So this week
I’ve only run 1 and 1/2 loops of Emperor custom
recon has me adverse to running subs in full again.
I’ve dredged up some of the most difficult internal experiences I’ve ever had
and spent the week dealing with doctors and specialists ensuring I didn’t have some very not so great stuff. I also had some sort of minor flu or bug going on at the same time and it was unclear if the issues were related. Tested negative for Covid just in case. The combination of these two things had me in the very visceral experience of some real unpleasantness and probably went to the darkest place I’ve gone yet on my journey since starting here.
I’ve kind of attributed everything happening in my life to subs both good and bad lately, and that might not be a fair view to cast.
I do think I’ve seen a fair bit of bloom though with these time off, was not really in a space to appreciate or act on it fully.
But here is what I have noticed since the storm has settled. I feel the calm, direct, matter of fact-ness of Emperor stronger than ever-I feel I can see through people in my life from PCC at the next level now.
I have zero interest in pursuing anything with woman, mainly cause I have not felt a strong ground or foundation for my life, but there are woman from previous dates pursuing me, and when I go out I receive a lot of interest, even walking on the street.
New work collaborations in fields I am strongly interested in are coming into light, with all the darkness I feel an increasing clarity, light, and conviction around what I really want and a drive to get there.
Have zero interest in PMO in any capacity stronger than ever
I went climbing again today despite the finger issue, and even with working around that, having barely eaten in a week I had still improved and everything felt quite effortless.
What I notice with QV2 is there is an energy that I HAVE to act on and if I don’t my body -mind starts contorting and getting wonky in all sorts of ways, tension, depression, anxiety.
My experience now is I have to be living fully and acting on the subliminals or there is a veritable price to pay in recon.
I’ve stalled on running DR stage 3, running my upgraded wealth custom, and creating any new customs. And I don’t think my current stack suits or fits my needs.
My main objective now is to honor the integrity of what I committed to with work projects which I’ve fallen off of, re-commit and honor some real consistent practices and structures for my optimal performance,well being, and creating of something new, and get on some level ground.