Kind of trying to figure out what I want this journal to be.
A lot of my results either fit into a larger context I feel will be too identifying, or themselves are too identifying. The way ZPU approaches growth feels different now too. Recon isn’t in my face and is like a quiet emotional buzz in the background. It’s great for not interfering in daily life, but it makes things very difficult to understand without the right approach. I used to be able to rely on those emotional interferences and the strong emotions felt in dreams to interpret what was going on. Now that the strong emotional component is gone, I’m left with tiny traces of how I feel throughout the day and parsing through cryptic dreams.
Stack update in that I’ve currently been listening to a Terminus WB name embed alongside my Inner Circle one and Limitless. RoD and SB still exist but they’re less frequent and I feel like I want more stability in whatever’s going on outside of them first. Limitless has very much become an as-needed booster I get whenever I feel like I can’t understand something, and also helps me focus when I run WB in the same day (although SB also has that effect).
I used to not feel anything from WB when I listened before, so I tested it out this time by trying 2-3 loops which is when I finally felt something from it. The socialization on it feels like what I wanted from True Social. The only problem is that I didn’t like having to essentially carve out 30-45 minutes to listen to it, and the effects only lasted one day meaning that the typical every other day schedule didn’t really work. Having it in ZPU Terminus now means that one loop can last longer which helps, plus the full name embedding.
For figuring out any recon now, I have to think of what my feelings remind me of and compare that to how I see people are reacting. Today (and yesterday I think?) it was a feeling of being unsure. When I started running the embed version all my results immediately felt different. The cocky playfulness from before didn’t go away, but it became like a baseline I didn’t notice without focusing on it. When I closed my eyes last night I saw a silhouette with huge aura rising out of him, with him not necessarily knowing how to react to it or act cohesive with it, but it still existing strongly. Like a hose you don’t know how to direct. I was at a networking event earlier and felt like I couldn’t access the normal social mode I’m used to going into, I HAD to do things a certain way. Not horrible but definitely something to get used to.
Unrelated to that, almost every time I listen to Inner Circle before bed, when I’m in that 90% asleep phase I feel myself unconsciously communicating with other people. Typically someone I’ve talked to that day will ask me a question or clarification about something I said that day, and I’ll give them an answer. This tracks almost entirely with the times I dreamed about the future or people texting me. There’s some knowledge or intention someone has that gets communicates to me, either during this almost asleep phase or during one of my dreams. Kind of interesting, but also something to reflect on if you’re on constant communication with everyone in your life. They already unconsciously know how you’re doing and what’s going on, it’s just not conscious.
I think it’s more emotionally focused as well, so me being excited about something would make a mundane event feel bigger than it actually was, similar to conscious communication. I think this kind of thing is really interesting, since you technically can just talk to anyone’s unconscious mind whenever you want and they won’t consciously know about it. Makes a lot of esoteric things seem less fantasy-like. It could likely be the mechanism for subs working as well, in this unconscious communication network, you start giving off different signals, causing certain events or people to be more or less drawn to you. I understood this conceptually but it feels really weird to experience it in real time. A little while I wanted to start having more serendipity in my life and like two days later got an urge to start a conversation with someone. Bam, rest of the day derailed in a pretty fun way. It was coincidence that we were in the same place too, so maybe some unconscious communication had something to do with it.
I also think it’s interesting how RAIKOV lets you tap into traits that you have that are outside the identity you give yourself. Like how in order to understand your life coherently, you have to make some assumptions. Those assumptions limit what “you” can do because you believe that if they didn’t, they’d lead to some kind of contradiction. But in reality, the unity of opposites can and do happen, they just don’t make that much sense from a normal perspective. So you yourself have to bend to see it from that angle. Which is essentially what you’re doing when you’re RAIKOVing and “becoming” someone else.
That’s the fun stuff at least, hopefully it doesn’t take me another month to talk about something else.
