A dragon reborn from the ashes of my old self

Thank you for clarifying.

You could try 1 loop a day at 3 days a week and work up to 4 days. That might with any reconciliation or low energy you might have.

Alright, Im not truly able to see the power of the dragon. So i was doing shadow work, wich as you might know is basically trying to cut down all the negative things in your life and trying to find out what the root issue is, the issue/trait that youve been supressing is. I usually do this with a journal thats called “the shadow work journal” wich consist of a bunch of exercises and meditations where you reflect on parts of your life to expose the “shadow” that lies underneath it. This process used to be very hard for me, but today i continued after a hiatus for like 3 months, and it was so weirdly easy. Like i could reflect on bad traits i have, and dig deep into them, and it wouldnt really affect my mood at all. It was just like “oh cool, so thats why i do stuff like that” and than i moved on. Problems of the past really dont affect me at all anymore, it feels somewhat dissociated. Like im writing about a video game character rather than myself and being emotionally involved. And i mean this in a very positive way, i guess bad thoughts really dont effect me that much anymore and im quickly able to move onto better, more positive things.

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ST2 is actually going extremely smoothly lately! This is def a good idea to start out with when I move on to the next stages though, especcially that final stage thats supposedly even harder than ST2 was

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I’m glad st2 is going well for you.

Please keep posting.

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Thats the Dragon all right. Great effect.

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I came to a weird realisation. I found that my ego was actually limiting me heavily. A lot of my problems seem to originate from some deeply held narcistic feelings i have where i believe that i should be better than others. Im not sure why but i realised for most of my life ive just been chasing to proof to myself that im “not like others” and that im “better”. This may even have been a major part that i even started the self improvement journey in the first place, so i could reason to myself that because im actively working on myself im better than those that arent. This logic ofcourse doesnt really make sense and is a horrible motivator. This motivator also has been incredibly detrimental and expressed in negative ways like jealousy when someone else has something i dont and a bunch more shit. Ive now done some NLP techniques to really dumb this feeling down and it has resulted in me simply feeling a lot more peacefull and happy. This really seems to have changed me a lot for the better.

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It sounds like this is something that actually did serve a purpose for you if it’s what got you here, but now you don’t need it anymore. Good show.

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My productivity has returned and is stronger than ever. Im now utilising a habits app where it automaticly organises my daily and weekly tasks and all that, and it has made my life a lot easier. I still can sometimes spend a bit to much time doing nothing and browsing youtube or whatever, but that isnt to bad, i have enough free time to allow myself to waste a bit.

Ive also read the full manual again, and was reminded of the fact that before big changes happen it can result in a bit of time where it feels like nothing happens. I feel like i may have not had enough time on ST1 yet. It also said that for “major changes” to take place it can take around 6 months. Im totally confused how this works on a multistage. I hope its enough to spend 2 months on the first 3 stages and than 6 months on the final stage for that major change to take place, but i may have to spend some more time on this sub than i planned for, or possibly even start over again with ST1 if that is neccessairy. Im dedicated to get every possible thing from this sub and if a year on this sub is enough, than i guess ill just have to spend even more time on it.

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A quick realisation: While doing shadowwork i noticed that there was one thing that did heavily bother me, and that was when i was thinking about the future. I just dont know my place in life and in wich direction i want to go. I used to mostly be thinking about the more short term pleasures. Things like partying, girls, things like that. That slowly seems to have changed though and i now also want to focus more on things that are also usefull on the longterm. But there are 2 problems with this.

  1. Like i said before, i just have no idea what direction i want to go in in life.

  2. I dont want to neglect the more shortterm pleasures like partying etc either. I want to live life to the fullest and not just be busy with the future.

I hope that this first problem might get fixed to some extend after some more introspective work and with stage 3. And with the second problem, ill just have to find a balance.

Anyway, i definitely do feel that ive heavily matured in a lot more rapid pace because of this sub. The fact that im thinking of more than just short term stuff like partying and all that is a big sign of growth. This sub truly is amazing.

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Month 1 of ST2 complete!

Heres what i noticed about this stage:
Every time it seems like it starts by taking some problem or insecurity of mine and blowing it way out of proportion, making it seem far worse than it actually is. In the first week it was that i was terrified of every car i saw as i was worried about a car crash for instance. Than over the course of a week or 2 this insecurity/problem/fear gets slowly cleared untill its completely gone.

This is the pattern that kept happening on this stage, i wonder if others had this same experience?

The things that got worked on thus far for me are:

  • the previously mentioned fear of a car crash.
  • my productivity (its mindblowing how much i do each day rn)
  • worries about the past
    And rn i feel its working on my shyness.

As hard as this stage is at times, i do kind of love it, it works tremendously well for clearing things. Whenever i feel some overblown insecurity about something at this point i kind of get excited, because i know very soon this insecurity will get cleared completely. I cant wait to see how much ive changed after this stage is done!

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I’m very happy about your progress!

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I feel im very close to a breakthrough. I had another few big revelations. Firstly, there is my great deter against what yall would call “alpha”. Ive always despised that archetype and heavily ressisted it. When someone would come with some redpill stuff I in the past would just roll my eyes and see him as some sort of a clown. Looking back im not proud of that behaviour/ressistance. It does somewhat make sense though as that archetype kind of perfectly represents my shadow. The “alpha” for me gives me the image of someone that sees his worth as defined by how many woman he slept with and how much money he has (not trying to say this is accurate at all, but that is the archetype i automaticly associate with alpha). I really ressisted this type of thinking. Always arguing that all those material things really dont have any meaning at all compared to simple happyness and contentment. I still agree with that take, but i have found out that i have very much been repressing how much i define others value by the amount of female attention they get, and how much money they have. I am absolutely not above that “alpha archetype” i have. I care just as much about those things wether i admit it or not. If anything im a lot worse of by repressing these things.

The other thing i define alpha as is a person that always knows to stand up for himself. This has been a big issue for me. I very much avoid confrontation and try very hard for as many people as possible to like me (even if i thereby heavily censor myself).

This last thing is also the biggest thing why i have such trouble relating to “the alpha”. That archetype is known for not caring what others think of him. This is perhaps my biggest flaw i have. I am terrified of people rejecting me or excluding me or whatever. This is the problem i really hope DR will address. This isnt even a very valid fear as it is not at all common for me to really be excluded from stuff… yet this fear for it has always been there, and has given me a lot of difficulty in sooo many situations.

Conclusion: I was kind of a fool to reject the idea of “being alpha” for so long. There are a lot of qualities i can take from that that i probably need even more than most others.

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I feel like ive gotten as much of a breakthrough as i possibly can while remaining in my comfort-zone of being at home in quarantine. Ive completed the shadow work journal. So now the next step for me is to actually start getting out of my comfortzone and doing shit. Not gonna lie I am a bit scared as ive at this point been in my comfort-zone stuck at home in quarantaine for like a year now. I need to get out there. Start doing shit. Ik not completely sure how i wanna do this, but ill find something. I might start a little business on the side again, that was kind of fun. Im also gonna start looking for a side hustle to make some extra cash. Its time to get out there back in the real world.

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Lots of us in similar scenarios because of lock down, I’m same as you, been at home for about a year. You’ll be fine! Keep journaling through it and you’ll get support here too. We got this. :ok_hand:

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@TheDerpinator

Give your self lots of credit for your break throughs. It’s not easily re-evaluating cherished beliefs man!

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Its been a wild ride, but in the end its def been worth it. I feel very peacefull now.

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Im thinking of using an ultima to try and push me out of my comfortzone. There are a few i have in mind right now. The first is limit destroyer, i find the description kind of vague and cant find much about it, so if someone can clear some things up about this sub it would be much appreciated. But “breaking through your limits” sounds like its similair to coming out of your comfortzone (?).

The other option would be one of the executives to up my productivity even more wich might help.

And finally, although its no an ultima, would be stark as ive read stark really pushes you to search for a vision like a nutjob and than follow that vision through all the hurdles.
Im not to confident about the last one as while on DR ive had a lot of times where ive felt like i needed another sub to deal with the issues that arises, just for DR to be able to clear them on its own a week or 2 later.

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I decided to start a small ecommerce store! It just sounds fun to do that so why not.

As for DR, I really feel like I’ve gotten everything out of ST2 that i can get out of it. I honestly feel like I greatly overstimated how much healing i needed and underestimated how powerfull DR is. I cant think of many things left that could be healed (Im probably gonna regret saying this in the next stages lol). I think next week Im gonna move to ST3 and go from there. Im pretty excited about that stage, getting a deeper understanding of myself sounds really cool and incredibly usefull.

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My productivity keeps being extremely good. I am noticing a lot of inner ressistance when it comes to starting the ecommerce business though. I guess that may be because of how far out of my confortzone it is. This is a sign to me that im doing quite well, my goal as i mentioned previously is to get as much out of my confortzone as i can.

Another thing to note is the dreams, theyve been reallyyy weird. Last night i dreamt that i kept continually being attacked by lions, but it wasnt like this frightened me or anything, i was more annoyed than anything. Everytime the lion tried to jump on me i slapped it out of the air with a chair. Meanwhile i was yelling at some other person in the room if he could give me a knife so i could do some more damage to the lions haha.
The theme of being attacked by scary animals but not really being scared or affected at all by it has been really prevelant for some reason. Just last night i had a similair dream in a lake with alligators.
In the past few days there has been one dream that has really affected me, and that was a dream where i woke up staring at a door realising that the past 18 years of my life have all been in my head while in reality i was just staring at this door the entire time. This dream really freaked me out. Like all other DR dreams it was extremelyy vivid and i just felt so much terror when i thought my entire life was all just not real. I have no idea what any of these dreams could mean, and if they even mean anything at all.

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