What in your opinion or understanding, would make it easier for you to handle and process the recon on Emperor?
What is groundwork? So you ran Ascension + LB and did some repair. It was easier to handle and process. Why do you think that Emperor gave you so much difficult recon? What are the specifics behind that?
edit: Anyone can answer, lol
I allways had issues with Alpha subs aswell…they put me into an anger spiral…I never trusted my anger before and was thinking I was overreacting…because this is what my parents allways told me to.
So the way to process the reccon on alpha subs in generall is to take action. There is no way around. And to take the bold action. Move somewhere else. Leave your partner. Go no contact with your parents. Whatever it takes.
That’s a good point bro, lol.
I’m interested to hear @Parsifal’s thoughts on that. It sounds like you’re saying that he could have made more progress on Emperor if he had taken more action.
As @Parsifal said: " I was highly irritable. I was acting very aggressively every day. The situation in my family was very tense. I knew I needed to make some cautious negotiations over the next couple of weeks/ months. That wasn’t possible with Emperor’s anger."
I can only write what I have experienced.
I knew since I had my first time ayahuasca 2.5 years ago that my family is completly toxic. But out of fear, out of comfort, our of imaturity I didnt take action…and also I guess because I listened to other people who say its overreacting and dont understand true toxic family dynamics.
Everytime I start to listen to an alpha sub this comes up. And everytime I switched sub again.
Fear of losing mommy and daddy. Fear of actually taking responsibility of my life.
Because the anger says for me: I dont want to have today anything anymore with my family. My family is a burden to me. Its no longer worth it to spend time with them
I ran away from this over and over again. But I know that I have to go down that road if I want to become the man I am capable of being.
But the thing is…we are talking about ALPHA MALE…what alpha man lets his family tell him anything? What ALPHA MALE lets his partner or wife control him?
To really take this step is a big thing. Risking to lose family.Risking to lose the partner etc. Dunnoh how many relationships actually survive if someone is running an alpha sub for a year or so.
I havent run regular Emperor. But I guess it is to get to the point of:
I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE
I WONT LET ANYONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO
IF SOMEONE DOESNT LIKE THAT, WELL THEN WE HAVE NO BUSINESS TOGETHER
So the question to @Parzival would be…what did the anger ask you to do? Was it to man up, set boundaries? Because this is what the emotion anger is doing.
I have been afraid in the past of it. What if someones feelings gets hurt? Well…thats what happens when we set boundaries and someone else needs to change. How often have I put up with boundaries or been hurt by a NO? I survived it, so the other will aswell. The only other option is to not change our dynamics. Not become proper adult men. Stay a child like peter pan for our whole life. Many man do this nowadays. Most I guess.
I dont want to anymore. I want to rise. I want to live my life on my terms. I wont give anyone else control over my life!
The thing is…society calls such man toxic. Gaslights us out of it. Tells us to stay medicore. Because we show everyone where they dont man up.
Awesome introspections there… great post, lol.
It’s hard to grasp. I’d say because of my low selflove, confidence l, etc, I felt the need to put up boundaries but I was missing the confidence to so it in a casual way, instead, like a little child, I threw a tantrum. I wasn’t able to clearly feel, let alone understand my emotions at that time. Emotions Unfettered and Way of Understanding helped a lot in that department.
So while I can now say “I don’t want that”, “I’ll dot it, but only when I’ve finished this task” or “I need some space to breathe, I’ll be back once I’ve cooled down”, a year ago I just went into a frantic attack mode, like a cornered rat.
So, perhaps the best way to put it is that Emperor demanded that do something I couldn’t yet do in a healthy way.
Knowing what I know now, microloops would probably helped a lot. But I didn’t know about this concept, or at least didn’t understand it’s value back than.
That could have worked under different circumstances. Despite having some toxic traits, I wouldn’t describe my family as toxic in general.
We all have troubles with feeling our emotions and communicating our needs. I see it most clear with my 93 year old grandmother. When she talks about growing up and her young adult years, even as a young mother, it was always about functioning and needing to your work to survive during and after the war (born 1931).
Feeling your emotions wasn’t an option when a breakdown could be the consequence, not when your family depends on you functioning.
But emotions are still there, and they are still strong, even when swallowed on a daily basis. And from time to time they break to the surface and wreak havock. That’s a pattern absolutely present in my family. That’s the most toxic pattern I can see.
On the bright side, we are very close knit and helping. Be it moving, renovating, needing a new car, whatever. My family was always ready to help. My uncle lent me to times a years saving, knowing he’ll probably not get it back soon.
And with my mom and my grandmother being both severely disabled and emotionally fragile, I wasn’t skilled enough to take bold action without harming them.
Probably setting boundaries. But as said above, in a very immature and unhealthy way.
Hurting someone you love and who loves you is never good. Maybe necessary in some cases, but not pleasant. It’s only worse when this leads to lasting severe damage. I noticed that on this tantrums, my grandmother’s mental state degraded a bit eveytime. And she didn’t recover from it. My mother recovered. But since she’s very fragile, I feared her own emotional baggage might kill her If I make it worse.
I’d say the detour of LB and Ascension helped a lot with this maturation process. I should also add, that I listened to a custom with HoM and Lineage for 3 cycles that also delivered family healing scripting to my subconscious.
Nowadays, I can communicate my boundaries rather easy without hurting to much feelings.
Because I know I deserve these boundaries.
And because I feel confident enough, others accept my boundaries.