Geoff's Journal - Closing The Gap

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#13

Had interview today, not 2 hours after I left do I receive the offer in my email.

I feel really indifferent and somewhat apprehensive. I can’t figure out why. It’s night shift of course but they claim 1st shift positions will open up next year but you know how companies are, they say whatever. This is a very good company too, impressive benefits.

I’d like to pursue the program I had started years ago and idk, I’m all mixed up. I’ve never felt so unsure. I haven’t even accepted the job yet and applied to a 1st shift job somewhere else.

Aside from all my uncertainty, I gotta credit Job Seeker for today. I’ve never received an offer so fast. My head still feels like it’s in a cloud but somehow I’m getting things done.

Attitude was better today, I think yesterday’s 3 min loop helped. Hopefully I get through this funk soon.

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#14

What is with the deep hesitation and avoidance I’m swimming in. Every thought is followed by doubt. Ascension is supposed to be high confidence and I’m dealing with low confidence and sabotaging ideology. Is this custom majorly out of alignment with me? To where im experiencing the polar opposite effects while trying to reconcile beliefs? This is rough. I’m afraid to make decisions for fear of making the wrong one or one that doesn’t benefit me the best. Conflicting beliefs, clashing, causing me to feel stuck as hell.

1 Like
#15

Super excited to hear about Khronos Key

#16

Mon - 1 loop - 3 mins

Head started feeling full around 1:46, maybe this is too dense at 3 mins.

I moved my neurofeedback session from friday to later today as this past week has been fucked up. I honestly cannot tell if it’s overwhelming reconciliation or effects of brain training, I really can’t. I’ll see when I wake up if things get more intense for me. After which to neurofeedback I go and see if that changes anything.

Part of me is wondering if khronos key is messing with me, perception wise. I get these moments where I feel I’m glitching, my visual ability becomes sensitive, it’s like whatever I’m looking at zooms/shrinks a little for a second or two. I’m kinda vegging out too, feeling mindless a lot. Disconnected and lacking presence. By no means am I making claims, complaining or placing blame on anything. I’m trying to figure out what my issue is. I mean hell I’ve only ran 3 loops including just now of this custom, it isn’t just one thing. I ran it mon/Fri last week and now on mon again plenty of time in between.

I figure a 3 core custom would be OK since 2 out of 3 I’ve been listening to for 3 cycles previously. How do I know if it’s too much.

I’m not proud of it but I’ve ate like shit all week and my weight hasn’t fluctuated more than +/- 1 pound. So LotS is definitely doing its job. My face looks much more masculine too. Even though internally I’m dealing with a lot of chaos/uncertainty and change…outside I’m calm and collected thanks to Glm but I have yet to recognize anything from Ascension and the other modules. Maybe a little Courage Reclaimed since I feel this slight urge to stop dicking around yet my behavior hasn’t followed suit yet, it’s still just a thought/suggestion in my mind.

#17

Sitting in the parking lot of the last job interview I have soon.

I’m feeling the “Embark on an inner journey to discover who you really are and what you want out of life.” in Ascensions objectives showing up.

I’m not just concerned with getting A job but a job that will improve my Quality of life and allow me to pursue the degree I stopped a year or 2 ago.

This job is on day shift I’m about to interview for but its a farther drive and if I break down the schedule it leaves only 4 or 5 hours before bedtime. Which, in future classes will be a challenge as they are in the evening but only once a week. This job is related to my previous jobs so less training/learning ect.

The other job I was offered is training on days until 2024 which I move to night shift, it’s a 20 min drive and has really good benefits though Health insurance is a little more $ than I like. I’d have to wait for an opening on days to switch shifts which could be an issue. The day shift hours are the same as the other job above but nights is 11p to 7a which is just very unappealing to me. This job is new to me so more unknowns and uncertainty.

I find indecision to be more intense lately however there is much more analysis and caution over making the best decision for me going forward. It’s much less fear based and more alignment with my future goals based. The hard part is I need to decide by tonight so I feel unnecessary pressure which can distract my focus a little and I’m working on subduing the emotional side of this.

After having a neurofeedback session yesterday I felt tired as hell. Slept 11 hours and today is somewhat better. I also found out that too much sugar in diet can cause one to feel mentally out of it/Cloudy thinking ect. I had binged all week on cheap sugar and now understand how that contributed to the cloud in my mind and inability to think clearly. I was chasing cheap dopamine while causing even more issues for myself. Lesson learned.

I still feel unnecessarily slow but it’s been 1 day off junk and counting. I feel that LotS is revamping me physically, the longer sleep comes and goes. I have to pay more attention to every choice I make when it comes to bed time, what I consume both physically and mentally. I will be adjusting my sleep schedule to days going forward which will need to be adapted to. Lots of changes going forward, I will focus on supporting myself versus running from life like I have been. I believe Glm and Ascension are starting to express itself in this way as I’m getting thoughts that suggest/push me into a more mature frame within my behavior.

I am curious though if Khronos Key or Yggdrasil or Tyrant can show up in a user’s life as brain fog, mentally taxing or giving surreal perceptions. I can’t pin point the exact cause of this mentally cloudiness and it could be diet, neurofeedback and subs all together. I just want mental sharpness back, being present and focused. I’ve been all over the place the past month and it’s understandable with all the sudden changes in my life but it can’t last forever and I would like to remedy this but don’t know what exactly is causing it or how to fix it. Starting a new job with a Cloudy mind and below average focus is not a good start.

I’ll probably skip tomorrow’s 3 min loop and run a loop Friday. That’s 2 loops a week, M/F at 3 mins. I really can’t say I’m over exposing. So what’s up with these effects.

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#18

Interview went really well, he said he would offer me job right then but he had go through his two bosses for final approval. I weighed the benefits, travel distance, alignment with my future goals, shift, pay ect. And I chose the first job which I was offered a position last Friday.

I feel really methodical, logical and emotionally balanced. Job Seeker must be working well since I’ve never had such overwhelmingly positive/enthusiastic interviews before where I get same day offers and managers basically saying they want me to join the team point blank. I interview well but this is definitely a result of the Job Seeker module, hands down.

I would have liked a higher starting wage but at the same time this job I’m taking is nothing I’ve done before so I’m actually a lvl 2 tech on the offer letter so even though it’s lower comparatively to my previous job, it’s different work so really it’s pretty good.

I start Sept 5th so plenty of time to adjust to mornings vs nights. I believe Job Seeker will help me while working to recieve recognition and raises sooner than expected. Maybe I can try and manifest positive things at this job.

I’ve mentioned a girl in previous journals that I used to interact with until she cut it off. Well in the past month I was able to rekindle communication while in my previous stack of Glm/LotS/LD and since starting this custom it intensified/bloomed and she has literally video called me everyday the past 4/5 days. Rapport is great, no fights, drama or bad vibes. It’s been great. She also commented on how I seem more “calm” (aka glm - stoic) and she responds better to me in a romantic/flirtatious way which I attribute to the masculinity/maturity vibe from Ascension and Glm. Also LotS for maturing my face in more rugged way. I’ve been getting what my heart desires :slight_smile:

All in all I’m experiencing positive outcomes. Even when I’m facing issues internally, my external reality holds steady. Even in the chaotic storm of the life changes that upset my inner state, I was/am able to remain stoic outside and not lose emotional balance.

Slowly but surely I’ll assimilate and express this custom to my benefit.

4 Likes
#19

I was thinking about my custom and how I’ve noticed some modules but not others.

If you listen to a loop but over the week you don’t notice modules expressing, is it a good idea to not listen again until they show up? Is this a sign of pending processing? Where by listening again just backs you up?

Ex. Stronger and Extreme Exercise Motivation are two modules I’m not really experiencing. I keep dealing with cravings and struggle with restraint as well as almost nonexistent interest in exercising. Is this just part of temporary reconciliation? Or should I be waiting longer between loops?

My plan was 3 mins, M/W/F but I’ve only been going M/Th. I’m skipping today due to my above concern. I think my very loop of 15 mins just set me off on and overwhelmed foundation and these subsequent 3 mins are just adding to the queue…I’m getting some positive experiences however the fullness, tiredness and sheer lack of interest in “Doing” is concerning. I may just be getting in my own way without fully recognizing it.

Hmmm…it’s so interesting to me how I woke up today feeling full mentally. Am I just really below average with subconscious assimilation? Why is every sub I run such a challenge for me. I must have A LOT of room to grow if I experience such levels of resistance, assimilation and expression. I read about people who’ve used the Limitless line of subs to help them process more but then I think is more subs really the answer to me struggling with processing subs :sweat_smile: :confused:

All in all, things are better today than last week but I want consistent improvement so I’m detailing things that are not going well in hopes of gaining clarity while also giving credit and recognition to what is going well.

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#20

So I listened to my Paragon custom back in my old journal, it’s been probably 3 weeks. I noticed today that a polyp I’ve been dealing with has gone from a grape size to an almond size roughly speaking. 1 loop of that custom and for transparency sake I put an herbal salve on the area twice about 2 weeks ago and am using a lymphatic herb tincture off and on. All together, this has yielded a decrease in the polyps size. It never really had physical pain with it but at the first notice of it, it was the most sensitive. I’ve never had this condition/issue in my life.

So I definitely credit Paragon, which focused my body toward dealing with it while utilizing the aforementioned herbal remedies consumed.

I was dreading having to see a doctor, especially since now I have no medical insurance. It’s not gone, but I have confidence it will be.

Just another positive experience with SubClub :slight_smile:

2 Likes
#21

12:45pm - Thursday

1 loop - 3 mins.

I woke up today feeling really avoidant and not that confident. So I decided to run my 2nd loop this week.

I was reading the description for Victory’s Call

You know the feeling. The feeling when you aren’t really dreading something, but you just… don’t want to do it. And so you end up avoiding it, delaying it until you have no choice. No more. Eliminate avoidance with Victory’s Call, and get the things you know you have to do done. By adding Victory’s Call to your custom you will gradually remove your avoidant tendencies and charge your problems and issues head on, regardless of what they are – be it a difficult conversation, decision or simply boring routine. Victory calls, it is time for you to answer.

If I’m feeling overly avoidant(before loop) is this a big/clear sign of of reconciliation? Same as feeling unconfidedent which Ascension must be working on?

I’ve been trying to cultivate more inner awareness of my state and in the past, feeling the opposite of how the sub is supposed to make me feel was depressing but now I’m feeling optimistic when I recognize things like this.

Granted I haven’t overcome the issues (yet) and still idling in avoidance but at least (I think) I know I’m on right track.

2 Likes
#22

It’s been a quiet weekend however in talking with this girl, I’ve noticed some things. Maybe it’s Iron Frame or Lion IV but my skin is thicker, sometimes she throws shade and instead of it affecting me, it’s almost deflected and I feel hardly anything. Glm gave me non-reactivity but this is more apparent to me, it’s more pronounced. I’ve also noticed that she laughs at some comments/jokes I make which I’d dare say didn’t really happen before. I think she’s warming up more n more to me. I’m also playful, optimism oriented and maybe more outcome independent.

Manipulus is in this custom and I’m not sure if is this a result but the girls acknowledges openly and apologizes on her own, for shitty behavior such as being selfish at times and saying things that are uncalled for regardless who it’s about, she’s calling out her own character defects and their effects on my behalf in a way, like she’s trying to prove herself in a way. I don’t know of any other module that would manifest this stuff other than manipulus so I’m crediting it.

I seem to be literally stuck at 140lbs, it’s been a month. I’m under 1400 calories a day, exercising and about to drop carbs back down. Gotta do more.

Not feeling any fire or drive from Ascension yet but hopefully once I start working I’ll notice more.

I’m genuinely curious how to utilize Khronos Key, aside from wishing the day would speed up/ slow down, I’m curious how to best make use of it. I’ll probably put in a support ticket.

2 Likes
#23

Monday - noon.

1 loop Custom - 3 mins
1 loop of Balanced Zp (Paragon custom) 3 mins.

My health issue is down to the size of a raisin approximately, hopefully this loop of Paragon will clear it :100:.

I’ve been overly sensitive to outside yesterday and today, my eyes start watering and I’m squinting like mad. Not sure why, don’t think it’s recon but I’m hoping Paragon does something about this as well. I’ve been outside a lot since being unemployed and it’s never been an issue until now.

…

I seem to have dropped to 138lbs all of a sudden. I started telling myself in my mind to focus on using up bodyfat a few days ago and suddenly I’m a little lighter. Not sure how that works exactly but I’ll take it.

Adjusting to days is more difficult than I expected but I’m doing it everyday even on weekends. My lack of a routine is killing my gains, I’m struggling to be productive this week but at least I’m not being destructive. Just need to get a grip and take action.

1 Like
#24

Weds - 12:30pm

1 loop - Custom, 3 mins
1 loop - LBH, 3 mins

Been seeing a lot of talk about LBH on forum. I think it triggered me a little as I’ve been overly aware/focused on my self esteem, internal mood and thoughts about myself and abilities. It relates the confidence I’m dealing with, I get some reconciliation with Ascension I feel. There’s this nagging feeling of not being good enough, apprehension with starting my new job next week. I figure LBH is the perfect companion to this custom right now, I’ll get in 3 loops total before job starts. I think it will have a positive impact on the future and help me integrate Ascension more.

Iron Frame I think is showing up. I’m so resilient to social interactions, in person, on phone or online. Before I’d react to a comment or situation and quickly work through it. Now things that would have caused a reaction in me don’t even register. It’s like comments don’t even exist in my awareness anymore, they don’t get close enough to me to even matter. It’s crazy how much my frame is strengthening. It is weird to notice some parts changing while others are stuck in reconciliation, I feel like a half done puzzle, some parts are good and other parts are missing pieces.

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#25

My communication with people is improving. I feel increased rapport with 2 of my neighbors. They have reached out a lot since I started this custom.

Things are improving a lot with this girl I’ve been communicating too, more flirty, increased attention, reaches out more often and you can see the attraction in her rising. This is directly from this custom for sure. When I was running Glm/LotS it was going okay, I got her to talk to me again, now with Ascension in the core mix…things are just naturally leveling up.

It could very well be Lion IV also.

My frame is growing stronger.

I’m not reactive to negs, put downs, sarcasm, emotions ect, ect.

I’ve made her and others laugh (not my strong suit)

I’m optimistic 85% of the time, downplay or transmute negativity with others.

I do feel less attached to outcomes. If I really want something, I start consciously trying to guide the want and in small ways things happen.

The idea of Boundaries is in the back of my mind, I’m aware of possible situations and slowly I’m learning what mine are and how best to set/maintain some. This is a long term strategy as having boundaries are a big challenge for me since childhood. I’ve used isolation as a coping strategy for not having boundaries so having this module in my custom is very important. But so far I haven’t had issues. I believe the Masculinity focus of this custom is setting a tone and reducing the need to set boundaries off the bat.

Things are happening, I just need to pay attention and journal them.

1 Like
#26

@SaintSovereign apologies for the direct tag, but I figure this is more appropriate than a DM. @AnswerGroup

I have a feeling there’s a limit that’s keeping me from ambition, drive and confident assertiveness. Being a Christian in today’s world, it’s easy to see all of the signs pointing to the end times/end of days.

Ascension I’ve seen on the forum creates a burning fire in people (from beowulf) and Derpinator talking about how active it makes you want to be in life.

I notice that because the state of the world looks so pointless and vain, what is the point in trying to level up in this world? This belief is clashing with all input related to chasing goals, pushing myself, working hard to advance, making plans, going back to finish degree and even exercising…because if the world’s going to shit, why bother right?

Now since you claim Christianity also, I kindly ask you as a subliminal creator to help me reconcile this? What could I possibly do to get myself past this belief inspired limit in order to grow/advance in the meantime.

My low drive, motivation and confidence feels stuck and whenever I try to analyze it, it all falls back to these and l then some…

Mark. 8 Verses 34 to 38

[36] For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? [37] Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Ecclesiastes 1:2-8 KJV

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?

Matthew 24:6

King James Version
6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

James 4:4

King James Version
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

1 Like
#27

IMO, this looks like recon when your beliefs conflict and prevent you to take action of the subs. You can temporarily forget about what you are taught, take action towards ambition, drive and confident assertiveness that you need in 3 to 6 months. After that, you can look back and evaluate.

1 Like
#28

Friday 9:35am

1 loop - Custom, 3 mins
1 loop - LBH, 3 mins

Getting some low level recon from LBH but also I was very extroverted yesterday, went to buy work shoes for new job. I was quite chatty and positive, enthusiastic I’d say. Built rapport with sales guy, found out his brother in law lives a road over by me and this store is an hour drive south of me.

Then later went to barber for haircut and I was open, talkative, friendly and even flirtatious. I had everyone in the barbers attention without even trying. Just very receptive to others.

Recon wise, Internally I was questioning my value. I recognized also how much I like to give to those around me, time, energy, compassion, advice, presence ect. I seem to fulfill myself through being of service which is interesting. I’ve spent decades bitter and isolating from all the hurt I’ve carried in my youth, while thinking that was who I am. Now since running Dragon Reborn, finding and going through neurofeedback, building Masculinity and using LBH…I’m beginning to uncover my real self, my real values. Authenticity is starting to express itself.

I’m hovering around 137/138lbs now. I’m a little bit more consistent in exercising but much less overall exercises. I was doing 7 to 8 different types of bodywork/weights, now I do about 3 or 4 but more often. I’m starting to think EF will be needed to build a consistent plan but LotS is working. Extreme Exercise Motivation, idk…I have the module but maybe my mind hasn’t gotten to it yet. Or maybe my expectation of what I thought I’d experience is off.

My facial hair, I basically have full goatee and neck growth, but a chinstrap cheek area, but I’m noticing maybe 20% more growth above the chinstrap line so I’m considering minoxidil but I’m not fully convinced. I just want these areas to grow in and I’ll be set. But I do see minor improvement just off LotS.

I’ve been counting calories the past 6 weeks and it’s been good. It was crazy how many excess calories I was consuming in the past let alone how much we actually need to eat. VS: Temperance is a real gem. I don’t think my lifestyle lately would be possible without its effects. I’m much more moderate in everything I do. I think more before acting. Impulsivity is way, way down. Appetite is funny, some days I don’t even want to eat. Shopping is becoming more selective/discerning. Online browsing has decreased, I’m also less affected by advertising it seems, my first thought is cynical followed by, do I need or want this, most time I don’t need or want it.

Over time I hope to experience every module in my custom but so far I’m having great results. Some goals are happening slower than I’d like but as usual that’s on me and the choices I make each day.

Speaking of choices, I had to turn down my last job offer and for some reason I felt really bad about it. Even though the benefits were much less than the job I took, I didn’t want to run cnc machines anymore and it was farther way. It paid $2/hr more but I still turned it down. I find it odd how affected I felt by rejecting it though. I’m thinking LBH had me thinking about the situation on a deeper level or something because on the surface, it just wasn’t that great.

3 Likes
#29

Mon - 4:20pm

LBH - 5 mins
Custom - 5 mins

Start my new job tomorrow, I’ve been feeling off all weekend. The frequency was increased in neurofeedback to help address this lack of mental presence I’ve been dealing with for months, it hasn’t had the desired effect. I seem to just hang on my couch, consume youtube and maybe make lunch if I come to long enough to realize I haven’t eaten yet. I feel like I’m a computer on stand by mode. Flat, letting the world pass by. I can function but anytime I’m idle, I just seem to turn off.

I really want this to go away. Life feels unnecessarily unfair or difficult today. It will pass but that’s the mood today, flat and out of touch.

I think maybe a washout rest of week might be good, LBH has me in a self loathing/low Self worth, woe is me kind of mood and it doesn’t feel good but sooner or later, day will break. Who knew LBH could cause me to manifest some weird depression. I hope I can keep this in check with my new job, not a good first impression looking low and apathetic.

Bright side is I’m getting a lot of sun, sitting outside for a few hours, minor sun burn. Appetites low, probably just in hypoarousal which I’ll just need my frequency increased more. Just feeling like a zombie…

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#30

First day at work went well. It was overly hot all day but isn’t usually like that according to coworkers.

Very friendly place, clean and positive work culture, did not see one grumpy person, impressed.

Boss commented about me flip flopping between 1st/3rd which didn’t sit well with me. I’m not interested in that nor do I want to go to nights, been there done that so I’m curious how I can circumvent this future situation with Yggdrasil and Tyrant in this custom. How do I manifest a situation where my boss decides to keep me on days before Christmas? I have 90 days probation then I’m being moved after training so I really want to manifest a change, any ideas?

Was assigned to highest technical position out of the 5 possible positions, probably a nice effect from custom, exuding confidence, capability ect. Positions deals with a high temp area so awareness and focus are imperative which isn’t great so far as I need my neurofeedback adjusted otherwise this is a burn accident waiting to happen.

I’ll reserve full judgment for now, I’m too split to have a full opinion. I hope things go smoothly moving forward.

2 Likes
#31

4 day washout done.

Sat - 7:45pm

1 loop custom - 5 mins.

LBH - 3 mins

First week at job done, I found out it would be at least 1.5 years before the “chance to move shifts” is possible. I sought out an impromptu neurofeedback session Friday due to just struggling with mental presence. I’ve been stuck in hypoarousal and we increased things and I’m doing better the past 24 hours.

I’m coming to the conclusion that I chose the job I did out of safety and ease along with the shorter drive ect. Not feeling present or focused enough had me avoiding going back to cnc machining and 1st shift. After talking with the therapist, I decided that I no longer want 3rd shift anymore.

When I was neurotic, traumatized and struggling with hypervigilance and ocd, being on nights the past 8 years was a coping strategy for me. It was easy to avoid socializing, engaging and participating in life.

Now that things are changing, getting laid off and my schedule changing, I am seeing opportunity. I am, for the first time since freshman year of high school getting that “Spark of life” back. I’m becoming enthusiastic towards living again. This is no small thing for me. I’ve been metaphorically “dead” for the past 22 years, not thriving…just surviving/isolating.

So I reached out to the job that I had politely turned down last week and if the offer still stands, I will be switching over to them and working days and will be re-enrolling into the automation program I had previously started.

Since being on days the past month looking for work, my sleeps improved, my body needs less sleep and the previous stiffness/soreness and aches has disappeared. I’m brighter, more peaceful and get sun :sun_with_face: everyday.

I’m about 138lbs now, more to go but I’m starting to like myself more and more. Inner Voice is subtle and hard to catch in action but after some introspection I haven’t had any negative thinking towards anything really. I’ve felt frustration with my lack of presence/focus but it wasn’t being self critical. Today I’ve been feeling so grateful too, earlier last week as well.

I’m hoping I see more results with this custom as neurofeedback brings me into the optimal threshold, as being hypoaroused I do believe has hindered some growth and results. This screenshot shows the effects of being dysregulated in one’s life. I was stuck in Hyperarousal before neurofeedback and now I’m working my way out of Hypoarousal towards optimization.

Screenshot_20230903_162818_Gallery
Screenshot_20230903_162818_Gallery1080×2400 144 KB

Things are getting clearer for me, I’m growing and moving forward in the best ways. I’m grateful for this custom for supporting each and every action I take. The decisions I make are mostly grounded in masculinity and the modules are helping me take the right actions and stand up for what I want and driving me towards success.

My life has been slowly changing for the better ever since I started using SubClub, and that’s a fact.

3 Likes
#32

wow, amazing realizations, great journey and progress, keep it up, stay brave!

1 Like