A human bean's journal

Journals - Major Programs
#72

Hand-eye completely off today. Otherwise, a quiet weekend.

Wrapping up QL. Looking back, QL3 was the most tangibly impactful sub, so if I revisit QL I think I’ll go to that.

Want to squeeze Limitless and TWTP into a custom, but probably should run both titles for a full cycle first.

As I was doing cooking and chores I kept noting how inefficient my movements were, so if I go for the custom I probably should add Machine: Action or one of the Machine Synergies.

#73

1 week+ impression of TWTP: Not getting Emperor’s overt jadedness, but when an offensive person shows up, I feel anger stir but am able to let it “glide” in the immediate environment. May be other factors too.

So far no rudeness like on Emperor other than from the usual culprits. Today observed some nasty behaviour happening to others in a public area and feeling sympathetic/wondering how to deal with it.

#74

Writing the idea down:

  1. Limitless core (general, intelligence on different fronts)
  2. The Streams (cognitive)
  3. Stillmind (cognitive, unfog)
  4. Synergy: Subconscious Mastery [+1] (cognitive, intuition)
  5. Focus: Merger of Worlds (cognitive, intuition)
  6. Subconscious Flow (general)
  7. Synergy: Thunderstruck [+2] (sport)
  8. Focus: Master’s coordination (sport, music, skills)
  9. Heracles (sport, music, skills)
  10. Inexhaustible (general)
  11. Synergy: Machine Totality [+2] (productivity)
  12. Overdrive (success :’))
  13. Emperor: The Will To Power core (office and social politics)
  14. Synergy: Tale of the Dragon [+3] (work, social)
  15. Synergy: Voice is the Law [+1] (work, social, music)

If maxing out:

  1. Focus: BLINK (sport, drumming?)
  2. Focus: Thunder (sport)
  3. Focus: Dragon Tongue (work, social)
  4. Focus: Machine: Action (productivity)
  5. Synergy: Winner’s Overdrive [+1] (More success :’))

15, or 16-20?

#75

Dinner with an old friend I haven’t physically met for years. :slightly_smiling_face:

Fun time, relaxed, smooth conversation which is something I barely had with anyone the past two years. Then again that’s why we’re friends. And similar interests (nerding over Gundam SEED Freedom, interest in martial arts, fellow bean cooker and eater).

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#76

Today feeling as if there’s some mild recon, as in described sub effects are not there. In the middle of washout.

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#77

Tried to meditate this morning. Woke up, mooched around a bit, laid on the couch. Digital clock nearby said 8.16am.

  • Before this I first woke up ~6am in a bad mood, tried to sleep it off, the state was something like after a raging/crying bout
  • Initially interrupted by sneezes
  • Had urges to “do something”, visualize or affirm. Hard to not try and “make changes happen” because the past years it’s been a frustrating feeling of “nothing’s changing in spite of what I do” (from IRL actions to manifestation methods and subs). Kept telling myself “just let my body/mind do its thing”
  • Breathing is faster and a bit more shallow when I’m trying not to control it
  • At first I imagined looking at myself from beside the couch. Hard to visualize, image keeps switching. Also I’ve always had a problem with visualizing my own face, it’s like a mannequin
  • Went to “ride inside” my body, observed innards and visualised my surroundings from there. More stable/detailed. Mind still wanders

At some point, there was a noticeable “shift”. Idk if this is the “alpha state”, it feels different from when I listen to guided meditation audios. Wasn’t drowsy, was still conscious and aware of traffic noises.

  • Immediate urges to affirm, or stop and get up
  • Breathing slowed down by itself
  • Little brief pains around my body. Unusual places too - below the knee, finger knuckles
  • Mind still wanders/babbles

When I decided to get up it was 8.36am, so double my last attempt that used a timer.

That was interesting! Thanks @Malkuth for the advice!

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#78

Wow.

Nicely done.

I can only imagine what you’ll discover going forward.

I’m familiar with those some of those reference points:

particularly that ‘noticeable “shift”’. I’ve been experiencing those quite a lot lately.

There’s really no way to mess up meditation. Don’t get me wrong. We can surely ‘mess up’ the little ‘sub-quests’ of particular skills, projects, tasks and so on. But the large, big picture? That’s pretty unassailable. You’re connecting to reality. What can happen that’s not reality? So, that’s cool.

But within that, there are so many smaller places to go and visit and experience.

Wishing you many good journeys.

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#79

2nd attempt this morning. Didn’t get the “shift” feeling this time. My shoulders’ slight soreness (shadowboxed yesterday) took most of the attention. Untimed duration was 20 minutes exact again :eyes:

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#80

New cycle starting off with Limitless 3min, TWTP 3min. But nothing to write regarding these today.

Haven’t eaten fish for a while, saw shishamo on a cheap offer. A lot of sodium though, even just baking without any condiments. Is there a way to desalinate(?) them?

#81

Can’t remember where I heard it from: “Presentation is everything”.

  • Sporadically wearing a shirt in a T-shirt/polo office draws a lot of trivial attention. “You going on a date later HumanBean?”
  • First week of bringing lunchboxes, I didn’t arrange the food: “Looks edible.” Started arranging them: “Wow looks real good, how did you make the omelette?” Just blanched vegetables and eggs.
#82

What started as drumming practice became Kali double stick drill.

Laughing at discombobulate memes afterwards.

Which reminds me I haven’t run Spartan: Apex Warrior for 4+ months, but I don’t foresee when I have the space for it again…

#83

If everyone is you pushed out, then I am everyone pushed out?

The conflict between “now you know how it feels like” and “I’m not lowering myself to your level”.

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#84

Just curious. This is your first public journal. Did you start with KB4, or did you go through all the stages?

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#85

Went through it

#86

Looking at ASBR and it feels like it covers the mains of what I’m trying to get from Limitless + TWTP. Replacing will trade Limitless’s body-kinesthetic intelligence for resilience which I also need.

I think instead of the custom I’ll consider ASBR next month. Thanks @Lion @TheGreenMan @Jouissance for your advice nevertheless. :slight_smile:

Rerun Spartan as 3rd title in July/August? Was thinking of trying Sanguine because of recent meditation attempts.

Quite a few (narrow) wins at 2v2 foosball today, thanks to the attackers but I got a “you’re blocking much better now, just need power”.

3 Likes
#87

Having fun in the custom store:
idea_4

idea_5

idea_1

idea_2

idea_3a

#88

Went to a funeral.

The late person was a quiet person in his 50s living alone. From what I know quite a few who visited were associates of relatives.

Feels lonely.
On the other hand, a bit more tranquil, with the people who mattered.

Never ignore health symptoms, always get a checkup. If the doctor is bad it’s on the doctor.

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#89

“And here comes in the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both; but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”

#90

Feels like TWTP’s showing me a lot of external information about social games and politics (there’s even some drama about office politics airing here), but I’m too socially inept to apply them and feel exhausted trying to read and react to people. Pretty sure I’m ‘learning’ completely wrong, probably trying too hard.

Wish to just have a peaceful worklife and go out after being myself while the bad stuff just stays away.

#91

Well what was an emotional rollercoaster of a week has a calmer and happier Friday night.

Thinking’s about it, there’s no point working on my intelligence if I’m too upset to work. I need to get to a better emotional state first.

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