Yeah, I think two cognitive titles is too much. Pick one.
You could take more rest days and re-evaluate.
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Was thinking this morning that I’ll delay Limitless (again) and finish up the QL cycle. Then was thinking if I should run something in Limitless’ place the next two weeks. TWTP was planned for a while.
Attempted @Malkuth’s meditation tips tonight.
Having some small realisations that seem TWTP-related. On one hand they anger me, on the other they make me realize I have a bit more value/power than I thought.
A little of the weariness yesterday. Feels like brainwork again, just regarding social situations.
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Cipher was easy, hung up about the last number for a bit. Dunno about the right blanks, but could need to unlock something else first.
Had dreams yesterday, will take the hint and start TWTP.
Started TWTP.
Nothing to note today. I guess it’s a positive, in the sense that I don’t have to deal with bullshit today.
Actually as I typed that I wonder if I’m thinking about TWTP the wrong way? I kept thinking “run TWTP to handle shit”, but I don’t have a constructive goal for it, just a preventative one.
Should I be aiming for something? Promotions? Not interested atm, and ambition seems better served by Emperor/Stark Black. Power? Not sure what kind, maybe to get eyeblights out of this office. The closest I can think of is being an effective lead when I have to lead starting July.
What do TWTP runners aim for?
“Why, no, of course not. Whatever made you think that?”
Past trying, past treating them as anything but vermin. Ironically, LB led me to this conclusion.
Leverage, hm.
I don’t intend to leave, I’ve been here before the vermin started on their majors in pestilence.
Hm, have witnessed this before (excessive food during family gatherings). I should watch for it in my own actions.
Energy “bloat” into “heatiness” and dry throat. Experienced once during KB3 and once during KB4. Perhaps next cycle I need to go back to KB1/2…
Out with a few colleagues and near the end one began talking about a spiritual retreat he went for. In his words, he went in as a “Muggle” and went 0->100 in terms of spiritual experiences. He was careful to start off with “scientifically it doesn’t make sense and you’ll probably want to call the mental hotline when I’m done talking, but that’s what I experienced”, because most people in this workplace are “scientific” and “logical” (my cubicle-neighbour mocked qigong practices quite often)
So when I asked him about more details when we were 1-1, he was surprised that I know what chakras are.
A thing he mentioned: “…like when you’re angry it’s in your head and that day I felt my emotions in my heart…” I thought I was the only one who experienced anger in my head.
I didn't publicly journal this before, but this was the result of my LB listen in March
During the washout, the anger I have over the offensive people, moved from my head to my heart. I’d experienced this once a few years ago after a 30-day Mars/Mangal mantra to control my emotions, while my father was giving me shit. Unlike head-anger, which is mixed with misery and headaches, this heart-anger feels clean. Vindicated. Justified. And it’s been permanently relocated there regarding these topics. That’s why I’ve become more comfortable with being contemptuous towards offensive people, instead of the old “what did I do wrong” etc.
Hand-eye completely off today. Otherwise, a quiet weekend.
Wrapping up QL. Looking back, QL3 was the most tangibly impactful sub, so if I revisit QL I think I’ll go to that.
Want to squeeze Limitless and TWTP into a custom, but probably should run both titles for a full cycle first.
As I was doing cooking and chores I kept noting how inefficient my movements were, so if I go for the custom I probably should add Machine: Action or one of the Machine Synergies.
1 week+ impression of TWTP: Not getting Emperor’s overt jadedness, but when an offensive person shows up, I feel anger stir but am able to let it “glide” in the immediate environment. May be other factors too.
So far no rudeness like on Emperor other than from the usual culprits. Today observed some nasty behaviour happening to others in a public area and feeling sympathetic/wondering how to deal with it.
Writing the idea down:
- Limitless core (general, intelligence on different fronts)
- The Streams (cognitive)
- Stillmind (cognitive, unfog)
- Synergy: Subconscious Mastery [+1] (cognitive, intuition)
- Focus: Merger of Worlds (cognitive, intuition)
- Subconscious Flow (general)
- Synergy: Thunderstruck [+2] (sport)
- Focus: Master’s coordination (sport, music, skills)
- Heracles (sport, music, skills)
- Inexhaustible (general)
- Synergy: Machine Totality [+2] (productivity)
- Overdrive (success :’))
- Emperor: The Will To Power core (office and social politics)
- Synergy: Tale of the Dragon [+3] (work, social)
- Synergy: Voice is the Law [+1] (work, social, music)
If maxing out:
- Focus: BLINK (sport, drumming?)
- Focus: Thunder (sport)
- Focus: Dragon Tongue (work, social)
- Focus: Machine: Action (productivity)
- Synergy: Winner’s Overdrive [+1] (More success :’))
15, or 16-20?
Dinner with an old friend I haven’t physically met for years. 
Fun time, relaxed, smooth conversation which is something I barely had with anyone the past two years. Then again that’s why we’re friends. And similar interests (nerding over Gundam SEED Freedom, interest in martial arts, fellow bean cooker and eater).
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Today feeling as if there’s some mild recon, as in described sub effects are not there. In the middle of washout.
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Tried to meditate this morning. Woke up, mooched around a bit, laid on the couch. Digital clock nearby said 8.16am.
- Before this I first woke up ~6am in a bad mood, tried to sleep it off, the state was something like after a raging/crying bout
- Initially interrupted by sneezes
- Had urges to “do something”, visualize or affirm. Hard to not try and “make changes happen” because the past years it’s been a frustrating feeling of “nothing’s changing in spite of what I do” (from IRL actions to manifestation methods and subs). Kept telling myself “just let my body/mind do its thing”
- Breathing is faster and a bit more shallow when I’m trying not to control it
- At first I imagined looking at myself from beside the couch. Hard to visualize, image keeps switching. Also I’ve always had a problem with visualizing my own face, it’s like a mannequin
- Went to “ride inside” my body, observed innards and visualised my surroundings from there. More stable/detailed. Mind still wanders
At some point, there was a noticeable “shift”. Idk if this is the “alpha state”, it feels different from when I listen to guided meditation audios. Wasn’t drowsy, was still conscious and aware of traffic noises.
- Immediate urges to affirm, or stop and get up
- Breathing slowed down by itself
- Little brief pains around my body. Unusual places too - below the knee, finger knuckles
- Mind still wanders/babbles
When I decided to get up it was 8.36am, so double my last attempt that used a timer.
That was interesting! Thanks @Malkuth for the advice!
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Wow.
Nicely done.
I can only imagine what you’ll discover going forward.
I’m familiar with those some of those reference points:
particularly that ‘noticeable “shift”’. I’ve been experiencing those quite a lot lately.
There’s really no way to mess up meditation. Don’t get me wrong. We can surely ‘mess up’ the little ‘sub-quests’ of particular skills, projects, tasks and so on. But the large, big picture? That’s pretty unassailable. You’re connecting to reality. What can happen that’s not reality? So, that’s cool.
But within that, there are so many smaller places to go and visit and experience.
Wishing you many good journeys.
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2nd attempt this morning. Didn’t get the “shift” feeling this time. My shoulders’ slight soreness (shadowboxed yesterday) took most of the attention. Untimed duration was 20 minutes exact again 
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New cycle starting off with Limitless 3min, TWTP 3min. But nothing to write regarding these today.
Haven’t eaten fish for a while, saw shishamo on a cheap offer. A lot of sodium though, even just baking without any condiments. Is there a way to desalinate(?) them?
Can’t remember where I heard it from: “Presentation is everything”.
- Sporadically wearing a shirt in a T-shirt/polo office draws a lot of trivial attention. “You going on a date later HumanBean?”
- First week of bringing lunchboxes, I didn’t arrange the food: “Looks edible.” Started arranging them: “Wow looks real good, how did you make the omelette?” Just blanched vegetables and eggs.
What started as drumming practice became Kali double stick drill.
Laughing at discombobulate memes afterwards.
Which reminds me I haven’t run Spartan: Apex Warrior for 4+ months, but I don’t foresee when I have the space for it again…
If everyone is you pushed out, then I am everyone pushed out?
The conflict between “now you know how it feels like” and “I’m not lowering myself to your level”.
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