I stumbled upon this forum/SC and have been reading through the topics and journals (some of which are fascinating) for the past day and a half.
I’d like to give this a go, but I have some concern about a medical issue I have and how/where to begin if it is safe to use in my situation.
But I feel I should give you a bit of background about who I used to be, what I deal with, and how it changed me and my life. This maybe a little long…
Issue: Chronic dizziness. Not Vertigo, but imagine shaking your head 20 times fast then stopping. The result is what I feel all the time, but on a sliding scale. On good days it’s around 2-3 (on 1-10 dizziness scale), but I can function with normal tasks and driving. Worst days are when I “relapse” (which can last 3-6 weeks) is anywhere from 5-10 on the scale. At that point any movement, turning head, or simply just walking to the bathroom, intensifies the dizziness and pressure I feel in my head. Been to several doctors and specials. Some think it’s a vestibular migraine, and some relate it to anxiety issues… which I do have.
I was a bartender, attractive, creative, and a very social and outgoing person when this illness hit me in 2014 at the age of 36 (and I wasn’t really all that anxiety-ridden then, so not sure I understand why this happened.)
I don’t have kids (don’t want them and still don’t), so I keep more on the “young”, cool aunt side.
However, since that illness, I had to quit bartending because I can’t handle the constant movement. After 4 hours I’m on the floor with dizziness and pressure. Since I was used to being financially independent, I was determined to get an office desk job. Found a temp job, did well, they offered me permanent, they liked me so much they asked me to interview for a better position (where the manager of said department was awful to me… but I overcame that after a bit of hell, then stuck up for myself and then we actually got along great.) But then I had a relapse and was out for 5 weeks. They accepted me back, but 4-5 months later I had another relapse, then they fired me.
While on unemployment and trying to search for another job, I was becoming more depressed. My whole life changed… and my social life was affected too. I couldn’t go out with friends like I used to. I had to leave my best friend’s surprise birthday party very early because the noise, movement was too much. My boyfriend had to pick me up while I bawled the whole way home.
My anxiety has increased so much that I can be sitting doing nothing/thinking nothing and I feel a hundred pound weight in my chest and/or stomach.
My only solace was writing. I wrote a book, then a second and got involved with online writing community and contests. It really was the only thing that probably saved me from going too deep into my depression.
I tried to go back to work by taking a temp job to see how I do. I loved getting back out and around people again. Made friends (I tend to make friends pretty easily or get on with people easily with a few exceptions) and I was happy to be working again. I didn’t lovethe work, mind you. I just loved being around people again.
Then 3 months later, I relapsed… again.
I think that was my breaking point and I gave up trying. I cried a lot. I felt my youth being robbed, because now at 42, almost 43, I’ve dealt with this for 6 years and should be at the prime of my life. One you reach 40, you notice time is more precious.
No matter how bad it gets or how depressed I am… I always seek out a way to improve my situation and self at some point. Being scared that I lost my financial independence, and had to apply for disability, I wanted to find a way to make money in my situation… so I started self-publishing. Wrote 4.5 books in a year, and starting another series. I don’t do great in terms of financial independence, but I didn’t do so bad either for a newbie that had no online presence with my pen name.
Since my writing hasn’t taken off… I have had writer’s block as if this next series has to be perfect, and it got to the point I didn’t want to look at it anymore. I since started again, but it doesn’t flow like it used to.
I just feel like I’m stuck in this limited limbo I can’t seem to cross. I’ve gotten way too used to being at home that even when I am functioning enough to go out… I’d rather stay in. I lost that zest for life I used to have. I drink way too much because it helps relieve that weight on my chest and I feel more carefree and back to my old self who loves to laugh and enjoy life. But I know that is not a healthy way… even if it is only beer and not hard liquor. And I don’t like myself much in the morning if I feel hungover.
Oh, and because I drink like I do and don’t get exercise like I did with bartending, I’m out of shape and gained about 30-40 pounds. Since I’m 5’6” I hold it okay, but for me, it’s getting to the point I’m uncomfortable, feel unattractive, unmotivated, anxious, depressed and need to snap out of this and live my life again.
My goal. Feel inspired with my new self publishing biz again, become financially independent on my own (without disability help) and feel good about self and getting out again, especially when I feel well enough to function. If I can cure this dizziness thing all together, I will cry tears of joy and never take my health for granted again! If not, then I want to live my best life with or without the dizziness.
So… now that you know half my life story lol (sorry for long post)… would SC subs be too intense for someone with my dizziness issue (whether related to anxiety or not.) If not, what subs/programs would you recommend and how do I use them for the best results? Just a note that I’m willing to be patient and don’t feel any intense need to change everything all at once. I’m okay with gradual and covering foundation steps first, whatever that may be.
Thank you much in advance for any advice and/or suggestions.