William’s Winning Wayfare

Journals - Major Programs
#1770

This is fascinating.

Mine is closer to being a healer than the opposite.

If the negative energy is not directed at me, then I can take as much as possible. I seem to have the knack to process whatever emotion people throw at me and be neutral afterwards. I love exploring the deeper side of people and my ability to not be affected as much after it is crucial.

I’m not that good at firing back though. I can, it’s an important life skill after all. But seeing other people do it, there’s no doubt that I’m not as good at it.

Now that I’ve written it down, it kinda makes sense why I struggled with DRR2 even though 1 & 3 were a breeze. This is the most apparent result from DRR2.

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#1771

EE 30s HeO 6s

DRR2 kind of recon. The deeper I look, the more it seems like it.
It was a good choice to lower the frequency of DRR4 significantly.

Update 1:

Oh i forgot about swords.
I felt there was something missing, there is.
It’s not HeO without the sword.

#1772

The break from DRR might have been too long.
I’m starting to see the decay in results.

I’ll stick with the plan, once every 4 listening days this cycle, then 3 next, then customs/nm embdd.

But i’ll start using the 15s 30s 1m etc instead.

The last was 8s.
15s tomorrow.

Letting go of WB was the right move.

Not because of the sub itself, but the decision made me realise of how attached I’ve been with the life.

I’m not gonna deliberately reject the life. I’ve just become simply aware that it’s not “my” problem, it’s my “body’s” problem. If the body wants it, then good, let it have it. I’m simply witnessing the show.

Not sure if “body” is the right word, nor if the paragraph makes any sense, but whatever it’s close enough.

#1773

1m → 3m → 7m → 15m

The pattern behind this jump is:
0 + 1 = 1m
1 + 2 = 3m
3 + 4 = 7m
7 + 8 = 15m

The 30s was there because it was the lowest they were certain that the sub will have an effect, testing later on suggests that 15s was viable & needed for people who can’t take 30s yet.

If we want to go up gradually, i think we can divide it up based on the brackets.

We already have 15s & 30s in place, so let’s add 15s every listening day.
After we reach 1m, we double it to 30s
After 3m then double it to 1m
After 7m then double it to 2m

So it is:
15s > 30s > 45s > 1m >
1m30s > 2m > 2m30s > 3m >
4m > 5m > 6m > 7m >
9m > 11m > 13m > 15m

I’ll follow this for DRR4 and probably EE too.

2 Likes
#1774

EE 45s HeO 9s DRR4 15s

Seems like I’m starting to figure out how to deal with the DRR2 portion of DRR4.
More in the black journal, but it’s mostly about just observing.

Update 1:

I’m certain I can’t run both WB & HeO again yet.
HeO is pulling me back to lock in. I can sense the desire I got from WB draining away.
Add to that now that WB’s effects are not spotty anymore after I microlooped the hell out of it.
There isn’t enough hole for both HeO & WB to fill together like it was 2 years ago.

Maybe I’ll get WDB instead for the custom/nm embdd a few months from now.

I’m slowly getting back to my usual self after 8 months.
This feels very comfortable.

Update 2:

The shift is really quick. It only took a week.
Well, I’ve used HeO for god knows how long, so it’s not that much of a surprise.

Update 3:

Fuck.
Did I really get a recon from 15s of DRR4?
It’s progressively going from “fine, no big deal” to “yep, this is recon”.

The recon is the typical DRR2 “anxious mutters”.
This only ever happened when I used DRR2. So this must be a recon from DRR4.

Well, I’ll tread lightly.
Revert the plan from +15s to +5s only.

–

Nevermind I’m dumb, I forgot to look at the clock.
I should have gone to sleep way earlier.
No wonder those got amplified.

Well, EE + HeO sure is something, lol.

Update 4:

Yeah, it was the exhaustion & lack of sleep. It’s nowhere to be found now.

#1775

Yep, i thought we’re close to an update since it was slotted for an update last december/january.

This is great.

I’ve been trying to crunch HeO into only 2-4 months in case WB gets updated soon. If we have no idea yet, then what am I trying to rush HeO for? I might as well take my time with it.

The later WB gets updated, the better.
It will have more of the good stuff.
I have nothing to rush with WB either.

WDB sounds nice, but it’s yet another sub I have to acclimate to. That’s at least a 4-6 month commitment.

The more compact my collection is, the more often I’ll play the same subs, which will lead to them sticking even deeper & longer into my life.

More subs = thinner overall.

So unless it’s significantly better to switch like i did from LE to the updated EE, i would rather stick with what i have.

WB is also the only one with harem scripting :yum:

1 Like
#1776

Holy shit oil hits $100 per barrel.

Do i use Mogul? DRR4 is nice but is it better if i prepare with a wealth sub instead?

I can’t risk it with RICH. I’ve never used it before.
Mogul is the tried & true, the ol’ reliable.

I’m gonna observe how everything is going first. Then jump the gun to Mogul if necessary.

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#1777

Kinda how I was thinking too.

Went to fuel up on petrol at the discount place. Expecting a huge line. No line today! So for now, at least where I live, things aren’t crazy yet. I’ve seen other places and yea their gas is really high, hasn’t hit my state yet. Just up by about 20 cents, and people aren’t getting crazy just yet it seems.

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#1778

I’m glad to hear that.
Hopefully the world will find a way to go around this.

#1779

EE 1m HeO 7s

I can feel the DRR2 in DRR4 running.
I’m becoming more confrontational, like when I used DRR2 more than half a year ago.

Is it in a good way? Idk.

All I know is this is a way for me to process the sub.
I’ll embrace the confrontational side of me, I wonder what I’ll discover from this.

Update 1:

I’ll reduce the increment for HeO from +3s/listening day to only +2s.
DRR4 from +15s to +5s.

Both reset.

If the update for WB is released in the middle of a cycle, I’ll jump HeO to 15m and use it until the end of the cycle, then switch to WB.

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#1780

Holy shit I’m so confrontational right now.
I’m not against it, I’m curious even. I just need to process & adapt to it while DRR4 is in my stack.

I’m also feeling more “unsettled” in general than before I ran DRR4.

But I’m not gonna be as trigger happy with resetting as I was with WB.
I’ll ride this reconciliation process until it’s being too much.

WB was for fun. DRR is for serious self development.

3 Likes
#1781

Now that you mention it, I noticeed that I’m confrontational on healing titles in general. Even on something as peaceful as Regeneration lol

That too

I think it’s generally a consequence of healing and reconciling your boundaries, etc. which leads to these confrontations

just describing similar experience

Like, when I started Regeneration, I realized how much I was disrespected by a certain group of people, had some tough talks, but overall it turned out to be a very healing experience both for me and for them (not only our current relationships improved, THEIR relationships with other people improved as well because they were able to see the problem)

Do keep in mind that it’s not always other people who are the problem. There were a few occasions where I almost snapped but then took an extra second to reflect and realized that it is me who is wrong in this particular situation

But man, do I wish to run DRR after reading your journal lol. It’s getting extremely hard to cope with 3 subs limit haha

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#1782

Interesting.
For me it’s just DRR2.
LBFH, DRR1, DRR3 and (to a certain extent) DRLD didn’t make me confrontational whatsoever.

DRR2 is really focused on inner power, at least for me.
Not necessarily increasing it, though it does, but it’s more about readjusting my view on it and how it manifests in my life.

It’s such a great sub. I’m glad I got it.
My favorite is DRR3, it’s super focused on my meditation goals with its “transcending” theme, and it’s also light to use.

But you have Regen, by how saint talk about it, it might be the better option for now.
I can’t wait for the new tech & knowledge to trickle down to DRR when it gets updated again.

1 Like
#1783

EE 1m30s HeO 10s

Noticing a gradual decrease in sex drive.
How did I live for 8 months with WB like this? rofl.

#1784

EE 2m HeO 12s DRR4 10s

Once a week is the best listening frequency with DRR4 for now.
I feel the recon dissipating 2 days ago, and it was almost unnoticeable yesterday.

I’m starting to be able to come to terms with my more confrontational self.
Now it’s a matter of adaptation while exploring more of it in depth.

Update 1:

The gradual decrease in how sensitive I am to social cues is catching up.
Stopping WB makes me slowly unable to grasp “that thing” in conversations.

This is a huge clue.

I’m glad I’m taking this break from WB.
Now I know what I need to focus on when I go back to it.
The clarity from absence is great.

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#1785

The recon only lasted for a bit after i listened to DRR4 yesterday.
Next week I’ll go to 15s again.

I’ve been feeling more naturally “confrontational”.
Maybe this is something I’ve learned to suppress rather than being the real expression of myself.
Finding my true self & mastering it should be able to allow me to adjust it to my liking later.

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#1786

My stack is lacking softness.

It used to be LBFH, then WB.
Now everything is about productivity and improvement.

There’s a distinct difference between how I was able to balance out my approach with WB, and how dense, blunt & upfront I am without it. The confrontational push from DRR4 doesn’t help either.

The break is working well in showing me clarity about what to focus on.
But well, it will take a while to adapt.

Update 1:

EE 2m30s HeO 14s

I become more aware of the tensions in my body.

I wonder if I should let my body move when the tension shows and just observe,
Or to keep still while just observing the tension & the impulse to move.

I’ve been following the former when I’m by myself outside of meditation, and the latter when i’m meditating or with other people.

One feels like I’m untangling a knot, the other like I’m melting it.

DRR4 is something.

3 Likes
#1787

DRR is providing me a solid structure that allows me to fully embrace my emotions.

There’s no need to cling or to swat away any emotion; “good” or “bad”.
DRR helps me realize how much I can let myself be immersed in my emotions when it comes, and not cling to it when it goes. This leaves me free to embrace my emotions however much I want, which makes my life much more colorful.

Happiness without the clinging.
Sadness without the suffering.
Passion without the thirst for more.
Frustration without the destabilization.

Everything is good as is. Whatever their nature is. No more, no less.

Controlled chaos, one where I have the freedom to engage/disengage as much as I want, knowing that with the solid structure, I won’t lose myself & get sucked into it.

2 Likes
#1788

Seeing feelings rise up > then fall down > then rise again > then fall again > until the cycle is over > then a new one spikes up again, with a solid structure to stand on when I’m observing the storm, is a colorful experience.

The hope for relief is still there, but I’m not clinging to it.
There’s no use searching for relief, and no path to it.
No use to deny the search for relief, or the relief itself.
No cause of relief, no cause for the search of it.
No insight into either relief or the search.
There’s nothing to attain.

They are all one and the same.

DRR man… I love this sub.

2 Likes
#1789

EE 4m HeO 18s DRR4 15s

Let’s see how much my response to 15s of DRR4 has changed after almost half a month.
I become more confrontational, but also able to accept & just observe that part of me even better.
I can embrace a wider range of my emotions even more purely. Let them come, let them be, let them go.

With how much I’ve progressed, I can more confidently say that microlooping this low only once a week is definitely viable.

I also did some extended introspection and got a good ground to stand on.
DRR works well.

Update 1:

Significantly less recon for the first day.
This is a good sign.

Maybe I’ll be bold.
If I get no recon for the next few days,
+3s instead of +5s of DRR4, but once every 2 listening days instead of 3.

1 Like