Weekday Recap: July 12-15, 2021
Monday, July 12: Went running with my friend & agreed on a time for Saturday. Ended up reading Loud House fanfiction until 2:50 AM. However, I came up with a plan to adapt my “Social Expansion Project,” a plan to help gradually rebuild both my own social confidence & my parents’ confidence & trust in my ability to stay safe in social situations during and after COVID-19 pandemic-related lockdowns, to include the rainy day plan of talking to people on Omegle to keep my skills up.
Tuesday, July 13: I actually decided to stay focused today. Despite overwhelming tiredness & being rained out, I got the confidence to implement my new rainy day plan, & actually talked to some new people on Omegle to try to improve my conversation skills. Felt great afterwards. Went to sleep at 10:30 PM, on target.
Wednesday, July 14: After waking up at 8 AM, got my morning routine & all the job applications recommended to me by my job agency done by 10:30 AM. Proceeded to laze around until 2 PM, but picked it up just enough to be able to go to the big park close to my house & have fun. Sprained my back while playing sports. Gained confidence that my new non-constipation thanks to the Ascended Mogul tapes was here to stay, so I created a rough daily schedule & backup plans in case I had spare time on that schedule (I had plenty of leeway put in). Went to sleep just before 10:30 PM.
Thursday, July 15: Thanks to back pain, couldn’t sleep well & ended up waking up at 9:45 AM, but once I got up I really got going. Finished my morning routine & workout by noon, then did a follow-up call with my job developer on the previous jobs I had applied to the previous day. After that, finally called my best friend back (I had been ignoring his calls for nearly 2 weeks always saying I was busy when I was really procrastinating), ate lunch, & gained the courage to go to my city’s downtown park. I met a cute girl there, but worried I’d get a parking ticket (and sketchy-looking people beating me up), I ended the conversation despite her seemingly wanting to stay. Played sports at my neighbourhood playground, which got cut short due to rain. Spent my evening reading a business book & coming up with a sales funnel for my blog (which I thought was impossible). Kicked back at around 7:30 PM with some YouTube. Now getting ready to go to sleep. Have NOT masturbated or lied down on my bed yet, & have not played video games in 4 days. I also got to the bottom of my tendency to self-pity, decided I don’t want to do it anymore, & realized I can only solve it through massive action-taking.
Takeaways: Ascended Mogul & its benefits have given me the confidence, for the first time in over 5 years, that I can dictate how I spend my day to the point where I feel confident creating a daily schedule again. With nothing to distract me on the toilet, I’ve been subject to intense bursts of anger & general angst & bitterness at the world. I still feel intense, paralyzing anxiety & fear of failure, but I’m starting to push through it… it feels like mu anxious thoughts are getting softer & actually letting me focus. If I keep listening to Ascended Mogul, the results could be game changing. But they don’t have to be. It’s “just a relaxation tape,” after all.