I know we have discussed the book Existential Kink. I canât recommend enough the Apple TV show Severance. Some say itâs an allegory show Jungâs concept of the shadow
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I donât have Apple TV though. Hmm 
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Iâve had Morning Mood randomly pop up in my head since I was a young girl. I find myself humming it periodically.
Day 5 of washout. 
Sitting here reading over the RUMI oracle cards I pulled.
Sacred Phoenix Heart
YOU, Who Show The Way
Beyond Death, Life
The Human Gift
This card represents deep transformationârising from the ashes, just like the mythical Phoenix. It suggests that any pain, loss, or difficulty youâve experienced is fueling a rebirth. Your heart is stronger and more resilient than ever. You are not being destroyed by challengesâyou are being refined, purified, and prepared for something greater. Trust that what is falling away is making space for new life.
This is a card of divine guidance and leadership. It speaks to your inner wisdom and ability to navigate both your own path and inspire others. Even when you donât feel certain, you are being led by a higher intelligence, and you may also be a guide for others. This card reminds you to trust your intuition, as you are connected to deep spiritual truth.
A profound card of transformationâechoing the Sacred Phoenix Heart. It tells you that what seems like an ending is actually a new beginning. Death in this sense isnât literal; it represents the death of old versions of yourself, old patterns, or even an identity you once held. Something new is emerging, even if you canât fully see it yet. Let go and allow this transition to unfold.
This card is about the beauty and power of being humanâembracing the vulnerability, love, and challenges that come with it. It reminds you that your emotions, your longing, and even your struggles are part of the divine experience. There is something deeply meaningful in your journey, and your heart is capable of immense love and healing. You are being asked to honour both your spiritual and human sides, knowing they are not separate.
Overall Message:
You are in a deep period of transformation. Your heart is being reborn, old cycles are ending, and you are being guided forward with wisdom. Even in uncertainty, trust that new life is emerging. You are both receiving divine guidance and offering it to others through your own journey. This is a time of surrender, trust, and stepping into your true power.
After 5 days of wash out:
Back in January, I put myself in a situation where I ended up taking Plan Bâsomething I never want to take again. Knowing it could throw off my cycle, I listened to Paragon right away to support myself. My first period came really early, but this cycle, my period was almost a week late.
Today, I played a 5-minute loop of Paragon, and just hours later, my period started.
Iâve read that some women deal with imbalances for up to a year after Plan B, but I knew that wasnât going to be me. I already take hormone-friendly herbs and do so much to support my body, and I trust my ability to rebalance.
Lesson learned. Never again. But I love how Paragon helped me so quickly once again!
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Iâve been in wash out since the 1st besides 3 loops of Paragon this month.
The Urge to Chase
Lately, Iâve been reflecting on the idea of pursuit in relationships. If the feminine is meant to be pursued by the masculine, then why do I sometimes feel the urge to chase? Does that mean Iâm out of alignment with my feminine energy, or is it simply human nature to go after what we desire?
I catch myself wonderingâif I take the lead, if I show too much interest, does that make me less valuable in his eyes? Or is that just a belief Iâve picked up somewhere along the way? Maybe itâs not about chasing or being chased, but about mutual desire and connection. Still, I canât help but question where the line is between expressing interest and over-pursuing.
What if attraction isnât about playing roles but about authenticity? What if instead of worrying about whether Iâm leaning too much into masculine energy, I focused on staying true to what feels right for me? I donât want to suppress my desire out of fear, but I also donât want to mistake chasing for something that should flow naturally.
I think this is something I need to sit with more. Where does the urge to chase come from? Is it from a place of genuine attraction, or is it rooted in wanting validation? And most importantlyâwhat feels good to me?
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Going back to what I said earlier on this journal, the empress doesnât chaseâshe attracts.
Still doesnât mean Iâll discount the thoughts coming up to the surface for me to consider. I am glad when subconscious beliefs come into my conscious awareness to address.
It isnât any more or less valuable to chase vs being chased.
With authenticity, you draw in those who resonate with your values and those who do not fall out of sync.
Itâs a dance of both chasing and being chased when the right people enter your space.
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I like that ~ a dance. 
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Iâve pulled the Magdalene card from Love Your Inner Goddess by Alana Fairchild many times since purchasing the deck a couple of years ago. Itâs a deck focused on empowerment, self-love, and deep feminine wisdom, and this particular card always makes me pause and reflect.
It speaks of unconditional love, but also of boundaries. It warns against those who feel entitled to love on demand, who expect it as something owed rather than freely given. One part of the guidebook always stands out to me:
âSome may claim that they are owed gifts of love and say that she must provide them on demand. Maybe they threaten to withdraw their love otherwise, to harm or reject you, or try to justify their behaviour by their rights, legal or otherwise.â
At first, I wasnât sure why this message kept coming up. But reflecting back on 2022, I can see it more clearly. After listening to the original LBFH experimental copy, I manifested a relationship that mirrored these dynamics. Now, with more honesty, I can recognize my part in itâhow I contributed, how I allowed love to feel transactional in ways I hadnât fully realized at the time.
This card also speaks of the sacredness of the body, of pleasure as a gift rather than something to be controlled or taken. It reminds me that my body is mine, that joy is my birthright, and that I donât need permission to experience pleasure in ways that feel right to me. Love, in its purest form, is not a debt to be collected. It flows freely, without coercion or guilt.
I recognize now that my love is sacred, my heart is sovereign, and I choose to give from a place of wholenessânot out of fear, not out of duty, but because it feels right. Maybe this card wasnât here to warn me. Maybe it was guiding me toward deeper honesty with myself. A quiet reflection, a final thread being untangled. A celebration of the love I now know: one that is free, whole, and mine to give as I choose.
Have you ever had a card show up repeatedly, only to realize later what it was teaching you?
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My energy is what magnetizes people, not the algorithm.
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Went to the mall and purchased a few makeup items (havenât done that in ages)
Purchased an outfit for tonightâs event ~ a tutu, nylons and a bodysuit 
Received the best help from the retail workers
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A Night of Celebration, Clarity, and Freedom
Last night was the first time I dressed up and went out for St. Patrickâs Day downtown to see live music since I quit drinking in 2018. And you know what? I had an absolute blast.
I felt the familiar energy of the crowd, the pulse of the music, and even the echoes of my past. The memories of drinking, the highs and lows, the way it left me feeling for days after. I used to drink to loosen up, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to break free on the dance floor. Yet beneath it all, there was always a quiet fear of being seen. Perfectionism. People-pleasing. A lingering sense of not being enough.
I had my first drink at 13 and my relationship with alcohol was toxic for years. It almost took my life once. But I am here. Alive. Whole. Becoming the best version of myself.
Since quitting in 2018 I have been on a path of deep transformation. Unraveling old patterns. Healing wounds. Stepping into my truth. One of the biggest shifts was when I stopped drinking one day and never looked back. That choice was an act of self-love and true healing.
Last night I danced. I laughed. I was fully present with no need for alcohol. And I felt completely at peace being around others who were drinking. There was a time I feared I would be alone if I didnât drink. That no one would want to be around me. But now I see the beauty in the friendships and experiences I have. Ones built on truth, authenticity, and genuine connection.
My inner child, my younger self, the one who once felt lost, she feels seen. She feels safe. She feels heard. She is free.
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This is amazing! Alcohol is such a pervasive thing that finds its way into social gatherings. Being able to let loose without it is such a massive strength.
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