A human bean's journal

Journals - Major Programs
#205

Decided to listen to Alchemist 4 3min on Tuesday night. No head denseness, so far observed some spiritual discipline (Alch1) and mood lift (Alch2). It’s unusual of me to be on the bus and think “it’s a fair morning”.

…I typed the above on the last part of travelling, entered the office and within 5 minutes had to deal with some bullshit. :roll_eyes:

For what it’s worth I may be experiencing the Rogue part of Synergy: At the Top in the ASBR custom v2. Hopefully with the help of Ebon Maneuver I won’t get into further shit… or I’m done caring? Not like being submissively compliant has kept me out of it

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#206

Today was a chilly day which made me notice one downside since stopping KB. Although my arms are still warm, I don’t have that “layer of warmth” around my skin, so when the wind hit my arms I felt the chill.

Today melancholic over a persisting problem in my physical environment - my interests are too niche, or if not I’m apparently too ‘hardcore’ for the casuals and too ‘casual’ for the hardcores. Wrote a long list down, but one example is having read the Silmarillion Hobbit, apparently that’s too ‘hardcore’ to the “book/LotR/fantasy lovers” I’ve met. Then on the other side, I’m a casual because I don’t understand Tolkien’s linguistic nuances and haven’t played War of the Ring. Another is my dabbling in martial arts - to the hardcores, I’m too casual and am not training enough. To others, it’s not gym or basketball, so apparently I don’t exercise. Applies to other things too, even work.

Not being able to find common interests or at least sell mine is troublesome when meeting people. Previous listens of YANA or IC didn’t help in this regard, but now I wish I had one of them or Synergy: Perfection Manifestation in my current custom.

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#207

First result on current project and I get some audible cred for changes I made that contributed, so good start to the week.

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#208

Recent work is more significant than realized and brought to more people’s attention, including what I did without me speaking up, so thanks to ASBR and Overdrive kicking in.

Some petty vindication: last year a junior spread shit that I got an old project shut down (from supervisors, there were politics on their level, e.g. when I moved to my ‘results’ slides the clients outright said ‘skip’, but that junior went around saying I messed up technically), and he was present when I was name-dropped.

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#209

Reading through Alchemist: Singularity, I don’t know if I want to run it now. If in the earlier half of this year maybe, but I’ve already exerted a lot of mental effort reconciling conflicting thoughts, and don’t really need to exacerbate mental paralysis with the different viewpoints thing.

On the other hand, that’s mental, I don’t know if in a deeper level I’ve really resolved those conflicts.

^Case in point I do this “on the other hand” a lot already, don’t want to exacerbate this.

The energy generation is appealing since I’ve been crashing every night this week.

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#210

Gave the day to listing things out and there’re still a lot of areas with conflicting thoughts after all that Alchemist: Singularity can help out.

Probably start it next year, for December I’ll like to return to Alchemist 2. Along with the ASBR custom for a second cycle, with the recent results I think I don’t need to rotate yet. Want to add physical shifting as well.

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#211

New cycle next week.

Reviews about entering the zone and martial arts improvements on the new Mind’s Eye are very tempting…

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#212

‘I know what is the matter with me,’ (Gandalf) muttered, as he sat down by the door. ‘I need smoke! I have not tasted it since the morning before the snowstorm.’

In an emotional Moria this week because of the workplace, even if technical work was going well. With it an intense craving for dark chocolate, haven’t tasted it for months since prices went up here. :confused:

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#213

A hint of what to run for this new cycle? Was told during lunch that where I’m rotating to will require me to do stuff “down the pipeline”, and a pro senior’s suggestion to get into it is to visualise. Not just to make it easier, but less dry as well.

To some extent this is already done in my current work and even back when studying, although in a more subtle “Lego things together” and “make new paths” kind of way.

Mind’s Eye is actually the first sub in my account, and there’s an interesting satisfaction downloading the new version.

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#214

Hm is this Mind’s Eye?

Noticed in the later half of the day that imagined touch is noticeably prevalent. So I tried an exercise I practised years back to imagine an apple, including holding and smelling it. My problem in the past was I couldn’t hold the stripes and shape of the apple consistently, it kept transforming. Today this is more stable but not entirely yet.

Back to the touch, I could already imagine the feel of the apple, but today it was the most prominent sensation, and I could imagine its weight in my hand, tossing it and unfortunately failing to catch it :sweat_smile:

Tried this with imagining foosball shots, unfortunately unless I focus hard I tend to imagine missing.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Limitless: Mind's Eye (Free Upgrade! Now Available!)
#215

So far my experience with New Limitless, title or core, I can’t detail much cognitive improvement, but noticed it gives an urge to share ponderings that I already do but usually keep private.

Today read writeups about ancient military and was musing about how some terms like “attrition warfare” have different and opposite definitions from modern connotations. Thought to post the whole chunk but ended up deleting it.

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#217

Really hard week. Nephew in hospital.

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#218

Hope he gets well. Will pray for him.

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#219

Thank you!

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#220

How is he?

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#221

He’s out of the hospital now, thanks. But it’s Type I diabetes, he has to take a blood test and insulin every meal.

The silver lining is he’s very brave about the jabs, and cheerier with the insulin.

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#222

Back to subs and myself I guess.

Taking a break from Alchemist, was cursing the “thirsting gods” last week.

Played my second and third loops of the new Mind’s Eye on Sunday night and Tuesday night. Each time the immediate effect is again a slightly stronger visualisation with a noticeably stronger sensation of touch.

I don’t know if this is normal or a me thing - that inertia when a person reads something over and over but doesn’t absorb it, it occurred to me that when I’m experiencing that, everything’s just “noise”, “coloured noise” for code on an editor. But when I get over that inertia is also when the words/code/etc start taking “shape”? This has always been before Mind’s Eye, and again perhaps is very normal, but consciously thought about it today. The bad side is my mind’s parser has become noticeably slow though, that’s why I’m noticing it.

TMI - Monday evening and this evening (~18 hours after the listens), I have an “itch” in the center of my brain, for the lack of a better word. It’s not the head denseness when listening to a new/dense sub. Think I have similar experiences with the Limitless title so noticed it, although I didn’t experience it in the ASBR-Limitless custom.

Regarding the custom: Since the start of December I’ve been thinking of a v3, swapping out Limitless and some modules I’m not working well with. Made the list before my nephew’s hospitalization, then rechecked it on Monday thinking to send it in before the holiday weeks. Then kept stalling and staring at the list. Now just saw the Chimney Sweeper thread and good thing I procrastinated?

Guess it’s also good to persist with the v2 longer, effectively took a washout last week. I’ll washout again before 2025. The not good again - the correlation between not listening to Fearsome/LPR and office presences…

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#223

Start of this week I “locked down” a younger colleague with a list of low-hanging todos, and sat beside his desk every two days walking him through them.

Today my supervisor’s back from vacation and went “Yes HumanBean well done! You’re finally pushing them.”

A positive experience? Guess I should work on my assertiveness.

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#224

Holiday month → few people in office → very good, very productive.

Foosball improved after a poor few weeks. There’s the “trying too hard” thing again - when I stop caring I ironically play better (well, less worse).

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#225

Thinking about Chimney Sweeper X, typed a long post pondering about two insecurities/traumas leading to hiding thoughts.

Ended up deleting it, ironically.

Reflecting that the new Limitless helps weaken the fear though, but I still haven’t resumed the custom.

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