When I read the titles subclub makes I often think, wow, I want this. So I buy it, it is cool. I like these guys so I support them. Even if I listen just to the sub for a week then not again.
So recently I wanted to buy another sub and I was imagining what my life would be like, in this case, I wanted to buy ascension. So I felt like while imagining it people respecting me more. Have I ever felt like I was not respected…sometimes. Sometimes it just happens shrug. But most of the time everything is cool. I also felt like I would feel powerful inside of myself, something that would make me stand straight, chest open and puffed out, feel firmly grounded and not afraid. But also for other people, I imagine i would be less approachable more serious, bit intimidating. Butting heads with others who are in a position of power or who don´t like me…I don´t want other people to fear me…or hate me…nor do I want to be alone.
I have erected walls around myself to lessen the effect of the suffering and disappointment I felt throughout the years. At the same time, I also am afraid to tear down the walls to let my true self come out and let others in. Do I want to be the guy that I dream of that concept that one day will end my pain. In truth this just gives me hope that one day this pain will be over.
No matter how cheesy, I just want to be loved by the people I like. Also, a job that fulfills me as much as possible. For others I want to make other people happy, not because I feel I should but because it is the most beautiful and joyful way to live life.