You seem to be torn on the Muay Thai, and the way you almost dropped khan black but then decided not to. How you believe you need to stick more to stacks
On a bright note, it’s good you verbalize this all on your journal as it helps ventilate and regulate, instead of bottling it in and letting recon win
Yeah I am very much torn on Muay Thai, that is definitely true. I started again in January, stopped shortly after, and the desire came back when I started Genesis.
I actually didn’t update my journal about this, but I decided to check out another gym last week and I fell in love with the place, it was incredible and the trainer really reminded me of my old gym vibe which is what I was looking for. I have a calling of wanting to start regularly again but I’m not 100% sure yet, I might buy a pass to some classes to take sporadically before I fully commit.
Recon can make you think in so many different directions, which is what made me realize that I have to stick to KBBC if I really want to heal. I think a minimum 4 cycle requirement on stage 1 is absolutely necessary, I should not rush this process until I feel ready to move onto stage 2.
Realization today that I have a lot of difficulty with being empathetic to others because I wasn’t given much empathy for myself and my life situations growing up. I wanted empathy from others but never got it from anyone, I was either mocked or shamed for it.
Why should I give others empathy when no one could give any to me? Why should I be caring and concerned for others when no one cared how I felt? But more importantly, how do I let go and move on from this?
I would greatly appreciate some advice from others. @Malkuth @Tobyone @SaintSovereign and anyone I might be missing who can shed light on the topic of empathy for others. I feel like if I can just crack this riddle it could unlock my life for the better.
How do I give empathy to others when I’ve been deprived of it for my whole life?
How do I get over that?
What can I do to overcome this, and become a better person for it?
These are my opinions based on my own experiences (and study).
Empathy is not a gift to be given to others. It is a domain (and a means) of sensation, perception, and knowing; similar to vision, hearing, and so on.
I think that what you refer to as ‘giving empathy’ would be more accurately described as ‘giving compassion, patience, kindness, etc.’
But empathy itself–like all other sense-capacities–is more of a gift for yourself. Imagine what it would be like to drive a car that had no windows/windshield. Just a solid metal box with no way to visually perceive the streets and landscape around you.
That is like walking through the world with no empathy.
Ultimately, empathy is describing the capacity to develop an accurate sense of what someone else is experiencing. What you do with that sense is another question entirely. Some people use their empathy to harm or manipulate others. Of course, those people are usually sick, developmentally stunted, or significantly dysfunctional some way. But I imagine it occurs commonly enough.
So in my terms anyway, I’d describe what you’re thinking about as compassion, grace, and generosity of spirit.
And then, I think the question of how to cultivate those qualities is actually kind of funny in this case.
Because the answer is: ‘By developing empathy’.
You are sitting at home with a pail of water next to you. Suddenly, you smell a faint whiff of smoke. Looking up you see that the cigarette that your friend just threw into the garbage was not properly stubbed. It has ignited the paper in the trashcan. There’s a little fire starting up. You say, ‘sheesh. that’s the last time I let him smoke in here.’ Then you pour the water on the fire, and go on to have a wonderful day.
But what if you have a cold? You can’t smell anything. It may take you a much longer time to detect what’s going on. If we’re very unlucky, the situation may have advanced to a small crisis before you are aware of it.
Compassion and understanding in this metaphor correspond to pouring the water onto the flame. Empathy corresponds to your sense of smell and your ability to use it effectively.
If you can smell the smoke and see the fire, then it’s natural for you to handle it effectively. That doesn’t even make you a ‘good’ person or a ‘better’ person. Just a reasonably competent person.
Many of the times that I’ve created interpersonal problems in my life, one of the significant factors was that I did not have an accurate sense of what others in the situation were experiencing and how they were thinking.
For most of us, if we can clearly sense another person’s pain and need, and if we can help with it in some way, we usually will. It’s not because we’re good people. It’s because the experience of sensing pain is painful. That’s why another common alternative is to take some action that decreases our sensation of the other’s pain or discomfort.
Anyway. This has become quite the lecture, hasn’t it?
A little bit more:
People, in an effort to appear more impressive and more competent, usually practice hiding our needs and our pains from others around us. Sometimes that is a very appropriate move. But it has the (often unintended) effect of making the underlying motivations for our choices somewhat mysterious to others. And people can’t handle mysteries. The average person hates saying, “I don’t know”. So instead we create our own guesses and theories about people’s motivations, and we just take those as being accurate and real. They’re often not.
If you can clearly imagine the hidden needs and pain that are motivating people’s behaviors, you’ll find that it’s gradually becoming easier to have compassion for them.
The other side of this is to very intentionally and persistently seek out the compassion that you need. Look for places and people that are available and willing to give you what you need. Go get a massage. Talk to a therapist. Masseuses and therapists are people who make themselves available to meet people’s needs for comfort, attention, and emotional support. There are lots of others too.
And you don’t just have to pay people, also look for those people in life who seem to be kind. Try to spend a little time around them. Getting your own needs met, will help you to be more patient and attentive to others.
We’re all working on this. I know I definitely am. You’re not alone.
Damn Malkuth, I’m grateful to have you in this forum. To be able to @ someone hoping they can help you with something emotional requires exposing one’s self and accepting a vulnerable position (something I absolutely hate doing - ego, fear, you name it). There’s always a fear of rejection when you expose yourself into the wild like that.
For you to take your time writing out such a great answer that hits the nail on the end, is…I don’t have the words to describe how I feel but thank you, truly.
An incredible response from Luther as well. This community is truly filled with brilliant people.
Some great responses you have gotten here already, so i’m just going to share what worked for me in short.
I used to be very emotionally numb as i used to withraw from the world and other people as a coping mechanism growing up. It was near impossible to get close to me.
When i started working on myself I quickly realized that I had to open up more, to share how I truly felt on a deep level to other people.
And this allowed me to really feel the need of the other person, because now I was not so caught up in my own world and suppressing my own emotions.
I found out that I naturally have been really good at reading and empathizing with others all the time, but it had been buried behind layers of trauma. It’s putting on blinders like horses have and wondering why you are tunnel-visioning 
Then as often happens I had to calibrate, as I started to use it as a technique for a while and it started to come out as disingenuous. Nowadays I’m just hyper aware of how I feel all the time and I share it freely, and I can easily show more empathy with others because I’m open with myself.
“God himself, does not prepare to judge man until the end of his days. Why should you and I?”
“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”
I feel like designing a physical shifting title.
Don’t wanna buy it of course, I’m committed to KBBC and my customs for a long time. But for the future, creating a physical custom for aesthetic and performance is definitely something I want to try out.
Cores:
Legacy of Spartan
Spartan
BDLM
Modules:
Achilles’ Heel
Stonelike
Deep Sleep
Serum X
Extreme Exercise Motivation
Carpe Diem Ascended
BERSERKER
Thunder
BLINK
Equilibrium
Anvil of Hephaestus
Inexhaustible
The Aligner
Facial Morphing
Health Codex
Physicality Shifter – Sexiness
SPS: Fat Burn
SPS: Reproductive System
Jesus bro anvil and BDLM
You’re going to trip on it, walk like penguin
I’m not making this custom, just brainstormed one for fun 
But yeah, a focused custom with BDLM + Anvil could lead to great things hahaha
So I’ve been running Phronesis, and I feel like it may take time for the effects to really kick in.
Now with that said, I have begun to commit myself to reading again which is definitely a good sign. Also my interest in investing is slowly coming back so all in all, I think I’ll need to take a wait-and-see approach. Let’s give it until mid-July at least, that is when year 2 of the 3-year plan begins after all.
I also feel like Genesis has brought me back into Muay Thai, but it’s done nothing else for me really. Feels like a wasted slot in my custom but those module lists will be reviewed again around August, once I have 3 cycles done of both. Don’t see much value in Genesis inside a custom though to be quite honest.
In retrospect, I think I’d prefer having Mind’s Eye in there instead. And eventually, for Eudaimonia I’d like to replace LBFH with just pure LB and see what difference it makes for me.
Now let’s talk about Muay Thai:
I found a gym I like, because I found a coach that I like. The program’s only existed for about a month and it’s right beside my place, the training is actually legit and there’s legitimate room to actually train unlike the January gym I went to with only 1 fucking bag in a corner.
Went to my 3rd session so far, worked some flexibility before starting and I was able to fire switch kicks properly again which is quite a fucking relief. I’m still feeling awkward and clunky in my footwork but that’s something that comes with time, I think I need to just do more shadow boxing and practice moving more with strikes.
My hooks feel meh, cross is lacking pop, but my jab is solid, my teeps are still good and my elbows are my most consistent strike. We were doing some shadow combos with elbows (clinch parry+elbow+knee, from both sides) and I was drilling that shit much more efficiently than I thought I would.
One thing I’ve also been struggling with a lot is distance management especially with hooks and knees, I’ve been whiffing them a lot. My spatial awareness isn’t at the level it was before, and I’m sure my footwork/lack thereof is to blame. I’m missing because I"m not in the right place to hit, simple.
Cardio is lacking as fuck, and my biggest concern when it comes to performance in MT. With that said, I don’t want to burn calories so I’m not too focused on improving my cardio for the time-being to be honest. I want to still lift weights after all and get bigger/stronger. Muay Thai is about peace of mind and happiness more than anything for me, at this point. Not as interested in competition as I was in the past, just want to get more jacked and keep my technique and mobility consistent.
Thank you @Yazooneh for introducing me to The Last Law of Attraction Book You’ll Ever Need.
I just started reading it and it has been enlightening, to say the least. I haven’t looked forward to reading the next page of a book in ages, but this text is incredibly engaging and easy to read, while still offering a lot of knowledge.
In the next 6 months your life is going to change in ways you can’t even begin to imagine now, get ready to truly master the matrix
I want to heal myself sexually and that’s the reason why I started KBBC. It’s starting to become clear to me that there’s a lot more work that needs to be done.
I thought that dedicating 4 months to stage 1 would be enough for me to be able to move on and progress but now I realize that 4 months on stage 1 isn’t enough. The turmoil is too deep, and needs to be attacked in different ways. I think what I need to do is start with vanilla Khan stage 1 for a few months, and then go from there.
The fact of the matter is that for me to truly be able to transmute my sexual energy I need greater control, but not just of my sexuality but of my faculties in every aspect of life. It all needs to work in cohesion for me to even begin thinking about using KBBC to my advantage. I want to keep using KBBC but I genuinely am starting to feel that I’m just going to keep spinning my tires on it. It’s not going to produce as much for me as it could for someone else because I lack the Khan foundation.
I came to the conclusion above and then Day & of the masterclass, I see the following line regarding recon: “The rule of thumb is – the more intense reconciliation, the more intense the inner changes that are occurring.”
The recon on KBBC is strong. I am stronger. I can bite down and continue.
Vanilla Khan stage 1 would also be a tough run to be fair, and it would bring a lot of value to me, especially after running stage 2 of KBBC. Maybe I should do it like that, run KBBC Stage 1 and stage 2, then run VK for stage 1 and 2 before gameplanning how to proceed. That plan alone will take me through the rest of 2023.
Have you look at Primal objectives? A focus subliminal for your goals. I am on it, it is not at all a beginner sub.
Yes I’ve looked at the Primal objectives. I’m not interested because it’s too unilaterally focused on seduction. I may consider it in the future however.
My first loop of KBBC stage 1 was on May 29. I wonder if alternating between stage 1 and 2 every month for awhile could be a good idea, just to help me control this energy which has been such a problem for me.
But the recon has been hard, the more and more I think about it. Stage 1 has been rough so maybe I just need to stick through it and purge harder before I attempt to control the beast.