The Foundation (CFW + LE)

Journals - Major Programs
#21

I smoked some weed last Saturday with an old friend of mine. I think I have not touched it for around 3-4 months or so.

That was a bad decision :joy:

Don’t know what it is. But the pull is real. I remember feeling like wanting to smoke again from Sunday till Tuesday. Then the craving stopped a bit. Now that it’s Friday again, I’m starting to get cravings again.

I just love being high way too much to be able to smoke :joy: It’s like my body understands perfectly what’s going on. But it takes me 2-3 days before getting to “normal”.

Not to complain tho, it’s better to be sober. But poh the pull is real haha

#22

Ego.

Trying to dissolve the ego, is a way of building the ego. So how do you dissolve something that wants you to think that you’re doing it? It’s why ego death is difficult to do so, because what are you trying to kill? Yourself? That would be a problem in the long run.

I don’t know if Ego death is what I’m looking for. Being on CFW for so long has me shed many layers of the old self, but honestly, they keep coming back. Confidence also comes from the ego in my perspective, so does that mean never being confident again?

Maybe the question would be. How to become friends with my ego and create a healthy relationship?
I want to be my most authentic self, not something that has been build up in the past by experiences.

#23

Already 50 days on this stack. It’s amazing. Terrible, but amazing

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