running RM:UWX for 7m15s with the subtle overexposure symptoms wasn’t a good idea.
now the load feels like the 17th-19th day of a normal 26 day schedule.
the 5 day washout starts today though, it should be enough to wash off the recon & overexposure.
if this happens again next cycle, i will swap back to 9 on 4 off 9 on 4 off
Rest day 2
The recon is not as bad as yesterday
Is there scripting in RM:UWX that makes you revisit your past? Because the past 1.5 cycle has been really intense.
If not, my guess is it’s from the scripting for emotional healing through writing or the one for closer connection between the conscious & subconscious mind.
I think i just need to live with it from now on.
I feel like RM:UWX is a bit too overwhelming to use. I would have tolerated it a few month ago when i was figuring things out with SC, but now i want to take it slower.
I will restart the microloop progression back to 20s and increase it by 20s or 40s every listening day until i hit 3m30s this cycle, then i will use 10s increment instead of 15s.
There are too many variables to continue the 9 on 3 off 9 on 5 off schedule experiment, i will go back to 9 on 4 off 9 on 4 off schedule again until the effects from RM:UWX stabilize.
I found it. This effect is really strong. It doesn’t only show you the memories you have in the corner internally, but also manifest events that help with it.
MUST. NOT. SWAP. TO. SANGUINE. AAAAA
Probably should put this in the subclub black forum, but now i understand why there was a push against satanic rituals and anything “demonic” some decades ago. They always sounded ridiculous to me before. But now I’m able to peek into their view of life.
I don’t hold the same view, but I’m able to empathize with their views. I would never be able to do this if i hadn’t run LBFH before. It’s insane how much it increases my empathy while not making me lose control over it. Deep down, I always feared that too much empathy would lead me to make stupid mistakes. LBFH showed me that it’s possible to both be empathetic and have control over myself.
It’s not just with the esoteric, now I’m able to empathize with other views that i would have never been able to genuinely tolerate before LBFH. The most important thing is, it helps me further my work related skills by having a more diverse view of the world. I said this again and again, but I’m glad LBFH is free. If it weren’t, i would have never even considered using it. LBFH is the final piece of the subliminal puzzle that I’ve been searching for years.
MWF schedule has been working pretty good for me
M: ASBR + NR
W: NR + HOM
F: ASBR + HOM
every third Friday is skipped
This is the one big lesson i learned from WB + HeO:
If i want to control my emotions, i need to let go of the desire to crave control over it.
The stack didn’t just make me understand this lesson logically, but it helped me go deeper into it. It gave me experiences that i could gather insights from, which then i could apply and experiment with. NSE for learning is scarily effective.
I’m not running WB anymore, but I’m substituting it with meditation. WB taught me more about meditation than any other subs I’ve used before i tried SC. now I’m getting closer to the emotional control effect from WB + HeO using meditation.
The effect from RM:UWX that makes me reconnect with my past is back again. I have only used it for 20s & 50s this cycle.
We reconnect with our past every day, but the effect from RM:UWX is unique. It goes deeper, makes it more often, and it just feels different. Just like the effect of other subs, this effect uniquely feels like a subclub one.
For every effect that i get from subs, there’s always a feeling that i know the general idea of why it is happening. It’s hard to describe but you guys know what i mean.
With this nostalgia effect from RM:UWX, i don’t really know why this is happening, but i feel like i know exactly why deep down. It feels like something that comes from inside, not an outside interference.
Mmm… After i wrote everything above, i realized that i was going through small shock therapies everytime i went through those connections with the past. Maybe they are making me more resilient & ready to face life.
But why is that effect from RM:UWX? Is it a roundabout way to get me to write all of these to help me heal using writing? If yes then it’s working, rofl.
That’s one hell of a way to heal. I should have listened to my intuition when it screamed & whined to me to stack RM:UWX with DRLD. It has the scripting to find clarity and break limits that hold back that process.
Maybe sub hopping isn’t that bad after all if my intuition is the one that dictates me to do so.
Should i finally listen to my intuition and swap HeO or LBFH to DRLD?
I don’t want to do it, just like how I didn’t want to stack WB with HeO. But listening to my intuition and stacking them anyway has proved to be the best decision.
But switching subs is exhausting. Even without recon, the massive changes in my life that swapping 1 sub can bring is enough to take a lot of my energy.
Well, i said to myself that i’m going to stick with this stack for a year unless there’s a new HERO title, so that’s what’s gonna happen. No sub hopping.
my intuition saved me once again. HeO rocks
I need to keep that in my offline journal
Everything happens for a reason. and it’s our responsibility to learn and grow from that experience. NSE is wild.
Cycle 13 day 5
HeO 6m40s RM:UWX 1m20s AC 2m40s
The flashbacks from RM:UWX are not that jarring anymore. Finding more clarity really helps with accepting what’s happening.
The lesson that i learned from getting hit by intense recon from WB still holds true. When in recon, find clarity and certainty.
8 minutes after i wrote that and i was hit by an old memory that happened years the past.
It’s like the repressed and old memories are surfacing up again. The manifestations also help with this process. I’m starting to understand more about why this effect is happening.
To be honest, a part of me still feel like it’s a bit weird that a nostalgia effect this strong comes from a sub about developing writing skill. But i also understand what caused this and what it’s for.
I guess being in constant nostalgia is a part of the flavor of RM:UWX. It’s like LBFH, but instead of love, it’s nostalgia.
Writing all of these made me realize that i never really applied what i learned from vipassana to what i feel when i’m in nostalgia. I need to just observe and reduce the need to crave/avoid these feelings. I’ll try it.
I like doing experiments by nature, but RM:UWX takes it a step further. it shows me what else i can dive into, what self imposed limits I set for myself, etc.
This feels like the NSE in LBFH is affecting RM:UWX. I can’t wait for when RM:UWX has its own NLE later.
I have been training this mindset for years. My goals to do it are:
It was hard to start with. your ego, pain, hatred, etc will constantly get in the way. But as time goes on, it will get easier.
From the farthest left to the farthest right to the farthest center. Try to look, feel, learn, understand, empathize, humanize every angle.
The karens, abusive people, office workers, religious people, farmers, anyone you can think of. Do whatever you can to genuinely understand their views, their lives, their positions.
It’s never simple. No one’s life is simple.
Go even further, look back to the people hundreds, thousands of years ago with vastly different views of the world. Don’t dismiss their views just because they are not modern.
Take it even further. Animals, plants, whatever you can think of.
Be genuinely open minded. Both intellectually and emotionally. It is a hard journey that will test your very being. Be wise & use your own judgment to choose what you want to do with the information you gained. Sometimes the barrier to getting more knowledge is yourself.