I feel like i may be relying on this sub a bit to much. Its undeniably doing a lot of stuff, but its not like listening to some water for a few hours a day is gonna make all my problems go away and make everything perfect. I really need to search more to fond ways that i can improve on my own as well. Its time to take some more action!
That’s the spirit!
1 Like
I was reading the wanted sales page, and the part about owning your imperfections and flaws really spoke to me. I feel like i may have been trying to hard to change everything, to make all my flaws “dissappear” and by doing that, each of my flaws and imperfections make me so much more insecure that they would if i just accept them as they are and move on. I really should stop being so hyperfocussed on changing everything and be more accepting of myself.
1 Like
I fell to temptation. I have said in this journal a whole lot of times that i wanted to run DR solo for a long time and only start stacking a few months into the final stage. But my excitement just became to much after saying the new wanted sub, and talking to people about a college stack. My excitement really got to me and i bailed on that original idea of just focussing on DR, and went and bought stark, wanted and love bomb.
Im simultaneously a bit dissappointed that feel into the trap of not being able to completely finish what i started, but also just so excited to be able to check how these new subs will affect me!
I will keep DR as my main sub, with both wanted and stark as secondairys. Im still a bit on the fence on how im gonna continue with DR. My intuition has been saying for a week now that im ready to move to the final stage, and from what ive read the final stage is definitely the best one to stack with, so i might just move onto the final stage soon. If i choose to go with that option than ill probably run the final stage alone for a few weeks, and than start stacking when i feel like im ready for it.
1 Like
Wait? I actually got so much knowledge of myself and such out of stage 3 of DR.
It all happened so gradually so i didnt even notice, its not like i got to many real epiphanies or anything like that. I was just thinking about some of my flaws and all that, and than it hit me, i could just name them all easily without really any emotions attached to them. I suddenly started to question “has this always been the case? Have i always been selfaware to this extend?”. The answer is no, in the past i really wasnt able to so easily name all my flaws, having fully accepted them all. I had no idea how much this stage has been doing, but now i realise, it really is a lot. As much as i hate this stage, i also really love it.
1 Like
Theres one sort of “problem” though. So much of my interest and drive to keep improving was fueled by insecurity. At this point i seem to have accepted all my flaws and strengths, and the insecurities are mostly gone. This has kind of had a ripple effect where i just dont really know what i want anymore. Ive spend the past 3 days just doing nothing for the most part as i just find myself with so little idea of things to do. I really need to pick up some new hobbies or something
1 Like
Here’s an idea to jump start it:
What were your hobbies as a child?
What dreams and hopes did you have as a child?
Perhaps you could re-visit those.
2 Likes
Mhmm, what i could mostly remember is that i spend most of my time either playing with action figures or playing soccer with friends. I wouldnt mind trying soccer again as that has been a long time, but with corona and all that isnt really a possibility in my country
Today starting with ST4!
I feel like ive already gotten almost everything out of ST3, Qv2 definitely works a lot quicker than v1 so even despite me being on that stage for less long than the other stages, it still feels like it has gone even deeper and done even more than the others. Now its time for the final sprint!! The last challenges! Stagee 4, the stage that combines everything, im so excited to see what this stage has to offer!!
2 Likes
Its only the first day so im not sure if this is the sub or not, but rn im feeling really great. I find myself feeling intensely optimistic about everything.
There is one slight annoyance with this stage, and just every stage of DR in general. I am starting to somewhat dislike how much im focussing inwards rather than enjoying the moment on DR. It makes sense why this is the case, but still, i wouldnt mind being more in the moment.
Aside from this slight grasp so far the final stage feels suprisingly good. It actually feels like at this point i get to enjoy the benefits of all the healing of the previous stages, and what it all has let too. It finally feels like i no longer have to wait to experience the benefits of all the hell ive been through, and i can finally enjoy everything.
1 Like
ST4 still feels really good so far. I cant put my finger exactly on why this is and im not sure if this is gonna continue being the case, it could even be that its just because the previous 3 stages were soo bad that it just feels good in comparison. But whatever it is, so far this stage feels very liberating. Although i have no idea whats happening in the slightest.
I also tried running a loop of WANTED to test it out. That one made me feel even better! I cant understate how cool the vibe is that WANTED gives you. It just made me feel so extremely confident, and not in a cocky, assholish way. It also seemed like i automaticly got everyones attention without even trying, even dogs and deers of all things seemed to really want my attention, wich ive never experienced before, not to this extend at least.
1 Like
That explains why dogs keeps looking at me all the time now 
1 Like
One thing that has become blatantly clear to me is just how much eating junk and snacks affects my mood. I can eat a bag of chips and than just feel so awfull for the next 4 hours. Things like this happen really often because im the type of person that ones i start eating some snack, i have a real hard tome ressisting the urge to just eat more and more. This is really something i have to work on to keep my mental health in check.
Aside from this ST4 has still been really calm and good. Im somewhat prepared that it will get harder as that was what i had been mentally preparing for for the past 3 stages, but so far it only seems to be getting better and better. Could it be that the final stage is also the easiest?
1 Like
Another thing. My Emotional control feels so much better than it ever has been. I always had a tendency to stick to a negative emotion for far longer than was necessary. Somewhere around the end of stage 3/the start of ST4 this seemed to suddenly change though. Right now while i still feel some heavy negative emotions sometimes, i can quite quickly move away from them and allow myself to feel more positively again. I have a feeling that this is gonna make a huge difference on my quality of life if this keeps being the case.
Im thinking, maybe i want to stack WANTED already? The focus will ofcourse still be on DR but it just loved the feel that that combo gave me so much.
Alright guys this is it. This is the big one.
So im not sure why, but i always had like this really scared voice in my head that was always afraid that if i fucked up something that i could lose every relationship i had just like that.
So much of my life ive spend trying to please that voice, make sure people like me, trying my hardest to be nice to everyone and all that stuff, while simultaniously feeling like i was fucked up because i always felt like i could just lose everyone and everything if i do a small thing wrong. (This all is ofcourse all very overexaggerated, it wasnt this bad, but still, it makes it easier to make my point).
I was always so busy with thinking of all the reasons that the voice is there, all the “issues” with me.
Now it hit me… the voice is not a symptom… the voice is the problem. It makes perfect sense, all my issues i can think off can all in some way be tracked to that voice that makes me so scared of losing all my relationships. Its like this thing is the glue that held all my issues together.
Soo this voice obviously indicates some kind of abandanment issues, wich is really weird as i dont remember ever really being abandant. But these types of issues usually come from very early childhood so its not to weird that i cant point to an event that caused it.
Also after this realisation came my intuition told me to go do some inner child work, wich is something ive never done before. Im not sure why really, but im gonna trust that my intuition knows best.
Anyway, this is it guys. This is the big ones. With this it finally feels like DRs work is pretty much done. Ill still be running it for a few months to get rid of anything left, but if this is all that DR does, than im 100% satisfied, this is more than i ever couldve asked for. I really held this issue at identity level, and im pretty sure that having fixed this is gonna affect litterly every part of my being.
1 Like
The way I think of it is that at any time I have a thought or feeling, it might have nothing to do with external reality.
This is hard to admit. It’s not “manly” to have abandonment issues, right? We’re supposed to be dominant and independent… and not need anyone.
Fact is we are dependent on each other. The can of food you get at the store, that involved dozens of people to get to you. Transport. The factory that was built to can it. The farmer. The fertilizers that were produced to put on the soil. The people who build the farmer’s equipment. Etc.
Community involvement promotes health or is a protective factor against health problems.
Perhaps start by realizing that you do need others. We all do. Also having faith that others will like you even if you have imperfections.
Right on, man!
1 Like
Exactly man, we all really do need each other. You can get far on your own, but you can get soo much further with some help.
This was also a big one for me. Just realising how much dumb and even downright assholish things ive done over the years, and despite that there are still plenty of people that i can still, despite everything, rely to have my back at any time. These types of situations arent as serious as my mind makes me believe they are. dumb, rude things i do can easily be forgotten if i learn from them.
I have heard this before, how our thoughts are not really ours, but rn im really not spiritually far enough to be able to fully accept that.
1 Like
I am extremely satisfied with the dragon. Ive achieved all my goals i had for this sub, with the one exception of the vision. That said, i kinda realised that i dont even really care about that at this point in my life. I kinda want the next 2 years dedicated to just having fun living the college life and passing the classes. The real money comes after that, and when that day comes, im sure the dragon will be an amazing help with that
3 Likes