Ascended Mogul - Nobody to Somebody

I actually started this on Saturday, so I’m gonna be making up for 3 days in 1.

Saturday: Did only 1 partial loop before going to bed at around 3 AM. My gaming addiction came back with a vengeance, as I stayed up until 4 AM trying to get a party right in The Sims 4.
Sunday: Did no loops due to sleeping in until 1 PM.
Monday: Did 1 loop before waking up & another before going to sleep at night. Noticed I actually started getting on reading the business books a mentor told me to read, & actually beat a seasoned veteran on a hard hill run at a local park in my city. Was able to assertively stand up to a guy flaking on me for said workout, & asked him why he flaked on me & told him to “tell me next time beforehand if he has to skip out on a workout,” & arranged for him to come work out with me on Sunday. The guy I beat seems to be cool with me.

4 Likes

Daily Recap: Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Started the day off strong. Woke up at 8:30 AM & finished a core & abs workout by 11 AM, & even read part of a business book called Dotcom Secrets. Only to squander it all by playing The Sims 4 for 6 hours & masturbating 5 times & reading fanfiction for half an hour.

Ascended Mogul is helping me get out of the toilet faster. I used to waste an hour per pooping session, mainly scrolling through my phone. Now, I just put the tape on, & every time I poop, it only takes me 10-12 minutes & I’m laser focused on cleaning my ass, & I do so quickly. I’m not constipated anymore thanks to that tape. Even if this is the only benefit Ascended Mogul gives me (spending 2 1/2 hours less on the toilet per day than I normally do), it’s well worth the investment. I hope I can keep this up.

EDIT: Also, someone from this job agency offered me a second chance to interview for some jobs at a major bank that I had previously been turned down for, asking me if I was still interested. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. This is 4 DAYS after starting. NOT EVEN DOING MY FULL 2 LOOPS DAILY.

5 Likes

Daily Recap: Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Horrible day. Stayed up until 1:45 AM the previous night playing video games & reading fanfiction, woke up at 9 AM, only did 1 set of a 5x5 Stronglifts workout at a REALLY light weight (the bar + 2.5 lbs each side) because I felt lazy, played a lot of video games, masturbated a lot, & read about an hour and a half worth of fanfiction. But hey, at least my poops are only taking 12-15 minutes at a time now.

I’ve noticed that my feelings of self-doubt & hating life are coming back with a vengeance. I haven’t felt this way since I was staying up until 3 AM every night playing video games & masturbating multiple times a day, so I’m guessing that’s the trigger, & if I stop doing those things & start going out & meeting girls again I’ll start going back to normal. But with the next week or so being rained out, that may be hard to do face-to-face, especially because every indoor facility still requires masks everywhere, nowhere fun indoors is open, & I fucking hate masks because they represent a symbol of compliance to & humiliation by the global elites who want to systematically torture & depopulate us. They want us to live in fucking nonstop disconnected misery & siphon everything out of us before killing us prematurely. Fuck those motherfucking bastards. I saw police doing a mask compliance test at a coffee shop I was at (fortunately, I was doing drive thru), & when I went out to get Subway for lunch, I saw people walking with masks outside, & seemingly going maskless but pulling up their masks as soon as they entered the place. I got SO FUCKING ANGRY when I saw that. But I digress. Maybe I can use Omegle as a substitute while I wait for the weather to get better. And I can’t even get a good Tinder photoshoot going because my fucking overprotective parents are so paranoid about coronavirus (STILL) & me not being vaccinated that even going to the downtown of my city takes begging & pleading for them because they’re fully convinced I’ll be “robbed by crackheads.” Fuck. I would go out but I don’t want to get sick.

On another note, I noticed that when I was driving, I was laser-focused & I was driving quickly but extremely smoothly. I’m usually a good driver & all, but I’ve NEVER driven this well in my life before. Also, I noticed I was sort of self-motivated to even lift at all. It was like there was this voice in my head telling me, “no Marco, 5 push-ups, situps, & bodyweight squats a day isn’t enough. Go downstairs & lift.”

1 Like

Daily Recap: July 8, 2021
Horrible day. I pooped 7 times (fortunately, each visit still taking only 10-15 minutes), & then tried to kill myself after finding out about the “Lambda variant of COVID” (god, when will they stop?). However I stopped just short of actually cutting myself. I then wailed on a punching bag in my parents’ basement doing war cries & shit & yelling to the point I actually strained my throat pretty bad for a couple of hours.

Other than that, played The Sims & brainstormed some ideas for sales funnels for my blog. My ideas feel incredibly stupid, but it’s worth a shot. Just because I think my ideas are stupid doesn’t mean others do. That gave me some confidence. Even with my most recent suicide attempt I feel like I’m gaining confidence where I didn’t have it before, like, “just do it, what’s the worst that can happen?” In my mental state that may be a bad thing but I’m just gonna take the W’s as they come.

Weekend Recap: July 9-11, 2021

Friday: Started off really strong, finishing all of my errands except shaving & cleaning my ears by 1 PM. Ended up procrastinating on that until 10:30 PM & not going to sleep until 1:45 AM.

Saturday: Played The Sims & masturbated basically all day, & didn’t go to sleep until 2:45 AM.

Sunday: Still up as of 1 AM Monday morning after playing The Sims, but things are slightly better.

Takeaways: I can get off to a fast start during the day, but have trouble maintaining that momentum into the afternoon. Also, I’ve realized the reason I am addicted to distraction is because deep down, I’m scared to make the decision between being a beta male & an alpha male & I kind of want the benefits of both (being able to have the protection of life’s “safe” path & the rewards of life’s “risky” path, which is why I got a university degree in accounting, yet quit my job 2 years later to finish up my piano teaching diploma & pick up girls). Turns out I can’t have both; I had to choose between being a passive beta male & an aggressive, abrasive alpha male. Today I chose the latter. I’m gonna fucking die at some point anyway. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees, as they say. I’m going all in on being an alpha male. Even if everybody hates me & tries to take me down every second of every day for the rest of my life for it. Let’s fucking go.

4 Likes

Weekday Recap: July 12-15, 2021

Monday, July 12: Went running with my friend & agreed on a time for Saturday. Ended up reading Loud House fanfiction until 2:50 AM. However, I came up with a plan to adapt my “Social Expansion Project,” a plan to help gradually rebuild both my own social confidence & my parents’ confidence & trust in my ability to stay safe in social situations during and after COVID-19 pandemic-related lockdowns, to include the rainy day plan of talking to people on Omegle to keep my skills up.

Tuesday, July 13: I actually decided to stay focused today. Despite overwhelming tiredness & being rained out, I got the confidence to implement my new rainy day plan, & actually talked to some new people on Omegle to try to improve my conversation skills. Felt great afterwards. Went to sleep at 10:30 PM, on target.

Wednesday, July 14: After waking up at 8 AM, got my morning routine & all the job applications recommended to me by my job agency done by 10:30 AM. Proceeded to laze around until 2 PM, but picked it up just enough to be able to go to the big park close to my house & have fun. Sprained my back while playing sports. Gained confidence that my new non-constipation thanks to the Ascended Mogul tapes was here to stay, so I created a rough daily schedule & backup plans in case I had spare time on that schedule (I had plenty of leeway put in). Went to sleep just before 10:30 PM.

Thursday, July 15: Thanks to back pain, couldn’t sleep well & ended up waking up at 9:45 AM, but once I got up I really got going. Finished my morning routine & workout by noon, then did a follow-up call with my job developer on the previous jobs I had applied to the previous day. After that, finally called my best friend back (I had been ignoring his calls for nearly 2 weeks always saying I was busy when I was really procrastinating), ate lunch, & gained the courage to go to my city’s downtown park. I met a cute girl there, but worried I’d get a parking ticket (and sketchy-looking people beating me up), I ended the conversation despite her seemingly wanting to stay. Played sports at my neighbourhood playground, which got cut short due to rain. Spent my evening reading a business book & coming up with a sales funnel for my blog (which I thought was impossible). Kicked back at around 7:30 PM with some YouTube. Now getting ready to go to sleep. Have NOT masturbated or lied down on my bed yet, & have not played video games in 4 days. I also got to the bottom of my tendency to self-pity, decided I don’t want to do it anymore, & realized I can only solve it through massive action-taking.

Takeaways: Ascended Mogul & its benefits have given me the confidence, for the first time in over 5 years, that I can dictate how I spend my day to the point where I feel confident creating a daily schedule again. With nothing to distract me on the toilet, I’ve been subject to intense bursts of anger & general angst & bitterness at the world. I still feel intense, paralyzing anxiety & fear of failure, but I’m starting to push through it… it feels like mu anxious thoughts are getting softer & actually letting me focus. If I keep listening to Ascended Mogul, the results could be game changing. But they don’t have to be. It’s “just a relaxation tape,” after all.

3 Likes

Friday, July 16: Despite a strong start to the day finishing all of my family’s household errands by 3 PM, I went back to my old ways. I stayed up until 4:25 AM reading fanfiction, masturbating, shaving, & doing a bunch of other chores I felt too lazy to do during the late afternoon & early evening. I think eating a big pizza for lunch might be killing my productivity during those hours as I try to digest said pizza, so I’ve actually put it on my daily schedule as something to do. I want to test out the impact having a set time for eating & digesting pizza has on my late afternoon & evening productivity. I hope it works out.

Early on, I’ve had to do some chores for my parents. I felt disappointed when they couldn’t help me with the taxes like we promised, but them’s the breaks. I’ve pinpointed the cause of my angst: feeling like things are unresolved. I’ve been reading this compelling fanfiction that releases periodic updates, & whenever I have to wait for the next chapter, I get anxious as to what I would do if I were in that story… I kind of immerse myself in that character. Taking a break from fanfiction might be helpful for me, but I’m scared of replacing it with video games because I feel like I can’t control how much I play video games. I can’t think of a positive habit to replace my video games/fanfiction vice with that is also fun & relaxing. I used to meditate in the past but I didn’t feel like it really helped me relax a lot.

You seem to be aware on what’s happening with your body. That’s a good thing, follow up with some action :+1: Perhaps upping your fibre intake on these kind of days and adding a probiatic source could be of a great aid, until you can eliminate it from your system altogether. We have a second “brain” in our gut, when its congested it will impair your whole system.

Then who will, if not you?

Go on a dopamine reset for a week, you know, noPMO, no videogames and such. It will be difficult but will be worth it. You will find something to replace that time with. Ask yourself what kind of person you truly see yourself as and then get the ball rolling to be that person. Removing negative habits is something of a tremendous achievement. You can do it

I’ve been having a bad time these last few days. Yesterday I even cried for about 30 minutes straight. I’ve been trying to push myself to go out but it’s not working anymore. I feel like I can’t do this.

I felt like killing myself on Monday after learning that while my province has apparently somewhat reopened, going anywhere requires reservations & you’re still subject to the same old restrictions. This makes me feel like the lockdown crisis will never end & I’ll never be able to escape it.

All I could do on Monday & Tuesday was just lie in bed. Now I can’t even sleep.

I don’t even feel like I can set concrete goals because the world does it’s darned best to actively stop me from achieving them. It’s hit me like a ton of bricks: I’m about to be 25 & I’m a goddamned loser in every area of life with nothing to show for it & no prospects of turning it around.

I still try to push myself to do the right things every day (work out, go outside, work on my blog) but it all seems so pointless.

1 Like

World W I & II, were far worse than what we are going through now. But it ended. It just may take a little more time than what we thought. But there is an end.

Can you imagine what those people thought back then during those horrible wars? This is hell, it’s never going to end. This is the end of the world. But it ended.

I know, it sucks when you’re going through it, but imagine how much better you’re going to feel when it finally ends.

5 Likes

In both of the last 2 days, I’ve stayed up until 2-2:30 AM. This, however, has been with good reason.

There was this Toronto Raptors alternate history book I started writing while in university. I was truly passionate about it, but quit writing it consistently after I got frustrated with how unrealistic the timeline was becoming, & as soon as I quit writing it, a gaming habit which I had quit cold turkey for the previous 2 years returned in full force.

I started writing that book again. It was the “upgrade” habit over playing video games. I also have been finding it hard to sleep lately because I can’t stop thinking about ideas to better my life.

On a slightly darker note, my toilet paper roll holder broke, making it very hard for me to wipe my ass quickly (because it would always fall off), taking away any of the advantages of listening to this tape. So I went back to my old ways on the toilet, but not completely (only taking 30-40 minutes per poop). Now, though, with a new toilet paper roll holder in my bathroom (just delivered yesterday afternoon), I’ve decided to get back on it.

I’m going through a hard time mentally. Some days are good (e.g. me lifting weights, going out & meeting people in a new location & going to sleep by 10:30 PM) but a lot of days are awful (staying up until 2-3 AM hacking off & playing video games).

I can have good days but 2 things really frustrate me:

  1. I can’t have them consistently.

  2. In order to truly transform my life I need to have every day of my life be a good day far beyond what I feel capable of right now. And that makes me feel inadequate & unworthy of love from myself or others… like I’m defective.

I can start building good habits for myself but as soon as something goes wrong I go right back to square one if I’m not 100% vigilant mentally.

How do I get over that?

You ever heard of the great reset? The “elite” roaches want this to NEVER END.

They want this as the New World Order.

4 Likes

Plan out your day, with actions for your goals.
Like maybe in blocks of 2 hours each.

Do your best to follow that plan.
Don’t let the mental roaches control you beyond a single timeblock.

Whatever happened yesterday doesn’t matter.
Every new day is a new opportunity to execute your plan.

Over time, optimize the plan around what actually works for you.
Eg: Writing in the morning, Workout in the evening. Or vice-versa.

:cowboy_hat_face:

4 Likes