Happy New Years to you all. I’ve taken a break from listening the past couple days, I’ll be running just US x3 loops and EC for 2 loops today. Afterwards, I have a scheduled 7-day break.
For the past week, I’ve noticed that I’ve been smiling and laughing a lot less. Not necessarily because I’ve been unhappy but I feel like total nonchalance is creating a greater sense of general calmness within me; alongside godlike masculinity, even when joking.
I’ve also noticed my emotional control increase slightly, with the exception of a small outburst towards my daughter last night. I disciplined her due to her pattern of being disrespectful and argumentative lately. I seem to be the only adult lately that she actually listens to and respects 100%. Although I didn’t scream at the top of my lungs at her I did raise my voice, spoke to her in an extremely firm manner and of course followed it up with making her stand in a corner to reflect on what she’s been doing, and making it clear that I’m annoyed with repeating myself on this issue.
Now here’s the thing. After I put her in check, she became more pleasant towards others, but became wildly clingy towards me. Not sure what it was but it’s almost like she sought my approval very persistently and kept telling me that she loved me. She also kept hovering over me, hugging me and kept trying to laugh and joke with me.
I mean yeah, for some reason, I usually do tend to get along better with others after putting them in check, but this was an extreme case. Reminds me of certain times when I used to out her mom in check while married to her, and all of a sudden, she’d also be as sweet as a bag of sugar within a couple hours. Female nature responding to masculine guidance perhaps. Not my favorite way to gain respect but I do what’s necessary.
Speaking of my ex-wife, our relationship is strained but I don’t even care. I always wanted to get to the point where we never spoke unless we absolutely had to, and even then I still can’t wait for my child to become older so that I can just directly communicate with her when she’s away from me. Realistically until my child is a woman I’ll have to speak with her mother regarding certain thing from time to time but I’m giving very crisp and short responses for the time being.
My best friend’s Father passed away this past Sunday which hit him extremely hard. Everyone that he lived with has passed away in the past 2.5 years and I can’t imagine what how he’s trying to process it all. At his father’s wake I noticed how calm I was, despite his father being like my own. I’ve interacted with his dad more than my own and his death came as a definite shock. Despite this I never lost control of my emotions despite the sadness. Maybe it’s partly due to the subliminal programming, maybe also because it’s the 3rd death in what I consider my family, in the year 2020.
Other than those things, this week I noticed a massive amount of stares from all sorts of people this week while out and about, especially from women. I can’t say if these were sexually-driven glances, people in general just seemed like they were attempting to figure me out while they stared.
One incident did occur when I took my daughter out to the arcade earlier this week. A mother there stepped on my shoe while I was sitting down; but instead of just apologizing, she placed her hand on my thigh when she realized what happened, and then proceeded to caress it while apologizing and looking me in the eye. Don’t know what the hell she was thinking but I shot her a “there are kids here lady” look while saying thanks with a plain expression. She held eye contact for a couple seconds after and then walked off, almost as if she were spell bound. Strange as hell.
