I took the past few hours to reflect on this deeply. I could list pros and cons of my approach yet, don’t clearly see whether it was “right” or “wrong” to me. I understand that wasn’t the question you gave me RVconsultant and yes I could have chosen calmer and more at ease approach like you do for example.
I understand why you would question my ways. You take care of this forum and would most likely not support such “on edge” approaches such as mine for the sake of maintaining forums peace and avoiding of possible unwanted events from happening. I respect that. I am but a guest here and It wasn’t my intent to cause clash. At that moment, It wasn’t in my mind.
I feel though that even if in your eyes there were better ways to approach it - ways that would be more peaceful, I did not cross any lines and maintained myself pretty okay. Could have it been better? Always can.
Is the sharp and direct approach appropriate when I see someone being repeatedly attacked on this forum? I would believe so. Maybe I got a bit too invested and I felt like some wrongs were being done and I felt a sense of call to stand up.
One approach or another, be it yours or mine or someone elses, Im not wise enough to judge which one was best.
I could have been less invested I see that but I believe I did well either way and do not regret today. I feel like I grew through this, I feel like others did as well, I feel like I held someone’s back when no one else would and I’m partly writing this so that I can go to sleep with clear consciousness. It was a good day and tomorrow will be better and better.
If youd like to give me your insight into why you asked me to reconsider my approach though, Im happy to listen.
You deal with people in subtle ways. You make them question their inner workings bit by bit so that you never accuse them but rather, encourage them to look within and see it for themselves. This is a little more long term strategy sometimes. Very effective, much smoother and on top, makes you more likeable. I see why you would prefer such approach over this one.
What if I however just wanted to do it in one shot? What if I’m not willing to stop by and ask again and again certain questions to help. What if my goal was to only stop something by pointing it out in that moment bluntly? Is that an approach you do not personally take? I would understand if you would not. What’s your take on being direct with people when you feel like they are “crossing line” ? Is it sometimes the optimal way to deal with things to you or is it just a big no no because the chances of resistance and not resolving the problem too big? Don’t you feel like sometimes people need to be told things directly just like literally any other day on these forums?
And even if lets say the person gets defensive and closes off due to stress they would get from that “edge” - it would at least make them stop doing the thing that caused it in the first place. I understand here you don’t want to punish or scare people - you would probably want to grow their minds so that they see past it all and learn on their own but I have a feeling that sometimes putting something right in front of them is the only way to make them see it. I could very well be wrong though.
my reasoning for my approach currently:
I do not care enough to talk to every person online in a way to make sure that they do not feel confronted / uncomfortable. It’s just not the way I want to live. I don’t mind if people think I’m bad because I didn’t take a more gentle approach. I said the truth and if they take it, they do. If not, it will be their loss and they will continue living their life with that flaw unnoticed. I do not care to put in extra hours to be more slight and effective to help some random person on the internet. If I see something, I say it if I see harm in it. I can’t talk to everyone about everything gently. Maybe one day if I become a mod and would get paid for it sure (unsure if you get paid for helping people here but I believe you should due to all the time and effort and wisdom you put in). But until then, I’ll save my energy and time for other things. I’m not super into changing people but I also don’t believe I should be quiet when I see some injustice in my eyes.
also this is beyond eathangel I’m talking from a very broad view and looking into these concepts. I didn’t think of earthangel when writing this so please do not take it personally.
