Subliminal Changes

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#134

Phoenix is my main title. I’ve been regularly inconsistent with Ascension since Phoenix has been digging deeper. If my mind and heart are still focused on Phoenix’s work when I wake up the next morning, I’ve skipped Ascension a few times with no regrets.

And I brought in Rich this past month since I’m active in crypto, and old sabotaging thoughts I wanted to counter.

And surprisingly, what’s really surfacing are core self worth beliefs, those very things agreeing to poor choices. But it hits deep, making it gel well in the healing arena.

Because you’re right. Too much is too much. But I desire relief, not overload. I normally only run two at a time

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#135

Thanks @Forexpreneur. I was stunned emotionally when I read it.

But from what I read, Phoenix is still at work. Because part of me wants to fight it.

Growth realization: in all prior healing subs I’ve used here, I wanted to run. Exit. Hide. Be invisible, just like I was in childhood. To find my “safe” place.

This time, I’m actually pissed. Scared. Wanting to bust into tears. And aggressively approach this person in my mind saying:;“You talking to me?” I want to buck this truth. Fight back.

I see it ending quickly because I’m just scared. Thinking I’ve never been loved, I burst into heavy sobs. Like someone cared about me, and my first reaction is to be defensive and fight back.

Yes. That’s all me. I’m f****** growing!

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#136

Day 29

Just sharing. I’m on the job, finding myself frustrated by things “that don’t work”, and they were designed that way.

What I realized is that normally I’d want to hide. Run away.

But that first response isn’t there.

Edit: Something I was afraid to admit to is that a clear and steady sadness came when I realized my escape routes weren’t sought. Like an instant grief.

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#137

Day 30

Yesterday was exciting and strange to me. I’m seeing that Phoenix is changing me. I’m actually a little soft right now. I have a few points and I hope this comes out clearly.

First off, a major shocker for me. I was driving in the morning, and I noticed women in other cars or walking in the area. What shocked me was that I was fully willing to stop and talk with these women. Not think about it with fear. I wanted to. I really wanted to. What the hell happened to me? That is an absolute first amongst all the subliminals I’ve used over the years. It did not feel strange, scary, or even awkward. I was ready to act. And again, this wasn’t me just fantasizing about what could be… I was already there with them in my mind, believing this was quite normal. No fear whatsoever.

Second change. I’ve been imagining local drivers being jerks lately. Like it’s all about them and what they want. It mirrors the old pain of abandonment and people not caring. I’ve been projecting that old pain onto strangers regularly.

I’m all emotional right now. I was pulling out onto a major road, expecting I’d have to play chicken with all the other drivers to find an opening. But this one car stopped to let me out, waving me forward. It hit my gut. I’ve thought “why would people care about me?” And then this happens. Something is changing deep in me because this is still hitting my emotions.

Next change. I know it’s not the last showing of what Phoenix is doing. I’m carrying myself differently. I’m believing something differently about myself. I’m keeping eye contact. Just like with me spotting women on the road, I found myself approaching people all day without fear. I had at least four or five people ask what my name was. More people than that stuck out their hand to shake mine. There’s a small part in me that’s still wondering who this person is that they’re seeing because I’ve been playing small for so many years, and this person does not match that. It happened all day.

And my last point in this post. I had a clear understanding of exactly why I’m where I’m at in life. And I felt no self condemnation. In short, I’ve put all blame for my life choices on other people, year after year, day after day. What I clearly knew and saw was that I have been my own abuser. I took old repeated experiences from childhood and continued them in my own head. I have been my own abuser. I’ve been extremely hard on myself, and I saw that since I was under pressure today with work. I saw that I was beating my own ass. No one else was. This is all me. This is who I’ve been.

Tons of inner change is still happening.

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#138

Day 31

Self trust is on my mind. I noticed yesterday that I keep shuffling back to it. There’s a core wound being addressed… which is why I’ve repeatedly avoided it. I feel a major amount of withheld energy in it. I’ve been feeling the fear of facing it again and again. I’m going to write what I know, as I’m seeing connections.

I saw why I don’t trust myself. Yesterday I realized I treat myself the same way I was treated.

I throw myself into fear producing situations, but I don’t support myself. I’m remembering highschool. I’d try to socialize, but noone had my back. Not even me. I always would seek a brother figure, yet due to never touching my past abandonment, I’d keep distance.

I’d isolate more since I’d just kick my own ass after feeling the old unhealed pain. I’ve done this thousands of times.

I believed something was wrong with me. Which is why I withdrew from life in so many ways.

–I saw what I did. I came to write about self trust, but took off in another direction. The results are easy to talk about. It’s the core that I keep avoiding. It’s not time yet. It’s not time.

I’m insecure about parenting myself. Mom didn’t. This is getting closer to the wound.

I wish I could appear capable. Able to handle this–without needing help.

It’s just not time yet.

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#139

I’m at work. The struggle I’m having today is I’m still wavering between hiding and facing things.

This is the actual work of what I signed up for.

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#140

Day 32

Phoenix is moving in to areas I’ve never touched. And truthfully, I’m trying to ignore it. I’m not having panic attacks (never had them), but when I imagine what may happen, it terrifies me. That’s why I’m trying to ignore it.

I was getting pissed yesterday while driving because I realized Phoenix was exposing more hideouts. And it was food this time. I’m all of 135 pounds so weight was never an issue. But suddenly my one workday escape was focused on.

I felt hopeless for a short while seeing Phoenix challenging my one escape. Sweet coffee and snacks were pointless. This helped me see how I’ve done nothing but hide from pain the last 40 years.

What pissed me off is that I was facing the belief that “I can’t do this”. That’s never been truly changed. An angry growl arose, and I was driving. I’ve never practiced road rage, but I had imaginations a few times yesterday. I had to be careful.

I’m in the spot where I see and feel that core belief being challenged, it excites me, but also the pain and terror arise.

I stopped at the end of that sentence. Because, I’m seeing this daily, that I don’t finish things because I associate it with this fear right there. I’ve not faced this fear ever in my life, and mirroring that are so many unfinished tasks and things I need to do. It’s the perfect mirror.

Facing this scares the f*** out of me.

I’m just glad I’m on Phoenix, and not another softer healing protocol. This s***'s running my life.

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#141

Day 33

I haven’t been having regular feel-good experiences a lot this week. And from what I see consistently is that Phoenix is working on something much more important and much more lasting. I know I’ve been walking around it, trying to sidestep it constantly, but Phoenix is relentless. I think it’s good. But it’s just uncomfortable.

I can say this since in the last few days I’ve gone to old retreats, whatever they may be, and I can’t simply enjoy my hiding. Can’t feel unaffected by life while hiding. If I’ve experienced anything recently emotionally, it’s been grief. Since I’m losing old safe spaces for myself.

I’d even like to b******* myself and say that I’m going to do this and I’m going to do that, but I refuse. I’ve done that my entire life and absolutely nothing has come of it. I may have some wins today, but I’m not going to pull myself in to fantasy land to achieve it. That is why I’ve been where I’ve been, because I kept hiding.

So yeah, like I said before, most of what I’ve been feeling is grief when I look at my life. That fear has been a safe wall for a long time but it’s also been a very solid wall. Something I’ve never stepped past. I don’t know where it’s going. But I’m where I am right now, and I don’t want to go back into that.

Phoenix is addressing the fears as I keep looking back, wondering if I could feel safe back there.

I’m tired of missing out everyday on regular life. I need help. I need love. So I’m accepting what Phoenix is doing since I’ve not been going a good direction. No pity party. This is real life

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#142

Day 34

I heard something twice today, and I shouldn’t forget it. This might not come out how I heard it, but the idea has stuck with me.

“Those who are friends with everybody are enemies of themselves”

I do that here on the forum. I’ve been doing that all day on the job. And knowing something is off.

Who the f*** am i?
What do I stand for?
What do I believe?
What would I die for?
Why do I live like everybody else is more important than myself?
What the f*** am I supposed to do now?
What can I do?
What am I afraid to do?

The last question I’m zoning in on. Because I know that’s where the root is.

Answer: Abandonment. Loss. Feeling completely unimportant. Unwanted.

Is it possible that I’m missing something by avoiding subs like Wanted? Dream Boy?

I asked since I’ve seen others use them and be ridiculously surprised by the inner perspective change.

Self-esteem is something I never associated with seduction subs.

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#143

@qOS

I’m a single male and not dating anybody. I haven’t for over a dozen years. My subliminal aim in recent months has been using Phoenix to clear old beliefs, the relational beliefs being the most important to me.

What subs might support this aim of highly loving myself and also learning to love a woman? I put love bomb core in with the Phoenix core for my custom, but love bomb has been very quiet in recent months.

And to be honest, I’m reeling from a realization moments ago that nobody wants me. And more specifically, that I don’t want myself. That has been my greatest fear.

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qOS Question and Answer Thread
#144

You sure Phoenix/Love Bomb is quiet here?

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#145

I can’t find the post now, but I read a post comment from Saint about why someone was getting wealth results from BDLM and I was shocked that Romance titles (not that BDLM is romance, it’s about increasing the size of the male appendage) often has an positive effect on finances and other aspects, such as confidence, because it’s calming the root problems of confidence and other areas that can often have a positive effect on wealth.

I haven’t run a stack like that but I started messing around with Stack Explorer
https://labs.subliminalclub.com/

What you end up finding is that many of those romance customs are working on the self esteem, the worthiness, moving past emotional blockages about dating, etc.

BDLM, interestingly is a SOCIAL title. When you’re confident in the male appendage area than your confidence overall increases and therefore become more Social. So Romance titles work on those confidence areas also. A good romance title can also help you work through blockages about your childhood and your mother also, but it’s going to get to some incredibly charged areas. Recon will probably go off the charts too because of it.

Ask Support for guidance.

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#146

Something hit me when I read that. Because I noticed something I had not seen before.

First off, Phoenix has not been quiet at all. Love bomb has been quieter, though not mute.

And here’s what I saw. I have equated feeling loved with feeling safe. And the surefire way I’m able to feel safe is to isolate myself. So, essentially I’m seeing that I’ve been angry at myself since I seek others out thinking I’ll be loved if people love me. And that’s where the tension starts. I want to be loved, but I want to feel safe. I want to feel loved, but I seek to isolate myself first and foremost.

The tension is that women are around me, but that old voice is pulling me away from them. The end result is that I feel lonely when around others because I try to isolate myself even in the midst of people. Like I’m guarding my heart.

I’ve also equated love with courageousness. I felt that a few times while on the original DR, but that was mixed with Chosen. I started seeing myself in a different light while doing that DR custom.

So, where I am now is I’m wrestling with feelings and old beliefs of inadequacy.

The subs are working. Maybe they’re just digging up old s*** right now.

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#147

I can actually relate to that. I’ve had heavy use of three different wealth titles over the years from three different vendors, and they all increased my confidence. I felt stronger around women because that little voice, that little insecurity, was not there. I had pride and confidence. That’s honestly why I’ve been adamant about keeping rich in my stack.

Where I sit right now with romance titles… Is I feel like a little boy pretending I’m brave. I think I’ve stayed away from romance titles since I saw them as just a cover for the real roots.

I’m not saying I’m right. I’m saying it’s the fear that’s always come up. Feeling inadequate around women. Feeling inadequate about my own abilities. And even thinking on that, I get angry. I don’t effing want to feel inadequate around women.

And I just realized that that’s Phoenix working on me right now. I did 2 minutes of it half an hour ago, and inadequacy is the root. It’s hitting some core belief.

I will do a 180 here. I’d love to feel adequate around women, able to handle situations, able to speak my mind for good or for bad. I’d love to feel capable. I used Wanted Black for a few weeks maybe 2 years back, and when I was in a sexually tense situation, I locked up. I pulled away. I remember coming home and writing about it. The woman had given me very clear signs, and suddenly, I felt like a little boy.

I have no plans or imaginations about doing a seduction sub. I’m just wondering what it would feel like if I did not feel inadequate.

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#148

This is the rub when it comes to growth, sometimes our subconscious fights against working through something because it gets attached to the old identity and that becomes part of a persons identity.

I ran into this with therapy, and especially group therapy. These subs with SubClub really seem to help work through those attached identities better than any other method I’ve tried.

Keep wondering what it would feel like if you didn’t feel inadequate. That just might be the key to moving past not being and feeling that way.

I know this sounds crazy, but try these two exercises out for two weeks and see if any or both help, without changing any subs BTW. To be clear, these are simple and free, but they don’t work on everything, everyone, etc. Sometimes blockages can be quite complicated. But these are easy and often quite effective.

  1. Sit in silence. Just a couple of minutes in the beginning and then work yourself up. Just sit and imagine yourself no longer feeling inadequate. Not questioning it, but seeing and feeling yourself being completely adequate. If the fear pops up, and it will, try to go back to feeling adequate again. Over a week you might feel the inadequacy relinquish its hold.

  2. Write a simple sentence everyday, “How have I easily become someone who feels completely adequate?” Try to do this fairly quickly after waking up and just before bed. Your job is more out and about so you may not be able to find time during the day to write it, but if you could, that would help also.

That sentence seems too simple. But it is a trick on the mind and does work for a lot of people, me included. When you ask the mind a question it HAS to focus on finding an answer. If you assume as though you are the way you want to be it confuses your mind and also essentially forces it to come up with reasons why you are indeed someone who is completely adequate. Many of these subs seem to help your mind come up with answers. Come up with “proof” that it’s so.

Those two exercises are free and take just a couple of minutes a day. Try it for two weeks. If they don’t have any positive affect than don’t use them any longer. They do help to build your imagination “muscles” also. That and both are a form of meditation and focus so they can help just in those aspects.

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#149

I’ve done something like this about 6 or 7 years back. Saint said they tried it as well in subliminals. I made a number of subliminals myself doing different ideas using software I own.

The guy I learned it from called them afformations. I have some issue, and using this model, I phrase it into a positive question where, like you said, it turns it around on the mind. In this context, I’d ask something like this:

Why am I so incredibly adequate?
Why am I so incredibly lovable and appreciated?
Why do I feel so incredibly valued and loved?
Why do I fully believe that I’m completely adequate and able to handle any problems with ease?

The mind is forced to seek an answer, and from experience, it feels very very good.

And after taking a minute to think about possibilities, I see this working in a similar manner to Phoenix because it rewrites your understanding. Your mind has to find a new way to deal with life when it’s asked positive questions consistently. I’d make and use silent subliminals, running them consistently at home and even at work.

This will be on my mind today. Thank you for bringing this up

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#150

Additional questions.

Why am I so incredibly hopeful about life?
Why is there so much love around me?
Why do I feel so incredibly safe and loved every moment of the day?
Why do I feel so complete?
Why is life working out for me so well?
Why is life so incredibly beautiful?
Why do I have everything I need, both inside and out?

Those are some damn good questions to seek answers for :+1:

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#151

That is very cool and interesting. You’re welcome BTW.

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#152

Those are some awesome questions. I like how you worded those.

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#153

Qos reply:

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