I’ve been here a while but only started using it a few days ago. Which I suppose is why I’m getting notifications about my account getting more badges.
But anyway no I can’t PM others either .
Thanks for the troubleshooting guys 
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Please make sure you read the PDF that came with your subliminals.
Hey @Beowulf .
If you want to PM with @Swordfish , please send him a PM and see if that opens the channel of communication.
OK so I got Beowulf’s message and I could respond to it but at this screen when I click his avatar I dont see the Message button. I spent some time on the discourse blog and it seems like I might be at Trust Level 0 which restricts PMs. To get to Trust Level 1 I need to enter at least 5 topics, read 30 posts, and spend 10 mins reading posts.
I dont know how it’ll know how long I’ve spent reading or how many posts I’ve read. What does ‘enter’ 5 topics means, is it just asking me to open 5 threads? I’ve already done that I’m sure.
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I just went to my profile and apparently it gives me my stats. I’ve spent 1 hr of Read time and 28 topics viewed, 430 posts read.
It looks like you already have the badge? I’m not sure what’s going on to be honest 
.
@Lion Do you have any idea what’s going on?
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I don’t know exactly how many days it takes for the Message button to appear but since you are a new user, give it some time.
This is done to avoid spamming older users with messages from new users.
Meanwhile, use the forum to ask your questions (especially in the Questions and Comments section).
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oh well ill just continue to do my thing here. thanks all for weighing in, really appreciate how helpful you guys are 
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Today’s Day 11, which means 6 day of listening. I thought I’d done the 2 tracks in the morning but I just remembered that there’s 10 mins left so I’m just finishing that up now while writing this.
A couple updates. I was talking about wanting to message this girl some days ago. I messaged her on instagram and she did end up responding. I think the same day. That was nice! I’m a bit disappointed that she hasn’t been flirty at all but the last set of messages (or maybe last 2 sets I dont remember) were fairly long so she was quite engaged. I asked her out last night and 24 hours later she hasn’t responded so that’s a bit disappointing. I’m not necessarily suggesting it’s because I asked her out though that might be the case. Also of note is that she remembered me from years ago. I dont know if I mentioned it but I actually did speak to her once a loong time back. So yesterday or the day before she said I look very familiar and she thinks we spoke on another app long ago. I pretended I didn’t remember but I definitely do hahaha. And I’m pretending that because it didn’t go well last time.
In other news. Last few days I did jack shit at work. I’m very grateful that I have a job in which I can get away with that. But yeah I dont know, I just cant buckle down to do it. I suppose if I had deadlines I’d do so. But going above and beyond when there’s not much to do seems to leave me a bit stuck.
I’ve long struggled with going to bed on time. If I sleep at 1 am that’s 8 hours of sleep. Yesterday at 10 pm I’d finished most of what I needed to do so I was looking forward to reading for a couple hours and still getting 9 hours of sleep. Ended up sleeping after 2 so that’s under 7 hours (which to be fair is still better than I’ve done in the past). Definitely felt sleepy today. But again this is more sleep than my average I think. But also when I sleep less then I sometimes nap during the day and I didn’t do that today (because I had a 10 and 1030 meeting).
I did speak to IT at work today for 2 things I’d been putting off. The thing I’ve put off for 3+ months got resolved in a few mins but the thing I’d put for for a few weeks took over an hour. It’s still not solved but they said I need to give it a bit so lets see…
I spend 10 mins a day working on my Amazon store. Today I did that in the first half of the day and I feel differently. And it was also different work today, it was messaging others rather than niche research.
Also got about 1200 xp today in Duolingo which is kinda cool. You can see my graph spike.
I bought a jacket around boxing day that’s now $35 cheaper. I want to see if I can get it at the lower price now. But I also want to buy a jacket from Eddie Bauer and keep whichever one I like more, so I wonder if there’s a way to both price match at The Bay and also extend the return date. Hmmm…
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Today’s Day 14 so yesterday was the 7th day of listening. Good that I’m regular with that although there’s really no excuse not to since it’s just background sounds.
Socializing
Didn’t do anything social yesterday. Asked one friend for brunch, she was busy, asked another one if any nice places are open, she googled a bit, which to me meant she realized I wanted to have with her, she apparently didnt realize. So I spent a few hours assuming we’re going out in a bit but she had fallen asleep. And when she woke I was kinda irritated with her. She didnt show any recognition of me being irritated (which is pretty common for her) so at some point I just asked her, was it not clear I was wanting us to go out. She had no idea. So fair enough.
Havent heard from that girl on Instagram since Fri. A bit disappointed. Last we spoke I had asked her out and she suggested a phonecall first. I wasn’t a fan of that. Meeting in person doesn’t bother me but I get a bit nervous with phonecalls. Kinda insecure about my voice. I suppose it’s somewhat related to my voice being pretty high-pitched when I was a kid; but even now I think that’s the case. But on that note I had brunch with a friend today (well, we’ve gone out a few times and hooked up once so maybe I should call her a date) and she said she’d heard my voicenote on Hinge before we matched and she liked my voice. She might even have said we matched because of my voice. So that’s some data against my negative belief.
There’s a girl who’s number I got from a dating app (Hinge) who I still haven’t met. I got the impression she’s a bit far on the left which is generally not a good sign even though I’m on the left as well. Today she mentioned she cant meet on Tues b/c she’s got some social justice meetup. (tbh I associate social justice with folks who are very holier-than-thou but that could be an unfair judgment). So I said ahh OK now I get your Jordan Peterson comment the other day. I knew I was getting into shaky waters with this (since I actually like JP) and it’s safer to just avoid the topic altogether, but no I don’t see a reason to do that. So we discussed the topic a bit, like adults. I say adults but I wasn’t being fully honest (my version of the truth would be to say the radical left are unnecessarily triggered, which is why I thought it best not to say that). Anyway so I agreed with her on stuff just so she wouldnt get annoyed over the stuff I didnt agree with her on. But at some point she said "Apparently he has said that having children is only selfless thing to do and what made him not be self cantered. " My response was surprise because I’d never heard that from him so she said she heard it in a video in which his comments were quoted by a life coach. I responded by saying
"Oh that. I personally wouldn’t take those things too seriously since these people have a specific agenda of making him look bad and I would assume making out of context comments.
Not that I’m defending what he said. As you know it would annoy me as well. I just prefer to look at things as they are not worse than they are and if someone is not quoting correctly I think that’s a problem. Essentially I dislike fake news"
And she got mad over that. Sheesh. So I apologized. And she responded
“Do you see what I mean, or are you only apologizing because I feel bad?”
The truth was the latter since I legitimately didn’t see what she meant but if someone feels dismissed as a result of me then of course I’ll apologize for that. So I gave an in between answer. To her credit she responded with “That makes sense. I took it personally and shouldn’t have.” so that’s cool.
Medical Stuff
Some medical things I’ll mention. One is that I was having some pain about 30 mins ago very close to the crotch. Lower abs, slightly higher than crotch and to the side. Not sure if that’s where the appendix or hernia is or something. I’d say the pain was a 4/10. It wasn’t stomach pain. That got me kinda worried. If it was during the day I could maybe goto a walk-in doctor but not sure what I’d do in the evening. And I wouldnt want to goto an emergency room for pain that is as low as 4/10. I should recognize though how incredibly lucky I am to have free healthcare.
I’ve also been having some breathing issues for the last year or so. I remember it starting last Feb 1, and right after a hookup. Interesting coincidence. Thing is, I’m not even sure how I’d describe it to a doctor so that’s one of the reasons I haven’t brought it up. I can inhale a breath just fine I just dont feel…oxygenated after a breath. Like after a breath it’s supposed to take away our need to breathe for 30 seconds or so. So yeah I’m not sure what to do with that. My doc isn’t a super empathetic person so I can just imagine him being dismissive over this.
And thirdly, (sorry for the TMI) I’ve been having erectile dysfunction since the second half of 2018. At that point I was only 37 so that’s weird. But I feel like it’s getting worse. Like even in my non-aroused state now I feel like it’s worse off than it used to be. I’ve been to a specialist and he just said take viagara which strikes me as a stupid response. I’m not a medical professional but I feel like ‘just take viagara’ is a bandaid solution and shouldn’t be considered a long-term fix. I’d love if these subs could fix that. Though I’d also be quizzical as to how that would work. Let’s say this was just a symptom of a bigger issue. Which btw is possible, I heard the maker of the documentary Gamechangers saying that if you have ED in your younger years there’s a higher chance of dying of heart disease in later years. So assuming the ED is just a warning that there’s a bigger issue somewhere. And if the subliminals fixed my ED. Would that fix the underlying issue as well? Not sure.
Other
One other thing I wanted to mention is I’ve read the forum a bit and I’m seeing others talk about how they listened to a sub once and they could already tell the diff. What??? I’ve listened 7 times and this is to 2 diff subs (plus I listened to LB4H multiple times in Nov or Dec) and I don’t notice anything at all. So I’m not sure why others are feeling a tangible difference immediately and me not. I have to wonder if these guys are just imagining it. I hope not.
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Like the inclusions of headers so far!
Miscommunication! Nobody’s “fault”, really. Just different styles of communication clashing. Funnily enough it’s usually the opposite, a woman implies wanting to go out but the man takes it too straightforward. And sometimes a man is straightforward but the woman implies there’s something deeper going on. And just like how one would improve in that area, is to figure out how to read and send out signals of intention to different people.
This feels like a manifestation to disprove your prior belief system that your voice isn’t attractive, that’s nice to see.
Hinge Girl Convo
Haha, as someone on the radical left I am now unnecessarily triggered 
. Just kidding of course 
You can be honest with the girl without literally saying that. Your options aren’t just a softball or a sharp knife, you have other ways to talk about it. Something like, ‘Oh, I think X group seems extreme to me and seem overly sensitive from what I’ve seen and heard of it. I could be wrong but that’s what I honestly believe’.
This social interaction is interesting to me. I won’t talk about whether JP is right or wrong here, (though to be clear I do think he’s wrong most of the time) since talking about politics here isn’t allowed. What’s actually important though, is that I’d want to discuss the essence of the conversation in general. (If you do want to discuss JP, maybe in PMs?)
It’s not clear whether the quote is real or not, as at that point it’s a he said she said scenario. And so either one of you could be right here. What is certain though is she heard someone quote him, so either it’s a misquote, misunderstanding or the truth. You’re implying she heard someone misquoting him. She believes it’s the truth and there’s no distortion around it. It makes sense why she’d get mad, since she heard it and you’re claiming quite confidently it’s a misquote and comes from an unreliable source - which makes her look incompetent and stupid. (Re-read this paragraph and it felt like I’m blaming you for being dumb, hopefully you don’t take it that way!)
Speaking as an outsider here, you two have different worldviews and that comes with different interpretations and different amounts of information on the same topic. So she could be right here. Same goes to you if you heard someone say a quote that makes him appear in a good light, she might not believe it because she hasn’t heard it yet. So it’s better to play safe here and do a conditional reply,
Oh yeah, I’ve never heard that before. I wouldn’t agree/I would agree with that statement but I’m not certain if it actually came from him since to me it may have came from a bad source. If you could show me that this isn’t the case though, I’d be open to changing my mind.
This way she wouldn’t get mad, maybe she’d be irritated as she thinks you’re wrong but she understands you’re open-minded and interested in her perspective. She’ll be lenient and in fact likely have a better impression of you afterwards. And she might change your mind or you might change her mind much easier afterwards. Either way everyone is better off.
Good ending. It sounds like you two are mature in handling it. Why are you guys having a heated political discussion on the first date though 
.
Medical Stuff Commentary
Honestly man, you should consider getting yourself checked for the pain near your crotch (liver?) and your breathing. You got free healthcare so it’s at no cost to you other than time. Sounds dangerous to me, especially considering your age. Consider whether your breathing is related to your fitness levels and your posture. Poor posture could affect your breathing.
Had the same issue, they just recommended Viagra which was honestly surprising to me. Like, you’re a doctor, recommend me some lifestyle changes! I’m doing changes in my lifestyle and more to help with it.
Paragon Complete and 
Diamond would help with this. Paragon heals everything based on which needs the most work. You can consider switching your stack but if it’s not urgent, I’d suggest running it after this current one since you may be a skeptic and the results of healing may be even more subtle so you might drop it and give up.
High flow factor people operate on a different level, though even me who I consider to be fairly normal at seeing results can tell if something is happening after a loop. It just means you’re not that experienced yet or you can’t tell the subtle stuff happening, which is normal.
Meta-Commentary
I’m starting to notice a common theme here . I feel like your issues around respect may at least partially be a result your communication skills. Do you feel the same way?
Hi guys! Sorry haven’t written here in a bit. Was a bit unwell for a while. Two Wednesdays ago my temp went to 103 F! Temperature only lasted a day or so but being generally under the weather has lasted much longer. I ran to the train this weekend for about 3 mins and took me a while to recover from that.
I finished listening to the 21 days and took a break. Apparently I was supposed to take 5 days. I took 7 by mistake. So my Day 21 was Sun 2/05 and I resumed on Mon 2/13. Hopefully those extra 2 days dont affect too much.
I’ve been quite bored of life the last couple weeks. Dont really have much to do. I’ve always wanted a job where I could get away with not doing anything all day. I seem to have found that. I just hope they dont come back at some point and ask for an account of what I’ve done and then I’m left with nothing. That wouldn’t be great. I suppose I should ask for more work then… Yeah I guess that’s kinda obvious. Interesting how writing out my thoughts helps. I have my weekly meeting with my boss on Thurs so I can mention this then.
Btw in my last post I mentioned a girl (for my future reference this was Celine from Hinge) with who we started discussing Jordan Peterson etc. Although the conversation got slightly contentious I thought it ended on a good note and she even seemed to understand my point. But the very next day I messaged her to say hi and she broke things off, saying she’s met someone she wants to pursue things with. I suppose it’s possible she’s telling the truth but it’s too much of a coincidence. That’s fine I wasn’t hugely into her but I’m a bit disappointed that respectful differences of opinions are such an issue with the girls I’ve met on the apps.
I’ve been spending too much time on Reddit lately. Partially because I have a new account and for some reason I want to get karma on it since I have very little. This is ridiculous, why should one give a shit about this stuff. But yeah that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve actually been a redditor since 2014 and never cared about this stuff before but my previous accounts got banned which really sucks. One of them got banned because I reached out to a bunch of people asking for advice and I got banned for spam because of that (even though I was responding to posts!). And then some time later all my other accounts got banned. I suppose because they had the same email. So that really sucked. One of the more notable things to happen to me in 2022. Which is kinda pathetic that that would be one of the more notable things haha. So anyway, yeah been too much on Reddit lately. And even as I’m saying this I’m feeling the pull to go back.
Also been spending some time on Instagram. Mainly to talk with this one girl. I keep checking hoping she’s messaged me, which is kinda sad since I have alerts so I’ll be notified once she does. But I feel drawn to certain videos I’ve seen on my feed and in some cases I’ll watch them numerous times. I notice that they tend to have good music in them. For example there’s a chess channel I follow. Yesterday he posted a video which had this awesome music (basically just the music not words from Sean Paul’s Temperature - apparently the new song is called “Applause Riddim Speed”) and I kept listening to it on repeat. My goodness it’s captivating! (In case anyone cares this is the 7 second vid - Levy Rozman on Instagram: "How it is #chess #hard #brain #healthy" )
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Hey bud! @Beowulf
So sorry I haven’t been on here in a while. Thanks very much for your thoughts here, really appreciate it.
‘Oh, I think X group seems extreme to me and seem overly sensitive from what I’ve seen and heard of it. I could be wrong but that’s what I honestly believe’.
I’d love to think this would work for a respectful dialogue. From what I’ve seen with the girls I’ve chatted with, they’d get unnecessarily upset by it. The impression I have is that if you don’t agree you’re problematic. Whether problematic means not a match for them personally, or whether it goes deeper, I’m not aware of, since most women I meet now are on dating apps so essentially we’re gauging compatability for a relationship.
This social interaction is interesting to me. I won’t talk about whether JP is right or wrong here, (though to be clear I do think he’s wrong most of the time) since talking about politics here isn’t allowed. What’s actually important though, is that I’d want to discuss the essence of the conversation in general. (If you do want to discuss JP, maybe in PMs?)
Happy to do so! I dont have strong feelings on him either way but I do think the level of vitriol he gets is unnecessary. I suspect you’re not like that.
It makes sense why she’d get mad, since she heard it and you’re claiming quite confidently it’s a misquote and comes from an unreliable source - which makes her look incompetent and stupid.
That’s interesting. I dont see that at all.
(Re-read this paragraph and it felt like I’m blaming you for being dumb, hopefully you don’t take it that way!)
Haha naw we’re good!
Oh yeah, I’ve never heard that before. I wouldn’t agree/I would agree with that statement but I’m not certain if it actually came from him since to me it may have came from a bad source. If you could show me that this isn’t the case though, I’d be open to changing my mind.
OK yes that would be better!
Good ending. It sounds like you two are mature in handling it. Why are you guys having a heated political discussion on the first date though
Actually I thought it ended well as well but I sent a text the next day and she broke things off saying that she’s seeing someone now. It’s possible that’s true but I have my doubts since it’s the first day after a disagreement.
This wasn’t a date, we hadn’t met yet. This conversation was on text, which is why I was able to quote so precisely To answer your question though, she’d made a Jordan Peterson reference before showing a dislike for him, like a week before. I figured from that she might be far left but I didn’t ask further. This time we were making plans to meet and she said she has a social activism meeting on Tues, so I responded to that that now I get your Jordan Peterson comment more. And from there we chatted. But I thought it went well. For example I mentioned that one thing I got out of JP was not to criticize your politicians until you can keep your own room clean. So during covid while everyone was blaming our mayor for mishandling things I was abstaining from judgment. She responded that she likes that. So yeah I thought it started well. That little issue I mentioned in the previous post was the only issue I saw.
Honestly man, you should consider getting yourself checked for the pain near your crotch (liver?) and your breathing. You got free healthcare so it’s at no cost to you other than time. Sounds dangerous to me, especially considering your age. Consider whether your breathing is related to your fitness levels and your posture. Poor posture could affect your breathing.
Thanks for this. Thankfully I havent had any pain since then. The breathing thing I should check out, yes. I was supposed to see a doc in a few days (got an ultrasound on my arm, was expecting to go in to discuss it in detail) but he just called me yesterday saying everything looks good for the most part, some small issues, goto physio for that. So yeah didnt get to discuss stuff in the detail I’d like. I’ll table it for my next appointment. I still need to get a bloodtest so whenever we discuss that I guess. I hope I can find the bloodtest requisition hahah.
Had the same issue, they just recommended Viagra which was honestly surprising to me. Like, you’re a doctor, recommend me some lifestyle changes! I’m doing changes in my lifestyle and more to help with it.
Any improvements?
I’m also seeing a homeopath, lets see if that helps. Homeopathy is generally considered a scam so I dont have high hopes but a friend recommended it.
I was wondering if I should add another sub or not. If I can add a third one without changing the potency of the first 2 then happy to, if it decreases the focus then maybe not. I believe when listening to 3 subs that we’re supposed to decrease the frequency of each.
I’m starting to notice a common theme here
That’s a great observation. No I dont see that at all, but it makes sense of course. In fact for decades I’ve felt that that might be it, but I just dont see it. I guess I’ve made up a story in my mind. In school we know kids who get bullied through no fault of their own. It would be easy to tell one of them, you have trouble with 5 different kids, are each of them at fault or you? You’re the common denominator. So with that logic you’d blame the person having conflict with others but you’d be incorrect to blame them. That’s kind of the way I see myself. Logically that might not make sense since even though what I’m saying is accurate, it’s perhaps not applicable as adults, bullying is not as much of an issue now. But yeah I cant really disconnect from that, it does feel that way to some degree.
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Haha was worried you’d be mad or upset at me
A little from my newly acquired 
Running habit but not much to see yet. I’m planning on doing some Qi Gong to improve it at some point.
Pretty much, yeah. Let’s see how it goes for a few months before adding anything, I’d say.
I get what you mean here, I thought the same way. Let’s look at that situation from a different angle though. We’ll acknowledge the kid isn’t at fault here, so we’re not blaming them for anything. What’s happening to them is unfair, to be clear. The thing is the kid, if armed with knowledge of how to improve one’s situation, uses that to escape their current predicament - I think you and I would agree that’s a great outcome.
Whether that’d be through them getting physically bigger, using tactics to get their bullies caught, empathize with them from a place of strength to disarm them and so on - if they just knew how, they wouldn’t need to deal with the unnecessary complications of being seen as someone at fault for something they didn’t even do. So a great first step is to avoid the situation altogether, through some form of self-development.
One form of that self-development is deeply understanding the inner workings of other people. When you can crack someone’s head open and see what’s inside, you naturally use certain language that avoids miscommunication, misunderstandings and escalation into arguments. You can’t control other people but one’s ability to get the best possible outcome of a social situation is often seriously underestimated. I was going to type something but then I realized it sounds like this Sun Tzu quote, so take a look at it instead:-
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles . If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I think this quote is quite fitting for all that’s been happening to you recently and throughout your whole life. I’m not suggesting you’re autistic (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but the troubles you’re getting into seem to me, are a result of you not getting how people work. Maybe you don’t even know how you yourself work.
What this long-winded explanation is basically saying is that I think you should also run a social subliminal 
. I’m facing issues in my life as well regarding disrespect, from my family and my colleagues - though it’s for different reasons. That’s why I’m also running 
True Sell and 
Daredevil now in addition to 
Ascension. So I’d suggest you run either one at some point.
Okay that’s about it for now, I need to go and sleep lol.
Haven’t written here in a bit. There was an entry I put into my personal gratitude log. I’ll put some parts of it in here.
This is from Thurs 2/23
Got some action
Got some action on Tues. Fun. She wasn’t good at communicating what she likes so it took much longer than it should’ve and I was pretty tired at the end. But no such thing as a bad experience (broadly speaking) so I’m happy. One of the things I’m seeing in women that I just cant understand, is that when it’s a hookup they’re less comfortable holding hands than the sexual stuff. To me that’s just such a mindfuck. Like for me it’s more organic, hold hands first, if they’re comfortable then I can go for the kiss, if they’re comfortable with that I can move on to the boobs, etc etc. If someone’s not comfortable with any step in this I don’t feel comfortable escalating. Women apparently think differently. Which is fine. But it’s something I’ll always be baffled with.
Career Jealousy
I’m in Accounting. I graduated in IT. I wouldn’t say I had any major knowledge of anything within the field but the one skill that stood out more than others was programming. I’ve often regretted switching to Accounting 2 years after graduating but much more so in the last few years. And since my Dad pushed me to do so I feel this resentment towards him over this one thing despite completely adoring my Dad. Anyway so last week my brother told me his brother in law (who I know reasonably well) makes $120K Canadian. He’s 25. I’m 41. Fuck I was so full of jealousy on that one. Not resentment towards the kid, I have no issue with that. But it’s just like, fuck, could I have been in these shoes? My career is one of my two greatest pain points. Could all of this have been avoided if I’d just not switched careers? Keep in mind not switching would’ve been much easier than switching!! I don’t know if I ever did the requisite research. Of course, that can be kinda hard as well because when you ask others what kind of money is in xyz field rather than giving me a straight answer they have the audacity to say ‘depends’ as if that’s a helpful answer. Speaking of that, I absolutely hate people who say ‘depends’ when it’s not appropriate.
Anyway so the summary is, feeling a lot of jealousy and resentment.
Low Mood
Important thing to log is that I’ve been feeling quite blah for a while. Not sure when it started. I can see two potential causes though it could be neither. One, with Alrika joined I started taking it much more easy at work, don’t feel pressured, and as a result have less structure, and don’t do much at all at work. And don’t start at 9 anymore. I wonder if I was at my desk all day when Tara was there.
And secondly, I was sick on Feb 1 so my daily goals got left behind. Haven’t worked out or meditated or did Amazon work or cleaned since then. I think I did every single day in Jan. The only thing I haven’t missed out on is my Duolingo.
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I did notice some slight improvements from certain exercises I did. I’m really not sure if they made a difference and if so they certainly weren’t anything big. But yeah worth you trying. Essentially there’s a muscle you use to clench your ass shut, like if you had diarrhea and wanted to stop it. I believe that’s called the PC muscle maybe. Anyway so clench that 10x. I dont know how many sets but if you search on youtube you’ll find long videos that can essentially be boiled down to this. Worth watching one.
You mentioned Qi Gong. I’m actually doing Tai Chi at the moment
Of course!
Agreed. This is what I’ve been trying to figure out for a decade and I simply haven’t been able to.
So about that. I dont think I’m autistic either but in 2019 I visited Pakistan and met my uncle’s new wife who’s a psychologist. Saw her a few times over the course of that two weeks. She told me at the end I definitely have something like autism going on. I remember looking into this more seriously after I came back to Canada. I eventually concluded this isnt something to look into too seriously. Not sure why. Idk if someone old me I’m not or I just couldnt find someone and gave up. I can certainly say it wasnt a professional who formally told me I’m not so perhaps it’s something to bring back into my mind to do some day. On that note I recently met with a clinic here for some ADHD coaching, which I’ve assumed I’ve had for a decade. 3 diff docs say I have it. These guys said they cant coach me unless they do a diagnosis. So we did so. And at the end they told me they’re not convinced I have it, or that the results in my life aren’t fully explainable by this.
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Actually it kinda makes sense for me. Going for a hookup sounds like it could lack emotional intimacy/close-ness, while hand-holding is usually associated with people who are emotionally connected to one another. If I was going for a hook-up at a bar I don’t think I’d hold a woman’s hand either, it feels like I’m placing the wrong expectations imo.
It’ll essentially be hands on shoulder, hands on hands (different from hand-holding), kiss and so on. Hand-holding is like saying “I love you” or doing a romantic gesture.
Sweet! Keeping this in mind.
Not a doctor but autism can be frequently misdiagnosed as ADHD, which explains the differences in opinions between your uncle’s new wife, the doctors and the coach at the clinic.
Back after a while! I’d done another 21 days so had to take a break. Apparently I took a much longer one than I was supposed to, should’ve taken 5 and I took 11. Oops. Today’s Day 3 of the new cycle. Listening to the 2 tracks right now.
Thought to log today because it’s been a great day so far! Usually on weekends I sleep late, wake up late, spend the day not doing much at all. Today’s been quite different, by chance not be design.
Sleep
Didn’t sleep well. Went to bed at 4:00 AM woke at 4:50, back to bed around 5:30 or maybe later. Woke around 3 PM. Which might be adequate sleep but sets up a bad night on Sun night. Chalo.
Outside the Apartment
But been active during the day. I’m now seeing it’s 7 pm and in these 4 hours it’s felt pretty decent. Went to Tims, Dollarama, Shoppers, BMV for a couple mins. Then when coming home I decided to go to the gym and get the treadmill done with. While there did the triceps stuff. Thought to do woodchoppers but instead remembered there’s some physio shoulder work I can do on that machine which I’d forgotten about (not in the current physio plan). Also did some abs work. Then treadmill.
Important Note
Very important to note / notice. The non-treadmill-gym stuff was effortless. The treadmill part wasn’t. Reason being the plan was to use the treadmill so that was a have-to-do while the other stuff wasn’t. This reminds me of the final minute of Headspace. (that’s a meditation app) When I used to do that, in the final minute the voice on the app would say ‘and now let your mind go free, you don’t have to do anything’ and I’d find that was the most in-the-zone because I wasn’t ‘trying’ anymore.
Catalyst
I’d say the day started off well b/c I got ready to go out. And that happened b/c I got a call that food delivery is going to happen. Thought it might be be good to go for Tims right after. He took some time to get there (22 mins) which seems like a great window. So in that time I got ready and he saw me for perhaps the first time in day clothes.
Back Home
Then at home I’ve had trackpants from Winners I wanted to try on but never did. I dont know why I procrastinated on this stuff for so long, it’s fucking track pants! How much more convenient could it get to try them on?! And then I saw the receipt. I bought these in fucking October!! So for 5 months this bag has been sitting my living room couch and yet I never found the time to try these on? My goodness. Also tried on the jacket from The Bay that I bought around boxing day. Which also I’ve been procrastinating on.
Have a bunch of other stuff to do at home which I’ve been procrastinating on for a while. Let’s get into that.
Sedona
Will also mention, while I was waiting for the food delivery I did some Sedona releasing. I was looking for a general track, which Jacob sent me some years ago. Couldn’t find that. So did a 4 min track, Welcoming Reelase. First time felt good, second time couldn’t get into it. The trigger was when I was going thru my Minder (dating app) conversations (looking for a specific screenshot) I saw one that happened around the time I was seeing (the girl I was dating in 2018), or perhaps while we were on a break. (i wasn’t cheating, we were never exclusive, although I would’ve loved to be). But from there it started bothering me how she could’ve found dudes on the apps with no problem, she’s in complete demand, I’m sitting here alone. That feeling wasn’t intense but stayed there even after I’d moved on. So thought to release on that. Speaking of that also did EFT tapping while on the treadmill to not resist it so much. Didn’t notice a difference.
Chess
Also after the gym I say on the couches in the lobby. Did some Chess puzzles. I was doing better than I usually do. Part of the reason being I was actually thinking. Was trying to visualize the board after the first move or two. Which is what Benjamin (chess coach) keeps telling me to do.
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