Unable to trust completely

Questions and Comments
#1

Hey there!
I’m starting to understand how much the lack of trust on my part is undermining my relationship.

Now, the girl I’m with hasn’t done anything particularly serious that would justify this.
The only things that come to mind are that in the past she had an open relationship and that she has remained on good terms and occasionally checks in with her ex to see how he is doing.

But what I experience are days where everything goes well and the love between us is very strong, then for a small thing a series of thoughts can arise in me that causes me anxiety. It’s common for me to have dreams where she cheats on me, or doesn’t tell me the truth…

This is really stressful and energy consuming for me. She is obviously sad when it happens because it is mainly her who is thinking about a future with children etc…
Plus, loving a person but knowing they don’t fully trust you must be frustrating.

What is the best sub to address this problem in your opinion?

#2

Also, I just want to say that I get where you’re coming from and these types of issues can be pretty problematic if they are unsolved.

Does it really matter if she cheats on you? I know that sounds like a harsh question, but really think this through logically. Does it actually matter?

If she does, well, she’s not longterm partner material, now is she? Which means you win, because you just cut a toxic person out of your life.

Anyway, I would run an alpha title so you can build up the strong inner frame which will alleviate your anxiety.

You only worry because you are insecure, so run something that fixes that.

Ask yourself why you’re insecure. I bet it’s not about her. Is it money, your looks, masculinity? Maybe you feel powerless and inferior. What makes you insecure? Once you answer that, run a sub that will fix your insecurity that’s causing the issue.

Blanket advice is run Emperor, Stark, Chosen, or Ascension for a bit. Whichever one resonates deeply with you. Other romance titles might make a committed relationship tough, lol.

Alternatively.

Run Lovebomb.

4 Likes
#3

Heartsong for the following reasons stated in the sales page:

  • Massively improve your current relationship, the understanding, love, respect and attraction you have for each other.

  • Bring unrelenting passion and understanding to your current romantic relationship.

  • Help yourself and your partner feel an unbreakable bond and loyalty to each other, remind yourselves that what you have is truly special.

  • Heal your previous romantic trauma and let yourself love fully. Break the limits you place on yourself due to what happened in the past.

  • Experience your heart opening fully to feel profound, unlimited love.

6 Likes
#4

I feel I’m more scared about being decived than ending the relationship or being left alone…

I’m running KB st1 + SSX right now.

Thanks I’ll look into this

I’ve used a lot of LBFH

#5

Thanks @Lion heartsong is the first one that came to mind actually

Maybe I’ll wait for the upcoming one

2 Likes
#6

@Lion Heartsong should be used by both of us though?

1 Like
#7

Not necessary. I mean, you can both use it but running it by yourself will get these results. Else it would have been mention in the sales page that you both have to run the product to get the benefits.

I would recommend that you run it by yourself. I always feel that trying to convince others to run subliminals is an uphill task (even if it is a close loved one).

3 Likes
#8

If I get you right, there’s the fear, that for some reason, her ex or a stranger might be more interesting than you.

Call it jealousy, trust issues, whatever.
In most cases this boils down to the believe that you aren’t good enough, that you are unable to give her everything she desires.
And that she is willing to risk the thing she has with you for something she might gain from someone else.
I don’t even say, that this are conscious thoughts. It might all happen deep in the subconscious.
If you find this at least partially true for you, it is basically a question of self-worth/ selflove.
You are doubting your qualities as the man she needs and desires.
Working on your self increases your self love. Because you’re becoming more and more the ideal partner.
You could talk openly about your feelings to further that process by consciously guiding your growth towards becoming her ideal partner.
You could also use subs to up your selflove.
Because if you absolutely love your self its firstly super attractive and secondly you truly know that there is no one better for her out there.

1 Like
#9

I do love myself, maybe partially and not absolutely :sweat_smile:, but I do

As for the “there’s no one better for her then me” maybe I’m too rational but my mind is like “how can I be sure of this? We are what? 8 billions people on this planet?” or “how can I suppose to know what’s best for her?”
A thought like “there’s no one better for her then me” seems delusional to me…

#10

The thing is, that you are here proves that you are actively working to become a better Version of yourself. This alone is sadly rather rare.
I don’t know about the people where you’re living, but here most people don’t want to change the status quo. Perhaps they aren’t satisfied with their living conditions, but put in the work it would require to lead a better life? No. It would mean to confront all their complacent beliefs. And that’s to uncomfortable for most.

She loves the current version of yourself already enough to think about kids. That’s a good sign. And you’re still improving, becoming more valuable as a partner.

I would recommend, get some good books on relationships and read them together with her. That way you get to know each other better.
Eg from Gary Chapman or from Shanti and Jeff Feldhahn.

my experinces working on my relationship

Last January I visited a relationship masterclass with my fiancee. It was eye opening. 300 participants, dozens of coaches, all of them into personality development. We learned a ton of stuff. Learned to understand each other much better. But we also learned that we were among the top 1% couples in the masterclass. The trainer even acknowledged that we were one of the most authentic, harmonic and sweetest couples he has ever worked with (and he worked with thousands of couples).
Last week we decided to work through the materials again. And again it was eye opening. Also we went though major challenges (my fiancee fell into a depression, no sex for 4 months, etc) we grew even closer.

I can’t recommend it highly enough to get some got material and work on your relationship. There is nothing more important .

2 Likes
#11

Im with you on this one, for me that phrase is impossible to prove, therefore not really useful to produce the right changes you need. Ive found its better to focus on the fact that she is deciding to be with you over other man and you are deciding to be with her over other woman.
Surely both of you are doing some things that the other one really loves.

About fully trusting her… you sure you want that? Wouldnt it be better to trust her enough to be at peace and instead of undermining your relationship with those thoughts, have your senses open in case something weird, or something you dont like happens?
I guess that would requiere for both of you to have an open channel of communication and for both of you to have clear boundaries.
Its a bit more complex than that, because it requieres a strong aligment at the level of core values for the relationship to really blossom.

I dont know how much or how little of those things you guys already have.

1 Like
#12

Yes indeed that makes a lot of sense to me.

It’s difficult to have balance though (my minds tend to be very sensitive to “details”)

1 Like
#13

I think that’s the real reason why you’re feeling this way. Khan is showing you what holds you back from being the Khan. A Khan would never question his woman’s faithfulness, because she just straight up wouldn’t cheat.

2 Likes
#14

Indeed it is. But I tend to be on the other extreme, always looking for how to improve, looking for possible decline of dynamics, etc… Never really able to enjoy what we already have

1 Like
#15

Thats usually a sign of an overactive nervous system and thats usually a side effect of trauma.
Not saying its your case, but its worth considering the possibility that healing is required or that healing is ocurring due to the subs you are currently using.

2 Likes
#16

Thanks for your opinion, but in truth I’m struggling with this way before starting using KB

#17

Definitely… Father cheating on my mother, parents divorced when I was 10, they both passed away in my 30s, etc…

1 Like
#18

If you bring those experiences into consciousness one at the time, how are they making you feel?
Have the feeling changed over the years? Are they worse? Better? The same?

Whatever the answer is, if its not a feeling of closure and resolution, I would suggest focusing on achieving that resolution through the right subs and a well trained specialist of your liking.

They are definitely in the realm of titles such as KB, Heartsong and Phoenix.

1 Like
#19

Thanks :+1:

1 Like
#21

I’m already running KB.

To be honest I see this as a limit I have. It’s not a problem of boundries, it’s a problem of not being able to trust people. Replace her, and I would be in the same boat (maybe not because the new one see her ex but for other reasons).

The way I see it is that I’m not really in danger, eventhough my ego perceive it like that (survival purpose).

It’s actually a childish part of me, that fear to be hurted.

She does not, I’ve seen my ex in the past. She respect this because she know we are still in a good relationship (as friends) and she trust me.