It sounds like you’re sort of the Ideal Subject for the new wealth scripting and programs that Subliminal Club is developing. You’re far, far beyond where I currently am with these things.
You and @Hoppa will certainly benefit. Can’t wait to see it. (As well as my own benefit, of course. But I’m still catching up with the original programs. Genesis is helping.)
When I read your description of what’s going on, it made me think of Cosmic Wealth - the module.
But also, I guess, it makes me think of programs not directly related to wealth. Because it seems like you’re also working to bring about an internal shift in your identity. Hmm…well, that kind of shift is clearly also part of the programs that you’re running or have already run (EoG, HoM,Emperor, and so on). But that internal bit probably takes time.
Once again, I wouldn’t be surprised if the precise intensity and desperation you’re feeling is not just your subjective experience of the underlying ongoing transformation process. That seems to be what happens for most people.
Essentially, we’re sitting blindfolded on a bullet-train heading to Tokyo, and our only conscious thought is, ‘Why can’t I be in Tokyo!!!’ It’s almost weird. But maybe this is just how transformation often works.