Needed to take a short break from gaming in order to pass all my exams. Now that this is over, my main focus is on skill improvement again.
Funny thing, while in the middle of gmx zp track, I got a message by a mate, who wants to practice 1v1s with me! Perfect timing 
Let’s go dude 
Tldr: Underestimated how detrimental sleep deprivation is for concentration and performance!
After a really bad game today, while most games in my recent days have also been horrible, I started wondering why I’m out of the sudden performing so poorly.
I rewatched my games, searched for tools to improve, watched videos and much more… but I forgot about one key fundamental - good quality sleep. Lately I got used to sleeping maximum 6h per night, usually around 5h. While this had worked for my college exams, it began harming my performance in game.
It makes sense: when studying I don’t have to be permanently focused for a set amount of time, and can take breaks whenever I want. Whereas in game losing focus for only 2sec missing one little detail, can decide the match.
So I researched a bit how sleep is linked to quality of gameplay.
My goal now is to aim for 8 hours of sleep. 
For sure sleep is important…Might be able to get away with it for a while, but the debt adds up quick. Sometimes the will to win is bigger. 
Yeaah @Risky definitely haha, but sometimes I also have the tendency to research or read stuff for way too long instead of sticking to a regular sleep time.
Yeah it ain’t easy. Even though I know sleep is the best thing for everything.
Sometimes you encounter people who just want to piss you off…
I was hovering Yone as my 1st choice + Viktor as 2nd one. Picked Yone away from me and banned Viktor.
… or who laugh & hate on you.
Those things never come from above. It’s their way of venting/ego defense-mechanism.
Sometimes you make really stupid & embarassing mistakes.
But you shrug it off and bounce back. It doesn’t affect you.
As if you had a shield that’s preventing you from taking damage.
Thanks to the subs and a ton of work on myself (with still plenty to learn), I’ve developed a much more stable & rock solid mentality in game and in life.
Not being so afraid of making mistakes anymore in practice and instead embracing them, while feeling joy about the learning experience.
Awesome, love the ingame screenshots to express a point. People really want to make it on Twitch.
Yeah I really enjoy journaling like this here on the forum with relevant game visuals. 
I don’t mind people advertising their twitch stream in game, but pls don’t grief me 
ahahaha
going through heavy recon, so time for a washout, hopefully it will get better afterwards, imma spare you with the recon thoughts, not great stuff
Hang in there!
Thank you @Malkuth
The last 1-2 months were pretty tough with numerous problems and conflicts.
However, it’s going a bit better again nowadays 
I might write about some updates soon. Just spending less time on my phone, socials etc. makes me feel more refreshed and calm in the midst of chaos.
Around a month ago I had the chance to be away from my usual surroundings and people for a few weeks, and spending more time in nature alone with my dog. It was damn refreshing. I had to study a lot for my exams, but it felt like being on vacation.
This boost in confidence caused a lot of areas in my life to improve, from my studies, hobbies and even social life.
I was able to problem solve better and felt more creative.
In my long recon time several months ago, I was back to being hardstuck gold haha, but during that recent phase in solitude, I managed to climb back up to plat again. Sitting currently at Platinum 3. Not quite where I wanna be, but on my way to my season goal!
New peak and officially in the top 5% of my server at the moment! 
Just had my last washout, so today only 2 loops (pretty normal amount)… but yeah how and why do I get such heavy recon now? Suicidal thoughts and lots more. I don’t even know what the sub or my intuition wants to tell me to solve this. It all ends in thinking I’m a hopeless case.
Maybe in the end I can’t cope with subs at all, it’s like nothing is working and will ever work (not only regarding subs but also therapy, social contacts, a goal, happy experiences).
So I hope that for you all it’s different and I’m trynna figure this out … or not, we will see. As I’ve lost hope in myself. (No, a healing sub won’t make any difference, there must be something deeper than sub usage.)
I wish I had better news and experiences to share.
Hey @Vanno,
This sounds like something of a rough-patch. Has it seemed to crop up out of nowhere, or is this an intensifying of thoughts or problems that you had already been noticing in the past?
Many issues (maybe most) are about life and our experiences of life more so than specifically about subliminals. (Often it’s those life challenges that prompted us to try subliminals in the first place.)
Just checking in with you. No solutions here. But often simply talking can help somewhat.
Things can and do change pretty quickly in life sometimes. And not every happy or unhappy condition is a direct reflection of your quality as a human being. Often s**t just happens.
What do you need at this time?
What @Malkuth said is right. Sometimes life happens and it isn’t a good time. The lows come to us but so do the highs. It’s all okay.
You can share your thoughts, feelings and vent it all out. We are here for you.
Very interesting stuff…
I have a couple of questions for you:
Okay so ma man.
So I have interacted with you, played with you, and have talked to you, right?
Do you want me to tell you my personal recommendation?
Quit league for a while, trust me on that, and if you need any motivation and reasons why, then here:
I’m not gonna tell you to fully quit it, but your mental stability isn’t worth losing over a digital rank.
Look at me, I dropped all the way to bronze cause I just play for my own enjoyment, and maybe only once or twice a day (I used to play 8 hours a day and peaked at platinum - you probably remember this), and here’s the biggest lesson I learned:
you suck out the fun out of something when you start taking it too seriously.
Your rank isn’t going to lead to you getting the girl of your dreams, your dream car, a nice house, a fun social circle, but obsessing over it will land you straight to depression land.
Oh and side note: when I was in therapy about 2 years ago, the first thing my therapist asked me to do was to go 2 weeks without video games, and that helped more than the medications haha.
This whole year has been tough regarding life in general with certain events and personal things going on. Not only bad things of course, but sooner or later people hit their breaking point - then either they change their situation (or it gets changed) or they crumble. At least that’s my current view of it. I’m also still trying to figure this out.
My main motivation back then to try out subs was to enhance my gaming skills, well at least that’s how I found out about subclub. I didn’t wanna stay terrible at a hobby that I enjoy and wanted to see if this actually works. Then later on I also used subs for healing, money and other areas.
I can’t fully grasp my problem, but I might be able to describe it. I’m constantly looking for things that help me improve in life (whatever that area is), something relatable right? Most people here want to improve some part of their life. But over years and years after having received so much help/advice from other people, media, books, research, own experiences, subs… here I am still being really depressed as I had been before - a real freaking mess internally (jealousy, self-doubt, anger) & externally (barely keeping up with life’s responsibilities, being a bad friend and not a good person to be around).
Not sure if you’ve watched the movie Maze Runner, but basically it’s like I’ve already explored the whole maze a thousand times, knowing each corner, but not the deeper mechanism that allows me to get out of the maze. And no matter how much I’m learning or trying out, I’m still not going anywhere significant.
Or it’s like Pac-Man (for the old school gamers hehe): I’m collecting all those points (experiences, learnings), but I’m still stuck in this level. The enemies are all the people who expect me to be someone that I’m not or who are stressing me about my lack of progress, my own self-sabotaging self and time.
