[Vex’s Journal]

Journals - Major Programs
#3

This is actually going to be ~10 posts in one.

Progress

I made a lot of progress today, way more than the norm, at a great cost. I didn’t sleep enough. But I decided to ride the wave of inspired action for now, then pull back in the coming days. Multiple instances of socialising, words flowed easily, I had a great time, formed new connections. The usual workload, which is busy and challenging enough in and of itself. An opportunity presented itself, I took concrete steps towards a “better” job in the same field, we’ll see how it goes.

Khan Black

15 mins every 2 days.

If force has (i) magnitude and (ii) direction, so too does sexual energy. I guess (i) the extent of your libido or energy charge, and (ii) how well it’s channeled (whether to sexual activity or otherwise), respectively. Anyway, before KB I was mentally pretty obsessed with sex, though I didn’t want to be. Insights from Sanguine suggested I start KB, so here we are.

Results are pretty good, magnitude is the same, direction is much improved. I feel stabler and more grounded. There was some gnarly recon on a few instances, the majority of the time has been smooth. Been about one cycle so far. The targeted problem has been diminished. Nothing too radical, looking forward to greater challenges and opportunities in future stages.

Sanguine

I ration out my Sanguine listening time lol, I just pull it out for 30 seconds every time / as and when I need some help processing something. It helps. Every two days, my Sanguine listening time probably adds up to 2.5-3 mins.

I’m not following the listening schedule exactly. Some of those Sanguine listens fall on “rest” days (but, when I do the five-day washout, I don’t listen to subs at all). I do this because of the concept described in this link [link]. I think it’s not just about following a set listening schedule - it’s about balancing (i) the amount of stuff you have on your processing queue, with (ii) the rate at which you can take that stuff and turn it into results. So like - if I’m hungry I eat, if I’m thirsty I drink, if I have something to process I pull out Sanguine for a bit. Pretty easy, seems to work. Anyway, overall, I’m still getting less exposure to subs than the ZP instructions of “one loop of each title every 2 days”.

Sure, I did get good results running Sanguine for 15 mins every 2 days. But right now I’m trying to make Khan Black the primary focus of my stack, with Sanguine playing more of a side role.

I seriously have like 20 different things to say about Sanguine, if I really went into it, I would never finish.

First, I posted about my initial experience with Sanguine here [link]. Just reading this old post is wild, I can barely relate to the level of anxiety I described back then. It’s not like I’m fearless now but it’s an entire world of a difference.

Second, I kind of feel like Sanguine is different from every other sub. I haven’t had experience with that many subs but this is just my impression. I think with subs, you generally don’t get a free lunch. Maybe you are already decent at socialising, you run Primal to take it to the next level. Maybe you’ve already worked on yourself for a while, you run Dragon Reborn to take it to the next level. I mean I don’t think you need to be really smart before you can run Limitless, but if you’re starting from scratch you probably need a fair amount of work to actually hit the objectives it speaks of / is targeting. Maybe they are force multipliers, you get more the more you put in, if you put in nothing you get either a little bit, or nothing.

But here’s the thing. I think with Sanguine, you DO get a free lunch. Let’s say I have A and B to work on, I’m busy with A, I don’t really have time to sit down and think about B. Is there something that can help me process B without me actually further stretching my resources towards it? Yes, Sanguine can do it, you just got something without putting in anything. Now, don’t get me wrong as, if you were in total inaction and did nothing other than listen to Sanguine, you probably still wouldn’t have the life you want - but, it’s just that from what I can tell, the input-to-results ratio is unmatched.

Journaling

It’s a waste of time trying to do it on the phone, I thought it would be faster to pull something out of your pocket and pen something down quickly. Yes, that’s true if you’re only writing down one thought. If you have ten thoughts, sitting down with an actual computer is clearly superior.

@Evolver

Thanks for dropping by, appreciate the kind words.

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#4

Early bedtime. Infinite possibilities as to what I could do with a few more hours have crystallised into this -rather unexciting - outcome, but I have to do this if I want to maximise my progress.

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#5

I’m going to have to stop fucking around. I picked KB for sexual (and general) energetics development, but I’m hamstringing myself by impeding my own natural energy production and unnecessarily pushing myself to fatigue, especially on the weekdays. How am I going to make it to KB st4 at this rate? I need to make progress in harmony with all aspects of my life, not by forcing it.

It’s right there on the objectives page - the goal is to cultivate, control and express energy.

I feel weird posting this. I’d much rather be able to say “here’s what I’ve accomplished and how I did it”. Is a post like this a waste of the reader’s time?

I will just post it. If I want to be able to circulate and express my energy, or my self, I can’t be so inhibited or hesitant. If I don’t want to be overly controlled or inward-looking, I have to take any opportunity to be expressive that appears before me. Not forcing expression. Just not impeding the “flow of energy”, if that’s a thing.

#6

Bro, it’s your journal, there’s really no need to care what the reader thinks. They can read or choose not to read it.

Me personally, I also like observing the process, not just seeing the results. Seeing results is nice, but the details - mindset change, how it happened etc - are all within the process.

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#7

Took me a while to figure out how I was tagged in this post, lol.

It’s always nice to see a new journal around here.

That’s good and it should be mandatory. If your only journal was a public one, then it would mess with your progress. Your deepest and most authentic introspections would always be filtered through the subconscious fear of what other people think of them. Those variables contaminate the introspective process, especially with a weaker framework that’s susceptible to that influence. Metaphorically speaking, it’s far easier to pull yourself out of yourself in private, than it is in the public open.

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#8

Subs: Sanguine, Paragon

So everything has been mostly good for a while. Then, I just had surgery on my nose to correct a blocked airway. I knew I had a deviated septum, I wanted to be able to breathe through my nose properly (be less of a mouthbreather and, of course, everyone knows how important oxygen is), etc. I deliberately chose this.

I’d say it went well (breathing is fortunately much improved, except for the fact that I still can’t blow my nose) but I feel terrible in all other respects. I can’t think, process or focus on anything and my mood is in the gutter. It might be the cocktail of drugs they put me on afterwards, or whatever. I have no energy nor drive to do anything, my heart rate is significantly elevated, I feel physiologically stressed, and I’m pissed at everything.

Playing caretaker for myself, trying to sleep whenever possible (not always successful), attending to all these random needs, I can’t blow my nose, I have to be extra paranoid about anything touching my nose, it just feels like a shit job. People are supposed to enjoy their weekend, I couldn’t do anything. I just journaled, tried various solutions to various things, lay in bed, went for a walk, don’t really think it went anywhere.

Nothing helps, except running Sanguine, which I feel great on (mostly just while the loop is playing, though) but it doesn’t, by itself, fix everything else or make me feel good for the rest of the day.

I ran Paragon for the physical healing, I believe it helped with healing of the surgical wound (the pain mostly disappeared the next day) but it knocked me out and I felt more tired than before.

Would I still undergo the procedure even if it makes me feel terrible for [insert duration] afterwards? (I assume this is just temporary, otherwise, I’m cooked.) Probably yes as the benefits are still worth it? I just hate it currently, especially as everything in my life was going decent before this. I got some time off work but I still somehow have some work to do, so that’s terrible as well.

Main Disc. Thread - Paragon ZP
#9

Adversity

Since I am currently in a situation where I am stripped of my mental faculties and emotional stability (I hate to be dramatic, but somehow that is what it feels like - I have a headache, possibly a fever, etc) - it reminds me of this old blog that existed in the earlier days of the internet, titled “Delusion Damage”. So what’s interesting about this blog was that it was essentially a primer in crisis management. I am sure traces of it are available if you searched enough.

This blog espoused a variant of stoic philosophy. It seemed targeted at a reader whose situation was REALLY bad. It was written in a very, “THESE are the TRUE answers to everything in the universe you’ve been searching for”. But not in the way a guru espouses a philosophy and you simply follow it. The blog was careful to emphasise that it simply put forth one of many possible perspectives, albeit one that significantly helped the writer improve his own quality of life, but it was not dogmatic, it was more results-focused than anything, and suggested the reader keeps what works and discards what doesn’t. The blog was also easy to read, carefully breaking down concepts that might be obvious to someone more experienced in life, but it was also written in a very caring manner, like someone speaking candidly to an old friend or his past self. This last bit is important, as it ties in to the idea of enjoying the process, not just obtaining the maximum rate of progress (however that is defined) at any cost. It was quitea a combination of things which came together in a pakcage I really loved.

To give a specific example, one thing that was said is as follows. That no matter how bad things get, there is no purpose in getting pissed off at the world for bringing you suffering, as that only served to make you feel worse without getting you any closer to solving the problem. Instead, one should take responsibility for everything that happens in it - “you cause your problems”. So the emphasis isn’t on “blaming” yourself for everything you could’ve done better but didn’t, but the fact is that if you suffer in life, it’s your problem, that only you can solve it, and that nobody’s coming to save you. As you are the arbiter of your own world, only you can create a better life for yourself. So this entails calmly examining everything within your sphere of influence and looking out for what you could do to improve the situation, and executing upon that. I thought that was helpful, and certainly better than playing the blame game and harbouring resent against yourself, other people, the world, or anything else.

In my future runs of Sanguine, I’ll do some conscious guidance to tune my mindset along those lines. After all, I do want to be able to face hardship with calm resilience, instead of falling into the “woe is me” trap, which is far too easy to do the worse things get.

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#10

How are you healing up?

#11

Over the past few weeks I’ve done a bunch of things to try and improve my life.

I guess the common theme would be - things that don’t necessarily improve my life NOW, but with a positive EV / expected value, and could yield upside over time. So the surgery is one, maybe it would be miserable for a while, but the clearing of the nasal airway should yield permanent benefit. All good on that front now (thanks @RVconsultant for asking) and I believe it’s 10/10 worth it for anyone who has a severely deviated septum.

Another is stepping outside of my comfort zone, bit by bit, with respect to doing more / my role at work. I suppose the improvement is pretty gradual (I don’t think you can rush this sort of thing) but fits the bill of - mildly uncomfortable now, can yield results later. At times, I was even surprised that this also yielded results more quickly than expected.

Another is that I am running KB2 solo now (no Sanguine). I’m taking a chance, I feel my mental state is slightly stronger. This is a big milestone, and dropping Sanguine would be unthinkable a few months ago. I’ll get back on it if I feel like it. Yes it was fun running around with an anti-negativity shield, but for now I think it’s time to try offense instead. I want to concentrate the power-amplifying effects of “the KB aura” or vibe, to augment the results of whatever action I take (say by x1.1 or more). I want to make “investments” into my life, have them pay off and get excited about the future. I’m trying not to be super prescriptive about it, but as the KB sales page says, it has edgy-ass artwork of a red flaming sword and whatever you feel looking at that, that’s what the sub is designed to help you achieve. That’s what I’m targeting.

Last, I want to speak about the main thing that’s weighing on my mind. I had a chance to bid for a great opportunity and I took it. I knew it wasn’t guaranteed because I wasn’t the only one vying for it. I thought I made a decent impression, but I haven’t heard back from them. On the day itself, I felt great because “well I got to roll the dice for a X% chance of getting it, it’s way better than not taking action, while not guaranteed, there is upside but zero downside”and also I thought my X% odds were decent. As some time has passed, I don’t think I’ll get it and, in literal contradiction to the previous sentence, I’m kinda pissed about it. Maybe I’m entitled, had unrealistic expectations, or I’m not as level-headed as I try to be. Maybe I misjudged my analysis. Maybe this isn’t the kind of problem a Khan would have, and if I had found subs earlier, I would’ve snagged it. This last sentence hurts the most because (while that statement isn’t guaranteed to be true) I have more of a basis to say this than for anything else in this paragraph, because I’ve seen the results I’ve obtained over the past months, I think I’m a good responder for subs and objectively I don’t think my capabilities are terrible.

I know there are people who are so ruthlessly capable that they can go “that’s not really a setback if you’re not actually worse off than you started”, immediately retarget the next opportunity and relentlessly pursue the next step until they snowball enough momentum that luck becomes less of a factor than whatever advantages they have accumulated and they get what they were targeting anyway.

I think I am going to pursue some more “natural” growth instead of trying to do what is “optimal” all the time. Like, if that means sitting around for a few days at reduced efficacy while I mull over / process this, then so be it. I’m not just trying to blast through obstacles and get results as fast as possible at any cost. Somehow, I don’t feel like I’m in a rush to improve myself, and I think that’s on the right track.

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#12

Stack: KB 2, 15 min every 2 days

I usually post the successes on the subliminal’s main thread instead (because I think it’s more valuable there. E.g., if you open KB’s thread, you kinda expect to see what people have used KB to achieve in their life.)

[Link to post]

So, in contrast - each time I post in this journal it’s probably recon, a problem I’m facing, etc.

Right now I’m super tired. I feel like I’m quite a bit more effective - per unit time - at what I do, before I really got into KB. Yet, at the same time I’m also spending more time trying to achieve stuff, and less on rest.

I hope to develop my personal power so much that maintaining this level of output becomes easy and relaxing for me.

But I can’t further level myself up instantly. It will take time. In the meanwhile I want to take better care of myself. If that reduces output in the meanwhile, so be it.

#13

I just got backstabbed at work!

Should I run Emperor: Will to Power? I might next cycle. This is so stupid …

#14

I started a loop of Emperor WTP yesterday. So it’s been a day.

Since running it, it feels like I know what I have to do to take this forward, but I don’t know how to put that into practice yet.

#15

Another option might be to select a custom at the Q store with modules such as Codename:Umbra; Ebon Maneuver; Eventide; Fearsome; and Last Stand. There might be other modules.

#16

Sanguine / Executive
Dual core name-embed major
Time: 30s （90s as I lost track of the time the last loop)

I thought dual core major embeds weren’t allowed, but it seems otherwise: link.

I’m pretty stretched out resource-wise but I still want more in my career, skills, relationships. What then?

There usually isn’t a free lunch in the world. You need effort or action to get somewhere. Throwing more time at a problem eats into sleep, impacting the next day. Caffeine makes you less tired, but hardly improves focus and merely masks the issue. It’s just trading A for B, and B for C. Is everything a matter of resource allocation and re-allocation?

Untitled

No. It can’t just be about slicing and re-slicing the pie. If we accept that, I’ll never achieve more (in the aggregate across all aspects of my life) than I do now. The entire pie, or resource pool, needs to be enlarged. Or the conversion ratio from resource to output needs to be improved. Either achieving more with the same input - even, less.

I combined these subs for a very specific purpose - Sanguine is a free lunch. You don’t need to invest massive input to get something out of it. You run it and feel better and ready to get back at it. It doesn’t ask much of you. Good conversion ratio.

I’ve never run Executive before, but I’m decent at what it intends to make you do (save perhaps for Bioclockwork).

I think it is a wicked combination. Sanguine itself is also a productivity sub, the copy mentions powerful strikes, without tension, fast as lightning, and effortless. The philosophy below:

Then add Executive’s speed, momentum and antirecon.

Because being faster or getting more done doesn’t require sacrificing more of myself. Not intensity, but frictionlessness. It’s been 4 microloops and I’m beginning to feel like we have an actual solution past this constraint.

#17

I did feel like this past week I got a bit more done with a bit less effort

Also feel a bit less tense. There’s less frantic scrambling to meet deadlines at work, but I still meet the deadlines anyway

Sometimes even when I’m not at work, it still weighs on my mind a little - there’s a bit less of that

Also switched up what content I consume on a regular basis - more towards “hey that’s something I’m interested in doing”. There used to be a lot of energy spent on motivating myself to do things, hopefully this results in less resource input there

#18

Still doing 30-60s of Sanguine/Executive name embed every two days

Productivity is good, with noticeably less tension

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#19

I have slightly more capacity to do stuff but it just gets filled up by even more stuff to do, errands, etc.

Makes me wonder how much of it is necessary.

Kind of like how a faster worker just gets more work thrown on them.

I paired Executive with Sanguine not just because I wanted to be more relaxed and get more stuff done. It’s more like Sanguine is the vision, and Executive is the means by which I’ll take action to make that happen.

If I get even more stuff done (even if in a somewhat sustainable manner) and yet feel no less busy - that’d be missing the point.

Also trying to be more minimal, get my point across with less words, improve efficiency by doing less, not exerting more effort, etc

#20

Workload spiked this week probably +30% from usual

Subs helped a lot both in productivity and mood (though it was still pretty rough overall)

I feel decently okay about it - at least, with the subs, productivity has improved (and has the potential to further improve). I’m sure the workload won’t increase forever

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#21

Sanguine / Executive name embed - 30-120s

I have always wondered why I needed to run Sanguine. I’m tired pretty often and surely not everyone faces the same problem.

I think it’s because when I have spare energy, I just fill it up with even more stuff to do.

I always thought that if only I could become more efficient, I could then get whatever done in less time and that creates the spare time, and THEN I would rest.

I DID become more efficient but the last part never happened. I never actually became less tired.

It’s also the same with the subs. Say I get 100 units of “output” done in a day, and it costs me 90% of my energy to do so. Now, imagine with subs I can now get that same 100 units of output done at the cost of 85% energy instead. Any normal person would think “great let’s leave it at that”, but I tend to just use up the same 90% to get 105 units of output done instead.

I’ll try and consciously guide the submininal (and/or myself) into creating a less tiring life for myself.

#22

Might add Summertime name embed + MDFY:Freedom

Similar theme and the point would be to improve my life without running a stack that requires heavy energy input / resource consumption. Since I am already taking massive action as part of my usual day to day life, I just want anything that helps results but is just as light as possible

It’s commonly said that running fewer titles generally leads to more focused results so the intention with MDFY:Freedom would be to not “overwhelm” the whole thing

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