Find your way to serve, with agency, in the world.
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The problem is not procrastination.
It’s doing the wrong procrastination.
In fact, what people call ‘discipline’ is putting off less central or valued tasks until later. It’s procrastination.
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Stop putting pressure on your business ideas to be creative (mission) projects;
and on your creative project to be business ideas.
Instead, just let both flow. When they overlap, enjoy that. And when they don’t overlap, enjoy that.
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I am already noticing mental effects from my AEON Stage 1 + Khan Black Stage 1 name-embedded major title.
Changes in how my attention and time are being directed. It’s a bit encouraging. I had a project several years ago of audio-recording books that are of high importance to me; and I found that I was spontaneously returning to that. Or rather, I’ve been recording books throughout these years, but I found that a particular book reentered the project.
I have also found an organic integration of standing practice into my daily meditation hour in the past 1 to 2 months.
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Ironically,
if, when you look at someone, the main thing you are aware of is how they see you,
you are barely seeing them at all.
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Explain?
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Can I assume this is external validation or external reflection?
Instead of seeing people as who they as, many people look at other if other respect, like, acknowledge, etc you. If other like what you do, you look at it as a confirm and act similar more. But if they don’t agree with what you act and do, you find a way to “adapt” and “change” so that they look at you and like you again.
A never end roller of external reflection and external adaption. The end result is the lose of who I AM
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“I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”
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That is a short 9000-word wikipedia article about the tiger.
This is considered to be the (or a) definitive scholarly text on tigers.
Tigers of the World: The Science, Politics, and Conservation of Panthera tigris (edited by Ronald Tilson and Philip J. Nyhus)
It’s about 240000 words, 552 pages, Times New Roman 10 point, single spaced.
Let’s put to the side the very important point that in our scientific materialist era, this book probably does not even open the question of ‘what it feels like to be a tiger’. (Which if it were addressed competently would probably make the book 20 or 30 times as long.) Let’s just stay within the narrow confines of what we, in today’s era, consider a competent description.
Now imagine that you, I, or the average person encountered a tiger and were asked about the experience.
A large proportion of what many of us would say would have much more to do with ourselves than with the tiger. And it probably wouldn’t require 300 words, not to mention 9000 or 240000.
‘Its relationship to ME’ or ‘Its view of ME’ is both 1) a very practical and useful question to use when navigating the world and 2) an incredibly narrow window through which to view anything in the world.
(This is part of the subtext of that popular movie Obsession, I think.)
Imagine an account of what you are, or what a human is, written by a mosquito. ‘Some of them are a bit sweet. Make sure to get them in the summer when they get out of their cars. Occasionally, they are good for 4 or 5 meals.’
What? Nothing about my childhood? My first love? My dreams of the future? What about my values?
Nah. More like: ‘best sampled between 7 and 19 years of age…with a bit of sweat for garnish. Avoid ones carrying spray bottles.’.
If when I look at someone, I focus mainly on how they see me, I’m a little closer to that mosquito.
Understandable, but a bit sad.
The ego is a miraculous organizing principle.
But egocentrism? Kind of imprisoning.
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So when you look at someone what should you focus on to be less like the mosquito?
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Wonderful.
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First survive; then explore.
Then refine?
———————-
One thing I like to attempt sometimes is to imagine a person’s or a being’s or a phenomenon’s world as it is experienced from and within their standpoints or points of view.
It’s a pretty humbling undertaking.
I often don’t get very far.
But the resulting perspectives feel vastly preferable to me.
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Was having this thought earlier this week:
What people think of as evil is more often ontological mediocrity.
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There’s a pattern that I’ve suspected for some time.
Sometimes when my mind engages in deep processing, there’s a kind of indulgent fascination with emotions of fear and horror.
In such times, I may imbibe video essays on a particular psychological/cultural horror theme.
This is literally how I learned about Ari Aster’s movies years ago. It was during an extended deep-dive of Terminus Squared build of Mind’s Eye. The guy’s certainly a genius and a master of his craft. But this is not really about that. It’s about the phenomenological FEAR substrate in my own mind and consciousness, and how I’m relating to that and using external stimuli to pick at it.
Gourmet pommes frites can still be junk food if you’re overeating them.
I noticed that in the past week, I was doing it with the movie Obsession. (The irony of that is not lost on me.) I found myself watching and rewatching numerous clips and video essays and analyses, and such.
I think that this may be one of my forms of reconciliation.
As such, even though tonight is a scheduled play day, I am planning to leave it for continued processing. I’ll observe my state of mind and tendencies as the days go by and see if I notice anything else.
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kind of the human condition:
We’re generally fighting to the death over consolation prizes.
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