Happy to have started my wash out!!!
This cycle has been pretty effing challenging for me.
I have to factor in the demise of a highly toxic relationship dynamic I kept going on long past its expiration date. I got what I wanted from it though. All my money back that was stolen or put into “investments” with this insane vision I was partially sucked into. I wanted to believe it was true but it was too good to be true. Not without some dire consequences.
I have been working on healing the emotions from my body. Let it move up and out of me to get my energy flowing more organically and with ease.
It’s almost like I’m having cravings for dopamine hits from the narc. I am relearning how to give myself all of the happy chemicals and hormones naturally without the artificial / synthetic fix.
I’m noticing how annoying people are and I used to people please to avoid discomforting feelings I would experience in response to rejecting other peoples stuff. It’s okay to not agree or like something from another. Don’t abandon yourself or sacrifice your own intregrity in order to make someone else feel good. Fug all that.
I’ve been having waves of compassion and reverence for my teenage son. I’m continuing to work on cultivating that. To respond from love and have less reacting from fear.
I met a Freemason at a pub yesterday. I had this “random” desire to go sit at the bar and order take out. I never do this. I don’t even drink. Apparently I sat in the spot where this slightly older man (50’s) usually sits. We sparked up conversation. He shared how he lost his wife of 35 years suddenly a year ago and it was her birthday last week. He went on about his grief. He took my business card.
He texted me very quickly giving me compliments about how I am cute and funny. This stirred up something in me. I see myself helping with my services but have noticed where I need to get clearer on my boundaries within. If I want to work with someone, how do I navigate that when they find me attractive and are expressing it so freely?
