Vanno's Gaming Mastery X Journal

@Nemesis I’ve considered it and it’s something I’m planning for the future due to a few reasons: I don’t have an entertaining/extroverted personality, so skill expression is crucial. My rank is not good enough yet. I think high diamond - challenger is what most of the league community regard as “high elo/skilled”. It’s extremely difficult to grow as a streamer from zero in a popular game. However, I think I can make it once I’ve built more expertise in my abilities without having to rely on appearance/personality/charisma etc.

Only 1 loop of GMX (v2) and then taking a rest day afterwards.

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Still going through a phase with lots of recon, which I think started around 1 month ago. Lots of negative self-talk despite having a module in my custom against that issue. Trying to be patient, but I’m irritated or extremely sad for no reason almost daily. However, I keep taking action.

@RVconsultant Do you think my current listening pattern is alright?
Every 2nd day: 1x custom, 1x executive solace, 1x gmx v2
Additionally I’ll be on vacation for a few days, where I can’t take much or any action related to my subs. Do you think I should then take a break from the subs and do a washout or keep sticking to the listening schedule regardless?

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Washout! Washout! Washout!

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I agree with @Malkuth. Do you have Sanguine or perhaps Elixir? Many people seem to be saying that Sanguine helps them, and I personally found Elixir helpful.

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@RVconsultant Yes, I have Elixir. Regeneration too, but I didn’t wanna overload my stack in the last months, maybe it’s a good time to add Elixir again after my ~1 week washout.

You could try it. Maybe 2 times the first week and notice what happens.

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Hitting a low point in life. I don’t know whether that’s recon or not. The results I posted more than a month ago are gone. Even before the washout in the last 1-2 weeks, my skills were getting worse. Now after the washout it didn’t get better too. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong as I’m sticking to the recommendations, taking action and journaling (mostly in private).

All the time I have to encourage myself to not give up, push through, reflect, hope, do the work, be disciplined etc. and it all was no problem as I felt as I was learning stuff or making some form of progress. Even hitting a plateau was okay, as I accepted it and pushed through. But just seeing so much of my progress being gone and basically being at the same place I was 1 year ago, is just very frustrating.

Regardless, I think it’s not the sub’s fault. Instead it’s me being a failure in many life areas. Back when I was younger this wasn’t the worst in the world, but now in my twenties, there are lots of consequences. Those lead to me questioning, how I can be happy or at least enjoy my life path in this world we live in & the weird images in my mind of myself being locked into a cage or used as a puppet/toy.

I don’t understand much stuff about the universe. It’s difficult to describe what I think.

Nevertheless, not each day is like that, maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not. I think I’m lacking crucial knowledge about how to perceive life. But in the end, is it really knowledge that I lack or rather the ability to grasp the knowledge?

As you can read in this post, it’s a constant battle: self-pity, discouraging thoughts, failure, wanting to give up on life vs hope, dreams and goals, cheering up, seeing opportunities and solutions.

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You’re going through a low right now, but it’s still nice to see you.

I’m also navigating my share of valleys during this time. Though in my case, I kind of asked for it :woozy_face: by running a deep healing program.

Sometimes these feelings are your mind’s way of drawing your attention to parts of your life that it’s time to address.

It’s pretty likely that in those ‘failing’ life areas, you are actually not a failure.

I feel you. And I wish you strength, energy, and your warrior’s spirit as you find your own ways to work these things out.

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What can we do that might help?

Are you running Sanguine? Elixir?

What is your listening schedule for the next week?

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@Malkuth thank you, I can’t identify at the moment what my mind wants to tell me. It feels overwhelmed (in panic/emergency mode) and sick. Right now I’m just trying to calm down and collect my thoughts in peace. Wish you the best too for your healing journey!

@RVconsultant thanks for the offer, but I’m not sure if you can help. As it’s pretty much my fault for messing up my life, and my responsibility to make it better. Basically a lot of things I’ve tried to progress in life haven’t worked out.

Listening to Elixir twice this week, as you recommended in an earlier post. Schedule for next week: 1 loop of elixir, custom and gmx every 2nd day; not sure whether I should keep executive, but I think I prefer elixir over executive for the following weeks.

My situation
I moved out from home, but after less than a year I had to move into my mother’s home again, as I struggled with health issues and it was around the time the pandemic reached my country. Those health issues also caused troubles in my studies and thus I failed classes. It’s even worse that I’ve changed my educational path quite frequently ever since graduating. So I never really finished something.

Regarding all jobs I’ve had, it was just frustrating and both the job search and the experience in those jobs or courses were miserable. There was a time where I was making a bit of money online, but then stuff happened and that income source got decimated.
In college I struggle to learn stuff or it takes me tons and tons of effort just to get a small task done, especially during the pandemic. My passion for what I’m studying is not big enough to ignore all those setbacks, if I’m really honest.

When I was 18, 20, 21 it all wasn’t catastrophic, but now that I’m older… the pressure is growing with each year passing. Not mainly from myself, but family, relatives and friends, it’s really tearing me apart sometimes. I can’t always ignore being called a failure on a regular basis. Same goes for losing online gaming tournaments, it all just screams “failure”.

I have a lot of anxieties and it’s like having a daily war with yourself to overcome the anxiety or to find creative solutions around your fears. Feeling sick easily and when something bad happens, even if it’s just one argument with a family member or a job/college/competition failure, I get completely knocked out and can’t even stand up from bed. I delved into astrology a bit to understand myself better. Though hearing/reading stuff like “people with that conjunction might be killers who plan for years, and very persistent, but in the wrong way; lots of doubt and restriction from saturn so warrior mentality gets oppressed; if negative aspects in … prone to die from a violent accident etc.”, just made me more confused and pessimistic, so I distanced myself from the topic again.

However, I can’t be all negative regardless, I’m happy about my friends, being single and in a decently good shape. I used to be delighted about my gaming hobby too, but with the recent drop in performance mixed with some irl pressure and adversity, the deterioration of my skills dragged me down even more. Compared to months ago when I saw lots of improvements and this momentum also spread to other life areas back then.

Post wasn’t meant as a pity-party, rather to explain the situation I’m in.

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Yes. Got to be careful with those astrology things. If it’s not helping, then toss it.

Sounds like it would be good to take time off from your usual subs and to just run Ascended Mogul and Sanguine as a booster.

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@Malkuth Currently don’t have the money to buy Sanguine and Ascended Mogul. Maybe by the end of the year, I have enough for them.

I could begin to listen to Regeneration again. :thinking:

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Seems like right now your confidence and sense of determination could use some support. Alpha stuff. Like there may be some things you need to handle but you’re feeling distracted by doubt, defensiveness, and regret. And you could use some strengthening in ability to love and accept yourself while you do what needs to be done.

Do you own any related titles?

p.s. there are more ways to achieve these than just using subliminals.

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@Malkuth i read the description of ascended mogul and I think I can still afford that one, not more, otherwise I run out of money by october.

I’d be interested in all the modules except romance and sex manifestation. But there’s no sub like that, right? Regarding alpha stuff, I only own executive and well my custom if that counts.

Have you used The Executive? How was it for you? Did you feel its effects?

That would be an alternative.

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i’ve noticed a few changes with executive: was asserting myself more (in a good and bad way), when I was doing stuff I was sometimes like a machine once the momentum was there, self-confidence has been an issue for a while, but in certain scenarios there was no trace of a lack of self-confidence, however that state is rather rare

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Long post warning

Proceed with caution

Okay.

Here’s a funny thing about the mind. An individual’s mind has a lot of default settings. But they’re not labeled, and so we usually have to learn what those default settings are just through experience.

That’s actually, in part, what the astrology chart. It’s a shortcut for learning some of your ‘default settings’.

Now the point of a default setting is that it’s ‘default’. Thank you. I know that’s a brilliant statement. :sweat_smile:

But default means that ‘if no other instruction or intention is given, then the system will automatically choose this way( or this configuration/this style or approach)’.

In other words, if you do introduce another instruction or intention, you can definitely do other things. The default describes what will happen automatically or most easily.

That’s supposed to be one of the differences between ‘lower’ animals and ‘higher’ animals. The higher an animal is, the more they can introduce deliberate intentionality into their decisions and actions. The lower an animal is, the more they’re basically an ‘instinct robot’ that will usually just follow its automatic programs.

This is why you should never feel trapped by the astrology chart or any of those ‘predictions’. They’re just telling you your general parameters; not what you’ll definitely choose to do.

Anyway, most of these defaults are not labeled and we don’t even know about them. But sometimes we can learn something about a few of them. Meditation is one tool for doing that. It’s like taking your nervous system and consciousness to the auto mechanic. They put the whole thing on one of these things and raise it up.

Then you can examine your mind, test some of the parts of the performance, carry out basic maintenance, and so on.

Okay, long intro. But here’s what I wanted to mention.

One of the mental defaults we have is something that you could call ‘Future Scope’. (That’s not an official term.)

Basically, when you imagine the future, how far into the future do you imagine? What, in the past or present, is it based on?

We like to believe that our future scope is infinite. It’s not.

It’s just that if something lasts more than a certain time, we call it ‘Forever’. What ‘forever’ actually means is, “I can’t see any further than that”.

“This road goes on forever”
“This trip is taking forever”
“I’m going to have to deal with this guy forever”

Means the same thing in all of these cases.

The truth is that our (invisible) limits are often just a few minutes long. Or in some cases, a month or two.

There’s a point to all of this.

Let’s say you wanted to learn Japanese or Icelandic.

So you try to get a sense of how difficult it will be. And as you’re looking at the materials or whatever, you realize that you can’t imagine how long it will take you to learn this thing. (Remember our earlier discussion. What this actually means is that it will take longer than a few months, because we don’t really see that accurately past that point.) So what your default mind does at that point is say, “This is impossible because it would take me ‘forever’ to learn this.”

The truth is, at about 30 minutes a day, it’ll probably take you 6 to 18 months to get pretty decent at it.

That’s the trick of those invisible default settings.

The unconscious default settings make you think that achieving something is impossible, when all that is actually impossible is accurately imagining achieving it.

Not sure if I expressed all of this clearly enough.

The practical takeaway is that one really helpful goal is to change the relationship to imagination and to mind (really, ego-mind) in general. Use mind as an incredible tool. But don’t let it be the boss. It’s like a genie. It’s an awesome assistant that can accomplish great things. But it’s meant to be the assistant, not the leader.

Easier said than done. And I’ve been working on this for years and will continue working on it.

But I just wanted to throw these ideas at you, just in case.

Who knows? They could trigger something useful.

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@Malkuth thank you for your comprehensive post; I’ll work on making meditation a habit again, as it has many benefits including the one you explained.

Also it’s the first time I’ve heard about the ‘Future Scope’, thanks for sharing the concept with me. I often fell into the trap of giving up stuff despite me still being interested in it due to this.

I’ll try Executive, Elixir and GMX as stack for this + next week

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Me too. Wouldn’t be surprised if I’d done it more than you have. :wink: That’s how I discovered it. haha.

But yeah, keep your head up. And we’re here to support you.

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I’m happy that subclub has changed the lives of so many for the better and that they were able to achieve their goals with the help of the subs.

Keep up with the good work and dedication.

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