Abundance's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#21

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#22

2nd DRST2 Cycle Finished

  1. Q(LBFH,LD) + Q(GLM)
  2. ā€¦
  3. ā€¦
  4. DRST2.2
  5. ā€¦
  6. ā€¦
  7. Q(LBFH,LD) + Q(GLM)
  8. ā€¦
  9. ā€¦
  10. DRST2.2
  11. ā€¦
  12. ā€¦
  13. Q(LBFH,LD) + Q(GLM)
  14. ā€¦
  15. ā€¦
  16. DRST2.2
  17. ā€¦
  18. ā€¦
  19. Q(LBFH,LD) + Q(GLM)
  20. ā€¦
  21. DRST2.2

What happened?
Almost everyday I wanted to run a new sub. I analyzed so much info but never switched or added anything. Now Iā€™m thinking I should slow down despite getting so much results. Ppl are telling me Iā€™m doing too much. I have 3 cores + DR and it might be better to take LD and GLM out and just do a LBFH custom and DR.

I kept having moments where I realized I have be acting way different than I would have before, despite feeling like not much was happening some days. I am more social and I forgot or didnā€™t realize how much I interacted with my friends. Normally I isolate myself from ppl and ignore them. I respond more often. and it feels normal. Feels like my guard is down because theres less to guard. So I am more comfortable interacting with ppl and actually enjoy their company without feeling burdened.

The subs have been working on an issue I have been dealing with throughout my whole life. It could be the biggest source of pain in my life. Iā€™m afraid to change the stack because I want to have this worked on deeper. I donā€™t want to risk my subconscious shifting focus.

Iā€™m more resilient. If I go down, the low doesnā€™t pull me down as much, the negativity doesnā€™t linger as much or as long and I get back up much quicker.

I am feeling less influenced by brainwashing. I see how the content I am watching and the ppl around me are influencing me and I go into a spectator view of my mind more often.

I have been exercising more. Not hard but I am. Still missing many days but theres definitely an improvement in my activity levels.

I wasted a lot of my time this cycle. Very unproductive. Binging on movies and tv shows. Read tons of stuff for subclub forum.

Didnā€™t work much but I didnā€™t need to. Manifested a couple opportunities to make more money. On one I have been slacking once I stopped working on it for a day. The other is still being sorted out.

My drive has always been a come and go thing. It was low when it came to finances. I just wanted entertainment and postponed things this cycle. Most of my drive was spent on being intense on shifting my mindset.

My diet has been good. Not great(my standard for health is very high so ā€˜not greatā€™ is really healthy to most ppl on the SAD). The food I ate is healthy nothing processed. But I ate a lot sporadically. I would be restless and go eat. Iā€™m not worried about this tho. I donā€™t have any weight issues. I just am thinking of my health long term. For long term I should eat the best I can so I can be as healthy as I can. And I have made major improvements towards that direction.

I keep repeating the same patterns and stay in the same place in my life. There are huge changes I want in my life and that hasnā€™t happened yet. Years go by and Iā€™m still where Iā€™m at. But I am removing some blocks preventing that. Brick by brick. I wonder if I am going about it the right way. Why not change things now? I donā€™t want to wait. But changing now has never worked. Why do I stay where I am and why donā€™t I change? Am I thinking about life all wrong? Am I delusional or realistic? If iā€™m expecting life to be a certain way that it canā€™t be, then thats a problem.
Whenever I try to challenge these loops directly it always comes back around someway or another. History repeats itself. Everyday is just a time loop with different variations but the same themes.
This confusion has been in the back of my head for years. What can I do that I havenā€™t done before. because what I have done before never works.

#23

I think I need to change directions and focus, get disciplined.
My previous stack was
DRST2 + custom(LBFH,LD) + custom (GLM)
now after this washout it will be
EBtog + DRST2

I could heal a very long time but not achieve success. I need a jumpstart for my career. extra juice less distractions. I have the intention to do my work but I make lots of excuses like I just donā€™t feel like it. Then iā€™m on my phone tv or laptop doing nothing productive. i havenā€™t had a very disciplined willpower mindset for too long. if i donā€™t push myself this year, ill be in nearly the same spot i am now next year. Even tho DR will be huge transformative and foundational change, I donā€™t believe it will be enough to get to where i want to be as soon as possible. if i push myself i can really change my life for the better. i can move where i want and live a lifestyle i want. i am hoping EBtog can assist in my goals

Healing is the first priority
DR

financial abundance is a high priority right now as well
EBtog

#24

Been reading through the forum about AM emperor and emperor black. it might be better to to start with AM build some ground work. Emperor and Emperor Black seems to be slow results if you start without much ground work and iā€™m starting from nearly scratch.

So when this wash out is over
Iā€™ll probably try AM with DRST2.
still on the fence about which to use. EBtog or AM or even True Sell. I will probably go back and forth next few days
Iā€™d like to not take too much processing power away from integrating DR. AM seems to be less than the others(based off the way ppl talk about the subs in the forum).

#25

Ive been think a lot trying to figure out my next stack.

I donā€™t think I really need LBFH or LD anymore.

I was thinking of doing DR and AM but AM covers a lot of stuff and really all i need is to "Cultivate a mindset of embracing the challenge and hardship, a mindset that pushes you to excel not just physically but even in everyday life" which is a objective from Spartan - Apex Warrior

I need discipline. Ive pretty much given up exerting willpower. Iā€™ve been going with the flow. If i had just more willpower discipline and willingness to go through hard times I would solve lots of problems.

DR healing everything on a deep level
Spartan & GLM to push myself and manage my life/lifestyle before being fully healed
This might be a better stack. than the one i was thinking with AM

I could make my next cycle just DR to know what it feels like by its self. It could help bloom for the other subs before i test the new subs.

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#26

Maybe im going through recon. im impatient for results and think if i jump to another title i can get wat i want.

In my last post i said i need to

I really do. but is it the right time for me. i am already listening to GLM. and i only started thinking of changing my stack because I started thinking maybe my stack is too dense and i need to change it.
DRST2 + a 20 module custom with LBFH and LD + a custom 13 module GLM custom(mostly result enhancers)

So im running DRST2 + 3 cores + 30 modules. thats a lot
they r focused in the same direction just different angles.
I really love the results i have gotten so far and i want them to be permanent so my plan was to run them all for a year.

i was thinking to change it and add spartan but its really cus i am being impatient, not believing in myself and am expecting the next coming month are gunna require more from me than i can handle. So it could help but thats because of my mindset, not the truth. i can handle the next few months. I always barely do enough. which im wanting to change.

I do wish i could remove a few modules so my subconscious would have less to process. but that requires paying for a new custom which i donā€™t want to do rn. but I still could if i believe itā€™ll help.

Im rushing myself. with patience everything will workout. I can do better and i donā€™t need to jump straight into spartan.

after a year of DRST1-3 and (LBFH,LD) + GLMā€¦
typing this just sounds like a lot. maybe i should actually take a few modules out of the (LBFH,LD) custom and take out LD.

But do i really need LBH. I running DR. ugghhh. im overthinkingā€¦

#27

I donā€™t need to solve everything now. its unrealistic. maybe within the next few years I can create a deep foundation to build from.

I wish i knew of subclub earlier. in my youth even tho it wasnā€™t around then. i wish i had subclub growing up. i keep feeling like i have ran out of time. i wasted many years of my life. and its starting to feel a little too late. I have plenty of time left but im a older man now and i could have done a lot more but didnt. Im not the way i dreamed i would be. I tried but didnā€™t even come close to my expectations. and when i think about wat i want to be im not doing everything required to make that happen. I keep holding myself back. if im still breathing i have no other choice but to keep going and figure things out.

i keep trying but my problem is i give up then try again. its caused me to just become lazy and only put in effort when its absolutely necessary or highly motivated. i could be doing more.

This healing journey with DR is first priority but i really want to change my life but i cant figure out why i still choose to not do what is needed for that to happen. i wish i knew and its so frustrating. that frustration was constantly harassing me since forever. every year i try learning something or doing something to make it but again, i donā€™t. im used to waiting. not that im just waiting doing nothing, i try. I never fully gave up. Iā€™ve never experienced good subliminals before. i think subclub it the missing piece of the puzzle. but its not going to be quick and easy. its going to take patience and adaptation.

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#28

reading other ppls journals help me deal with recon. i get so tempted to change subs and then i read something like

ā€œwhile on DR ive had a lot of times where ive felt like i needed another sub to deal with the issues that arises, just for DR to be able to clear them on its own a week or 2 later.ā€

I feel like the 2 things that is holding me back the most rn is the lack of drive/ambition/vision and willpower/discipline. i have been thinking about spartan for a while and have been planning to run it later. I just need patience and let DR do its job

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#29

For a couple months iā€™ve been wanting to take out my (LBFH,LD) custom. its dense and most of it isnā€™t really help with my goals now. I was planning to keep it or reduce it to just the main store title LBFH. but now i really need to focus on my finances.

I am going to do DRST2, True Sell, & Custom(GLM). Im going to reduce DR listening to a minimum and focus more on True Sell and my GLM custom. I have to grind.

I am hoping with the new releases their will be a new GLM/Commander update in the Q store which i can use to update the GLM custom with some of the modules in my (LBFH,LD) custom.

#30

after this washout its been past 3 weeks without my customs. i feel glm has really worn off and the extra masculine oomph has worn off. it clear that i need to run glm longer to leave a desired, lasting change.

i have been exercising consistently and think its from glm. after 3 weeks without it i feel less disciplined and more resistance to exercising. i dont feel i have engrained regular exercise into my lifestyle and mindset long enough to switch up subs.

i made a new glm custom to lessen the total processing load of my stack. i took out a lot of modules from my (LBFH,LD) custom and put just a few in my GLM custom. this will be less script to process.

i am still doing DR and understand that its best to run by its self but it is difficult to not use anything else. DR is my base tho. my stack moves around it.

#31

I decided to use True Sell as a module in my GLM custom instead of using the T$ core. and run Paragon Sleep with the GLM custom. foundation first.

getting my sleep right and my DR healing first is foundational. i would love to focus solely with wealth but i dont believe i am in a place where that would be the best decision. foundation first.

so my new stack PZzzz + Q(GLM) + DRST3

#32

My custom came in with perfect timing. yesterday was my first day after the washout and i was able to run it.
listening day A: PZzzz + Q(GLM)
listening day B: DRST3

I was hoping i would get a obvious change after doing such a long washout but i went to sleep after and the only thing i can think of that would be results was i felt more motiā€¦ now that im thinking about it, the thoughts and plans iā€™ve been having have been much more ambitious in the sense of i will put more into my work. assuming im going to put more into it naturally. a sense of i can handle more things.

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#33

i havent been very productive. lots of entertainment and junk food. im feeling like im coming back around and preparing to spend a long time grinding to make up for the slack this year. idk if it will last but i got to work hard. and whenever im under pressure at the last minute i perform well enough to get by.

i am hoping i can change this pattern into something like always doing more than enough and doesnt slack off unless everything is done or nearly as done. i think after enough time i can weed out any blocks and make this happen. but i dont think any time soon. i am just looking for improvement.

i really want to run emperor but i am runnign DR and Paragon Sleep and GLM. Idk if its the right move to take on way too much. and when i get to DR stage 4 i assume its goign to be like running 2-3 subs by itself. i would probably have to keep my stack small ranged for a long while. Paragon Sleep is something i need and GLM is so general i donā€™t think it would be too dense for my subconscious to process. This is the lightest i can get rn.

#34

man ive been getting lots of anxiety. not strong anxiety. its just a lot of time anxiety is coming up. sometimes idk even why. its very tolerable and not really a big deal but it is something id like to rid myself of. i think DRST3 could be the culprit.

and the anxiety triggered by anxiety inducing thought are much more in my face then normal. i dont really see wat i can do about it. maybe meditate or try to find something to vent out. i might just offline journal my thoughts like a court typer of my mind to see wats in there.

it might just be simple recon where i dont need to do anything but just incase i want to do something.

#35

remembering the copy in ST3 of DR the word transcend keeps popping up.

i think thats wat my subconscious is trying to do. u can heal and heal and heal. spend time waiting or u can just transcend and make it irrelevant. its evolution. that type of growth is incredible but hard to get. most ppl including myself stay relatively the same, repeating the same patterns again and again. in thinking feelings actions reactionā€¦ etc.

how do i transcend something? it must be deep fundament change in my understanding of life and myself. so deep and fundamental that the way i perceive and act based off those perception changes makes the past patterns irrelevant. irrelevant, not weaker, not less, just irrelevant. redundant. i have to make a shift. but where? reality is the best at showing things to u. i think i just need to keep the concept of transcending patterns and allow time and reality to show me the answer

#36

looking at the copy of the old titles and the new ones theres a clear difference between them. The newer ones are so much more complex and poetic. i feel bad for non-native english speakers. it must be hard to understand the copy.

#37

so many titles i want to run. and so many titles i want to run long term. wats the point of running something just for a cycle if it doesnt make a lasting change.

im thinking i could run DRST4 for a year to be safe that it truly engraved deeply what it achieves. i would like long term effects of T$ and Emperor. then Spartan for will power. Khan Black and Wanted too. and ofc EoG for wealth. and Paragon Sleep. each one of these for a year has to make a real solid long lasting change. these titles r just off the top of my head. this could take a very very very long time.

#38

man every day im tempted to run other subs. i almost decided to replace my GLM custom with Khan Black stage 1. imagine running that next to DR.

i dont get that bad of recon from DR. i kinda wish it would be more painful. that would give me a sense of faster progress. i do notice tho a lot of cringy memories coming up. idk why and whats happening but it would be nice to not have the instinct to cringe to these things. hopefully that will happen in time.

i am working hard again. its refreshing cus i really need to rn.

i think about how i can make my life the way i want it. what do i need to do. how to do it with subs what order and how long i stick to each sub/stack. its constantly changing but i want lasting change so i have to run the subs long enough to have a deep lasting change. whatever results i have, that i want to keep, i need to keep running it so it sticks better.

when i did my washout my drive initially went up but then it declined and i didnt like how hard and far out of my confort zone it was to force myself to keep up with wat i was doing before the washout. after i got back to listening things started to feel right. if i run this stack long enough the way i am now should be much more natural when i stop listenign

#39

i think GLM is kicking in real well. its automatic that i do more of wat i should be doing. even with the obstacles that have been coming up. i just know everything will workout and i just need to work hard to take care of everything. the situation im in now ppl might worry and overthink but i have a sense of what ever happens its going to work out because i am there and i will do wat is necessary.

altho i am doing more. i wish i did even more than that but i lack consistency there. im aaware im putting more into it and im improving my work ethic. but i want the best work ethic i can. strong emotions can get in the way but i jump back up quickly. the resilience is back. its weird how i would get so lazy and discouraged over speedbumps like they were dead stops.

#40

I want to be an arch alchemist. i know im going to spend thousands of dollars here in the future so it would be nice to get the discount. i decided to try to be more active journalling and in the forum if i can.