Mhmm, what i could mostly remember is that i spend most of my time either playing with action figures or playing soccer with friends. I wouldnt mind trying soccer again as that has been a long time, but with corona and all that isnt really a possibility in my country
Today starting with ST4!
I feel like ive already gotten almost everything out of ST3, Qv2 definitely works a lot quicker than v1 so even despite me being on that stage for less long than the other stages, it still feels like it has gone even deeper and done even more than the others. Now its time for the final sprint!! The last challenges! Stagee 4, the stage that combines everything, im so excited to see what this stage has to offer!!
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Its only the first day so im not sure if this is the sub or not, but rn im feeling really great. I find myself feeling intensely optimistic about everything.
There is one slight annoyance with this stage, and just every stage of DR in general. I am starting to somewhat dislike how much im focussing inwards rather than enjoying the moment on DR. It makes sense why this is the case, but still, i wouldnt mind being more in the moment.
Aside from this slight grasp so far the final stage feels suprisingly good. It actually feels like at this point i get to enjoy the benefits of all the healing of the previous stages, and what it all has let too. It finally feels like i no longer have to wait to experience the benefits of all the hell ive been through, and i can finally enjoy everything.
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ST4 still feels really good so far. I cant put my finger exactly on why this is and im not sure if this is gonna continue being the case, it could even be that its just because the previous 3 stages were soo bad that it just feels good in comparison. But whatever it is, so far this stage feels very liberating. Although i have no idea whats happening in the slightest.
I also tried running a loop of WANTED to test it out. That one made me feel even better! I cant understate how cool the vibe is that WANTED gives you. It just made me feel so extremely confident, and not in a cocky, assholish way. It also seemed like i automaticly got everyones attention without even trying, even dogs and deers of all things seemed to really want my attention, wich ive never experienced before, not to this extend at least.
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That explains why dogs keeps looking at me all the time now 
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One thing that has become blatantly clear to me is just how much eating junk and snacks affects my mood. I can eat a bag of chips and than just feel so awfull for the next 4 hours. Things like this happen really often because im the type of person that ones i start eating some snack, i have a real hard tome ressisting the urge to just eat more and more. This is really something i have to work on to keep my mental health in check.
Aside from this ST4 has still been really calm and good. Im somewhat prepared that it will get harder as that was what i had been mentally preparing for for the past 3 stages, but so far it only seems to be getting better and better. Could it be that the final stage is also the easiest?
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Another thing. My Emotional control feels so much better than it ever has been. I always had a tendency to stick to a negative emotion for far longer than was necessary. Somewhere around the end of stage 3/the start of ST4 this seemed to suddenly change though. Right now while i still feel some heavy negative emotions sometimes, i can quite quickly move away from them and allow myself to feel more positively again. I have a feeling that this is gonna make a huge difference on my quality of life if this keeps being the case.
Im thinking, maybe i want to stack WANTED already? The focus will ofcourse still be on DR but it just loved the feel that that combo gave me so much.
Alright guys this is it. This is the big one.
So im not sure why, but i always had like this really scared voice in my head that was always afraid that if i fucked up something that i could lose every relationship i had just like that.
So much of my life ive spend trying to please that voice, make sure people like me, trying my hardest to be nice to everyone and all that stuff, while simultaniously feeling like i was fucked up because i always felt like i could just lose everyone and everything if i do a small thing wrong. (This all is ofcourse all very overexaggerated, it wasnt this bad, but still, it makes it easier to make my point).
I was always so busy with thinking of all the reasons that the voice is there, all the “issues” with me.
Now it hit me… the voice is not a symptom… the voice is the problem. It makes perfect sense, all my issues i can think off can all in some way be tracked to that voice that makes me so scared of losing all my relationships. Its like this thing is the glue that held all my issues together.
Soo this voice obviously indicates some kind of abandanment issues, wich is really weird as i dont remember ever really being abandant. But these types of issues usually come from very early childhood so its not to weird that i cant point to an event that caused it.
Also after this realisation came my intuition told me to go do some inner child work, wich is something ive never done before. Im not sure why really, but im gonna trust that my intuition knows best.
Anyway, this is it guys. This is the big ones. With this it finally feels like DRs work is pretty much done. Ill still be running it for a few months to get rid of anything left, but if this is all that DR does, than im 100% satisfied, this is more than i ever couldve asked for. I really held this issue at identity level, and im pretty sure that having fixed this is gonna affect litterly every part of my being.
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The way I think of it is that at any time I have a thought or feeling, it might have nothing to do with external reality.
This is hard to admit. It’s not “manly” to have abandonment issues, right? We’re supposed to be dominant and independent… and not need anyone.
Fact is we are dependent on each other. The can of food you get at the store, that involved dozens of people to get to you. Transport. The factory that was built to can it. The farmer. The fertilizers that were produced to put on the soil. The people who build the farmer’s equipment. Etc.
Community involvement promotes health or is a protective factor against health problems.
Perhaps start by realizing that you do need others. We all do. Also having faith that others will like you even if you have imperfections.
Right on, man!
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Exactly man, we all really do need each other. You can get far on your own, but you can get soo much further with some help.
This was also a big one for me. Just realising how much dumb and even downright assholish things ive done over the years, and despite that there are still plenty of people that i can still, despite everything, rely to have my back at any time. These types of situations arent as serious as my mind makes me believe they are. dumb, rude things i do can easily be forgotten if i learn from them.
I have heard this before, how our thoughts are not really ours, but rn im really not spiritually far enough to be able to fully accept that.
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I am extremely satisfied with the dragon. Ive achieved all my goals i had for this sub, with the one exception of the vision. That said, i kinda realised that i dont even really care about that at this point in my life. I kinda want the next 2 years dedicated to just having fun living the college life and passing the classes. The real money comes after that, and when that day comes, im sure the dragon will be an amazing help with that
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Ill still be running DR ST4 for a while longer as i want to see if i can get even more out of it than i already have, but from now on ill be stacking it more and the main focus has shifted from DR to the rest of the stack. The biggest challenges of the dragon have to be over at this point and now its time to add on to it!
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Congrats!!!
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I think i havent mentioned this here yet, but another real big thing the dragon did for me, it made my inner confidence so strong, that outside validation just doesnt matter to much for me anymore. The foundation Dr has build for me has been so insane!
Because im now taking a different approach i started a new journal.