90 Days Of Internet/Entertainment Sobriety

Hey all.

I’ve been taking a break from traditional subliminal journaling. I had been listening to Diamond for the last little bit and it did wonders for my sex life.

Since then, I’ve joined Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous. I’ve lived the MAJORITY of my life with an 8-15 hour a day internet addiction, where I’ll play computer games or watch gaming content online… and of course PMO.

My major addictions were…

Age 5-15 = Runescape (yes, I started using the computer 8+ hours a day at 5 years old)
Age 15-20 = League of Legends
Age 20 - 23 = Super Smash Bros. Melee
Age 24 = Was completely non-addicted, did lots of vipassana retreats and travelling…
Age 25-26 (present day) = Chess

My most recent addiction is playing online chess. I’m very serious and competitive about it. I study openings, tactics, I review all my games and keep notes on the good moves and bad moves that I made, then I review those moves later and try to recall what the right move was from memory.

It’s an extremely avoidant behavior though… I usually wake up and tell myself “okay… NO CHESS TODAY.” And then after a bit of working I tell myself I can play “just one game” and that turns into 8 hours of gaming. Then I feel extreme amounts of shame. It’s almost unbearable sometimes. Thinking about how little self control I have has made me feel like life is not worth living, in the past. But these are very short term thoughts that don’t last long.

My work makes me really anxious these days and I’ve fallen back into chess to avoid it, even though I haven’t been addicted to any online entertainment in almost a year. But with my near breakup, the end of me living with my girlfriend, and now finding myself living alone without anyone to regulate my routines or add structure to my life… I’ve fallen back into old habits and I’m more depressed than ever.

So today marks day ZERO of me going on a total internet-and-technology-based entertainment purge. I’ll be doing 90 days of technology free living, apart from what I require to use for work. Essentially, I’ll be on my computer all the time… just never actually playing chess, going on YouTube, or watching porn.

On top of that, I’m going to regularly attend internet addict anonymous meetings and keep up here with regular journals. I’ll keep this journal active until I hit a 90 day streak, whether it takes me 90 days or 90 years.

On day zero, aka today, aka I haven’t started yet, I had a realization that what all of my internet addictions have in common with each other is they’re a way to make myself feel better than other people. They’re also my outlet for my competitive nature… without online entertainment, I have no 1v1 competition to get excited about.

No, I do not consider business to be a competition. I am talking things like sports and mind games. I like 1v1 competition, which is why I play chess, ping pong, jujitsu, etc.

Realizing that I use chess/etc to make myself feel better than other people has let me realize that I don’t have a lot of self-esteem… if I need to use an online outlet just to give myself a boost of confidence. I’ll be watching this as time goes on.

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I feel you. I am totally addicted to everything digital…

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There are three things that have been helping the most so far.

  1. Going back to JUST Ascended Mogul solo… the moment I did that, all the other things that I am about to mention happened more or less automatically.

  2. Telling myself that I won’t go sober forever, I’ll just go “7 Days Sober” to see what it feels like. That way, even when I felt like a 5 minute tech break was completely justifiable, I could still override that by remembering I was only going sober for an initial 7 day period.

  3. Not working late, forcing myself to work when I hate it, or spending all my time working. It’s easy to be tech addicted if you’re burnt out but trying to force yourself to be online working anyways. The mind will unconsciously rebel, staying online but not actually doing the things you want to do.

  4. A really new habit for me… I now go to the gym EVERY morning. I don’t even ALLOW myself to start work until I’ve worked out, even if I wake up a bit late and need to start working fairly soon. I make my own schedule which is why this is possible for me, but, the idea of a kickstarting routine that I have to complete before working actually has been really helpful in making me more energized and focused when I work.

What are your best strategies to overcome computer/internet addiction?