Adventure of Me

There are moments in life, when you just don’t know what to do. You often wonder what the meaning is behind all this. You despair every day. Feel lost and vegetate. For some years now, I have had the feeling, that instead of moving forward, my life is only going backwards. No perspective. Only sorrow in the heart and soul. I’ve been through so much. I have survived sexual assault, bullying, manipulation and violence. All this has not made me stronger, but more broken. I don’t trust anyone anymore - not even my fiancé 100%. Every person I met disappointed me deeply.

I was invited by my fiancé. He already bought me some subs like “Ultimate Writer, Sanguine and Love Bomb”. But I have the feeling, that as long as the circumstances are what they are, I simply won’t find peace. Many people around me are resistant to reflection and healing. They constantly expect things from me, but are not regretted about changing anything about their behavior. Of course, everyone is responsible for their own happiness, but if you have people around you, who only demand and are not regretted doing something for a harmonious relationship, I see my chances of success as pretty black.

I don’t trust anyone anymore. Every person I met made sure, that I saw them with different eyes. Because of my depression, I don’t feel a true connection to anyone. Because every person I met, hurt me deeply. I feel alone, betrayed, abandoned and lost. In the meantime, I have developed a real hatred of people, because everyone I met had lied, cheated or manipulated.

I feel like I’m in a prison. Observed, disregarded, rejected and my true being unwanted. I don’t talk so much anymore because I’ve had the experience that people don’t really listen to me. And if they do, then only to make his own suffering known and to disregard mine. I feel so unhappy and I’ve been missing the lightness in my life for a long time.

At night I often have panic attacks. And the thought of ending my life pops up every now and then. I am tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of suffering. Tired of trying to convince people of me. Tired of crying almost every day. I am powerless and broken. I need more people in my life who support me instead of making my life more difficult. And apart from my fiancé, there is absolutely no one in my immediate Environment, that I want to meet. I don’t hate them, but I just can’t stand their presence anymore.

I just want to be alone and hope, that I can survive the next day.

If you find errors in the text, be it grammatically or in the spelling, it is because English is not my mother tongue, but German. Forgive me. But I think people understand my dilemma very well.

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Willkommen, viel Erfolg auf deiner Sub Reise. Mit Love Bomb hasst du auf jedenfall ein guten Start.

Aaaand back to english :slight_smile:

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Please consult a therapist and get your mindset right before you start subliminals. Else you will not be able to handle the reconciliation and neither be able to self reflect on your life.

You have had a hard life. That’s true. But so have many who have gone through their own challenges and come out stronger. Believe that this is true for yourself even if you don’t FEEL that is the case. Even if you don’t THINK so.

You are not your THOUGHTS or FEELINGS. You are you and your Awareness of you.

Start a meditation practice and seek therapy. Again, get your mind and heart right before you start your subliminal journey.

Sending you love and good wishes. We believe in you. Believe in yourself too.

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I agree that therapy, meditation, or some form of help outside of subliminals is important - which I’m sure you’re already doing or looking to do once you find the right fit for you.

For me, personally, I don’t like Talk Therapy, but that doesn’t mean I am against working with professionals. I’ve worked with coaches, somatic therapists, spiritual teachers, etc, and gotten the results I thought I would get with therapists.

My only point here is even if traditional “Therapy” doesn’t work for you, just look for the thing that does.

Welcome to the community and thank you for introducing yourself :slight_smile:

You didn’t really ask anything in terms of sub recommendations or advice on how to improve your mindset so I won’t offer any. If you have anything you would like any opinions on, feel free to ask we’re all happy to help here. My fiancee has also gotten a lot of benefit from subs and it took a long time but they were one small part of helping her trust and feel safe again. I hope you find the same peace within yourself one day :slight_smile:

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Thank you for your opinion. And thank you for the kind words :blush:.

I have been working on myself for more than 3 years and had already had the experience with a coach. I also work a lot in “silence”. Shadow work, self-reflection and occasional meditation.
I was just thinking about whether I should integrate meditation more into my everyday life again. That was probably somehow a coincidence :sunglasses:. So thank you, for the reminder :blush:.

Theoretically, I know what you wrote to me, only the implementation is a bit lacking. I am a trained coach myself, but if you experience something in your life that throws you off track again, then you are often powerless as a coach. I also have to honestly admit that many coaches, trainers, therapists, etc. treat you like goods from an assembly line. I’m out of there and I’m worth a lot more than that.

I’ve been listening to subs for months and have already achieved success, so not every day feels like the day of the damned. Believe me, I used to be much worse off. I slapped myself in the face when I failed and insulted myself as an ugly Loser.
I had zero self-esteem and self-love. Let virtually anyone cross my boundaries. Today I speak my mind straight out and let you know that if someone disregards my boundaries and what the consequences will be, should this happen again.

For this, I am sometimes called arrogant just because I don’t let everything be done to me anymore. But that’s their problem and not mine. Wait, that’s not quite true, because I have a person in my environment who sees me as a target for her unresolved issues.

That’s actually what occupies me the most right now and pulls me down enormously. I somehow have no connection to her because we are just so different people. I also believe that if she is not willing to reflect on and/or consider her behavior, then I see absolutely no future together with us. Family or not. But that’s a topic, for another thread.

I am grateful to you for your tips, your kind words and advice. But please ask me beforehand if I’m open to advice and tips if I haven’t explicitly asked for it. This is also (for me) a way of crossing boundaries. "Do not coach anyone who does not want to be coached explicitly or has asked for it
Words from my coach :wink:.

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Thank you for offering me help and not serving me tips on a silver platter without being asked, I really appreciate that - really. :partying_face:
Just like you, I don’t feel the need to talk to someone right now, but to feel all that I have experienced through self-reflection, shadow work etc. That’s the hardest thing right now and often requires me to be there for myself often and for a long time.

You wrote, that your fiancée was able to regain trust. How did she do it?

The subs have already served me well in the last few months. Before that, I was partly the image of a flag in the wind.

Anyway. I’m now watching my Bollywood movie to the end, crying my heart out (it’s kind of like “therapy” for me right now and then waiting until the love of my life comes home from work so I can tell him that I had to cry again when I saw a movie :grimacing::crazy_face:.

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Sorry it’s still a struggle and you’re going through a tough time despite all the hard work. The way these subs help manifest positive experiences has been a massive help to me and I’m sure it can help you too given enough time.

Are you planning on keeping a journal on the forum?

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Thank you for sharing your experiences here.

What subs are you currently listening to?

Healing is an ongoing journey. :slight_smile:

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She has Ultimate Writer, Sanguine and Love Bomb so maybe she is running those. Please correct me if I am wrong @CurlyGirl also welcome :clap:

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Congratulations on how much you’ve already done!

My fiancée, like you, was doing a lot. Therapies, meditation, shadow work, subliminals, women’s groups, normal every day life.

Meditation was the biggest for calming her mind. An at-home practice is helpful, but she also did a short silent retreat which really helped her get years worth of meditation results in a few days.

Women’s groups were the biggest for learning how to trust women and other people. She built friendships and was open and vulnerable in a container she didn’t think that was possible for her… a lot of her traumas were around other women.

Subliminals did their own job, definitely, but I think even more important was that they enhanced all the work she was already doing. The results she got from therapy before subliminals vs after subliminals was night and day.

Her fave sub is Chosen by far. In her words, seductress makes her feel like she’s “winning” the competition and better than other people… Chosen makes her forget the competition entirely and feel nothing but peace and contentment. Peace was her exact wording.

Second favorite sub is probably sanguine: elixir. It focuses entirely on making the present moment happy, that’s the “Sanguine” part of the sub, but it’s a bit better than sanguine in that it has light healing, just healing whichever blocks stop you from feeling that happiness in the present.

And as for listening strategy, she goes very slow, very infrequent. She barely remembers to listen to subs once or twice a week and that’s perfect. She sticks to Chosen no matter what and plays around with other subs as needed.

Apart from that, time, lots of time. Even if you’re doing everything right, it takes time :slight_smile:

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Really eh?

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Chosen and elixir are amazing combo. Im really happy for her!

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I would definitely seek therapy but also if you have Love Bomb and only that for the next year. Start with microloops from thirty seconds to three minutes. :metal:t3:

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Welcome @CurlyGirl, that’s a great stack. Sanguine and Love Bomb are the current ultimate feel good and true to yourself combo. Take it slow in listening time, start with microloops, like 3 minutes, and gradually work your way to the full loop, as you test out your reaction.

Also, CurlyGirl, what’s your hair routine and your favorite hair products; unless curly means otherwise?

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Check out curlsmith products!!!

The best routine for curly hair:

Hair primer
Co wash / wash
Condition ~ finger comb
Rinse and add leave in conditioner
Add styling products upside down using prayer hands or raking method
Plop on head to dry or use a microfibre towel
Diffuse on low heat if needed

Don’t brush in between wash days

Refresh with water !!!

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Thank you so much, for your answer :hugs:.

That really helped me a lot. I also noticed that I had too little contact with others. I feel bored very quickly and I often find the topics that are discussed uninteresting. It is quite possible that this is a kind of self-protection that I have imposed on myself because I have been hurt too often by people.

Healing consists of confrontation and I have avoided this very much in people. I’ve always told myself that many of them have simply lost the focus of life and that’s why I can’t get along with them. Well, of course, there are also people I don’t like, but I once heard that you should love every person, but you don’t have to like them.

I will read through your words more often and see what other feelings come up.

So thank you again :blush:

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Yes, I will probably start a journal. Only what I write in the journal I don’t quite know yet. I’m totally into poetry and have thought about writing my journal poetically. But then I thought to myself that English is not my mother tongue and that maybe everything would be weird :grimacing:.

Let’s see, maybe I’m just writing things down like: Love Bomb - 3:33 :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I can’t believe the synchronicity of this journal haha. I literally just begun mine and as soon as I finished writing I see yours. Funnily enough I see so much of myself in how you have described yourself it’s almost scary haha.

Nothing much to add here just wanted to wish you good luck on your journey and introduce myself since I will be following this journal :slight_smile: .

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Currently I listen to both for a few minutes. Love Bomb a little more than, Sanguine. I feel very good about it. In the beginning, Sanguine was really hard and turned it down a bit. I always increase by a few seconds so that my subconscious has a chance to “process” everything well.

My curling routine is very simple :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:.
Wash once a week with shampoo and otherwise I use water and conditioner to freshen up.
The only leave in that I use is a little bit of hair Oil. But that’s only been the case for a few days.

I only brush hair in the shower when the conditioner is in the hair. For this I use an extra curl brush and a coarse comb. That’s it! :sunglasses:

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Some things you listed work for me too, others don’t 🫠.

In addition, there is never only one curl routine, it’s curl type dependent :sunglasses:.
Believe me, I would have to experience this myself and I have so often despaired of it because someone always said that this is the only true one for curls.

With the routine I have right now, I’m doing very well at the moment. I don’t have the nerve to change it again right now :joy:.

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