Dreams
I think i finally understand why i keep getting dreams about death. I know my subconscious is trying to say something to me.
I got dreams about life threatening situations, people i know in the death bed etc.
Then the last dream hit me hard.
This one was different.
Unlike the dreams before, I wasn’t in a fantasy world trying to survive, i wasn’t watching people dying, i wasn’t in a battle desperately defending myself.
I was sitting in a room, with a tv in front.
It was completely a safe space.
There was only “me”
Contemplating about life and death.
…
That was the most terrifying dream i had.
Because I’m usually not afraid of death, i’m generally satisfied with what i have and i don’t mind if everything is gone in a snap. But in that place, i got reconnected with that fear as if i was embodying someone else entirely. All the defenses i built all my life was gone.
There was no crowd, dragons or gun fires to split my attention. There was only me and that raw intense fear staring at each other.
The tv started playing my life, or what i felt like my life. I was confronted with how much sacrifices i did to my body just for my goals.
Then i was shown how every living thing will die and there will be time where i will never feel anything ever again. Unlike how i am when i’m awake, the “me” in the dream could feel the full emotion of the fear of death and losing what i usually take for granted like being able to see, to feel, to do activities etc.
The next one was brutal. I was shown how the people i love will eventually die. Now, I have been through a lot of people dying in my life. I was sad but that was it. In this dream, i was hit with a lot of regret. Pure, raw regret. There was no defenses, just the raw feeling of regret.
Then, the last one. It was the worse.
I suddenly knew that the “me” in the dream was me in the future. Old with a stern face. There, i was asked, was it worth it?
This was where i understood what the dreams were trying to tell me.
I sat there, i did what i strived for, i lived up to my values, i went through life up until that point of time.
But i was all alone.
Old and alone watching a tv in a room.
Was it worth it going through life, without making meaningful connections along the way?
