A life worth living and dying for - MechaShaman

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#415

As I said, I wanna treat myself with a custom…
First I need to decinde what subs I actually wanna run now for a time…
So what subs come to my mind…and why I like them
-) Alchemist St.4 I love this sub, I love to dive deeper in feeling energy and understand the deeper mechanism of the universe, Also the emotional transmutation scripting is amazing

-) Alchemist: Singularity Understanding the paradox of life and polarity and duality has been a really healing thing for me…I feel this is very needed to bring peace to my inner conflicts and to set free a ton of energy

-) Minds eye, Id like to take more control over my life and steer it better…aka Manifestation

-) The Art of joy and happiness, This seems to be more something that I “should” listen to…but its again my pattern of “learn to be happy what you have” to run away from taking action.

-) Godlike Masculinity I feel like I lack the drive to take action. GLM should be the most suitable Sub for that

-) Wanted Black/heartsong…There is still that dilema inside of me what I want…If I want a relationship or if I want to experience female abundance once in my life before…Right now, a proper relationship where we look into the future and buidl somethign isnt really on the menue…and I would really like to get in shape…so I guess wanted it is for now.

So how to build a stack with that?
What are my goals?
The big thing for me is…I am in my identity risis…I dont really have a goal…
Well thats not true…

-) I wanna get healthy again. For that I need to work out.
Check with Wanted black, and check with Godlike MAsculinity…Alchemist will help me to transmute emotions and regulate my nervous system.
-) I wanna explore myself and reality more indepth…I wanna know how my psyche and body works…Alchemist will help with that.
-) I wanna explore my sexuality…I guess there is no better sub than WB for that.

So it seems this is fixed:
Custom with
-) Alchemist St.4
-) Alchemist: Singularity
-) Minds Eye (not totally sure)

Godlike Masculinity
Wanted Black

What Modules to Add to my custom…Brainstorming with stuff that I like and that resonates with me…Maybe Ill do a second custom with GLM
Art of Trust: I need to make some big decisions soon…this could help a lot
Breaking the cycle: This seems to be a very very helpful module for me
Evolving Identity: I love it…but I am allready so good at this…I need to take more action
Flowing Freely: I like this aswell…but it also goes deep into the mental landscape…
Illusions of the mind: looks super powerful
living truth: I love it
The feedback loop: looks super powerful

From my older iterations:

Result Enhancement:

Synergy: Energetic Transcendence
Synergy: Divine Dominion
Deus/Omnidimensional? May be to much

Inner Game

Inner Voice
Synergy: Semper Praesens
Synergy: Harmonic Conflux
Gratitude Embodiment
Psyche Restoration

Tools

Mosaic
Pragya
Subconcious Flow
Synergy: Subconcious Mastery
Illusions of the Mind

In Case I Build a second custom:

Godlike Masculinity
The Art of Happiness and Joy ?
Synergy: Voice is the law
Synergy: Carpe Vitaem
Synergy: Iron Law/Synergy: Heaven Shaking Power
SPS: Nervous System
Breaking the cycle
The Boundary
Living Truth
Divine Self Image
Dopaminergic Revival
Mosaic

#416

I have been silent for a while…doing a longer washout…and I am finding stability.
I dont knoe exactly what is causing this shift…multiple things are at play currently.

  • I had an amazing holiday in an amazing country with good food, an amazing transformative container that brought me what it seems the missing pieces regarding Emtional Transmutation
  • I had an amazing journey to Ko Phangan where I was guided by spirit
  • I am not doing any sublinals that cause extra transformation
  • I found more out about my health and got some nice anti inflammatory medication
  • I started going to the gym…also solarium seems to be doing me good
  • I started with neurofeedback yesterday which seems to be a game changer

Interestingly enough, the cosmic weather, aka astrology now also shows a time of positive change and release of constrictions.

I encountered a pattern that I dont use this journal when I am good. MoreIn the past I have been using this journal mainly to process emotions…in a vomit it all out style…
I want to come more to the essence.

So the essence is:
Its the first time in nearly 3 years that I feel healthy again both bodily and mentally
And it feels like all my work over the last 2 years is starting to integrate.
I am proud of my growth :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign:

I want to continue my life like this…letting myself be carried by the cosmic currents.
Right now I am not sure if I will ever start with subliminals again.
They had their place in my journey. But right now I feel so connected to spirit that I dont really need the extra help of subs.
I want to see how the seeds I planted in the last years flower…and get some rest…

#417

So, to break my pattern and make some new habbits, another posts when I am doing good.

Last days were a bit rough, a bit fatigued…but I have been doing a lot…and I realized that I am basically skipping weekends…
I didnt give myself time of…as I am missing the structure of a work life. I wanna Do 1 lazy day a week from now.

A lot is changing in my life…it feels as if I have found a goal and a vision of what I wanna do in my life…and I start to see that this is super helpful to decide on the things that I want to do or engage with.
Yesterday I was at the shaman again for plant medicine…
It was an interesting experience…I start to see: I dont want to be a shaman anymore…
Something has changed in this month in thailand.
Part of this shamanic work was driven by a (little mad) search for magic…I wanted to go to the jungle to experienece real magic…but the medicine yesterday (even before I drank it) showed me the magic that is all around me…I had an astrology reading last week…it was crazy…this woman told me what I learned in 4 years of therapy…and much more…just by looking at my birthtime. My best friend is a crazy energy healer that can make people pass out in bliss… and things like energy, entitys and gods/archetypal energys are something I work with every day.
I started using spells…aka Mantras…to change my mood and to alter my energetic vibration…
So I am allready living in a life filled with magic

Something I am encountering in the last days…some sort of “spirit” is starting to come into my life…something that guides me when I follow my highest excitement…spirit is the only word that I can use for it…maybe because I listened to 2 mins of Revelation of spirit around new year…and this comes now…

What I start to see is that things come to my life through inspiration that I wanted to put into my customs that I planned…I think @Invictus talked about this…presults from customs that he didnt even build…jsut layed out…it feels the same is happening for me, as I am in a very centered state. I havened listen to subs now for nearly 4 weeks…but it feels like they are still working.

Some days ago I was at speeddating…I had a lot of resistance that came in the form of tiredness…but I went through the resistance…and had a fun evening…I could try out a new persona. I went there with the only goal to observer myself…
Sadly didnt get any yes, which did hurt my ego a bit…but there was no woman who was actually interesting to me…as a whole being (and not just hot)…so its okay.
I felt like the Wanted script merged with alchemist and I was this spiritual, easy guy with playful energy, bringing the talks to a deep level fast…
Thats definitley a big step into the right direction, I am taking action and I found a new place to get to know myself.

Getting to the gym every some days, on the other days I just go for walks. Need to be careful not to crash…but I am making big progress all in all…massive :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign:

On the other hand I am allowing myself to indulge a bit more in regards to food right now…eating a bit unhealthy…but still okay.

Over and out.

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#418

So a lot is coming together in my life.
I have great plans for my life…i am gonna go to bali in a month for two. Alone this time.
Experience myself. Go for diving. And meet people there. At the end of my two month stay I am gonna be at a transfomational container again…

After Bali I am gonna be at home for 2-3 weeks and go for a 6 week mystery school to dive deeper into the mysteries of life.

Sunday was a bit rough. I went into anime bingind and stayed up to long. But on the next day I used the positive rubber band effect…I didnt want my life to go down that route again…went for gym, tied up my home and did a lot of productive stuff.

Today I started to plan my travel…I dont want to plan everything…I want to leave room for spontanity…but Ill plan the first week or so. Gonna go for diving. I used to love it. I used to love the marine life. I had a marine aquarium some years ago…i even jobbed at a store for marine lifestock. I knew all the corals and fish by name, what they need, how they feed etc.
I feel it will be awesome to reconnect with that part of me.

Glad my health is getting better and better.
I am proud of myself.
I am proud that I am not pushing myself down to hard for contracting a bit after comign home from that journey.
:heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign:

I feel that soon Ill be ready again to start with subliminals again.
Very curious on the majors with name embeds.
When I go to bali, I feel that sex&seduction will be something I am gonna run…

#419

I am experiencing a bit of contraction in the last days. And thats okay.
It was funny…how I was making fun of a friend who is the same as me that he does amazing during travels and during retreats and during living here he has issues…and he knows so many tools that he knows are good for him…and doesnt use them…
And I am the same…I know so many tools that help me…regulate my nervous system…but I am to proud to say okay…I need that help again
But realizing that…I took action. Went to cryotheraphy today again. Helped a ton. Lateley I also have found solarium to be a great resource. Just 5 minutes in the ligth really relax me.

Today I booked those retreats. So 2 more journeys…one more months at home and then nearly 4 months of traveling and adventure. I am proud of myself. For taking this couragous action…for going for what I want…and also investing. Money, time and my life.

There is a part in me that really wants to just binge anime or youtube…I am trying to find out what need is there…to find out how I can nourish that part in a more healthy way…
The first thing that comes up is that I want cheap dopamine…I want to have fun without investing anything…no physical energy.

ChatGPT Magic again

This is a really insightful question! Your “inner part” that loves to lounge in front of the TV is likely trying to fulfill certain needs. The issue arises when you find it difficult to stop. Let’s work together to identify which needs are behind this behavior and how you might meet them differently or more consciously.

1. What Needs Might Be Behind Your Behavior?

:stop_sign: Rest & Relaxation

:point_right: Why? Your brain craves a break from responsibilities, stress, or mental effort.
:point_right: Alternative Ways to Fulfill This Need:

  • Short, intentional rest breaks instead of endless binge-watching (e.g., 15 minutes of closing your eyes, breathing exercises).
  • Relaxing activities like taking a walk, a bath, or listening to music.
  • Setting a timer for TV sessions (e.g., consciously enjoying one episode and then switching to another activity).

:performing_arts: Escapism & Avoiding Uncomfortable Emotions

:point_right: Why? TV provides an easy escape from boredom, stress, self-doubt, or difficult emotions.
:point_right: Alternative Approaches:

  • Identify the need: What exactly am I trying to avoid?
  • Active coping instead of distraction: Writing, talking, or exercising might help more than TV.
  • Choosing inspiring content consciously: Instead of mindlessly watching, select something that truly enriches you (e.g., documentaries, educational programs).

:bulb: Stimulation & Entertainment

:point_right: Why? Your brain enjoys stories, emotions, and visual stimulation—TV delivers all of that intensely.
:point_right: Alternative Approaches:

  • Choose more active entertainment: Instead of passive consumption, try gaming, podcasts, or audiobooks.
  • Add social interaction: Watch with others and have a discussion afterward.
  • Be creative yourself: Instead of just consuming stories, try writing, drawing, or making music.

:arrows_counterclockwise: Habit & Reward System

:point_right: Why? Your brain has gotten used to the instant dopamine release from watching TV.
:point_right: Alternative Approaches:

  • Change the routine consciously: Watch TV only at certain times and pair it with other activities.
  • Reward yourself differently: Maybe enjoy TV after doing something fulfilling rather than as the first option.
  • Introduce screen-free rituals: For example, drinking tea and reading at night instead of automatically starting Netflix.

2. How Can You Build a Healthier Relationship With TV?

:white_check_mark: 1. Make a Conscious Choice Instead of Watching on Autopilot:
:small_blue_diamond: Before turning on the TV, ask yourself: “Why do I want to watch right now?” Am I tired, bored, or stressed?

:white_check_mark: 2. Set Clear Limits:
:small_blue_diamond: Use a timer or watch just one episode intentionally, then actively move on.

:white_check_mark: 3. Combine TV Time With Something Active:
:small_blue_diamond: Maybe light movement (stretching, yoga) or taking notes if you’re watching something inspiring.

:white_check_mark: 4. Find Alternative Rewards:
:small_blue_diamond: If TV is your go-to relaxation method, try other ways to unwind (music, walking, meditation).

:white_check_mark: 5. Experiment With “Screen-Free” Days or Zones:
:small_blue_diamond: For example, one evening per week without TV, replaced with a creative or social activity.

3. Conclusion: Use Your TV Habits as a Signal!

Your desire to “lounge & be entertained” isn’t a problem in itself—it’s a signal of an underlying need. Once you identify which need is being fulfilled, you can determine whether TV is the best solution or if there’s a more sustainable alternative.

Question for you:
Which of these needs do you think is the strongest reason behind your TV habits? :blush:

Wow…this was crazily helpful…
I feel stressed. I feel tired…but at the same time I feel a mix of sadness and anxiety.

I am making big changes in my life. I am choosing a path. I am really choosing the spiritual life right now. I am making big steps.
I am thinking about moving to a home thats “lighter”. No garden, less space…less things to care for. A lighter life.
Going on a big journey alone makes me a bit anxious. It trigges quite some fears…old believes that I know arent true…
What if I dont make any friends?
What if I dont meet people that I can connect and chat with?
What if I get super depressed there and dont have plant medicines to help me with that?

I feel a part that needs some safety on that journey…but I know…I will have my rapé with me…I could get cigarettes…I have my phone to watch youtube to regulate. I can use some binaural beats or music to regulate.

It feels super redeeming to write that out.

#420

Writing this amazing post showed me a lot:

#421

I need to get into martial arts…I know this since quite some time…but I have been resisting it so much…mostly because I only thought about the obvious things…boxing, muay thai stuff like that. And I never did that…because sparing and getting hit in the head has been to much for me in the past…and I believe its not healty…

I have been looking at the other extreme end of the spectrum…I am a yogi…I love yoga and do it every day…
Why not do something that is more aligned with that? Why not something like Kung Fu, Akido or something?
I am onto something I feel like.

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#422

Okay…time to reflect a bit…on the things I have accomplished since the beginning of the year…

  • I found medication that works well for me
  • With that I am starting to hitting the gym regularly
  • I am getting more stable and more stable in the structure I started to build on emperor daddy. This comes form a multitutde of things…streamlining my clothing seems like a small thing. But it actually takes so much mental load of me. Having my training outfit for home/gym and another outfit that I really like for when I go out is nice. I feel its tme to reduce my wardrobe further
  • I am finding an outlet for my lazy part…I have breakfast at home and for lunch I simply go out every day…on the way back from the gym I found a place where I really like the food
  • I am finding balance between spirituality and grounde life…I am no longer lost in the spiritual realms but start to use spirituality as a tool to improve my life
  • I am taking action and shaping my future
  • I amfinding balance between rest and action…
  • I start to understand my neurodiversity better and better and am able to take care of my needs way better

Today I had an amazing theraphy session…I worked on my relationship between my inner lazy sad part and my inner motivator. I realized that there is a sort of war and that I had some issues switching between those two modes…a lot of times both of those were active at the same time…resulting in a feeling of being on the gas pedal and the break at the same time…but with the help of my theraphist, I could start to realize that both of those parts are there to help me…the lazy part protecting me from overstimulation and burning myself out…and the inner motivator to protect me from understimulation and stillstand…I feel a lot will change there…
Today I was at a doctors appointment, hit the gym, repaired my drain, was for lunch with a friend and had that theraphists appointment…other than the luch, everything could be considered as work…and after that I felt like getting some chips and watch a movie. I was on the parking space and realized that my inner motivater is still stuck on gogogo mode…work work work…and I told it…STOP I did enough today… and it stopped…That inner feeling of restlessness subsided…instantly
And the question appeared that has appeared a lot of the time in the past…did you earn your rest?…are you worthy of rest?…
And I realized…I am the one who decides if I am worthy…in the past I had been looking outside for this allowance…
It feels like I made a massive breakthrough today.

What has been helping me massively in the last week is that I finally found a goal…its a bit abstract…for now…but this came with the visit with an energy healer on Ko Phangan…
He led me into a vizualization of my future…
And I vizualized my birthday party in the future…in maybe 15 years…where I have a beautiful home…and my friends from all over the world come to me to celbrate my birthday…I have enough wealth to have everything I want…and also some to be a benefactor to some projects that I deem good for the future of humanity. I have a woman that I love and that loves me at my side…
This vizualization created a deep sense of peace withhin me.
I also realzed that I had been a bit of a victim to my inner parts. It allways felt as if those parts would take over control over my life…but I realized…those parts are just advisors…advisors that I only have to listen to, but not necessarily follow them. And that I can tell them not now

Since I found that…I have this guiding light that leads my way…and where I can ask myself if I stand before a decision…Do I think this path will lead me there?
This was actually what showed me that following the path of an Ayahuascero wont bring me there. And this wish/goal/desire is dropping from my life since then more and more…

When I went to speeddating last week…I thought about the questions I want to ask a woman to find out if she is interesting to me…and what came to me where question likes…
What does make you feel alive?
What do you dream of?
How do you want your life to be if everything is open?

I learned a lot about myself this evening…and could accept that part that want to have a deep connection and not play around the surface level…I also though about…What does make me feel alive? What does make my life worth living?
And the answer was:
I want to find magic in life. Not just while drinking a psychoactive brew…but in everyday life. I want to live in the mysteries of life and dive deep into them…And at one point I want to create a mystery school, to teach people to reconnect with themselves and the magical aspects of life a place where people can connect with their inner potential…

A friend reflected me this…all my journey is to connect with my inner potential.

I dont know more yet…but I trust that the answers will come. When the time is right.
But this is helping me as a guideline.

So a lot is happening right now. And I am making big decisions for the future of my life.
I am starting to get interested in Subliminals again…but I am kinda afraid of them aswell…I know that they wont make my life more easy. They bring even more stuff to process to the table…and right now I am quite happy with how my life is.
I am starting to get interested in Daredevil…I guess I will start with that when I go to Bali in some weeks. To socialize and to seek the adventure.

The other sub that deeply interested me is revelation of the spirit…
I gave it one 2 min loop in the beginning of the year…and since then…it kinda feels that I am finding this connection to what I can only call spirit…something that guides me…some sort of divine force that I start to have a realtionship with…something that talks on a very deep level to me through the most mundance things of everyday life…some sort of divine intelligence that guides me and protects me…but also challanges me. IDK if it came from RoS…but if it is that…I WANT MORE OF IT…it feels like since I tasted that, something has gripped me…some sort of quest…a search for something that is way deeper than looking for pleasure, a girlfriend or sex.

Enough for today…I am doing amazing. I take the authority now to claim that.
:heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign: :heavy_plus_sign:
Over and out.

#423

What an intense day…
I am realizing what is the root cause of my tiredness and fatigue…
That unsolved situation I am having with my house…I keep repressing it…today I got in contact with all that anger again.
Its time to sort that out before I go to bali.

#424

Bro this is SO common.

I started working with Ayahuasca again, contracted with old bad habits that I’d been free from for several months.

The rubber band effect in action. But also, I think, our unhelpful habits come up to perhaps sho us where we need healing,where we need to integrate the ‘high’.

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#425

Yeah,
Both my theraphist said that it is normal to grow in an expand contract way, aswell as my shamanic teacher. My shamanic teacher told me just to ask: okay, another round…what can I learn this time?

Hmm, I think unhealthy habbits come as a way of coping mechanism…I really like to ask myself when I go into those unhealthy habbits:
What do I feel right now?
What could I do instead of this unhealthy habbit?
What am I gonna do now?

This allows me to learn why I do those things, what emotions I process/regulate or run away from with those things. But even when I realize: ahh okay, I am repressing anger with youtube…, it doesnt mean that I just do something else…Building new habbits is big work. And I only have a limited capacity. But often I will watch youtube then shorter. Or when I find something that lets me regulate my anger at one point, and I practiced that several times…slowly and slowy those new habbits take over.
And I definitley prefer that slow and steady approach.

What I recognize is that for me, those “coping spirals” get shorter and shorter. And isnt this amazing? When an unhealthy coping (that borderlines addiction) transforms to a little pleasure and enjoment after some hard work?

Currently going through this with cannabis. I quit it for a year and when I was in thailand (where its legal), after 4 weeks of abstaining, I allowed myself to touch it.
It was nice, though not as amazing as it used to be…and from the getgo I also saw the dark side of it (being foggy the next days, lsoing drive, increasing social anxiety)…and I immidieatly went back to my old using patterns…(using it every day in the evening). After 4 days though, I woke up and said. Nah, Stop, I dont want my relationship with cannabis to be like that…And I realized that I cant own cannabis. I cannot have a stash of it at home. I threw away the remaining of what I had (even though I stayed 2 more days).

Now here at home I was thinking…can I take some cannabis when I go out to a party with friends? Or should I leave this to thailand?
On friday I went to a psytrance event with some friends. Some of whom smoked weed.
I planned my “menue” of substances for the night and I decided I would allow myself to have one or two tokes from my friends. When I was at my friends place, I felt the pull to ask to roll my own joint. Once to not have to share (I am a bit hypochondric about getting flu in flu season) and secondarily to make it very very weak, so I have exact control over my intake. There was a fear though, that I would take this joint home and then have it at home again…
I am very proud on what has happened this evening: Firstly, I had the impulse to use it from the beginning of the night. But I realized it, that this was not an autenthic impulse of the now, but rather a voice in my mind from my past. Also I didnt want the social anxiety to take over.
The evening was amazing. I had some LSD and MDMA and it was the best night I have had in a while: Being in a crowd, and not feeling any ANXIETY, feeling safe, being okay to dance in a crowd and being pushed a little bit without getting a contraction in my nervous system. Making my way through the crowd, pushing people a bit to the side when they block my way…I normally dont do these things. I now really start to see what this anxiety is…and how it goes so deep into my nervous system and body. After this experience I actually consider SSRIs…being able to live like that all the time sounds really really wonderful. Ill talk with my theraphists about that.
Also there were some girls with our group. It was amazing. I got compliments, two of the girls liked me and want to meet me soonish. We had some talks and those are finally some woman that are interesting to me…I rarely meet woman that interest me!
What sounds really small but what was a really big thing for me was the following:
I bought some jelly snakes (Sweets) to bring there and eat while high…one one of the girls really liked them and came again and again…I fed her from above ike you would do with a fish :sweat_smile:
Once I felt a bit couragous and took the one side in my mouth and wanted to see if´she would take it…I immideatly saw and felt the energy and just swalloed the wwhole thing and loughed…and gave her the next one normally…getting rejected for a seductive/sexual thing was really really bad for me in the past…my exwife allways ridiculed me for that (and I didnt fight back…because I had massive issues with the feeling of embarassment)…but having this experience of where I am being rejected and then later still having nice conversations…where this rejection didnt influence our “relationship” at all…was a very healing experience…
Later more to that.

So back to the weed. Later I had some puff from my joint. 2 Puffs…and then I made a pause…one guy of the group started smoking weed early in the night, went paranoid and went home…I didnt want it to end like that.
Then another 2 and again put it away…
And on the one hand I liked it, it relaxed me…but it made my process much stronger. It showed my my fears much more intensly…I felt the pattern to smoke more to cope with that fear…and realized…nah, thats not healthy…rather just use some nicotine right now.
I used the last our at the event to work with my inner child, work with my anxiety…for that it was perfect.
On the way home, in the cab I started to think about two things: What will I do with the remaininder of that joint…It would last for atleast 5 more evenings of smoking…And I decided: No, I dont want to have this pattern of smoking alone at home in my life again…so when I came home, I gave thanks to the spirit of the plant, admitted that I cant contain and own it, and gave the remaining back to mother earth (aka my garden), with the prayer that it may come back to me in the right moments of my life. I am really proud of myself here. Still I have to say: I am a bit scared that this is the beginning of using it regularly again…but for me this way feels like a try to transform addiction into a healthy using habbit.

The second thing I was realizing in the cab: With both my mum and my ex-wife…when we had a fight or any issue, they would bring it up again and again…they would never fully forgive and let go of things.
I realized this because I had a reunitation with my bestfriend of a year (2022 I think) that I “broke up with” after an intense fight…we didnt really had a talk or so…we met at some events and had some shallow exchanges and when we met a week or so at mens circle we talked afterwards and it was really nice, so we met some days later and it was really nice again…in hindsight this fight was just one or both of us being triggered…nothing more. And time does eat up emotions…I had this image…that normaly after a fight, the emotions go down and down…that everyone processes his emotions…the waves go down and its possible to reconnect.
I asked chat gpt about that process…and how forgiveness works…
And it said: Forgiveness is a decision…a decision that something that happened in the past is not longer allowed to influece the future. I feel that is a very wonderful way to describe forgiveness.

So I had an amazing experience. I am sure some more will come up in the next days.
I came about an interesting post on reddit regarding anxiety and motivation.
That anxiety somehow comes from external motivation…and when getting rid of anxiety there is this motivational hole…where there is only drive for things that make me emotional alive…I feel like I am right there…and there is the need to develop those inner parts, this inner drive and discipline. I found this goal for me that I wrote about. This will give me motivation and drive. I want to get there. Its still a bit hard for me, as this goal is very abstract and in the future. But on the other hand I know what steps I can take right now to go into that direction:

  • Hit the gym
  • Make everything ready for my Bali journey
  • Sort out that house situation
  • Learn to find balance between nourishing myself and challanging myself
  • Make my life lighter (throw away or sell stuff I no longer need, like clothjing)
  • Meet people to socialize and increase my healthy ressources
  • Have a balance between spiritual and grounded life
  • Keep staying in a positive emotional state and follow my highest excitement

When I read about that inner motivation, I knew that it was time to start with subliminals again…Godlike masculinity 30 seconds microloop today.
The sub journey has started again

1 Like
#426

Just a follow up on our discussion about the chanting you were doing we had on my journal. I think this video might resonate with you:

The Aim Kleem Sauh you were doing in tandem with the Kleem he explains probably around somewhere around 15-20 mins in. Doing the two in conjunction like you were, it could explain why you were having increased / quicker results, due to the activation of the sexual energy.

I haven’t watched far into it, I dunno if I’ll make it to the end of the video. But I figured his take on that mantra you were doing aside from Kleem was worthwhile.

2 Likes
#427

So something I want to note regarding progress:
I am getting better and better in recognizing my own super ego. I recognize when I creathe shoulds and rules for myself.
Discipline is good and needed, but what I actually need is discernment about when am I using discipline in a toxic way and overpushing myself.
Structure and discipline is good, but it is good to create foundation of safety and to create these bubbles of freedom and times where I can let go. To create boundaries in which I can let go and play freely.
Military discipline is not what I want for myself.
Yesterday I watched John Wick 4, and this badguy said:
My father said that a man has a pattern how he does everything.
I saw that I have this paretro principle for everything. the 80/20 rule…get 80% of the result for 20% of the work.
I will investigate that further, if that is helpful for me, or if I manipulate myself with that.

#428

Thank you, Ill have a watch later :pray: :heart:

Right now I see why I had so amazing results:
I started doing this while I was on vacation. While I was at a spiritual retreat where I did so much spiritual practice and was more or less living in a sort of mini-smadhi state. When I came home, I could only keep that state for a week or so.
Results have become more diminished and not so strong by now, but I am staying with the practice. Om Aim Kleem Sauh has fallen a bit out of my favour, but I still start my day with a mala of Kleem…and a little mala (21) of two other mantras.
But still, things are coming to me that are right for me…
What I feel is the most important aspect of Kleem is trust in life…a trust that the right things are happening at the right times. I still have people contacting me in a random/synchronistic way exactly when I have open timeslots in my schedule and dont really know what to do.

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#429

Its very interesting. On that MDMA trip I was able to discern if a desire to do something is coming from my mind (aka the past) or from my heart/sternum region…
I still am able to differentiate between those two places…
it feels like when it comes from my sternum/heart area its an autenthic thing from me, and from my minds its more a strategic move from my mind that was shaped by my past.
I start to be able to discern those two also sober.

#430

Yesterday evening I had an experience that felt quite scary. I had it also on mdma for a moment.
It was a moment where I felt complete. I felt unconditional happiness. I was content with everything…There was nothing I wanted to do or have…pure beingness
And at the same time I felt empty. Today this feeling is also still here.

I feel like I should follow an advice that I gave my best friend on the phone yesterday…
I need to create a BUCKET LIST for my life…
Not with things that I NEED to experience, but that would be nice to experience

Bucket List

  • I want to explore my sexuality
  • At some point a threesome MFF would be nice
  • I want experience what it is to be a wanted Man and be craved for
  • I want to experience again my masculinity in contact with a woman who is in her feminine and surrenders to me
  • I wann experience some more magic in life…though right now I feel quite content with the level of magic in my life
  • I want to spend quality time with man and woman (!!) that are interesting to me
  • I want to go diving again
  • At some point I want to have an impact on the life of others and make it better
  • I want to earn my own money in a way that I like to do…in an effortless way
  • At some point I want to have a stable, trusting Long term relationship, but it doesnt have to come right now
  • My dream worklife would be that I am someone who holds transformative containers and that I am invited to hold them all around the world. In a way where I only have to take care of the “meat of the work” and not having to hassle with organizational stuff

In sexual shamanism one of my teachers said that sexuality is the keay to getting to know what you want…so I guess the answer is clear…WB again ^^

Other than that, I would like to include some more efficiency into my life…there is some scariness in writing this, because the question pops up: What will I do with all this time and energy that I then open up?
Also I would like to constrain myself a bit more with my spendings. Not necessarily the big stuff, but small energy leaks, where I really leak money.

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#431

So what do I want to bring to peoples lifes? What is the goal or endresult of my coaching or mystery school?

  • Connect deeper to the body
  • Connect deeper to the essence of being
  • Learn to feel your authentic being and autenthic desires
  • Connect to the mystery and magic of life
  • Connect with your source of power
  • Conquer fear and limiting conditioning and believes

One thing that I am realizing more and more:
My biggest issue is Shame and embarassment. Its the biggest hindrance in my life. It blocks me from my sexuality the most.

#432

You could also consider doing Karate or Taekwondo. This kind of martial arts you can do without ever hitting somebody — or getting hit (you don’t need to do full contact for a full experience). Then there is also Tai chi a more meditation based martial art. Maybe that is something for you too. If you want something without to much philosophy, you could also consider Kickboxing, where also a light contact form exists. It’s not as brutal as Thai boxing but kind of similar. For Kung Foo I would recomend to have a look into Wing Chun.

Very interesting article about the different styles of Chinese Martial Arts: Styles of Chinese martial arts - Wikipedia

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#433

Thank you :+1:
Sadly i have to slow down my enthusiasm regardin martial arts, as till august i will be nearly nonstop traveling. But maybe i encouter some nice things in Bali.

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#434

So did a 1min loop of wanted black today.
It truly is an amazing sub. The level of manifastation is really nice.

Listened to rich dad, poor dad on blinkist on the way there…kinda blew my mind and gave me a completley new perspective on work.
Work to learn, rather than work to earn
After hearing that…i could imagine doing some really simple jobs to getbetter with social anxiety…helping out as a waiter for some shifts e.g.

Also wanted black seems to really shift mx perspective onto the positive…need to go to the hospital today for a check…and i could catch my negative bias of “they wont be able to help me anyhow and its a waste of time” and replaceit with…i am open to what life can teach me on there and maybe the doctor ther can give me some more guidance and clues how to go further