emperor )

@SaintSovereign -as an idea you may or may not have thought of before-at some point you guys could get funding for studies involving brain scans/MRI etc-with sub use over time-I’m sure the findings would blow people away.

I’ve used luminosity and my scores go up every time I play the brain games- 3-4 times a week lately.

It’s clear to me my issues whether they have structural implications, are triggered and exacerbated possibly even caused, by buried emotional and stress states. I’m fantastic at warrior-ing through things, but this seems to be my bodies way of saying, that gig is up. And since Saturday, whether DR related or not, I’ve had the longest bouts of no issues what so ever.

I also notice a ‘familiar extremely difficult scenario’ came up in regards to another woman I’m seeing who I really like, it felt like she was pulling away and all this old wounding came out. I didn’t act on it, and had perspective but the fact that it impacted me so deeply is another sign deeper healing is what i need. So I will proceed with Dragon Reborn Stage 1 officially starting next week. If I choose to run Emperor alongside it, I will likely continue this journal. If I choose not to I will start a new one.

4 Likes
#1003

So this week has been one of the hardest weeks I’ve had in quite a while
I stopped running everything but Emperor X and Azriel Q- just my two customs.
I wanted to zero in Alpha, sexual factor, and work capacity as this was supposed to be a big week on all front’s. I don’t know if it’s bloom from cutting my stack back or manifesting challenges but let me tell you what has happened this week.

  1. I’ve gotten into multiple conflicts and fights (nothing physical) -one of which was a vendor who was so clearly trying to manipulate me. He kept trying to get me to do one service to be allowed another, and I straight up told him 'what the fuck are you doing, I want this service not this one, why do you keep pushing that other thing" —not very civil-but I didn’t have the band with to deal with his indirectness

  2. Gas got cut in our house-so no cooking, hot water, and its fucking freezing. Getting it dealt with but it’s an older house and needs a certain specialist.

  3. I was working out two days to kick it, with this woman I was going to see, I’ve seen her before, and she asked if she could let me that evening about which day worked best for her in the coming week. She’s been insanely communicative and interested. This week she never got back, she’s still in touch but not addressing the plans. While that’s not a big deal. Whether it’s just the vicissitudes of her moods, crazy busy week, loss of interest etc doesn’t matter…I was really excited for what seemed like the least bullshit, most soulful, sexual, fun company I’ve had in a while. And her not doing what she said she would breaks a standard I have. Woman aren’t men, but they have to respect their word to me and my time. The standard break just means I won’t put in any active effort any more and I won’t accommodate anything on her end that remotely inconveniences me. She’s cool and she wants to put in the effort I’m open. In cases like this they almost always come back and put in the work when i check out. But I’m fucking sick of that, I know there is a more mutual honest way, even though a lot of woman like to see you can play. I didn’t peg her for that type.

So I have a very odd sticking point, I can hook up and sleep with woman much easier than I can go on a ;date’, share laughs and build connections. I can do that too and have a fantastic time but then whether it goes anywhere it much more hit or miss.

I’ve really been trying to transition into a different kind of guy who can be with woman flowing in and out of my life through events, social circle-roommates in some cases, not just tinder and nightlife. I think it’s as soon as my ‘heart’ is involved and there is also sexual attraction, I have an inevitable sense of betrayal. Maybe that starts leaking through in my actions, energy, and communication. I feel like I understand woman’s nature and don’t trust them, I haven’t come to love and acceptance of the reality of the way things are. (at least lately-I’ve had moments of it) The way this feels is like I can never have real love, or I’ll never be enough and will always ultimately lose out. There is no such thing as really being truly able to be with anyone and the best I can do is master authentic indifference, purpose, and unconditional love. While there is value in that view point, I don’t believe it’s the full truth, but that’s the paradigm I’ve been swimming in and discerning lately.

I have had a lot of emotional upheaval come up in regards to woman and relationships lately, I’ve master bs indifference for years, and I think now I’m cracking into authentic indifference. But the ride along the way hurts and is bringing out my worst.

  1. Back up to 10 hour work days :slight_smile:

Also my sales is insane-when I pitch projects or compete with pitching projects against people- I’m crushing it- 100% for the last month. The modules I attribute to this are Emperor/direct influencing aura/ Alpha of Alpha/ Leader of Men and Primal Seduction combo

5 Likes
#1004

I’m definitely beginning my DR journey next week.

I’m on my 10th month of Emperor.

I feel ready to move on from Emperor soon. It’s served me well, I am a different person, a much more evolved person, my life is and never will be the same.

Ironically in a way I’ve grown into a place where I am no longer ready for Emperor lol. It’s pure CEO, power, its would shine with a business already developed, at the top of the ladder or near in a company, the leader/head of anything or if you have enough funds to let go of everything Emperor says let go of in your life.

I’m developing my business(es) but there creative and service oriented. Coaching, writing, dealing with people. I just don’t have the appetite for the day to day of that on Emperor.

I’m contemplating if Emperor the best tool for where I am at now.

it probably wasn’t the best tool for my original goal-although it sounded like it from the sales page. But the extended time on it has definitely gotten me much closer

My original goals was financial independence defined as a net $10,000 a month off my own income streams through freelance or passive business that was something I loved and was proud to do -like as an extension of my authentic self expression. (without creating an empowering context around it-like I could be proud of being a waiter as a way of relating to myself-but that’s not a job of my authentic self expression).

Anyway I wen’t from making $1800-$2000 a month off of two income streams when I started to now $3800-$7000 a month after taxes, off the same two income streams with my own projects and sales. I also went from 0 savings to $10,000 in savings.

So I doubled where I was at, created 3-4 months worth of being able to stop working with a tight budget in savings. I did not create my own passive income streams yet, my own business yet, And I am proud of what I do as a created context not as an authentic self expression, I do enjoy the intensity and day to day of it to some degree, as I love focus flow zone, but I am not passionate or interested in it particularly.

I have had many romantic encounters, some mind blowing, some disappointing, some frustrating as hell. I wouldn’t say I feel fully at choice with it yet, and I’m not being chased as hard by woman as I thought. I had this though when I first started Emperor I would just be crushing my own purpose and passion, and woman would be hitting me up all the time, knocking down my door. lol (except for the one girl who did literally knock on my door who I ended up spending the night with that has not been the case)

It’s hard for me to recognize the value of the path traveled and that’s one of the reasons I’m writing this epic journal entry to myself. I err on the side of self critical and dismissive if it’s not exactly what I was looking for.

It’s still all been very in the dirt and I’m certainly fine with making my own moves.
It’s been more like I have the power, strength, discipline,
focus, self worth and belief, and confidence to pursue things relentlessly and just go for what I want. People seem to trust and respect me and want to do business with me, and I feel more and more like the real deal and less like an impostor. (I don’t believe emperor core in q store has new beginnings in it, that’s a big missing I can’t feel/tell it’s there in the Emperor customs. -could be wrong of course-and it’s diluted or I’m so used to it-but I freaking love that module-I can feel it in Emperor Q and my other custom with the actual module-literally feels like a fresh start)

Of course the above is excluding reconciliation which shows up as massive self doubt, lack of clarity, emotional upheaval, feeling worthless or like I’ll never ‘get it right’, anger, conflict.

What’s missing is a sense of consistency and trust. There is so much in the unknown and so much challenge. I keep thinking I’ll break through into that next phase but not there yet.

que @Hermit picture

image

Right now I want to work on some roots, my individuality, my passions. Emperor has me effective at whatever I do but it’s still like turning the titanic to do anything but work. My customs have made it much more versatile, but in a way also diffused it’s best aspects-or rather added another extremely devoted sexual/romantic component to a sub designed to have career/purpose/business/freedom as the main driver. This is what I wanted but there could be better fits for matching that too.

It’s linear, it’s extremely challenging, and I’m fraying up against my capacities to what the programming is intending to do and what I can accomplish. It’s pushing me to quit everything and pursue something else, and I can’t really accommodate that at this time. Without Alchemist it stops driving me towards my own independent ventures. In my experience the manifestation on Emperor is through HARD WORK, on other subs it can show up faster. HOM/ ME even Ascension-when I tested that.

As Emperor goes deeper my relationship with it becomes more Love/Hate -polarization is a sign it’s working though. Perhaps I’m digging deeper than ever and unearthing all the skeletons in the closet.
I feel more insecure in a certain way now then I did 3 months in. I show up much more powerfully in my life and with people now than I did 3 months in but maybe I’m more honest with myself. Or maybe -THIS questioning is all new beginnings in Emperor core custom lmao :joy:

okay reconciliation processing complete :slight_smile:

9 Likes
#1005

Seems like the subs are digging really deep now…

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#1006

Fantastic detailed breakdown of your journey so far , and yes it shows with sticking with a sub long-term the results deepen , keep going !

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#1007

That’s some nice $$$ improvements, my friend. Nice work! :ok_hand:

Maybe Dragon Reborn can help change this since this is the person you desire to be

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#1008

thank you! yes long term use of the same sub(s) creates very profound changes. People use subs to target specific goals and then move on or to feel a certain way and then move on. But for the truly deep and lasting transformation-extremely long usage periods cannot be denied.

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#1009

I hope so, from Emperor, I have zero fear around money anymore, I’m confident I can get what I need, I feel abundant financially. I sill have some blocks around HOW I get the money. I think Khan/ Stark, Alchemist, EOG, even DR will address that more profoundly. I used to have profound fear about survival related to money and that is completely gone.

I would like something similar in my ability to be in sexual/romantic relationships with the woman I most desire and I think that DR will definitely support with that. On one hand I see attraction everywhere and get great responses, I’ve been able to move things forward, but I’d like to feel love, wanted, pursued, and be able to have more intimacy, or at least going let go of any unhealthy or unintegrated parts of me that have me distracted by this over just living my life.

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#1010

Attraction everywhere and great responses, but you still like to be wanted and pursued? What?

#1011

I feel like you gotta listen to DR and Khan now =)

EDIT: DR solo may be better cuz it’ll uncover a lot of shit, or maybe
DR ST1
DRST2 + Khan ST1 ?

Or on the other hand maybe both at same time is better 1 1 , 2 2

Perhaps best ask Saint/Fire for their advice on best move here but I get a strong intuition these will help you big time.

DR for the inner stuff, Khan for being pursued;) DR will ensure it comes from the right place in the bigger picture of things I feel.

1 Like