Good luck on your path
See, I get it, this is complex and can feel baseless. But, it is complex and it really challenges you. Sometimes just one single word or sentence is enough to alter one’s life completely. It all becomes evident in hindsight. You require backbone while knowing that it can be the completely wrong decision. I bet many leaders in the world genuinely want what is right, even if their actions might mean otherwise. I recall a book, that spoke about the complexity of leadership and just how little time you have to decide on something massive. What you say today, can totally backfire, so can it happen with what you do.
See teaching and evangelising is one thing. Another thing is being conscious of every moment to do the best ecological thing and making sure that it is on point. And doing it over and over again.
Anyway, I appreciate your wishes, even if I feel that they are not from a place of understanding. 
Here’s an emote for my wishes if it makes you feel better 
It does actually. Now I know the exact reaction 
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You’re welcome
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Noticing something.
What is the question?
Often times, I do not have a question and I expect myself to have an answer. I have noticed that I have answers with conviction. But without a question, I don’t know where to take it - and I believe that is what causes me to go internal. Almost like searching for what to speak, even though it is more like searching for the tenet of the speech.