Thank you for the tags Michel. I’m grateful for you extending a helping hand.
PCC has been recommended to me by a number of users, and…wow. I just realized I’ve been fearful of me misusing and abusing my own power. That’s what’s held me back from committing to it thus far.
I’m even considering a DR St.2 custom today, and I assumed I’d put in Ascension as my second core. I’d not considered PCC. I was going to stack it with LBFH. Hmm…
Question: how do you tag me and my username doesn’t show in the post?
That is weird. I just logged out, seeing if it’d show, but no.
I’ve wondered if you may have blocked me one time. I’ve been here a number of years, and I’ve wondered if some have blocked me due to my old victim thinking. It gets annoying reading someone going in circles when solutions are right in front of them. Just guessing.
Keep discovering nuggets of gold far far far too late in this subliminal journey. And yes that bolded bit is my case.
In other news, I had to join a workplace call, which I had much difficulty joining (so much for advances in technology…) with the female call leader catching an attitude throughout. I tried multiple times to join (and rejoin) to watch and chat along, but she kicked me off.
Enter Ascension
I sent a strongly worded email to her and a boss detailing the misadventure and telling her firmly that I will not be joining any more calls under any circumstances. Wasn’t interested in the reply either.
I also didn’t react to my boss who screamed “fuck off” down the phone line when she eventually crawled back to ask a favour. (Is me not telling her off for that self preservation?)
@ksub or @Skadoosh suggested bullies pick their targets based on how strong (or weak) a person’s internal framework is. LBFH/Ascension 4 weeks in has done more for my self worth than years of upbringing.
I think I’d better keep the sassiness on a lid for now
Entry level self esteem and confidence kinda feels great. It seems other people have this frame thing down pat, but these subs are helping to develop solid internals.
LBFH is doing the most to reveal who is good for me vs who’s toxic. Unfortunately my boss lies firmly in the latter category
desire to teach art has grown, especially as my self confidence keeps growing. My sessions with the students are mostly positive.
still a little incongruent to the outside world, mild dissing has returned. I don’t react to it anymore, I take it as a compliment now
switched back to Ascension, AM is more of a “financial alpha” title. I just want confidence
at a bit of a dilemma - currently working two jobs - the first sucks, getting the second would require moving back to the big city, leaving people behind. What do I do?
Starting to see the LBFH effects in the open; my self to mage is getting better, at points I’ve heard myself saying really bad things towards myself and others, at least I can recognise them now, which is the first step to nipping it in the bud.
More positive towards myself, but that loud coughing crap has returned - this time I don’t flinch and I don’t take it personally, it says nothing negative about who I am - on the contrary. Is there someone you’ve come across that is even 1% of Ascension in ordinary life? Nope.
More happiness and joy for myself, even allowing for tough situations at work.
Starting to learn about the machinations of my boss - remembering that they have a vested interest in keeping you down and on the hamster wheel of approval. Don’t know how to be less naïve when a boss is abusing her power, but PCC in the custom may have the answer. Remembering that soft power (congruence) is more effective than the military approach my female boss is employing.
Had a mild recon episode where I questioned my own position in my relationship. Who was I to her? Was I a placeholder for someone else? Am I actually loved for who I am, or for what I do? Why am I being dismissed as a person with skills? I knew it had nothing to do with my partner, but it brought me to tears in the middle of the night.
Afterwards in the morning I had a sunbeam cross my face and it returned me to that teenager again, with a sense of wonder and anticipation for the future, even though the past was full of pain.
I do feel that others are starting to treat me warmly and myself waiting and delaying my immediate sceptical reaction to others, which opens myself up to more positive responses. I do feel much better about myself, conversely those toxic people don’t seem to find me anymore.
This New Wealth Experience scripting for LBFH really should have manifesting loving people as an experience towards healing.
Something I have read Saint share is that Ascension has wealth scripting in it, and it will get a NWE upgrade. That’s awesome since I really look forward to some healthy, purposeful financial goals.
I’ve only been back on Ascension for a few weeks with healing titles, and my curiosity has peaked, wondering what I could use to capitalize on it.
Most likely I’ll add Genesis again since I kept bumping into internal success barriers on it, where I even jumped off it since it wasn’t clearing. I went back to DR for 2 cycles without them being touched. I contacted support about this, and to my surprise, they advised Regeneration.
And that’s why I am using Regeneration now. To clear these longstanding internal roadblocks.
Regeneration easily synergizes with other titles, enhancing the emotional healing aspects of those titles. For example, for those with sexual traumas, Regeneration + Sex Mastery would cause a focus on healing those issues.
The main thing I’ve taken away from the last two weeks is stability. Nothing major has happened, other than I seem to be working more, getting really good at it, yet feeling tired and getting fed up of its repetitiveness and pointlessness. Who really cares about placing stupid bets? However, I’m really enjoying my side gig of teaching university students, advising them and painting. That lights me up no end.
So I guess the answer to my life purpose is obvious. There’s a growing sense of being allowed to recognise and pursue my passions - whatever makes me happy is allowed: travelling, creating, tutoring. Is this down to Ascension or LBFH?
Had a short mix in with Regeneration+ Sanguine Elixir for a week and think most of the remaining trauma crud of the past has been lifted up and cleared out. I don’t think I’ll need Regeneration/Sanguine for an extended period.
…but my god you really have to persist with it - my recommendation is to clear out all the emotional garbage then use Ascension for at least 3 months, minimum. It doesn’t work when you half commit to listen to it. Maybe it’s my own foundation level but I feel like a lengthy run - 6 months to a year solid of Ascension will turn me into an actual alpha.
I can see small shoots of Ascension growing, basically telling work that I’ll be off to uni to teach, because someone ignored my request to book me off. I tried to let everyone know beforehand, but that was me doing the extra (runt work) to try and people please management who fucked up in the first place. If it came down to it, I’ll declare that it’s not my problem!
I got over the automatic need to be over-responsible and people please, because it had a fear of punishment and violence behind it. That’s largely gone. LBFH for the win.
I feel for the first time that I have some sort of “status”, especially at uni. In regular life I walk around like I own the street, with pride and grace. None of the nervousness that used to accompany my previous runs. Of course that makes a few others cough loudly. Doesn’t bother me anymore.
Ascension keeps on building. It just feels natural to be a leader when needed and follow when asked. But it all flows naturally with no recon.
My partner is now more clingy than ever, don’t know why this is? Maybe my masculinity from listening to Ascension is making her very girly and attentive. Bear in mind she is quite the strong independent type. In more comfortable being in a relationship too.
Goal firmly in place for acquiring full time work and an increased wage, almost didn’t attend my 2nd part time work this week but it’s there where the potential for a future career in teaching lies.
Honestly, I feel about 10-15% more alpha, (which @Skadoosh would probably agree is more than the general population) but after 8 weeks it feels too small to be significant. In terms of congruence… it’s there in doses: I know when I’m genuinely alpha, nice and calm and when I’m nervous, still pretending and reaching for confidence.
What I’ve also noticed is that self neglect is still an issue, I might not clean myself as often as I should. The good thing is I’m aware of it and take steps to mitigate things - LBFH is working on it. I will change my look soon so I don’t look so scruffy!
Looking back is also an issue - why reach out to friends that have left me behind in order o show them the new me? Didn’t they appreciate the me before?
Overall I’m starting to have real beginner’s growth of solidity and self esteem, self respect and boundaries, which inevitably then show outwards - either admiration (mostly female), neutral or shit testing (a few men and women).
Being Not Nice
On boundaries - I tell anybody at work that if they’re rude, they get absolutely no service. If they are abusive, I be abusive back. The customer is never right.
maybe 
so you have nothing to worry about.
