ZP Journal (CHOSEN SOLO) - Ichiban is going up the ladder

Journals - Major Programs
#21

Dec 18:
Yesterday I ended up not running the loop at night as I had intended. I was too tired and didn’t want to fall asleep with it on.

I ran it this morning instead, so I ultimately took four days off subs. As I said before, it was a very needed rest. ZP certainly takes a toll and less is oftentimes more.

So far so good. It’s still early in the day, but no signs of reconciliation so far and my confidence and mood are on point.

I’ll rest tomorrow and will run my next loop on Monday if everything keeps going well.

#22

Yea society in general is still about style over substance half the time.

#23

I’m feeling my patience slipping. I can’t blame it on reconciliation, though, that couldn’t be…I ran one loop of Chosen this morning after four days rest.

What I think is going on is that I started vacations today. I’m off work until January 4th. This should be good news, but lately I realized I feel better when I have work to do, otherwise my day gets pushed around with family commitments and an unending list of chores.

Today I have not stopped doing shit for others since I woke up at 6.30am. It’s after 10pm and I’m too tired to do anything I’d actually enjoy now that the day is finally over. This is very regular, by the way, and it pisses me off like few things do.

To end with something more positive, this morning I was in a very good mood, positive and confident. Typical feelings I get from Chosen, and they lasted until 5pm or so. This is why I think it’s not reconciliation this time. It’s simply that my home responsibilities are too much for me too handle sometimes.

#24

Are you the type that has an issue saying no?

#25

Depending to whom. When it comes to my family I have that issue 100%

#26

I have the same issue. I’ve been finding it easier to say “no” since I started listening to ZP.

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#27

Yeah, I’m hoping that’s what it does for me as well. What I struggle with is that I spend so much time at work that is difficult for me to say no when I finally have the time for them.

#28

Stretch yourself too thin and you’ll end up being torn (figuratively speaking). Try and balance that out with at least one act of self care daily

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#29

Dec 19:
Slightly better mood today, although a bit on edge at times. I was able to control my emotions better, say no occasionally, and take more time for myself.

It was a much less stressful day anyway and I managed to take time to exercise. That always helps me cope with everything better.

I have a job interview tomorrow. It’s with the management consulting company that reached out earlier this week. As I said, not looking to change, but it doesn’t hurt to have a conversation. Often, not wanting something is the best way to get it, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the call tomorrow goes well. In any case, this is just a first touch point. The entire process typically involves three or four interviews and takes north of two months. That should be enough time to see if I get promoted at my current company, so I’ll probably be able to make an informed decision if this goes well.

As planned, I didn’t run anything today, but will run a loop of Chosen as soon as I get up tomorrow to be in the right mindset for the call. Not a big deal if this doesn’t go anywhere, but at least I want to be at my best.

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#30

Dec 20:
I ran a loop as soon as I woke up. Not a lot to share. If anything, I’m noticing that I don’t feel the effects as clearly as I did at the beginning.

This is nothing new. The first few days of running a sub I always feel a lot of euphoria and notice significant change around and within me. After that it all becomes normal again, probably because I get used to the results. It doesn’t mean they are not there, but it all becomes less interesting.

Having said that, the call with the recruiter went really well and they want to take me through the recruiting process. I’m still not sure this is the right opportunity for me, but I’m willing to keep interviewing to find out.

Aside from that the day was uneventful. I’m still not feeling any signs of reconciliation, so I’ll continue with one loop every other day and will consider adding another loop after a week or so if nothing changes.

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#31

Dec 21:
I felt pretty weird today. Less thinking than usual and mostly content. Reacting to situations as they come, and not dwelling on anything when things don’t go as planned.

At the same time I have trouble feeling excited or enthusiastic about anything. I’m mostly just ok. Even my wife asked me if there was something wrong because she thought I was pissed at her or something.

The best way to put it is that I feel somewhat detached. Is not a bad feeling, but I wouldn’t consider it a good one either. Again, just ok.

Reading the forum reminded me of the washout period after 21 days. Even though I did an extended rest recently to deal with reconciliation, I think I should follow procedure and do the washout. So tomorrow I’ll be running a loop at some point, and then will take 5 days off. I’ll probably start with two loops after the washout to see how it goes.

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#32

Best advice I can give when you have those “meh” type of moods, just let it pass without trying to force your way out of it. It could also be a good opportunity to approach any issue in your life rationally and clear headed.

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#33

Good advice. Thanks. In fact, I’m in no rush for it to end. I feel very levelheaded and relaxed in this state. What you are saying makes sense because I get the impression that I can think better without my emotions getting in the way.

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#34

Dec 22:
Today I ran my last loop of Chosen before the 5-day washout.

I was traveling and didn’t have my regular headphones, so I used some bone conduction headphones I had bought my wife for her birthday.

Not sure how using these type of headphones may impact results. I remember a while ago there was a post about these, but can’t recall what the general opinion was. In any case, back then there was no ZP build yet, so whatever was discussed may not be applicable.

I didn’t notice anything different, to be honest. I still feel some level of detachment, but less than yesterday. I can tell the results are there. People still treat me with a lot of respect and I’m confident in every situation. I’m never timid or uncomfortable in social situations anymore.

However, the euphoria, energy and general mood uplift from running it are pretty much gone. It’s a shame, but I consider it an unavoidable part of the process. Would be nice if those came back after the washout, but not a big deal if they don’t.

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#35

Dec 23:
Interesting dream today, very likely triggered by Chosen.

It was a situation where I was throwing a house party, and a good friend of mine showed up with a few friends of hers.

One of her friends didn’t want to come, and she was overly showing her discontent by not being friendly with anyone. She was sitting there in a corner with an angry face and giving one-word answers to anyone that dared approach her.

In the dream, as I was about to ask her wtf her problem was, my friend came over and suggested that I grab a couple of my best bottles of wine and ask her what she’d prefer to drink.

I have to explain now that this friend is someone I respect greatly. We did our MBA together and then went separate ways, me going into consulting, and she eventually making VP in a $30B industrial company. She is the best person I know at creating and maintaining meaningful relationships. She has friends everywhere, and whenever I have introduced her to people, everyone loves her.

The dream stopped there, but it was enough for me to realize how different my approach would be, compared to what my friend suggested. I am extremely direct and don’t like politics or power games. This mindset is a major hurdle in my career, and I must correct it. Maybe the dream was my subconscious’s way to remind me that.

It also made me think of something my uncle always told me, which is that showing kindness does not imply weakness. He always said this when he saw someone acting rude because they were angry. He said there is always room for being polite and that it has nothing to do with how you feel about the other person. Taking my uncle’s advice was what my friend suggested I do in my dream.

I need to keep this in mind as it has a much broader application than the situation in the dream. Being too direct is often not the most intelligent move. Doing so often means you’d be letting the other person control the frame, engaging in a confrontation that doesn’t need to happen. Confronting someone may leave you the loser of that interaction if things get out of hand. Instead, breaking their frame in the way the dream suggested can only lead to the situation improving or the person creating it making an even greater fool of themselves; in either case, I don’t lose.

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#36

Dec 24:
Day 2 of my washout. Very irritable. My wife keeps asking what’s wrong with me. Don’t know what to tell her since I don’t know myself.

I have zero patience and I’m showing it. I just want to be left the fuck alone - pretty bad timing for this giving the multiple holiday celebrations and gatherings I have to attend.

#37

Dec 25:
First things first, Merry Christmas, everyone!

Today is day 3 of washout, and I don’t feel as irritable as I did yesterday. It’s crazy how these things work, nothing has objectively changed, yet I feel so much better for no apparent reason.

I have a pretty busy day in front of me, so if anything, I’d expect to feel more stressed, anxious, and irritable today. Not the case, though. I can already tell today it’s going to be a good one. My mood and patience are on point, and I feel ready to tackle whatever comes my way.

Other than that, pretty excited about Emperor ZP becoming available tomorrow. Not sure if I want to run it, though. Certainly not on its own, but it could be a great addition to Chosen. I think it may help bring back the euphoria and mood uplift. Also, it may bolster my career progression objectives. One point against it is that I’m still on vacation, and in my experience, I don’t respond well to Emperor when I’m on vacation. It makes me super anxious because everything not work-related feels like a massive waste of time. Based on this, I’ll likely wait until I’m back at work to give it a shot.

In any case, I won’t run anything until the 28th, so I have time to decide what my future stack will be.

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#38

Dec 26:
Not much to report on this 4th day of washout. I felt ok most of the day, although I still went through bouts of irritability and mood swings.

This washout is feeling looooong… I can’t wait to get back on it in two days. I am looking forward to reading others’ experience with Emperor ZP since I’ll wait about a week to try it.

#39

Dec 27:
Day 5 of my washout, so I’ll be running two loops of Chosen tomorrow. Can’t wait to see how I respond after this break.

The day was uneventful and my feelings were pretty much in line with my general mood these past few days.

One positive thing is a book I’ve been reading called “The turnaround” by Darrin Donnelly. It’s about gaining self confidence, but it is written as a novel instead of a self help book. This author has some fantastic books following the same format. They are very entertaining and they get me in the right mindset. My favorite is “Relentless Optimism”. Can’t recommend that highly enough.

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#40

Dec 28:
I finished my washout period and ran two loops of Chosen back to back while I was exercising on my spin bike. Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

Last night, however, I had a very cool and detailed dream that involved Elon Musk. This is weird because I’m not particularly fond of Elon. Nothing against him either, but I know some people are hardcore fans of this guy, so for them I’d make sense to dream about him. For me, not so much, and I have no idea where this is coming from.

In any case, in the dream Elon came to visit my wife and I personally, due to some issue we had with a Tesla we just bought. Apparently he wanted to showcase how hands-on and engaged with his customers he was, to the point where he dealt with shit like this in person whenever he could. This is odd for many reasons, one being that I don’t have a Tesla or plan to own one any time soon.

What I found interesting about the dream, though, is that Elon decided to conduct business around us while we were waiting for the Tesla to update or something. I remember being impressed about his ability to jump from one topic to another. I asked him why not focus on one thing until completion and he said he did this on purpose. He decided what to focus on based on what he felt inspired to do at that moment. He mentioned this being his way of fully exploiting his creativity and accessing his genius ideas.

I woke up this morning with a sense of admiration for Elon that I never had, and that is based strictly on what I saw in my dream. If nothing else, this triggered my curiosity so I plan to read a biography about him. Even if I’m not a fan, I’m sure there is a lot I can learn from him.

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