A human bean's journal

Journals - Major Programs
#209

Reading through Alchemist: Singularity, I don’t know if I want to run it now. If in the earlier half of this year maybe, but I’ve already exerted a lot of mental effort reconciling conflicting thoughts, and don’t really need to exacerbate mental paralysis with the different viewpoints thing.

On the other hand, that’s mental, I don’t know if in a deeper level I’ve really resolved those conflicts.

^Case in point I do this “on the other hand” a lot already, don’t want to exacerbate this.

The energy generation is appealing since I’ve been crashing every night this week.

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#210

Gave the day to listing things out and there’re still a lot of areas with conflicting thoughts after all that Alchemist: Singularity can help out.

Probably start it next year, for December I’ll like to return to Alchemist 2. Along with the ASBR custom for a second cycle, with the recent results I think I don’t need to rotate yet. Want to add physical shifting as well.

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#211

New cycle next week.

Reviews about entering the zone and martial arts improvements on the new Mind’s Eye are very tempting…

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#212

‘I know what is the matter with me,’ (Gandalf) muttered, as he sat down by the door. ‘I need smoke! I have not tasted it since the morning before the snowstorm.’

In an emotional Moria this week because of the workplace, even if technical work was going well. With it an intense craving for dark chocolate, haven’t tasted it for months since prices went up here. :confused:

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#213

A hint of what to run for this new cycle? Was told during lunch that where I’m rotating to will require me to do stuff “down the pipeline”, and a pro senior’s suggestion to get into it is to visualise. Not just to make it easier, but less dry as well.

To some extent this is already done in my current work and even back when studying, although in a more subtle “Lego things together” and “make new paths” kind of way.

Mind’s Eye is actually the first sub in my account, and there’s an interesting satisfaction downloading the new version.

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#214

Hm is this Mind’s Eye?

Noticed in the later half of the day that imagined touch is noticeably prevalent. So I tried an exercise I practised years back to imagine an apple, including holding and smelling it. My problem in the past was I couldn’t hold the stripes and shape of the apple consistently, it kept transforming. Today this is more stable but not entirely yet.

Back to the touch, I could already imagine the feel of the apple, but today it was the most prominent sensation, and I could imagine its weight in my hand, tossing it and unfortunately failing to catch it :sweat_smile:

Tried this with imagining foosball shots, unfortunately unless I focus hard I tend to imagine missing.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Limitless: Mind's Eye (Free Upgrade! Now Available!)
#215

So far my experience with New Limitless, title or core, I can’t detail much cognitive improvement, but noticed it gives an urge to share ponderings that I already do but usually keep private.

Today read writeups about ancient military and was musing about how some terms like “attrition warfare” have different and opposite definitions from modern connotations. Thought to post the whole chunk but ended up deleting it.

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#217

Really hard week. Nephew in hospital.

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#218

Hope he gets well. Will pray for him.

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#219

Thank you!

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#220

How is he?

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#221

He’s out of the hospital now, thanks. But it’s Type I diabetes, he has to take a blood test and insulin every meal.

The silver lining is he’s very brave about the jabs, and cheerier with the insulin.

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#222

Back to subs and myself I guess.

Taking a break from Alchemist, was cursing the “thirsting gods” last week.

Played my second and third loops of the new Mind’s Eye on Sunday night and Tuesday night. Each time the immediate effect is again a slightly stronger visualisation with a noticeably stronger sensation of touch.

I don’t know if this is normal or a me thing - that inertia when a person reads something over and over but doesn’t absorb it, it occurred to me that when I’m experiencing that, everything’s just “noise”, “coloured noise” for code on an editor. But when I get over that inertia is also when the words/code/etc start taking “shape”? This has always been before Mind’s Eye, and again perhaps is very normal, but consciously thought about it today. The bad side is my mind’s parser has become noticeably slow though, that’s why I’m noticing it.

TMI - Monday evening and this evening (~18 hours after the listens), I have an “itch” in the center of my brain, for the lack of a better word. It’s not the head denseness when listening to a new/dense sub. Think I have similar experiences with the Limitless title so noticed it, although I didn’t experience it in the ASBR-Limitless custom.

Regarding the custom: Since the start of December I’ve been thinking of a v3, swapping out Limitless and some modules I’m not working well with. Made the list before my nephew’s hospitalization, then rechecked it on Monday thinking to send it in before the holiday weeks. Then kept stalling and staring at the list. Now just saw the Chimney Sweeper thread and good thing I procrastinated?

Guess it’s also good to persist with the v2 longer, effectively took a washout last week. I’ll washout again before 2025. The not good again - the correlation between not listening to Fearsome/LPR and office presences…

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#223

Start of this week I “locked down” a younger colleague with a list of low-hanging todos, and sat beside his desk every two days walking him through them.

Today my supervisor’s back from vacation and went “Yes HumanBean well done! You’re finally pushing them.”

A positive experience? Guess I should work on my assertiveness.

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#224

Holiday month → few people in office → very good, very productive.

Foosball improved after a poor few weeks. There’s the “trying too hard” thing again - when I stop caring I ironically play better (well, less worse).

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#225

Thinking about Chimney Sweeper X, typed a long post pondering about two insecurities/traumas leading to hiding thoughts.

Ended up deleting it, ironically.

Reflecting that the new Limitless helps weaken the fear though, but I still haven’t resumed the custom.

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#226

wck2024

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#227

Feeling the ebb of energy, want to return to Khan Black.

Good time to reflect on how I’ve been covering the work of 3 people since August.

The silver lining is the other subteam and my supervisor see who’s working, but it’s not healthy and is my leadership failure. And if I rotate someone needs to take over my part.

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#228

Last evening reflected a persistent problem:

  • My sister suddenly asked me if I remembered some math syntax. Off the top of my head I thought “area formed by change-in-y and change-in-z, at a specific value of x”. But because I haven’t touched multivariate calculus for a long time and it was a physics context, I told her I didn’t know. Then went to dig for another example that confirmed that before I could answer her.

I have a lack of confidence in my own knowledge, worsened a formal-semantics-based need to be very precise. This is one insecurity leading to hiding thoughts and like above going “I don’t know”. This is something the difficult colleague likes to jab me with for as long as we’ve been in the same projects, admitting last January that he feels the “need to test” me.

On the other hand, it’s also good to be cautious:

  • Positive: Related to above, my sister is more patient with me, so my followup with a visual to better explain was appreciated.
  • Negative: Sometime in July I responded to someone “Yes Swift is dynamically-typed”… while my mind’s eye was holding the mental image of “var x: Int”. Derp.
  • More derp: Last week I looked at the number 174 and said “seven one four”. Luckily I was muttering to myself, but it’s not the first time (this year?). Not just my mind’s parser, something’s wrong with my I/O especially in the later half of this year. It could be a lack of focus.
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#229

Supposed to washout but felt meh this morning. Impulsively downloaded and listened to 3m30s of Khan Black 1 while on the bus. About two stops after that, started feeling physically good, arms warmer.

So the 2025 plan:

  1. ASBR-Limitless custom ,then reassess when Beyond Limitless comes out.
  2. Go through the stages of Khan Black again. Have a thought to interleave with Alchemist stages, but maybe keep it simple first.
Main Disc. Thread - Khan Black: The Crucible (Custom Core Now Available!)