AzrielLight EmperorQ

Journals - Major Programs
#2079

It’s complicated. Yes overall because that is my experience with running subs lately, I am testing and trying to ascertain what I can do, what works, what’s worth enduring some difficulty and discomfort for and what is not worth my pursuing.

On AM I get a distinct mental shift and focus to work that needs to be done.

I had a moment of feeling incredible self believe and strength in my self and possibility in new work, but that was also after a took an incredibly courageous and difficult series of actions. Actions and subs likely contributed to each other.

So it’s working for focus and action in a very mental way predominantly so far. It feels a little constrictive and linear and that is the subtle part of recon that is to be expected of a sub like this. Then there is a kind of recon as well which is, as of said before, existential, something is fundamentally off etc.

I ran AM today and immediately feel the mental focus and orientation along with this recon. I’ll comment more on this later

Did you run Stark in Q or QV2

I would not stack such heavy subs if your looking for fast results.
Run Emperor solo for a month- the QL in it is quite strong. Really if this is how you feel Run Emperor with a bit of LDU sprinkled in here and there for a month and then re-assess.

what would be a result for you?

yes and no. Yes because I have not been consistent as much with what I am running and how much I run it. Yes because my internal experience is not nearly as powerful or feeling good as before.

No because I still see the social/ certain manifestation effects with everything just as strongly if not stronger. No because I am really changing and moving things in my life, it’s just pushed by pain- which is not fun.

thank you my friend.

2 Likes
#2080

it was Qv2, i even ran it with LDU and RM for 6 weeks
then did a washout,

i mean 2-3 month period isnt fast right? and also im running QL and emperor, so just 2 programs

limit destroyer is small and its an ultima so, i think its pretty small stack

with emperor:
self discipline, drive towards goals, and having this feeling that the goals are more worth than anything, a mindset of focus,

all about discipline and chasing one’s goal and what comes with that winning mindset.

hope you find your way with it, and how to work things out

, also i have an idea

you could go to your old listening pattern the recommended pattern, with your 2 customs

and try to be present in the moment while doing so when you face this pain that you experience,
theres a book called " the power of now"

very enlighting and almost very important for anyone looking to improve their lifes

i try to be present and i practice it when im facing some discomfort from subs sometimes, its very helpful

you might wanna check it out if youre interested

#2081

This stack was likely closer to your current abilities, propensities and natural capacities

It’s how you look at it. 3 month is not long at all. But multistages with other major programs can be challenging combo. I’m saying maybe try Emperor solo for 1 week!! and see the difference.

Do you experience this at all currently?

Thank you for the suggestions- I love that book- great recommendation to revisit it.

I’ll work things out, I’m just proactively working on discerning what’s what and what’s best for me currently!!

I’m still laser focused on my goals, I still get results, not as much as I could get with less turbulence and more consistency… I’m just looking to improve the quality of my life experience and experience on subs by dealing with the level of recon I experience on QV2 so I get back on a full trajectory of a power stack.

2 Likes
#2082

i would say that this stack was close to my strong points rather than weakpoints

emperor is something that works on my deepest weakpoints, also rm works on some strongpoints and also weakpoints that i have on self expression,

my focus is on my weakpoints and what i need not what i want, i would love to be more socially capable and more open and stuff with stark, but more importantly is what emperor offers that im lacking

really? i mean 3 months is long for at least to see some script in action right? i know 6 months isnt long too, im planning to stick with this stack forever maybe,
and maybe add in the future RM back into my stack, and thats probably how im gonna use subclub’s products those are my main focus and i wont change them anywhere soon i think

maybe create a custom 4 months from now with all those combined to achieve better with name embedding

but what i meant is, im nearly 2 months in with emperor, and i still havent seen anything related to what i want from emperor , maybe some things like feeling not interested in social media and cheap dopamine, which is great. but it soon disappeared and i even sometimes cant quite what results have i achieved,

with stark, within 2 weeks i noticed some stuff, like being more talkative and easy going was more obvious, in my case now not the same

no rush though, i still have to improve on my side with actions and put in better work and extra, but i thought i would see some small promising results like acute ones that tells you that the script is working :smiley:

i would say very small, its like my regular bassline without subs, so its kinda nothing new

your welcome buddy! :smiley:

its always nice to revisit those valuable books, im gonna re-read his book called “a new earth” very valuable gem, i think its a better read than the power of now, cuz he goes in depth in other subjects and matters as well

cheers my friend!

1 Like
#2083

Great new post by Saint on recon on QV2 - thank you for this

Also great to know I’m not completely ‘crazy’ lol

I may run 1 more loop this week or not and then

it’s likely I will be doing a two-three week washout
and then implementing the new protocols when I resume.
I think time off will give me a stronger sense of what’s my life challenges/ weak points vs. what’s new and or exacerbated by recon.

I’ll also have much more physical activity back in my life which will also help with recon.

Depending on some life situations I may take even longer off, as I want to be in a solid place with work and living situation before jumping back in.

The level of difficulty I have had on QV2 recon- is possibly the most challenging things I’ve had in the last 10 years of my life. I am grateful for how good everything fundamentally is in my life and health
however and grateful for these subs and what positive growth and effects they have had -and the places ‘my mind and emotions went’ and the lack of control I experienced in dealing with it is very, very unpleasant. Pure mental anguish, feeling ‘threats’ at everything in my own mind and externally, etc and suffering blah blah etc.

I can see how if I was more able to engage the subs directly it would also help. I can see how being in a particularly challenging life situation lately also adds to the difficulty

The positive effects of subs and the potential on them, even with this challenges, keep me pulling me just through however I do hope their is a new tech iteration that is ‘smoother’ and easier to run very soon whether that’s Q3 or Zero-point

4 Likes
#2084

Anyway for an AM update

This sub is not nearly as fun as Emperor custom-
the dominance and executive presence is not nearly as strong, the seduction and world of creative intelligence aren’t nearly as strong, the badass bulletproof is not nearly as strong. The charisma and interest from others isn’t as strong
but the solid sense of building myself and making my way is there, as is the intense focus on work. At least initially, now I have resistance to anything that is not going to yield real fruit, and I have to stay in the dance, tussle, and grapple of this.

the specific recon related to worth and money is 10x stronger
I lost about $2500 income monthly with reduction in work (before AM)
and I can see where I feel trapped in the roles I am in now.
Honestly been feeling at a loss for moving things forward financially.
Yes there is small stuff, new training clients still coming, more hourly grind marketing work, and the option/possibility for more money where I am on retainer and new role

but I don’t want that stuff, I’m doing it because I want the money. Honestly I the ideal situation would be either a full roster of training clients and coaching clients at $1000+ a month each. For non service based work I’d want to to warm sales with high commission. I’m glad I wrote this to get clear on that.

I had had that breakthrough the last few weeks around more potential money, and opportunity and I am in a phase of doubt and fucking annoyance at what is being delivered back, it’s all more demands and bs and no energy brought to what we had created. The effects of PCC aren’t as overt as when running the custom but I can tell their is gamesmanship going on- not ill intent- but shrewdness that I am sick of dealing with. I just want to work with really solid, caring, good people of integrity, who recognize and communicate to the value of others and how when everyone is happy on the team things function better.

I will continue to look to make more of what I want a reality with where I am, until I can shift something or move to something new.

My energy is diverted to too many things and on AM I am very present to how where I need to develop myself and deal with fear and resistance to actually becoming an Ascended Mogul. Having those work options, that high paying salary etc, doing my own business.

The pull is much stronger for work I am involved or getting a better job than in pushing in my own business though. That seems to be more the domain of Emperor/Stark

In terms of finding new work

I don’t occur to myself as a credential person or a person with high work credibility. Yes I can spin things to sound good and I have a BA from a top liberal arts school, but that’s not worth much in and off itself. I’ve talked my way into everything I’ve been in that’s worthwhile and I see where my lack of hard core skill set is showing up in creating resumes, concern for my own credibility, and seeing options.

I see these kids who chose computer degrees getting $120,000 a year salaries off the bat, quitting and taking new jobs for more lol. Having a coveted skill-set like that would have been smart but I was just a poet and a playboy in a college, partying and powerlifting was all I cared about haha.

I will say where AM is shining is in sense of certainty and direction about coaching- the drive to work on that business is strong just not as strong as other work with more immediate income.

I’m not kidding when I say I can have a conversation with anyone (who is willing) in a half hour to hour have them feel like a new human being capable to taking on anything, being the self they most want to be, or producing whatever result they want or taking a giant leap toward it.

I’ve had two different people get married to their dream partner after it was dead in the water, go from 0-to making $10,000 a month off their own business in a couple conversations, and a couple go from being evicted and broke to getting access to a perfect place to live in for them in one day etc. I could go on about this, and I never talk about it.

This is one of my most powerful skill sets and I want to monetize it.

Lastly I notice how powerful Paragon custom was in dealing with some ear issues, it could just be a stress phase with some stuff hinting again, but while running that custom even once weekly I had 99% zero issues and zero stress/care if anything did come up briefly.

4 Likes
#2085

I think there’s something special about what you’ve written here.

I’m trying to put my finger on it. Don’t quite have it.

Sometimes we have a specific point and a particular objective in mind. We may or may not have articulated it or specifically defined it. Sometimes it is legitimately better not to articulate it yet; because we feel it, but we’re not at the point yet of completely understanding it.

Anyway, those specific objectives, whether implicit or explicit, become de facto thresholds; meaning that until that particular objective is reached, we may not feel that meaningful progress has occurred. This is not a bad thing. It indicates focus and earnestness.

The cost though is that we may blow-off and overlook all kinds of progress and successes that occur along the way.

The focus itself needs to be handled with balance. We don’t want to suppress it and lose it. But we also don’t want to over-emphasize it and become insensitive to anything else.

When you objectively list out your characteristics and accomplishments, it’s quite clear that you’ve made significant moves and had successes. You’re aware of this. I’m thinking that there are probably some implicit goals or benchmarks that are just very meaningful for you and that tend to impact how you contextualize everything else. Again, I think that’s good.

But there’s probably a specific time frame or series of steps involved to reach it. Like conception, gestation, and child birth. No matter how well a woman eats, how fit she is, etc., a healthy human gestation period is 40 weeks, and that’s that.

Imagine if there was an extremely conscientious, fit, healthy woman whose goal was to give birth to a baby. She approaches the whole thing excellently, but the one piece of information she does not have is that a healthy term of pregnancy is 280 days/40 weeks long. Somehow she just does not get that information.

She may be progressing perfectly and doing everything right, and she’ll still feel great angst and frustration and wonder what she’s doing wrong. What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t it happening faster?

This is the metaphor that came to my mind as I read you.

Psychologically, this is a bit more challenging because we don’t actually know the exact amount of time involved. But, it does seem to me that you’re in the midst of a creative process. Establishing a personal vision with self-determination. I suspect you’re doing it really well. But you may not feel satisfied until you reach a particular specific point.

3 Likes
#2086

I think I see a plan forming.

#2087

woow. Blindspot revealed. Thank you

Whether influenced by Emperor or AM more recently, I feel an absolute can’t rest, relent-ness to reaching this goals, and when actions is not taken or progress is not made, or the friction of my intention meets with a thwart or block it creates challenge, and difficulty.

It will be good to discern between healthy drive and ambition and as you said an inability to recognize, value, or experience feeling good and progress outside of those goals being met yet.

Also to account for a gestation period as you’ve said. But there is a difference between something gestating and wheels spinning in place- and when working with the people I work with sometimes the former can be misrepresented as the later, and I have to be responsible for ensuring what I actually get, rather. I’m learning that, that is my responsibility.

The truth is though, I truly desire freedom and space to walk away from things, I feel like the well being of my soul and future potential depends on it. I also have financial goals to meet to move into the stable zone again. This combination of need and higher calling is driving me, I will look to slow down and see where I can value and cultivate more care for recognizing progress and the goodness of life outside of unmet goals, even as I stay in action and performance around meeting them.

2 Likes
#2088

Well said.

#2089

Ran AM loop on Sunday
Thursday now, as stated before recon usually subsides in 3 or 4 days.
I feel like I come back to a level of sanity and being that is profoundly wonderful

The strength of AM is there, although not as overt as day of or after running loops.

Find myself really seeing what I won’t and can’t tolerate any more.
Going in and out of powerful expressions and feeling like a victim and worthless.

My state of agitating searching for answers has broken into a kind of wonderful unknowing

I have a friend who knows exactly what he wants and who is, and without any arrogance or close minded-ness is totally assured and on his path. I envy this

Knowing where to put one’s energy totally. I am searching and questioning from a less frantic place
and a more ‘what would really do it for me’ place about what I want for career/vocation and who I am.

I have a story this is harder because I am in a place where I have to ‘grind’ to stay solvent.

I feel like if I knew exactly what I wanted to do or what to create the purpose and why would carry the how. But nothing strikes me in the bones as the ‘thing’ . And nothing lasts, I know that searching while waiting is silly and action is the greatest guide of all. So staying in action with the things right in front of me while I give myself space to really explore and contemplate that orientation that would truly galvanize me.

I’ve moved from a place of assured but dissatisfied to lost to wandering/wondering -which is great.

In practical fronts I’m continuing to move forward with my role transition and building coaching and training business.

I’d really love to run Stark or Khan at this point along wanted/fitness custom.
Stark especially for the vision and creative building and Khan for just owning and ruling my own life.
But all that is to come

There were some great points made about handling recon but honestly I don’t know if I can hack it with the current instability in my life

So I will proceed with a washout for now while I figure it out.

Already miss the overt effects of previous stacks and feel a little like I ‘fell from grace’ when using all the fun stuff, even though
I can see the long term effects and orientation are still guiding and moving me as is the newer input of AM.

4 Likes
#2090

You have a Sagittarius Ascendant. You were designed to be multi-purpose. :joy:

:hugs:

3 Likes
#2091

This was a good update I’ve never tried ascension or emporer but I want to try the later in a custom don’t think I’ll be running anything but custom subs for now on

1 Like
#2092

Yet again, you know me so well :upside_down_face: :green_heart:

1 Like
#2093

Customs are great. Heck yeah, just run those if it’s hitting right for you.

I’m just experimenting to get more of a lay of the land of what’s what both good and bad-proverbially

After assessing the different recon and results I’d say my custom Emperor was easier to run and results were more in the ball park of what I liked. Especially the flavor of Emperor. It gives me power in dealing with work ‘superiors’ that AM just doesn’t. Especially Emperor with PCC.

I have stronger opportunity in the work I currently do since starting AM, but I was never fully oriented to that on Emperor/Emperor customs.

AM is moving things in a very difficult challenging way- not talking about recon-that’s it’s own thing- in terms of grapple with actual work and work players.

2 Likes
#2094

Well AM if just right for you at the moment, I’ll like to hear you take on every at the end of the year

#2095

not sure I understand brother

#2096

Just want to hear a review of everything at the end of this year or just what you overall experience was like

#2097

Course. I’ll keep updates and reviews for whatever I do.

2 Likes
#2098

Have you tested AM and Start? If so what was that like?

1 Like